Black Lament
Page 42
“Did you really kill Azazel?” Jude asked.
“Oh, yes, she did,” Beezle said.
“And blasted his whole army into smithereens,” I said. “So that problem’s gone.”
“I don’t know,” Nathaniel said. “Focalor is still out there. He was working closely with Azazel, remember?”
“With any luck Focalor was in the mansion when it disintegrated,” I said.
“I don’t think you’re that lucky,” Beezle said as the elevator doors opened.
A bunch of special-ops Agents stood there with machine guns raised.
I calmly stepped out of the elevator. All the Agents backed up.
“Guys,” I said softly. “Since I’m here and Sokolov isn’t, what do you think will happen to you if you don’t let us by?”
Nobody spoke. I walked toward the exit. Dozens of Agents blocked my way.
They all moved aside as I passed them. The others followed me, the lobby tense and hushed.
I pushed open the doors of the Agency and went out into the cold night air. The lights of the city shone like stars.
The others gathered around me on the sidewalk.
“How will we get home?” J.B. asked. “You don’t have any wings to fly.”
“I can carry you,” Nathaniel offered.
“Jude can’t fly, either,” I pointed out. I took a deep breath. “Let’s walk home.”
“Walk?” Beezle said. “It’s, like, six miles from here.”
“What do you care? You’ll probably get carried most of the way. Anyway, this is my city,” I said. “And I want to see it from the ground.”
“Oh, it’s your city, now, is it?” Beezle said, settling on my shoulder. “Now you’re getting delusions of grandeur.”
“I’m the one who keeps it safe,” I said as we turned north. “So that makes it mine.”
“If it’s your city, does that mean all the Dunkin’ Donuts belong to you, too?” Beezle said hopefully.
My laughter rang out in the darkness, and for a moment everything seemed a little brighter.
Hours later, when everyone had been fed and watered and had bandages applied, I sat on the front porch by myself, wrapped in a blanket, looking up at the sky. My coat had been destroyed again. I was going to have to ask Lucifer for a new one—if he ever answered my phone calls.
I’d showered off the layers of blood and dirt and felt shiny pink and clean, like a newborn seeing the sun for the first time. My own child fluttered contentedly inside me.
Everything I had done in the last few days I’d done for my baby, to keep this child safe. I knew that things were not over with the faerie court, and that Focalor was probably still lurking about somewhere, waiting to pounce.
But I’d killed Azazel.
I’d thought that when Azazel was dead, I would feel complete again, that the empty place inside me would be filled up by the satisfaction of vengeance.
It wasn’t.
Gabriel was gone, and killing Azazel hadn’t brought him back. The hatred that had driven me had faded with Azazel’s death, and now there was nothing in its place.
Just the ache where Gabriel had once been, and would never be again.
“Okay,” I said, my throat tight with unshed tears. “Okay. I love you. I will always love you, and I’m letting you go.”
I put my face in my hands and cried.
For the first time in days, the snake tattoo on my right palm wriggled.
I looked up, and there was Lucifer.
“Where the hell have you been?” I asked. “I thought you were dead.”
“No need to sound so hopeful,” Lucifer said, coming to sit beside me. “You killed Azazel.”
“He was…”
“Trying to kill you at the time. I know. I’ve heard this before,” Lucifer said.
“It’s still true,” I said. “You could have made things a little easier on me.”
“By sending you after him as Hound of the Hunt?” Lucifer said, his eyes bright. “But then you would not have found the missing Agents; nor would you have destroyed Azazel’s army.”
“You could have sent me after him before he took the Agents, before he raised the army,” I said through my teeth. “Don’t you care about the innocents that could have been harmed because you want to play games? What if I’d failed?”
Lucifer shook his head. “You would not have failed. You have caused quite a stir, my dear. Quite a stir. The Grigori are most displeased with you.”
“Rein them in, then,” I said. “That’s your deal, not mine.”
“The Grigori don’t see it that way,” Lucifer said.
“They can come and have a go at me if they think they’re hard enough,” I said.
“So fierce,” Lucifer murmured. “Do you really believe you can defeat whatever comes your way?”
“I have to believe that,” I said. “Because every time I turn around there’s something else.”
“And how is my grandchild?” Lucifer asked lightly.
“None of your damned business,” I said. “I told you, he’s not yours.”
“So sure it’s a boy, then?”
I thought about it for a moment, realizing I wasn’t just calling the child “he” by default. “I know it is.”
“Lucifer is a wonderful name for a boy,” he said.
I snorted. “Keep dreaming. Where have you been hiding, anyway?”
A voice came out of the darkness. “He’s been going someplace he shouldn’t. He’s been a naughty, naughty boy.”
Lucifer came to his feet, his face alight with anger in a way that I’d never seen it before. “You.”
Puck strolled into the pool of lamplight on the sidewalk in front of my house. He grinned, his eyes merry. “Me.”
“Leave now,” Lucifer said. “Else I will be forced to break the covenant you hold so dear.”
I looked back and forth between Puck and Lucifer, wide-eyed. What had I gotten into the middle of now?
“I came to visit with your granddaughter,” Puck said. “She owes me a favor.”
Lucifer turned on me, eyes blazing. “What bargain have you made with this creature?”
“I helped her when you would not,” Puck said mildly. “She would not have escaped Titania and Oberon’s court without me.”
“Is this true?” Lucifer demanded.
“More or less.” I shrugged. “Although I did my share of the heavy lifting.”
Puck acknowledged this with a little bow. “Indeed. The diminishment of Oberon was all your own.”
“You diminished Oberon?” Lucifer said.
“What, you didn’t get the news flash wherever you were hiding?” I asked. “You seem to know about everything else.”
“I told you, he’s been somewhere he should not be,” Puck said.
“You shall speak no more of that matter,” Lucifer said. “You have no dominion over me.”
“As you have none over me,” Puck said. “So we are at an impasse, as always.”
Lucifer stared at Puck for a moment longer. I could feel waves of hatred pouring from the Morningstar.
“We shall speak another time, granddaughter,” Lucifer said. “But I warn you—do not trust whatever he tells you. He has his own agenda.”
“Like you don’t?” I said.
There was a faint pop, and Lucifer disappeared.
I gave Puck a speculative look. “Did you really come to ask for a favor, or did you just want to give Lucifer a hard time?”
Puck winked at me.
I stood up, pulling the blanket tight around my shoulders. “Next time you want to tweak the Prince of Darkness, leave me out of it. I’ve got enough troubles.”
“Yes, you do,” Puck said, sobering. “Indeed you do.”
“What now?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“There’s something coming,” Puck said.
“There always is.”
“And even you will not be able to stop it,” Puck said. “I came to tell you that if you need assistance, you need only call for me.”
“And owe you some other favor in return?” I asked. “No, thanks.”
“You may change your mind,” Puck said. “Remember my offer.”
“How can I forget?” I muttered.
He laughed, and disappeared as Lucifer had.
I stretched, wincing as the scabs on my back twinged. Nathaniel had tried to heal them, but they’d refused to be closed magically, and Jude had ended up pouring disinfectant in them and covering them with gauze.
“You’ll always have scars there,” Nathaniel had said, and touched my cheek as he said it.
“What’s another couple of scars?” I’d replied.
The scars on the outside don’t come close to the ones on the inside, anyway, I thought, and went back into the house.
As I climbed the stairs I could hear the sound of Nathaniel and Jude arguing, and entered the living room to see them playing Monopoly with Samiel, J.B. and Beezle.
I stood in the doorway and watched for a while, happy that we were all safe, and sad because the person I most wanted there was missing.
Beezle flew away from the game for a moment and landed on my shoulder.
“I know you think you made some necessary choices,” he said in an undertone. “But you should think about the lines that you’re crossing. Remember that Lucifer’s kingdom lies where there are shades of gray.”
“I’m not going dark side,” I said, stung.
“And I’m not so sure about that,” Beezle replied, and flew back to the game.
I headed for my bed, and sleep, and tried not to be troubled by what Beezle had said.
I woke up to Beezle patting my cheek insistently.
“What?” I grumbled, rolling over in bed. “Didn’t I earn a day to sleep in?”
“Oh, yes, she did,” Beezle said.
“And blasted his whole army into smithereens,” I said. “So that problem’s gone.”
“I don’t know,” Nathaniel said. “Focalor is still out there. He was working closely with Azazel, remember?”
“With any luck Focalor was in the mansion when it disintegrated,” I said.
“I don’t think you’re that lucky,” Beezle said as the elevator doors opened.
A bunch of special-ops Agents stood there with machine guns raised.
I calmly stepped out of the elevator. All the Agents backed up.
“Guys,” I said softly. “Since I’m here and Sokolov isn’t, what do you think will happen to you if you don’t let us by?”
Nobody spoke. I walked toward the exit. Dozens of Agents blocked my way.
They all moved aside as I passed them. The others followed me, the lobby tense and hushed.
I pushed open the doors of the Agency and went out into the cold night air. The lights of the city shone like stars.
The others gathered around me on the sidewalk.
“How will we get home?” J.B. asked. “You don’t have any wings to fly.”
“I can carry you,” Nathaniel offered.
“Jude can’t fly, either,” I pointed out. I took a deep breath. “Let’s walk home.”
“Walk?” Beezle said. “It’s, like, six miles from here.”
“What do you care? You’ll probably get carried most of the way. Anyway, this is my city,” I said. “And I want to see it from the ground.”
“Oh, it’s your city, now, is it?” Beezle said, settling on my shoulder. “Now you’re getting delusions of grandeur.”
“I’m the one who keeps it safe,” I said as we turned north. “So that makes it mine.”
“If it’s your city, does that mean all the Dunkin’ Donuts belong to you, too?” Beezle said hopefully.
My laughter rang out in the darkness, and for a moment everything seemed a little brighter.
Hours later, when everyone had been fed and watered and had bandages applied, I sat on the front porch by myself, wrapped in a blanket, looking up at the sky. My coat had been destroyed again. I was going to have to ask Lucifer for a new one—if he ever answered my phone calls.
I’d showered off the layers of blood and dirt and felt shiny pink and clean, like a newborn seeing the sun for the first time. My own child fluttered contentedly inside me.
Everything I had done in the last few days I’d done for my baby, to keep this child safe. I knew that things were not over with the faerie court, and that Focalor was probably still lurking about somewhere, waiting to pounce.
But I’d killed Azazel.
I’d thought that when Azazel was dead, I would feel complete again, that the empty place inside me would be filled up by the satisfaction of vengeance.
It wasn’t.
Gabriel was gone, and killing Azazel hadn’t brought him back. The hatred that had driven me had faded with Azazel’s death, and now there was nothing in its place.
Just the ache where Gabriel had once been, and would never be again.
“Okay,” I said, my throat tight with unshed tears. “Okay. I love you. I will always love you, and I’m letting you go.”
I put my face in my hands and cried.
For the first time in days, the snake tattoo on my right palm wriggled.
I looked up, and there was Lucifer.
“Where the hell have you been?” I asked. “I thought you were dead.”
“No need to sound so hopeful,” Lucifer said, coming to sit beside me. “You killed Azazel.”
“He was…”
“Trying to kill you at the time. I know. I’ve heard this before,” Lucifer said.
“It’s still true,” I said. “You could have made things a little easier on me.”
“By sending you after him as Hound of the Hunt?” Lucifer said, his eyes bright. “But then you would not have found the missing Agents; nor would you have destroyed Azazel’s army.”
“You could have sent me after him before he took the Agents, before he raised the army,” I said through my teeth. “Don’t you care about the innocents that could have been harmed because you want to play games? What if I’d failed?”
Lucifer shook his head. “You would not have failed. You have caused quite a stir, my dear. Quite a stir. The Grigori are most displeased with you.”
“Rein them in, then,” I said. “That’s your deal, not mine.”
“The Grigori don’t see it that way,” Lucifer said.
“They can come and have a go at me if they think they’re hard enough,” I said.
“So fierce,” Lucifer murmured. “Do you really believe you can defeat whatever comes your way?”
“I have to believe that,” I said. “Because every time I turn around there’s something else.”
“And how is my grandchild?” Lucifer asked lightly.
“None of your damned business,” I said. “I told you, he’s not yours.”
“So sure it’s a boy, then?”
I thought about it for a moment, realizing I wasn’t just calling the child “he” by default. “I know it is.”
“Lucifer is a wonderful name for a boy,” he said.
I snorted. “Keep dreaming. Where have you been hiding, anyway?”
A voice came out of the darkness. “He’s been going someplace he shouldn’t. He’s been a naughty, naughty boy.”
Lucifer came to his feet, his face alight with anger in a way that I’d never seen it before. “You.”
Puck strolled into the pool of lamplight on the sidewalk in front of my house. He grinned, his eyes merry. “Me.”
“Leave now,” Lucifer said. “Else I will be forced to break the covenant you hold so dear.”
I looked back and forth between Puck and Lucifer, wide-eyed. What had I gotten into the middle of now?
“I came to visit with your granddaughter,” Puck said. “She owes me a favor.”
Lucifer turned on me, eyes blazing. “What bargain have you made with this creature?”
“I helped her when you would not,” Puck said mildly. “She would not have escaped Titania and Oberon’s court without me.”
“Is this true?” Lucifer demanded.
“More or less.” I shrugged. “Although I did my share of the heavy lifting.”
Puck acknowledged this with a little bow. “Indeed. The diminishment of Oberon was all your own.”
“You diminished Oberon?” Lucifer said.
“What, you didn’t get the news flash wherever you were hiding?” I asked. “You seem to know about everything else.”
“I told you, he’s been somewhere he should not be,” Puck said.
“You shall speak no more of that matter,” Lucifer said. “You have no dominion over me.”
“As you have none over me,” Puck said. “So we are at an impasse, as always.”
Lucifer stared at Puck for a moment longer. I could feel waves of hatred pouring from the Morningstar.
“We shall speak another time, granddaughter,” Lucifer said. “But I warn you—do not trust whatever he tells you. He has his own agenda.”
“Like you don’t?” I said.
There was a faint pop, and Lucifer disappeared.
I gave Puck a speculative look. “Did you really come to ask for a favor, or did you just want to give Lucifer a hard time?”
Puck winked at me.
I stood up, pulling the blanket tight around my shoulders. “Next time you want to tweak the Prince of Darkness, leave me out of it. I’ve got enough troubles.”
“Yes, you do,” Puck said, sobering. “Indeed you do.”
“What now?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“There’s something coming,” Puck said.
“There always is.”
“And even you will not be able to stop it,” Puck said. “I came to tell you that if you need assistance, you need only call for me.”
“And owe you some other favor in return?” I asked. “No, thanks.”
“You may change your mind,” Puck said. “Remember my offer.”
“How can I forget?” I muttered.
He laughed, and disappeared as Lucifer had.
I stretched, wincing as the scabs on my back twinged. Nathaniel had tried to heal them, but they’d refused to be closed magically, and Jude had ended up pouring disinfectant in them and covering them with gauze.
“You’ll always have scars there,” Nathaniel had said, and touched my cheek as he said it.
“What’s another couple of scars?” I’d replied.
The scars on the outside don’t come close to the ones on the inside, anyway, I thought, and went back into the house.
As I climbed the stairs I could hear the sound of Nathaniel and Jude arguing, and entered the living room to see them playing Monopoly with Samiel, J.B. and Beezle.
I stood in the doorway and watched for a while, happy that we were all safe, and sad because the person I most wanted there was missing.
Beezle flew away from the game for a moment and landed on my shoulder.
“I know you think you made some necessary choices,” he said in an undertone. “But you should think about the lines that you’re crossing. Remember that Lucifer’s kingdom lies where there are shades of gray.”
“I’m not going dark side,” I said, stung.
“And I’m not so sure about that,” Beezle replied, and flew back to the game.
I headed for my bed, and sleep, and tried not to be troubled by what Beezle had said.
I woke up to Beezle patting my cheek insistently.
“What?” I grumbled, rolling over in bed. “Didn’t I earn a day to sleep in?”
