Black Lament
Page 31
Beezle shrugged. “You went to the mansion without telling me you were going, and anyway, I thought you knew that would happen if you were the Hound of the Hunt. Everyone was so depressed when Lucifer bestowed that office upon you. Besides, I figured you wouldn’t want to use that skill except as a last resort. I didn’t think you’d like being under Lucifer’s compulsion.”
“Well, no, I wouldn’t. But I would put up with it if that meant I could find Azazel. And now my useless grandfather isn’t picking up his phone. Again,” I said. “You’d think he would have told me that he could do that.”
“Which means that he has some reason of his own for not wanting you to find Azazel easily,” Jude said.
“I don’t even want to think about what that reason might be,” I said grimly. “Either this rebellion is a farce, or he’s looking to profit from Azazel’s actions in some way that I haven’t yet figured out.”
“Lord Lucifer’s ways are mysterious,” Nathaniel said. “But the rebellion was not a farce; that, I can tell you. Azazel despises Lucifer.”
“So he’s hoping to profit from Azazel’s insanity,” I said. “And in the meantime it suits him to have me running in circles trying to find Azazel.”
“Does that mean we shouldn’t try to find the Agents?” J.B. said.
“No. I won’t leave them to Azazel’s tender care,” I said, thinking of the humans that had been caged in his labs.
“So the best lead we have is Antares in the Forbidden Lands,” J.B. said. “If we can find him, maybe he’ll lead us to Azazel.”
“Have you ever been in the Forbidden Lands?” I asked. “Because I have. It’s a giant wasteland, and in between deserts there are mountain ranges with a thousand nooks and crannies to hide in.”
Samiel rapped the table so that we would look at him. I grew up there, remember? I know some places that he might hide.
“We’ve got to try,” J.B. said.
I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I was getting a headache again. “Did Chloe tell you if she’d found anything in the notebook?”
“She said she thought she’d cracked it, but she wasn’t able to tell me what she’d found. We were in the office and there were a ton of other people around,” J.B. said.
“I wonder if she left any notes in her apartment,” I said.
“I don’t think breaking and entering would look very good to upper management if you are being followed,” J.B. said.
“I don’t have to break and enter,” I said. “I’m the Hound of the Hunt. I can pass through walls and all that good stuff, even if Lucifer doesn’t tell me to do so. If Chloe left some notes, we may be able to figure out what Azazel is doing. And if we can figure out what he’s doing, then maybe we can work out where he’s hiding.”
“And if that doesn’t work?” Jude said.
“Then we’ll go to the Forbidden Lands and see if we can find my cockroach of a half brother,” I said. “But first we have to get rid of this tail. I don’t want some Agency stooge hanging around when I expressly disobey Sokolov’s orders.”
“It’s strange,” Jude said thoughtfully. “I believe you when you say that you’re being followed, but I didn’t smell anything unusual outside when I opened the windows.”
“And what does that mean?” I asked. “Why does everything that happens to me have to be mysterious? Why can’t I just have a straightforward situation—Agency wants me followed, Agent follows me, we neutralize whatever sad sack got stuck with the job? Why does there have to be something weird?”
“Obviously because the Agency is terrified of you, and thus has sent their best and most unique Agent to follow you,” Nathaniel said.
“I wonder…” J.B. said, his eyes widening.
“What?” I asked.
“I wonder if it’s Bryson,” he said.
“Bryson the invincible?” I asked. I put my head in my hands. “No. No, no, no. I don’t need any super-soldiers hunting me. Doesn’t my life already suck? Do I need this, too?”
“Who’s Bryson?” Jude asked.
“He’s like the ultimate Agent,” I said. “He’s got a perfect record—never a ghost or a lost soul in the thirty years he’s been collecting. And for the last ten years he’s been leader of some elite unit that takes only the most difficult cases. He’s awesome.”
“But so are you,” Nathaniel said. “Do not underestimate yourself. You have surely overcome creatures far more powerful than a mere Agent.”
“I’ve overcome those creatures through a combination of luck, willpower and magic. Most of the time I take advantage of their emotions, like I did with Oberon. But you can’t do that with Bryson. He’s like a robot.”
“In other words, he’s the exact opposite of you. You’re emotional and impulsive,” Jude said.
“Don’t forget prone to pyromania,” Beezle added.
“He’s logical and orderly,” Jude said, continuing as if Beezle had not spoken. “So we play to your strengths in order to disarm his.”
“You’re suggesting that if she acts like her usual spastic self, it will throw this guy off the scent?” Beezle said skeptically. “That doesn’t seem like much of a plan.”
“This may come as a surprise to you, but most of the things I do don’t have much of a plan,” I said.
“That is not any surprise to me at all,” Beezle said. “I always suspected you just did whatever came into your head at the moment.”
“I do not think we should assume this super-soldier, as you call him, is the one following you,” Nathaniel said. “It may be someone else entirely.”
“No,” I said. “J.B.’s probably right. Bryson is likely the only one who could effectively hide himself from Jude.”
“But now that I know he’s out there somewhere, I can find him,” Jude said. “Lack of scent is just as powerful a signature as a strong smell.”
“You mean you would be able to sense where he is from the empty space, so to speak?”
Jude nodded.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s get rid of Bryson, and then I’ll go to Chloe’s.”
“You’re not going alone,” everyone said, and Samiel signed it for good measure.
“Yes, yes, I know you all have to pretend I’m small and helpless so you can feel more confident in your masculinity,” I said.
“Nobody here believes you helpless,” Nathaniel said.
“But you are small,” Jude said.
“Definitely the smallest one here besides Beezle,” J.B. said.
And Beezle’s not that much smaller than you are, Samiel added.
“All right, all right. You’ve all had your fun at the expense of the short person. Listen, I don’t want Bryson hurt,” I said.
“How are we supposed to neutralize him without hurting him?” Nathaniel said. “He will surely fight.”
“Don’t hurt him any more than necessary,” I said. “He’s not malicious. He’s just following orders. He doesn’t know any other way to be.”
So what’s the plan? Samiel signed.
“The first thing is that we’ve got to get Jude outside so he can sniff around, but Bryson can’t suspect.”
“I could put Jude under a veil while also cloaking myself,” Nathaniel said. “Then we could explore to our heart’s content without his knowledge.”
I shook my head. “Too complicated. Besides, I bet he’ll have some way of detecting the presence of a veil. He’s a super-soldier, remember? We don’t want to spook him.”
“How about you go outside and stare longingly at the stars like you’re missing Gabriel, and the rest of your entourage follows you out because they’re worried about you?” Beezle suggested.
“Then everyone is standing still, and how will Jude sniff around? We need to all be outside and moving around, but not in a way that will make Bryson suspicious.”
We all fell silent, trying to come up with some logical reason for us to be outside in the snow on a frigid January night.
“Let’s make a snowman,” I said.
“A snowman?” Jude said, looking skeptical.
“Yeah, a snowman. We’ll all be outside running around the yard collecting snow, so you’ll have plenty of opportunity to sniff around. Bryson will have no reason to suspect that we’re trying to find him.”
“I thought we’d reached a low when we tortured the rat-demon. Now you want to try to trick Mr. Awesome Agent by playing in the snow?” Beezle said.
“You were the one who said I should be my usual spastic self,” I said. “Building a snowman gets all of us outside. And Nathaniel and Jude don’t even have to actually do the building. You can stand around and look bored, or sneer, or whatever. It will look like you want to keep an eye on me but don’t want to participate.”
“I don’t want to participate, either,” Beezle said. “Rolling around in the snow is not my idea of fun.”
“Then stay inside. But you’re not getting anything else to eat.”
None of the others looked too thrilled with my idea, either.
“If anyone else has a suggestion, I’m happy to hear it,” I said.
“I guess it could work,” J.B. said reluctantly.
“It will totally work,” I said with a confidence I did not feel. The truth was, I thought it was kind of a dumb idea, too. But a lot of my dumb ideas seemed to work out. I laid out the basic plan and everyone agreed.
I pushed away from the table and said to Nathaniel, “Drop the veil now.”
My ears popped as the veil disappeared. I made a big show of being annoyed.
“Fine, the rest of you do what you want,” I said loudly. “I’m going outside.”
“Well, no, I wouldn’t. But I would put up with it if that meant I could find Azazel. And now my useless grandfather isn’t picking up his phone. Again,” I said. “You’d think he would have told me that he could do that.”
“Which means that he has some reason of his own for not wanting you to find Azazel easily,” Jude said.
“I don’t even want to think about what that reason might be,” I said grimly. “Either this rebellion is a farce, or he’s looking to profit from Azazel’s actions in some way that I haven’t yet figured out.”
“Lord Lucifer’s ways are mysterious,” Nathaniel said. “But the rebellion was not a farce; that, I can tell you. Azazel despises Lucifer.”
“So he’s hoping to profit from Azazel’s insanity,” I said. “And in the meantime it suits him to have me running in circles trying to find Azazel.”
“Does that mean we shouldn’t try to find the Agents?” J.B. said.
“No. I won’t leave them to Azazel’s tender care,” I said, thinking of the humans that had been caged in his labs.
“So the best lead we have is Antares in the Forbidden Lands,” J.B. said. “If we can find him, maybe he’ll lead us to Azazel.”
“Have you ever been in the Forbidden Lands?” I asked. “Because I have. It’s a giant wasteland, and in between deserts there are mountain ranges with a thousand nooks and crannies to hide in.”
Samiel rapped the table so that we would look at him. I grew up there, remember? I know some places that he might hide.
“We’ve got to try,” J.B. said.
I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I was getting a headache again. “Did Chloe tell you if she’d found anything in the notebook?”
“She said she thought she’d cracked it, but she wasn’t able to tell me what she’d found. We were in the office and there were a ton of other people around,” J.B. said.
“I wonder if she left any notes in her apartment,” I said.
“I don’t think breaking and entering would look very good to upper management if you are being followed,” J.B. said.
“I don’t have to break and enter,” I said. “I’m the Hound of the Hunt. I can pass through walls and all that good stuff, even if Lucifer doesn’t tell me to do so. If Chloe left some notes, we may be able to figure out what Azazel is doing. And if we can figure out what he’s doing, then maybe we can work out where he’s hiding.”
“And if that doesn’t work?” Jude said.
“Then we’ll go to the Forbidden Lands and see if we can find my cockroach of a half brother,” I said. “But first we have to get rid of this tail. I don’t want some Agency stooge hanging around when I expressly disobey Sokolov’s orders.”
“It’s strange,” Jude said thoughtfully. “I believe you when you say that you’re being followed, but I didn’t smell anything unusual outside when I opened the windows.”
“And what does that mean?” I asked. “Why does everything that happens to me have to be mysterious? Why can’t I just have a straightforward situation—Agency wants me followed, Agent follows me, we neutralize whatever sad sack got stuck with the job? Why does there have to be something weird?”
“Obviously because the Agency is terrified of you, and thus has sent their best and most unique Agent to follow you,” Nathaniel said.
“I wonder…” J.B. said, his eyes widening.
“What?” I asked.
“I wonder if it’s Bryson,” he said.
“Bryson the invincible?” I asked. I put my head in my hands. “No. No, no, no. I don’t need any super-soldiers hunting me. Doesn’t my life already suck? Do I need this, too?”
“Who’s Bryson?” Jude asked.
“He’s like the ultimate Agent,” I said. “He’s got a perfect record—never a ghost or a lost soul in the thirty years he’s been collecting. And for the last ten years he’s been leader of some elite unit that takes only the most difficult cases. He’s awesome.”
“But so are you,” Nathaniel said. “Do not underestimate yourself. You have surely overcome creatures far more powerful than a mere Agent.”
“I’ve overcome those creatures through a combination of luck, willpower and magic. Most of the time I take advantage of their emotions, like I did with Oberon. But you can’t do that with Bryson. He’s like a robot.”
“In other words, he’s the exact opposite of you. You’re emotional and impulsive,” Jude said.
“Don’t forget prone to pyromania,” Beezle added.
“He’s logical and orderly,” Jude said, continuing as if Beezle had not spoken. “So we play to your strengths in order to disarm his.”
“You’re suggesting that if she acts like her usual spastic self, it will throw this guy off the scent?” Beezle said skeptically. “That doesn’t seem like much of a plan.”
“This may come as a surprise to you, but most of the things I do don’t have much of a plan,” I said.
“That is not any surprise to me at all,” Beezle said. “I always suspected you just did whatever came into your head at the moment.”
“I do not think we should assume this super-soldier, as you call him, is the one following you,” Nathaniel said. “It may be someone else entirely.”
“No,” I said. “J.B.’s probably right. Bryson is likely the only one who could effectively hide himself from Jude.”
“But now that I know he’s out there somewhere, I can find him,” Jude said. “Lack of scent is just as powerful a signature as a strong smell.”
“You mean you would be able to sense where he is from the empty space, so to speak?”
Jude nodded.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s get rid of Bryson, and then I’ll go to Chloe’s.”
“You’re not going alone,” everyone said, and Samiel signed it for good measure.
“Yes, yes, I know you all have to pretend I’m small and helpless so you can feel more confident in your masculinity,” I said.
“Nobody here believes you helpless,” Nathaniel said.
“But you are small,” Jude said.
“Definitely the smallest one here besides Beezle,” J.B. said.
And Beezle’s not that much smaller than you are, Samiel added.
“All right, all right. You’ve all had your fun at the expense of the short person. Listen, I don’t want Bryson hurt,” I said.
“How are we supposed to neutralize him without hurting him?” Nathaniel said. “He will surely fight.”
“Don’t hurt him any more than necessary,” I said. “He’s not malicious. He’s just following orders. He doesn’t know any other way to be.”
So what’s the plan? Samiel signed.
“The first thing is that we’ve got to get Jude outside so he can sniff around, but Bryson can’t suspect.”
“I could put Jude under a veil while also cloaking myself,” Nathaniel said. “Then we could explore to our heart’s content without his knowledge.”
I shook my head. “Too complicated. Besides, I bet he’ll have some way of detecting the presence of a veil. He’s a super-soldier, remember? We don’t want to spook him.”
“How about you go outside and stare longingly at the stars like you’re missing Gabriel, and the rest of your entourage follows you out because they’re worried about you?” Beezle suggested.
“Then everyone is standing still, and how will Jude sniff around? We need to all be outside and moving around, but not in a way that will make Bryson suspicious.”
We all fell silent, trying to come up with some logical reason for us to be outside in the snow on a frigid January night.
“Let’s make a snowman,” I said.
“A snowman?” Jude said, looking skeptical.
“Yeah, a snowman. We’ll all be outside running around the yard collecting snow, so you’ll have plenty of opportunity to sniff around. Bryson will have no reason to suspect that we’re trying to find him.”
“I thought we’d reached a low when we tortured the rat-demon. Now you want to try to trick Mr. Awesome Agent by playing in the snow?” Beezle said.
“You were the one who said I should be my usual spastic self,” I said. “Building a snowman gets all of us outside. And Nathaniel and Jude don’t even have to actually do the building. You can stand around and look bored, or sneer, or whatever. It will look like you want to keep an eye on me but don’t want to participate.”
“I don’t want to participate, either,” Beezle said. “Rolling around in the snow is not my idea of fun.”
“Then stay inside. But you’re not getting anything else to eat.”
None of the others looked too thrilled with my idea, either.
“If anyone else has a suggestion, I’m happy to hear it,” I said.
“I guess it could work,” J.B. said reluctantly.
“It will totally work,” I said with a confidence I did not feel. The truth was, I thought it was kind of a dumb idea, too. But a lot of my dumb ideas seemed to work out. I laid out the basic plan and everyone agreed.
I pushed away from the table and said to Nathaniel, “Drop the veil now.”
My ears popped as the veil disappeared. I made a big show of being annoyed.
“Fine, the rest of you do what you want,” I said loudly. “I’m going outside.”
