Blue Lines
Page 22
“So, what, you’re going to give up? Not even try? Check your watch every second hoping that this marriage ends quickly so that you can run far away from her and the baby? If you’d planned on doing that all along, you should have just opted for the trade then.”
Erik paused, looking his best friend in the eye. Isn’t that what Phillip had suggested? To just get by? No one said anything about really trying. That’s not what Erik wanted; he wanted to go back to the life he had. He wanted to completely forget Piper; he wanted her and the baby to go away. This was all an act. They were role-playing so they could get back to how life was and really should be.
But he knew that in reality they wouldn’t. Nothing would be that easy.
Maybe he did do this in haste. Maybe he should have thought it through, but he felt like he had no choice. Now he was in a marriage with the one girl who had the power to crack the walls around his heart.
He had really f**ked this up big-time.
Closing his eyes, Erik rolled his shoulders trying to shake off the anxiety.
“She deserves someone better and I’ll make sure to reimburse her in the end. She’ll be very comfortable, and hopefully she won’t hate me too much. The baby, you know … maybe I’ll try to be a dad, but I know I’ll suck. She’ll remarry and I’m sure she’ll pick a guy that will be a good dad.”
“Maybe you won’t suck at being a dad. Maybe you’ll be the best dad ever.”
“Maybe pigs will fly,” Erik said.
Phillip smiled as he suggested, “Maybe you’ll fall for her.”
Erik was full-out laughing by that point.
“Yeah, right.”
Phillip shook his head.
“I’m here, bro, remember that.”
With that Phillip walked away, leaving Erik to stand alone in the empty courtroom. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he took in a deep breath. Just like it had for the last six months, his mind drifted back to Piper. Everything always came back to her. He never understood his feelings for her. He thought it was only lust but it wasn’t. That’s why he ran so quickly after that night, and that’s why he needed this to be over with, too.
Erik couldn’t risk falling for Piper; he just couldn’t. As for the baby, he wasn’t lying when he said he would try. He would try to be like Cooper and not like his real dad, but he already felt like he was acting more like Jasha. As of right now he felt no connection to this baby, no real need to be a father. He also felt the need to run, just like his mother, Katria, did. She was the runner while Jasha was the abuser; he was afraid to find out what that made him. Their marriage was abusive in so many ways that Erik was scarred from it. His upbringing was hard, physically and emotionally. His dad beat Erik when his mom left him; Katria was always leaving. When Erik would ask when Mommy was coming home he was lied to and abused some more. He just wanted to be loved, and he was never given that luxury.
Feeling empty, he couldn’t help but think of the parents who’d adopted him, offering him the opportunity for a normal childhood. He was lucky when Cooper and Alla adopted him. If everyone thought he was a f**kup now, he could only imagine what would have happened if he had been raised by his biological parents. The unfortunate thing was he had no idea what traits he inherited, and Piper and their child shouldn’t have to be the ones to find out. As shitty as the situation was, it was what it was and now he had brought Piper into it.
If only his entire upbringing had been with Cooper and Alla; things could have been so much different. He would be a better man and would want to be a good husband and father. But seeing what his mother and father went through led him to believe no relationship in the world was worth all of that.
Not even if it was one with Piper Allen.
Oops, he meant Piper Titov.
With a heavy feeling in his chest, Erik left the courtroom to find Piper standing in the parking lot with Phillip. Phillip hugged her tightly and something in Erik’s chest twisted a little. He had no clue what that meant, but he knew he really didn’t like Phillip touching Piper. They both turned as he approached. Piper still looked sad and he could tell she had been crying. Again, his chest did that twisting thing, and Erik started to become annoyed with it. He wasn’t supposed to care if she wanted to hug his best friend, or even if she cried.
“Okay, so I’m going to go back to Phillip’s and pack my stuff, then I’ll be out to your house in a couple of hours.”
Piper nodded. “Okay,” she said, and moved a step away from Phillip. She crossed her arms across her chest, which made the dress she was wearing tighten, showing off the evidence of their night together. Looking away, he heard her say, “I have work and then I’ll be making dinner. Phillip, you’re more than welcome to come over for dinner, if you’d like.”
Phillip smiled.
“No thanks, Piper, it’s you guys’ first night together. I think you need some time to yourselves.”
Erik glanced back at Piper to see her looking at him.
“I don’t think you would have anything to worry about. It’s not like we’re going to have a wedding night or anything.”
Phillip choked back a laugh as Erik held her gaze. With her little nose in the air, she added, “It’s your choice, Phillip, and I’ll see you at home … honey.”
Erik looked over at Phillip to find him laughing.
“Oh, this is going to be great,” Phillip said.
“What do you mean?” Erik asked slowly; he had a bad feeling he knew the answer.
Erik paused, looking his best friend in the eye. Isn’t that what Phillip had suggested? To just get by? No one said anything about really trying. That’s not what Erik wanted; he wanted to go back to the life he had. He wanted to completely forget Piper; he wanted her and the baby to go away. This was all an act. They were role-playing so they could get back to how life was and really should be.
But he knew that in reality they wouldn’t. Nothing would be that easy.
Maybe he did do this in haste. Maybe he should have thought it through, but he felt like he had no choice. Now he was in a marriage with the one girl who had the power to crack the walls around his heart.
He had really f**ked this up big-time.
Closing his eyes, Erik rolled his shoulders trying to shake off the anxiety.
“She deserves someone better and I’ll make sure to reimburse her in the end. She’ll be very comfortable, and hopefully she won’t hate me too much. The baby, you know … maybe I’ll try to be a dad, but I know I’ll suck. She’ll remarry and I’m sure she’ll pick a guy that will be a good dad.”
“Maybe you won’t suck at being a dad. Maybe you’ll be the best dad ever.”
“Maybe pigs will fly,” Erik said.
Phillip smiled as he suggested, “Maybe you’ll fall for her.”
Erik was full-out laughing by that point.
“Yeah, right.”
Phillip shook his head.
“I’m here, bro, remember that.”
With that Phillip walked away, leaving Erik to stand alone in the empty courtroom. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he took in a deep breath. Just like it had for the last six months, his mind drifted back to Piper. Everything always came back to her. He never understood his feelings for her. He thought it was only lust but it wasn’t. That’s why he ran so quickly after that night, and that’s why he needed this to be over with, too.
Erik couldn’t risk falling for Piper; he just couldn’t. As for the baby, he wasn’t lying when he said he would try. He would try to be like Cooper and not like his real dad, but he already felt like he was acting more like Jasha. As of right now he felt no connection to this baby, no real need to be a father. He also felt the need to run, just like his mother, Katria, did. She was the runner while Jasha was the abuser; he was afraid to find out what that made him. Their marriage was abusive in so many ways that Erik was scarred from it. His upbringing was hard, physically and emotionally. His dad beat Erik when his mom left him; Katria was always leaving. When Erik would ask when Mommy was coming home he was lied to and abused some more. He just wanted to be loved, and he was never given that luxury.
Feeling empty, he couldn’t help but think of the parents who’d adopted him, offering him the opportunity for a normal childhood. He was lucky when Cooper and Alla adopted him. If everyone thought he was a f**kup now, he could only imagine what would have happened if he had been raised by his biological parents. The unfortunate thing was he had no idea what traits he inherited, and Piper and their child shouldn’t have to be the ones to find out. As shitty as the situation was, it was what it was and now he had brought Piper into it.
If only his entire upbringing had been with Cooper and Alla; things could have been so much different. He would be a better man and would want to be a good husband and father. But seeing what his mother and father went through led him to believe no relationship in the world was worth all of that.
Not even if it was one with Piper Allen.
Oops, he meant Piper Titov.
With a heavy feeling in his chest, Erik left the courtroom to find Piper standing in the parking lot with Phillip. Phillip hugged her tightly and something in Erik’s chest twisted a little. He had no clue what that meant, but he knew he really didn’t like Phillip touching Piper. They both turned as he approached. Piper still looked sad and he could tell she had been crying. Again, his chest did that twisting thing, and Erik started to become annoyed with it. He wasn’t supposed to care if she wanted to hug his best friend, or even if she cried.
“Okay, so I’m going to go back to Phillip’s and pack my stuff, then I’ll be out to your house in a couple of hours.”
Piper nodded. “Okay,” she said, and moved a step away from Phillip. She crossed her arms across her chest, which made the dress she was wearing tighten, showing off the evidence of their night together. Looking away, he heard her say, “I have work and then I’ll be making dinner. Phillip, you’re more than welcome to come over for dinner, if you’d like.”
Phillip smiled.
“No thanks, Piper, it’s you guys’ first night together. I think you need some time to yourselves.”
Erik glanced back at Piper to see her looking at him.
“I don’t think you would have anything to worry about. It’s not like we’re going to have a wedding night or anything.”
Phillip choked back a laugh as Erik held her gaze. With her little nose in the air, she added, “It’s your choice, Phillip, and I’ll see you at home … honey.”
Erik looked over at Phillip to find him laughing.
“Oh, this is going to be great,” Phillip said.
“What do you mean?” Erik asked slowly; he had a bad feeling he knew the answer.
