Blood Red Road
Page 58
He means he’s on th’other side of the hil already, Emmi says now. He’s waitin fer us.
Tommo nods.
I knew what you meant jest fine, I says. Thanks, Tommo.
He turns bright red an hurries of .
The kid’s soft about you, says Ike. An he ain’t th’only one. I’m jest waitin fer you to give me the word, darlin.
You know, Ike, I says, I think I might be comin round to the idea.
You know, Ike, I says, I think I might be comin round to the idea.
He looks shocked. But only fer a moment. Then he grins. You wouldn’t be flirtin with me, would you? he says.
I dunno, I says. Yeah. I think I might be.
Be stil my beatin heart! he says.
Al right, says Jack, break it up. Time to go. We need to git movin.
You scouted it out, right? I says.
Completely, says Ike. Me, Ash an Epona did it while you was git in yer beauty sleep.
What does it look like? I says.
Ike winks. No problem. Piece of cake.
Piece of cake. Ash shakes her head.
Wait, what’s the plan? I says.
You know me, says Jack, I don’t like to be hampered by too much plannin.
Jack!
Keep yer shirt on. I got a couple of ideas to run by you. But we won’t know properly til we see what they’re up to. We might hafta … wing it a bit.
Wing it! I says. This is my brother’s life we’re talkin about, Jack. I ain’t wingin nuthin. You said you had a plan.
Uh … I think we’l head over, says Ike.
Good idea, says Ash.
They al hurry past us an turn right, disappearin back into the cave.
Why’re they goin back in? I says. You said Freedom Fields is on th’other side of the hil .
It is, says Jack. But there’s a tunnel that cuts through from the back of the cave. A short cut. He starts to fol ow ’em.
I grab his arm. Hang on, Jack, we ain’t finished here. We need a plan. A proper one. Right now.
I promised you we’d git Lugh out a there, he says, an I meant it. We wil . That’s the main thing, no mat er what. You said you trusted me.
Do you? Here an now. Do you trust me?
I stare into his eyes. Searchin fer … somethin. Then. I see it.
I see him. Suddenly I see him. Not the Jack of the jokes an the irtin an the shyin away. The real Jack. The … truth of him. The stil ness at the heart of him. Like calm water.
I saw it once before, that rst night we lay unner the stars. When I told him about Lugh an he promised me we’d nd him. An this is the thing. The truth about Jack’s bin right in front of me al along. I jest wouldn’t let myself believe what I saw. Til now.
I laugh. Gawd help me, I says, but I do. I trust you, Jack.
Then let’s go, he says. We turn into the cave. Now I can see there’s a narrow crack at the back. The entrance to the tunnel that leads to th’other side. Jack lights a torch in the dyin fire, then I help him break it up, spreadin the ash so’s it can cool.
That’s it, he says, turnin to go.
I touch his arm. Jack, I says. I …
What?
I didn’t real y thank you fer … takin care of me. Fer fixin me up.
Don’t mention it.
He starts to go, an I stop him agin. Jack! Yeah?
I might not git another chance to say that I … to tel you … how much I appreciate everythin yer doin. Everythin you done. To help git Lugh back an … wel , everythin. You didn’t hafta but you did an … I am. Grateful, I mean. I always have bin, it’s jest … I guess I ain’t too good at showin it, is al .
Don’t keep thankin me, he says. I don’t deserve it. I ain’t some hero.
He turns an I fol ow him to the back of the cave. We slip through the narrow crack an pret y much right away it opens into a tunnel that’s high enough to walk upright. My stummick’s al jit ery an tight. We ain’t gone more’n a few steps when I says, Jack. Wait.
He turns around, al impatient. Now what?
I wanna say somethin to you. I wanna say … I dunno … more. I could bust apart with al I’m feelin inside of me right now. What with ghtin o the hel wurms an git in my shoulder tore open, an how I felt when I woke up an seen you an, now, here I am, bein so close to findin Lugh an I dunno what’s gonna happen an—
Jack’s lookin at me, frownin. What’s the mat er with you, Saba? he says.
I grab his face an kiss him on the lips.
Then I step back.
We stare at each other. Al the air gits sucked out a the tunnel. The heartstone burns into my skin. The blood pounds in my ears.
Yer timin stinks, he says.
He drops the torch. He pushes me aginst the wal . Then his mouth is on mine an he’s kissin me like he’s starvin or dyin of thirst or somethin. He kisses my lips, my face, my neck, then back to my lips agin. His lips is smooth. Warm. The smel of him fil s me.
We’re pressed tight together, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. His heart thuds aginst mine. A shiver runs over me from the top of my head to the ends of my toes. I’m hot an cold al at once. The tiny hairs on my arms, on the back of my neck, tingle. My skin’s stretched tight over my bones. A heavy heat set les low in my bel y.
I never thought kissin ’ud feel like this.
I kiss him back. I run my hands up an down his arms, his shoulders, his back. I feel the strength of him. I press myself closer. I cain’t seem to git close enough.
Stop, he says aginst my lips.
I don’t. I don’t want to. I cain’t.
He grabs both my hands. Saba, he says. Saba. Stop.
We’re both breathin hard. I’m dizzy. Dazed.
What? I says. What? Was I doin it wrong?
No, he says, no, don’t ever think that! That was … oh boy … that was … perfect. It’s jest … this ain’t the time or the place. An you bin through a lot. You ain’t thinkin straight.
I am, I says. I swear I am.
No, you ain’t, he says. An I ain’t neether. But I bin wantin to kiss you like that from the rst moment I seen you. You got no idea how
No, you ain’t, he says. An I ain’t neether. But I bin wantin to kiss you like that from the rst moment I seen you. You got no idea how much.
I start to say, me too, but he puts a finger aginst my lips.
Don’t say it, he says. It’l only make things worse.
He kisses me one last time. Quick. Hard. Then he pushes away from me an picks up the torch from the ground. It’s stil lit. C’mon, he says.
We got a git movin.
Jest like that? I says.
Saba, he says. Yer brother. He’s waitin fer you.
He heads of . I jest stand there. My lips is tinglin. I can stil taste him.
I’m glad he cal ed a halt. He’s right, this ain’t the time or place. An him an me both know there never wil be the right time an place. Once I’ve got Lugh back, that’l be it. I’l head to Crosscreek with him an Emmi, or maybe somewhere else entirely, and Jack’l go o with Ike an Tommo an we’l never see each other agin. We both said what our plans is an that’s what we’re gonna do.
But I’m glad we did it. Kissed. It was our only chance. An I’m glad he stopped it when he did.
Liar. Liar, liar, liar.
Saba! he yel s. C’mon! Hurry up!
It gits lower here, says Jack. Mind yer head.
The torch throws jagged ngers of light up the rough stone wal s. We’re makin our way through the tunnel an I reach a hand out, feelin where the top is. I got a duck every now an agin so’s I don’t bang my head.
Tommo nods.
I knew what you meant jest fine, I says. Thanks, Tommo.
He turns bright red an hurries of .
The kid’s soft about you, says Ike. An he ain’t th’only one. I’m jest waitin fer you to give me the word, darlin.
You know, Ike, I says, I think I might be comin round to the idea.
You know, Ike, I says, I think I might be comin round to the idea.
He looks shocked. But only fer a moment. Then he grins. You wouldn’t be flirtin with me, would you? he says.
I dunno, I says. Yeah. I think I might be.
Be stil my beatin heart! he says.
Al right, says Jack, break it up. Time to go. We need to git movin.
You scouted it out, right? I says.
Completely, says Ike. Me, Ash an Epona did it while you was git in yer beauty sleep.
What does it look like? I says.
Ike winks. No problem. Piece of cake.
Piece of cake. Ash shakes her head.
Wait, what’s the plan? I says.
You know me, says Jack, I don’t like to be hampered by too much plannin.
Jack!
Keep yer shirt on. I got a couple of ideas to run by you. But we won’t know properly til we see what they’re up to. We might hafta … wing it a bit.
Wing it! I says. This is my brother’s life we’re talkin about, Jack. I ain’t wingin nuthin. You said you had a plan.
Uh … I think we’l head over, says Ike.
Good idea, says Ash.
They al hurry past us an turn right, disappearin back into the cave.
Why’re they goin back in? I says. You said Freedom Fields is on th’other side of the hil .
It is, says Jack. But there’s a tunnel that cuts through from the back of the cave. A short cut. He starts to fol ow ’em.
I grab his arm. Hang on, Jack, we ain’t finished here. We need a plan. A proper one. Right now.
I promised you we’d git Lugh out a there, he says, an I meant it. We wil . That’s the main thing, no mat er what. You said you trusted me.
Do you? Here an now. Do you trust me?
I stare into his eyes. Searchin fer … somethin. Then. I see it.
I see him. Suddenly I see him. Not the Jack of the jokes an the irtin an the shyin away. The real Jack. The … truth of him. The stil ness at the heart of him. Like calm water.
I saw it once before, that rst night we lay unner the stars. When I told him about Lugh an he promised me we’d nd him. An this is the thing. The truth about Jack’s bin right in front of me al along. I jest wouldn’t let myself believe what I saw. Til now.
I laugh. Gawd help me, I says, but I do. I trust you, Jack.
Then let’s go, he says. We turn into the cave. Now I can see there’s a narrow crack at the back. The entrance to the tunnel that leads to th’other side. Jack lights a torch in the dyin fire, then I help him break it up, spreadin the ash so’s it can cool.
That’s it, he says, turnin to go.
I touch his arm. Jack, I says. I …
What?
I didn’t real y thank you fer … takin care of me. Fer fixin me up.
Don’t mention it.
He starts to go, an I stop him agin. Jack! Yeah?
I might not git another chance to say that I … to tel you … how much I appreciate everythin yer doin. Everythin you done. To help git Lugh back an … wel , everythin. You didn’t hafta but you did an … I am. Grateful, I mean. I always have bin, it’s jest … I guess I ain’t too good at showin it, is al .
Don’t keep thankin me, he says. I don’t deserve it. I ain’t some hero.
He turns an I fol ow him to the back of the cave. We slip through the narrow crack an pret y much right away it opens into a tunnel that’s high enough to walk upright. My stummick’s al jit ery an tight. We ain’t gone more’n a few steps when I says, Jack. Wait.
He turns around, al impatient. Now what?
I wanna say somethin to you. I wanna say … I dunno … more. I could bust apart with al I’m feelin inside of me right now. What with ghtin o the hel wurms an git in my shoulder tore open, an how I felt when I woke up an seen you an, now, here I am, bein so close to findin Lugh an I dunno what’s gonna happen an—
Jack’s lookin at me, frownin. What’s the mat er with you, Saba? he says.
I grab his face an kiss him on the lips.
Then I step back.
We stare at each other. Al the air gits sucked out a the tunnel. The heartstone burns into my skin. The blood pounds in my ears.
Yer timin stinks, he says.
He drops the torch. He pushes me aginst the wal . Then his mouth is on mine an he’s kissin me like he’s starvin or dyin of thirst or somethin. He kisses my lips, my face, my neck, then back to my lips agin. His lips is smooth. Warm. The smel of him fil s me.
We’re pressed tight together, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. His heart thuds aginst mine. A shiver runs over me from the top of my head to the ends of my toes. I’m hot an cold al at once. The tiny hairs on my arms, on the back of my neck, tingle. My skin’s stretched tight over my bones. A heavy heat set les low in my bel y.
I never thought kissin ’ud feel like this.
I kiss him back. I run my hands up an down his arms, his shoulders, his back. I feel the strength of him. I press myself closer. I cain’t seem to git close enough.
Stop, he says aginst my lips.
I don’t. I don’t want to. I cain’t.
He grabs both my hands. Saba, he says. Saba. Stop.
We’re both breathin hard. I’m dizzy. Dazed.
What? I says. What? Was I doin it wrong?
No, he says, no, don’t ever think that! That was … oh boy … that was … perfect. It’s jest … this ain’t the time or the place. An you bin through a lot. You ain’t thinkin straight.
I am, I says. I swear I am.
No, you ain’t, he says. An I ain’t neether. But I bin wantin to kiss you like that from the rst moment I seen you. You got no idea how
No, you ain’t, he says. An I ain’t neether. But I bin wantin to kiss you like that from the rst moment I seen you. You got no idea how much.
I start to say, me too, but he puts a finger aginst my lips.
Don’t say it, he says. It’l only make things worse.
He kisses me one last time. Quick. Hard. Then he pushes away from me an picks up the torch from the ground. It’s stil lit. C’mon, he says.
We got a git movin.
Jest like that? I says.
Saba, he says. Yer brother. He’s waitin fer you.
He heads of . I jest stand there. My lips is tinglin. I can stil taste him.
I’m glad he cal ed a halt. He’s right, this ain’t the time or place. An him an me both know there never wil be the right time an place. Once I’ve got Lugh back, that’l be it. I’l head to Crosscreek with him an Emmi, or maybe somewhere else entirely, and Jack’l go o with Ike an Tommo an we’l never see each other agin. We both said what our plans is an that’s what we’re gonna do.
But I’m glad we did it. Kissed. It was our only chance. An I’m glad he stopped it when he did.
Liar. Liar, liar, liar.
Saba! he yel s. C’mon! Hurry up!
It gits lower here, says Jack. Mind yer head.
The torch throws jagged ngers of light up the rough stone wal s. We’re makin our way through the tunnel an I reach a hand out, feelin where the top is. I got a duck every now an agin so’s I don’t bang my head.
