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Page 50
It’s not much as far as explanations go, but then I don’t really owe Lance anything.
Still, it’s odd that he even asks. One of Lance’s best qualities was always his lack of jealousy over my relationship with Ben. He always seemed to understand in ways that others didn’t.
But there’s a slight edge to his voice now, which makes me wonder if he doesn’t somehow sense the shift with Ben and me. Although heck if I know what that shift is.
I thought I did, but now…
Lance looks up at the sky, which is cloudy but thankfully not rainy. “I think I made a mistake, Parker.”
I put my hands between my knees and then squeeze my legs together. I say nothing.
He glances over at me. “I…I’ve been thinking about you. About us. A lot.”
“Yeah, I totally sensed that from all the phone calls,” I say sarcastically.
He’s quiet for a few moments. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me. And I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. Didn’t want to jerk you around.”
I snort. “Where was all that consideration when you strung me along for the last two months of our relationship even when you weren’t feeling it?”
Lance shifts so that he’s facing me more fully, and his expression is very matter-of-fact. “You’re upset. You should be. I hurt you. But we’re adults, so before this conversation goes any further, just tell me if I even have a chance here. Because if I don’t, I’m not going to waste either of our time.”
It’s not a particularly romantic thing to say, but I find myself smiling, because it’s so Lance.
But then my smile fades, because…I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t know anything anymore.
And then it hits me that maybe my mom was right when she told Ben that I had unresolved feelings about what happened with Lance.
Because now that he’s here, I’m flooded with all sorts of memories and familiarity, and, yes, definitely a little bit of pain. I remember how we were. And how we were was good.
I wish Ben were here. To sit beside me while I figured this out. To tell me what to do.
“Parker?”
“I don’t know what to feel right now,” I tell Lance.
“Well, you’re not telling me to get out of here, so that’s good. Right?”
“Sure.”
“And I’m guessing the fact that you’re not ordering me off the property means you haven’t already moved on to some guy with movie-star good looks?”
His voice is teasing, but my mind flashes to Ben. To the way he’d looked at me last night. The way he’d held my hand.
I shake my head in denial of my own thoughts. It’s Ben. My best friend. Friend and only a friend.
Lance’s hand extends toward me, moving slowly, giving me a chance to move away. I let him take my hand, mostly to see what I feel, but I feel…
Nothing.
His fingers squeeze mine. “I want another chance, Parker.”
I finally turn to face him then. “Why? I thought you weren’t feeling it,” I jab again. “And what about the other girl? The one you noticed.”
To his credit, he doesn’t wince. Doesn’t apologize for his cold words all those nights ago, nor does he deny anything.
“She was…she was too much like me.”
My stomach clenches.
“So you dated?”
He shrugged. “Grabbed coffee a couple of times, but—”
“She didn’t want you.”
He grinned ruefully at his hands. “She has a boyfriend. But, Parker, you have to know—you have to—I’m not coming back because she wasn’t available. You and me…we have nothing to do with Laurel.”
Laurel. Blech.
“I miss you.” His voice was urgent now. “I was stupidly consumed with work, and school, and—”
“And you’re not now?” My voice is skeptical.
“Those things are always going to be important to me, but I realize now that I need balance. I…God, this sounds cliché. I didn’t know how much I needed you—loved you—until you weren’t there.”
I don’t exactly swoon, but his words definitely make me feel warm. What I wouldn’t have given to hear them before I hopped into bed with Ben Olsen.
“I do love you, Parker. That never stopped. I know that now.”
I go from warm to toasty warm, and I swallow, realizing how much I want this. Want someone to love me and need me and want me.
His fingers squeeze mine. “I want another chance. With you. And I don’t want to just pick up where we left off, I want to start fresh.”
I shake my head, indicating that I don’t understand. I sense that I’m missing whatever he’s trying to tell me.
Lance’s other hand comes up so he’s holding my hand with both of his. “I want you to move in. With me.”
I stare at him. “Come again?”
His smile is rueful. “Look, I get that Ben’s your friend, and it’s totally cool that you guys were roommates back in college, but I want to have a grown-up relationship with you, Parker. And we can’t do that with you living with another man. If I’m really being honest, I think that was part of the reason I had a hard time committing to you all the way.”
I frown. “But you…you were never jealous of Ben. Right?”
“Not jealous, no. I get that there was nothing between you but friendship, and you’re more like brother and sister….”
Still, it’s odd that he even asks. One of Lance’s best qualities was always his lack of jealousy over my relationship with Ben. He always seemed to understand in ways that others didn’t.
But there’s a slight edge to his voice now, which makes me wonder if he doesn’t somehow sense the shift with Ben and me. Although heck if I know what that shift is.
I thought I did, but now…
Lance looks up at the sky, which is cloudy but thankfully not rainy. “I think I made a mistake, Parker.”
I put my hands between my knees and then squeeze my legs together. I say nothing.
He glances over at me. “I…I’ve been thinking about you. About us. A lot.”
“Yeah, I totally sensed that from all the phone calls,” I say sarcastically.
He’s quiet for a few moments. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me. And I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. Didn’t want to jerk you around.”
I snort. “Where was all that consideration when you strung me along for the last two months of our relationship even when you weren’t feeling it?”
Lance shifts so that he’s facing me more fully, and his expression is very matter-of-fact. “You’re upset. You should be. I hurt you. But we’re adults, so before this conversation goes any further, just tell me if I even have a chance here. Because if I don’t, I’m not going to waste either of our time.”
It’s not a particularly romantic thing to say, but I find myself smiling, because it’s so Lance.
But then my smile fades, because…I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t know anything anymore.
And then it hits me that maybe my mom was right when she told Ben that I had unresolved feelings about what happened with Lance.
Because now that he’s here, I’m flooded with all sorts of memories and familiarity, and, yes, definitely a little bit of pain. I remember how we were. And how we were was good.
I wish Ben were here. To sit beside me while I figured this out. To tell me what to do.
“Parker?”
“I don’t know what to feel right now,” I tell Lance.
“Well, you’re not telling me to get out of here, so that’s good. Right?”
“Sure.”
“And I’m guessing the fact that you’re not ordering me off the property means you haven’t already moved on to some guy with movie-star good looks?”
His voice is teasing, but my mind flashes to Ben. To the way he’d looked at me last night. The way he’d held my hand.
I shake my head in denial of my own thoughts. It’s Ben. My best friend. Friend and only a friend.
Lance’s hand extends toward me, moving slowly, giving me a chance to move away. I let him take my hand, mostly to see what I feel, but I feel…
Nothing.
His fingers squeeze mine. “I want another chance, Parker.”
I finally turn to face him then. “Why? I thought you weren’t feeling it,” I jab again. “And what about the other girl? The one you noticed.”
To his credit, he doesn’t wince. Doesn’t apologize for his cold words all those nights ago, nor does he deny anything.
“She was…she was too much like me.”
My stomach clenches.
“So you dated?”
He shrugged. “Grabbed coffee a couple of times, but—”
“She didn’t want you.”
He grinned ruefully at his hands. “She has a boyfriend. But, Parker, you have to know—you have to—I’m not coming back because she wasn’t available. You and me…we have nothing to do with Laurel.”
Laurel. Blech.
“I miss you.” His voice was urgent now. “I was stupidly consumed with work, and school, and—”
“And you’re not now?” My voice is skeptical.
“Those things are always going to be important to me, but I realize now that I need balance. I…God, this sounds cliché. I didn’t know how much I needed you—loved you—until you weren’t there.”
I don’t exactly swoon, but his words definitely make me feel warm. What I wouldn’t have given to hear them before I hopped into bed with Ben Olsen.
“I do love you, Parker. That never stopped. I know that now.”
I go from warm to toasty warm, and I swallow, realizing how much I want this. Want someone to love me and need me and want me.
His fingers squeeze mine. “I want another chance. With you. And I don’t want to just pick up where we left off, I want to start fresh.”
I shake my head, indicating that I don’t understand. I sense that I’m missing whatever he’s trying to tell me.
Lance’s other hand comes up so he’s holding my hand with both of his. “I want you to move in. With me.”
I stare at him. “Come again?”
His smile is rueful. “Look, I get that Ben’s your friend, and it’s totally cool that you guys were roommates back in college, but I want to have a grown-up relationship with you, Parker. And we can’t do that with you living with another man. If I’m really being honest, I think that was part of the reason I had a hard time committing to you all the way.”
I frown. “But you…you were never jealous of Ben. Right?”
“Not jealous, no. I get that there was nothing between you but friendship, and you’re more like brother and sister….”
