Blackveil
Page 111
“I don’t want to talk.”
“That’s fine.” Unwanted and uninvited, Estral stepped into the tent. “If you don’t want to talk, I’ll do the talking.”
Karigan did not want to admit to herself that she really did want Estral there. But she wanted Estral her friend, not Estral the lover of her former almost-lover.
Trace’s cot creaked as Estral sat. “I could begin by saying it was very wrong of me to become attracted to Alton knowing your history; that as your friend I should have turned him away when he also indicated an interest in me. But I’m not going to.”
Karigan groaned and rolled onto her side so that her back was to Estral.
“First of all,” Estral said, “on more than one occasion you told me that you felt more comfortable to have Alton as your friend. Even when I saw you in the fall that was your inclination. So I did not see a terrible, shall we say, conflict of interest. At that time your thoughts were on someone else, which brings me to my second point.”
Karigan wrapped her pillow around her head, sure she did not want to hear what was coming next. Estral, however, was trained to use her voice as an instrument for speaking and singing, and to project it so it penetrated the noise of a rowdy tavern crowd or filled a concert hall. Her voice clearly reached Karigan through the pillow, and probably half the encampment as well.
“If you like, I can speak this loudly so everyone can hear of matters you’d probably rather keep private.”
Karigan thought about whacking Estral with the pillow, but simply released it so it no longer blocked her ears.
“Good. Back to my second point.” Estral modulated her voice to a softer tone that would not carry. “When you were in Selium we discussed the person you’re in love with.”
Karigan groaned again.
“From the sound of it,” Estral said, “your feelings have not changed. It’s inescapable, that feeling, isn’t it? No matter how impossible it is to have that person, you can’t help but be drawn to him. Am I right?”
Karigan could only whimper.
“I likewise can’t help the attraction I have for Alton. I could have, I suppose, ridden away from here, from him, if I’d known I was going to hurt my friend so. I might have even gotten over my feelings for him, but frankly, if you are an example, I don’t think it would have worked very well, and I’d end up being as miserable as you.”
“Ugh,” Karigan said into her pillow.
“I’m not sure what that means,” Estral replied, but when Karigan chose not to clarify, she continued. “I do not apologize for how I feel about Alton. I will, however, apologize for how you found out. Now I’m going to make a guess or two about how you were feeling when you arrived here.”
Oh, no, Karigan thought. Here it comes.
“You were probably feeling bad about King Zachary’s wedding coming up in a few months. I can’t imagine. It must be very hard.” Estral paused for a few moments. “I think maybe you had in mind that Alton could fill the void left by the king. You hadn’t seen each other in a while, and maybe that old feeling you had when you first met might reawaken. There were, after all, those letters he wrote you. He told me about them, and he really had wanted something with you. But then I came into the middle of it all.”
Yes, Estral had guessed it all. Hearing it all summed up like that made Karigan feel rather pathetic.
“It must be an awful betrayal,” Estral said. “Karigan, I’m so very sorry. I’m sorry you can’t be with the one you want. But do know your friends love you. It’s not the same as that other kind of love, but you are not alone.”
It was easy for Estral to say, Karigan thought.
Estral sighed. “Still not going to talk?”
“No. Where’s Alton?”
“Out looking for Eletians.”
Karigan barked a short, derisive laugh. “He’ll never find them.”
“Well, you know men. They enjoy the chase. Should I send him over when he returns? I think it would be a good idea.”
“No.”
“Do you remember in the fall when you called me a wise old mother?” Estral asked.
Karigan nodded.
“I have another piece of wisdom for you. Please, please don’t go into Blackveil angry. You’re ... you’re my best friend. I can’t bear to have you leave angry at me.”
Karigan bit her bottom lip. She so wanted to let it go, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t forgive so readily, so quickly. They could suffer at least one night, couldn’t they?
In each others’ arms, no doubt.
Estral must have found Karigan’s silence answer enough for she stood and said, “I’ll leave you now so you can rest for tomorrow.” Her melodious voice sounded choked.
Karigan did not acknowledge her departure. She just lay there, tears dampening her pillow.
She did not know how long she lay in the dark thinking about everything and nothing when a footstep creaked on the tent platform and fresh air swirled in through the flaps. Trace must have returned. But the steps were heavier than Trace’s and they paused beside her cot.
“Karigan?” It was Alton.
Oh, no, she thought. They seemed bent on torturing her.
“Guess I deserve your silence. I’ve been a bit of an ass, and I apologize. I led you to believe one thing, and then I go and do another.”
“Yes,” Karigan said. “You are an ass.”
“That’s fine.” Unwanted and uninvited, Estral stepped into the tent. “If you don’t want to talk, I’ll do the talking.”
Karigan did not want to admit to herself that she really did want Estral there. But she wanted Estral her friend, not Estral the lover of her former almost-lover.
Trace’s cot creaked as Estral sat. “I could begin by saying it was very wrong of me to become attracted to Alton knowing your history; that as your friend I should have turned him away when he also indicated an interest in me. But I’m not going to.”
Karigan groaned and rolled onto her side so that her back was to Estral.
“First of all,” Estral said, “on more than one occasion you told me that you felt more comfortable to have Alton as your friend. Even when I saw you in the fall that was your inclination. So I did not see a terrible, shall we say, conflict of interest. At that time your thoughts were on someone else, which brings me to my second point.”
Karigan wrapped her pillow around her head, sure she did not want to hear what was coming next. Estral, however, was trained to use her voice as an instrument for speaking and singing, and to project it so it penetrated the noise of a rowdy tavern crowd or filled a concert hall. Her voice clearly reached Karigan through the pillow, and probably half the encampment as well.
“If you like, I can speak this loudly so everyone can hear of matters you’d probably rather keep private.”
Karigan thought about whacking Estral with the pillow, but simply released it so it no longer blocked her ears.
“Good. Back to my second point.” Estral modulated her voice to a softer tone that would not carry. “When you were in Selium we discussed the person you’re in love with.”
Karigan groaned again.
“From the sound of it,” Estral said, “your feelings have not changed. It’s inescapable, that feeling, isn’t it? No matter how impossible it is to have that person, you can’t help but be drawn to him. Am I right?”
Karigan could only whimper.
“I likewise can’t help the attraction I have for Alton. I could have, I suppose, ridden away from here, from him, if I’d known I was going to hurt my friend so. I might have even gotten over my feelings for him, but frankly, if you are an example, I don’t think it would have worked very well, and I’d end up being as miserable as you.”
“Ugh,” Karigan said into her pillow.
“I’m not sure what that means,” Estral replied, but when Karigan chose not to clarify, she continued. “I do not apologize for how I feel about Alton. I will, however, apologize for how you found out. Now I’m going to make a guess or two about how you were feeling when you arrived here.”
Oh, no, Karigan thought. Here it comes.
“You were probably feeling bad about King Zachary’s wedding coming up in a few months. I can’t imagine. It must be very hard.” Estral paused for a few moments. “I think maybe you had in mind that Alton could fill the void left by the king. You hadn’t seen each other in a while, and maybe that old feeling you had when you first met might reawaken. There were, after all, those letters he wrote you. He told me about them, and he really had wanted something with you. But then I came into the middle of it all.”
Yes, Estral had guessed it all. Hearing it all summed up like that made Karigan feel rather pathetic.
“It must be an awful betrayal,” Estral said. “Karigan, I’m so very sorry. I’m sorry you can’t be with the one you want. But do know your friends love you. It’s not the same as that other kind of love, but you are not alone.”
It was easy for Estral to say, Karigan thought.
Estral sighed. “Still not going to talk?”
“No. Where’s Alton?”
“Out looking for Eletians.”
Karigan barked a short, derisive laugh. “He’ll never find them.”
“Well, you know men. They enjoy the chase. Should I send him over when he returns? I think it would be a good idea.”
“No.”
“Do you remember in the fall when you called me a wise old mother?” Estral asked.
Karigan nodded.
“I have another piece of wisdom for you. Please, please don’t go into Blackveil angry. You’re ... you’re my best friend. I can’t bear to have you leave angry at me.”
Karigan bit her bottom lip. She so wanted to let it go, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t forgive so readily, so quickly. They could suffer at least one night, couldn’t they?
In each others’ arms, no doubt.
Estral must have found Karigan’s silence answer enough for she stood and said, “I’ll leave you now so you can rest for tomorrow.” Her melodious voice sounded choked.
Karigan did not acknowledge her departure. She just lay there, tears dampening her pillow.
She did not know how long she lay in the dark thinking about everything and nothing when a footstep creaked on the tent platform and fresh air swirled in through the flaps. Trace must have returned. But the steps were heavier than Trace’s and they paused beside her cot.
“Karigan?” It was Alton.
Oh, no, she thought. They seemed bent on torturing her.
“Guess I deserve your silence. I’ve been a bit of an ass, and I apologize. I led you to believe one thing, and then I go and do another.”
“Yes,” Karigan said. “You are an ass.”
