Bloodrose
Page 17
He tossed the book aside, looking at me. “Look, I realize I’m being a jerk. I’m sorry. He brings out the worst in me. He always has.”
“The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.” I smiled.
He laughed, but a moment later his somber expression returned.
“I can’t stop the spinning top that’s my brain right now,” he said. “I’m trying to figure out what it means to be the Scion, but all I want to do is find out where my parents are.”
“Logan hasn’t said anything?” I watched Shay’s chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh.
“He’s playing hard to get . . . or something,” he said. “I don’t even know if I believe they’re alive. I can’t stop thinking about them . . . and I know it’s not what I have to focus on right now.”
“No one would blame you for that, Shay,” I said. “Of course you want to find your parents.”
“As long as I save the world first,” he said.
“I guess there are strings attached,” I said, smiling.
“Strings tied to anvils,” he said. “Speaking of which, we have our own baggage and I think yours is ready to drag you back to the altar.”
“Shay—” A small growl came out when I spoke.
“You know I’m right,” he said. “Ren thinks you belong to him; he always has.”
“He’s an alpha,” I said, not wanting to defend Ren so much as try to explain the situation to Shay. “He still sees me as his mate.”
“And do you see yourself that way?”
“It’s complicated.” I looked at the ground. Lame, Calla. Lame.
“Maybe that’s why, with him around again, I feel like you don’t need me anymore.”
“How can you even think about that?” I asked, avoiding a direct answer. “You’re the Scion. You’re the only reason that the Searchers might be able to defeat the Keepers.”
“I thought Ren was the best hope for winning this war.”
“We do need Ren,” I said, ignoring his angry glance. “He could make or break a Guardian alliance. But all the Guardians in the world can’t do anything about wraiths. You can.”
“And yet that doesn’t seem to get me anywhere with you,” he said. “The wolves are what matter to you. More than anything.”
“Of course they do,” I said. “I’m an alpha.”
“So am I,” he said. “As much as Ren is. I’m newer to the pack—that’s all.”
“I know that, Shay.” I frowned. “But I think you’re missing the point.”
“You’re the one missing the point, Calla.” His smile was bleak. “Do you think being the Scion matters to me if I lose you? Because it doesn’t. None of this matters. You’re the reason I need to win this war. I’m fighting for you. Not for the Searchers. Not for anyone else. It’s all for you.”
My pulse thudded in my veins, heavy as a bass drum.
He lay back on the bed, gazing at the twinkling starlight above us. I watched him, wondering what to do. I didn’t need him. I didn’t want to need him. In order to lead, to fight this battle, I couldn’t afford to need anyone. But that didn’t mean I . . .
When I realized what had to happen, what I wanted to happen, my mouth went dry. Then my heart sped up, matching the flare of heat in my blood.
“I don’t need you, Shay.” I couldn’t hide the hoarse edge of my words.
Shay grunted without looking at me. He didn’t see it when I pulled my shirt off.
“But I want you,” I said. My heart felt like it was in my throat. A raw vulnerability like nothing I’d ever felt churned within me, and I knew this was what real love was like. And it was terrifying.
He finally turned toward me, pushing his hair back out of his eyes. “You wa—whoa.” He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, but he didn’t stand.
I walked slowly toward him. “If I needed you, I wouldn’t be me.”
He didn’t reply, but I watched his Adam’s apple move up and down when he swallowed.
“Do you understand?” I asked. My hands were shaking.
Seduction was new ground for me. I’d been worried about Shay feeling rejected, but now I was the one whose nerves spiked at the thought that Shay might still be too angry to welcome me into his arms. What if he threw me out of his room? The restrictions put on alpha females hadn’t allowed me to be the pursuer; I could only be pursued. The mysterious workings of romantic relationships were still unfamiliar territory for me. It didn’t help that my pulse was racing at a pace that I thought might break the sound barrier.
“Yeah.” Shay had to clear his throat to get the word out. He rolled his shoulders back, recovering, leaning back on his elbows in a careful, but superficially casual pose. “I think so.”
“You think so?” I was only a foot away from him.
A slow smile slid across his mouth. “It would help if you showed me.”
I stopped in my tracks. Show him? I am so out of my league here.
“Unless . . .” He was still smiling. “You don’t want to.”
There was no hint of fear or doubt in his voice, only a gleam in his eyes that made them vibrant. I could see the challenge there. The wolf inside me snarled at the provocation from another alpha.
It wasn’t a matter of making a choice. Pure instinct drove me forward. I was standing over him, pressing my palms down on either side of him, forcing him to lie back. My lips curled, bearing sharpening canines. I drew a deep breath, wondering if he was afraid of me. But fear’s sharp tang didn’t linger in the air. Only Shay’s scent, thunderclouds crackling with lightning, swirled around me, mixing with the smoky amber of our mutual desire.
“This isn’t choosing,” I said, my words husky. Balance. I’m supposed to keep balance. Damn. It was going to be much, much harder than I’d realized. I wanted him so much.
Even as I battled against my passion, struggling to remember that I wasn’t allowed to be here—in Shay’s room, on his bed—my resolve evaporated. He was simply too close, his skin too warm and inviting. And I loved him. The wolf within me howled for a mate. The pull of his body was magnetic; I couldn’t turn away.
“The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.” I smiled.
He laughed, but a moment later his somber expression returned.
“I can’t stop the spinning top that’s my brain right now,” he said. “I’m trying to figure out what it means to be the Scion, but all I want to do is find out where my parents are.”
“Logan hasn’t said anything?” I watched Shay’s chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh.
“He’s playing hard to get . . . or something,” he said. “I don’t even know if I believe they’re alive. I can’t stop thinking about them . . . and I know it’s not what I have to focus on right now.”
“No one would blame you for that, Shay,” I said. “Of course you want to find your parents.”
“As long as I save the world first,” he said.
“I guess there are strings attached,” I said, smiling.
“Strings tied to anvils,” he said. “Speaking of which, we have our own baggage and I think yours is ready to drag you back to the altar.”
“Shay—” A small growl came out when I spoke.
“You know I’m right,” he said. “Ren thinks you belong to him; he always has.”
“He’s an alpha,” I said, not wanting to defend Ren so much as try to explain the situation to Shay. “He still sees me as his mate.”
“And do you see yourself that way?”
“It’s complicated.” I looked at the ground. Lame, Calla. Lame.
“Maybe that’s why, with him around again, I feel like you don’t need me anymore.”
“How can you even think about that?” I asked, avoiding a direct answer. “You’re the Scion. You’re the only reason that the Searchers might be able to defeat the Keepers.”
“I thought Ren was the best hope for winning this war.”
“We do need Ren,” I said, ignoring his angry glance. “He could make or break a Guardian alliance. But all the Guardians in the world can’t do anything about wraiths. You can.”
“And yet that doesn’t seem to get me anywhere with you,” he said. “The wolves are what matter to you. More than anything.”
“Of course they do,” I said. “I’m an alpha.”
“So am I,” he said. “As much as Ren is. I’m newer to the pack—that’s all.”
“I know that, Shay.” I frowned. “But I think you’re missing the point.”
“You’re the one missing the point, Calla.” His smile was bleak. “Do you think being the Scion matters to me if I lose you? Because it doesn’t. None of this matters. You’re the reason I need to win this war. I’m fighting for you. Not for the Searchers. Not for anyone else. It’s all for you.”
My pulse thudded in my veins, heavy as a bass drum.
He lay back on the bed, gazing at the twinkling starlight above us. I watched him, wondering what to do. I didn’t need him. I didn’t want to need him. In order to lead, to fight this battle, I couldn’t afford to need anyone. But that didn’t mean I . . .
When I realized what had to happen, what I wanted to happen, my mouth went dry. Then my heart sped up, matching the flare of heat in my blood.
“I don’t need you, Shay.” I couldn’t hide the hoarse edge of my words.
Shay grunted without looking at me. He didn’t see it when I pulled my shirt off.
“But I want you,” I said. My heart felt like it was in my throat. A raw vulnerability like nothing I’d ever felt churned within me, and I knew this was what real love was like. And it was terrifying.
He finally turned toward me, pushing his hair back out of his eyes. “You wa—whoa.” He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, but he didn’t stand.
I walked slowly toward him. “If I needed you, I wouldn’t be me.”
He didn’t reply, but I watched his Adam’s apple move up and down when he swallowed.
“Do you understand?” I asked. My hands were shaking.
Seduction was new ground for me. I’d been worried about Shay feeling rejected, but now I was the one whose nerves spiked at the thought that Shay might still be too angry to welcome me into his arms. What if he threw me out of his room? The restrictions put on alpha females hadn’t allowed me to be the pursuer; I could only be pursued. The mysterious workings of romantic relationships were still unfamiliar territory for me. It didn’t help that my pulse was racing at a pace that I thought might break the sound barrier.
“Yeah.” Shay had to clear his throat to get the word out. He rolled his shoulders back, recovering, leaning back on his elbows in a careful, but superficially casual pose. “I think so.”
“You think so?” I was only a foot away from him.
A slow smile slid across his mouth. “It would help if you showed me.”
I stopped in my tracks. Show him? I am so out of my league here.
“Unless . . .” He was still smiling. “You don’t want to.”
There was no hint of fear or doubt in his voice, only a gleam in his eyes that made them vibrant. I could see the challenge there. The wolf inside me snarled at the provocation from another alpha.
It wasn’t a matter of making a choice. Pure instinct drove me forward. I was standing over him, pressing my palms down on either side of him, forcing him to lie back. My lips curled, bearing sharpening canines. I drew a deep breath, wondering if he was afraid of me. But fear’s sharp tang didn’t linger in the air. Only Shay’s scent, thunderclouds crackling with lightning, swirled around me, mixing with the smoky amber of our mutual desire.
“This isn’t choosing,” I said, my words husky. Balance. I’m supposed to keep balance. Damn. It was going to be much, much harder than I’d realized. I wanted him so much.
Even as I battled against my passion, struggling to remember that I wasn’t allowed to be here—in Shay’s room, on his bed—my resolve evaporated. He was simply too close, his skin too warm and inviting. And I loved him. The wolf within me howled for a mate. The pull of his body was magnetic; I couldn’t turn away.
