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“What do you mean?”
“Too many of us out there.”
I scrunch my brows together.
He points out to the water. “Watch that.”
I do. Two, three, four, five surfers systematically fading with one another in what at first seems to be some strange choreography. However, once the wave rolls over the surfers are shaking their fists at one another—obviously fighting for the waves and not bothering to wait their turn.
“Why is no blood being spilled over this? You can’t just fade someone rail-to-rail and get away with it,” he says slamming his fist on the table.
It’s a thin fabric that holds surfing together. Kale is a former champion and holds his standards high. I shake my head. “But there are so many unwritten rules out there and some have long passed their use.”
Our drinks arrive and I push one his way.
“Too early, man, I have to get something on paper before I can indulge.”
I push it further toward him. “I’m taking off today.”
He sits up straight. “Fuck, how about a little warning? I just got used to seeing your scrawny ass around here.”
“Yeah, right.” I grin and raise my glass before downing its contents. Then I stand up and extend my hand. “Hope to see you in another life, brother.”
He quickly rises and pulls me to him, patting me on the back. “Take care man and keep in touch. I’m serious about coming out to see your nephew in action. Who the f**k knows, I might even be writing about him some day.”
“Yeah, wouldn’t that be something. See ya, man.”
“Oh, and, Ben, make sure you teach your nephew better than what just happened out there. Courtesy is one rule that should never pass its time.”
I nod. “I completely agree.”
As I walk away he says, “In my day that would never have happened. If it did someone would have gotten a f**king punch in the head.”
I twist around and he snakes his arm around one of the waitresses and plunges his tongue in ear before looking over toward me. “Sure you don’t have a little time?” he asks his eyes darting to the chick in his arms.
I grin at him before I take a last look around. “Next time.”
I have one final stop to make before I leave—the beach herself. As I make my way through the sand, I think about the many hours I’ve spent here . . . surfing, walking, running, looking for myself. On this beach, I found a part of what I was missing. It was finality, a feeling of closure. Something I missed over and over with everyone I lost. I’ll especially always regret how things ended with Dahl. As I meander down this beach for the last time, I want so much to let that guilt roll off my shoulders. But there are some burdens that just won’t wash away. While I wipe the sand from my feet and slip back into my shoes, I try to focus on the possibility of new beginnings instead of the fact that when I head back to California no one will be awaiting my arrival.
***
Just as I enter the gleaming glass doors of the Sydney Airport, my cell rings and I grab for it from my front pocket. I see Caleb’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hey, f**ker. How’s the newly minted agent?”
Caleb snorts. “Hey, f**ker, yourself. And you’re being a little premature with your greeting. I haven’t graduated yet, but I am doing f**king amazing. I drove my first surveillance detection route yesterday.”
“Sounds like a kinky fantasy life if you ask me.”
“Scraping ice off cars and specialized training classes don’t add up to anything whatsoever kinky.”
“Sucks to be you then.”
“Yeah, yeah it does. But not you I’m sure. How’s Australia?”
“Not a waste of time, I can tell you that, but I’m headed home now.”
“For the trial,” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Absolutely f**king not. But I do want to hear more about your shenanigans. When are they letting you out of Quantico?”
“Soon. Really soon.” His laugh is low. “But it’s not like I’m in prison.”
“I’d say that’s up for discussion.”
“Over a few beers?”
“Is there any other way?”
“Really, how are you doing, man?”
“I’m managing. I need to get a job when I get back and figure everything out, but right now life is good.”
“Hey, one day at a time, right?”
“I’m not in AA, f**ker.”
“I know, Ben, but when you get back—take it easy. And make up with your sister. Jason said she really misses you.”
“Yeah, yeah. One day at a time.” I groan and roll my eyes.
“Listen, I gotta run. I have a simulated bank robbery I have to get to, but I’ll call you next week. And, Ben, I just found out I won’t be home until the end of the year, but I’ll have a month off then and I’m planning on spending it with you.”
“Aren’t I a lucky bastard then?”
“Hey, seriously, man, call me if you need me and, Ben, take care.”
“Yeah, you take care, too.”
***
I’ve always liked being independent because if you didn’t depend on anyone, there was no one to let you down. But Caleb and Trent are the exceptions. I looked forward to their calls. Caleb was the one person, besides Dahl, I had always depended on. And Trent was the one person besides Dahl, I’d always allowed to depend on me. The fact that he’s doing so well right now is the shiny spot in my life. He’s out of rehab and back in school. He’s even training for a local surf competition.
“Too many of us out there.”
I scrunch my brows together.
He points out to the water. “Watch that.”
I do. Two, three, four, five surfers systematically fading with one another in what at first seems to be some strange choreography. However, once the wave rolls over the surfers are shaking their fists at one another—obviously fighting for the waves and not bothering to wait their turn.
“Why is no blood being spilled over this? You can’t just fade someone rail-to-rail and get away with it,” he says slamming his fist on the table.
It’s a thin fabric that holds surfing together. Kale is a former champion and holds his standards high. I shake my head. “But there are so many unwritten rules out there and some have long passed their use.”
Our drinks arrive and I push one his way.
“Too early, man, I have to get something on paper before I can indulge.”
I push it further toward him. “I’m taking off today.”
He sits up straight. “Fuck, how about a little warning? I just got used to seeing your scrawny ass around here.”
“Yeah, right.” I grin and raise my glass before downing its contents. Then I stand up and extend my hand. “Hope to see you in another life, brother.”
He quickly rises and pulls me to him, patting me on the back. “Take care man and keep in touch. I’m serious about coming out to see your nephew in action. Who the f**k knows, I might even be writing about him some day.”
“Yeah, wouldn’t that be something. See ya, man.”
“Oh, and, Ben, make sure you teach your nephew better than what just happened out there. Courtesy is one rule that should never pass its time.”
I nod. “I completely agree.”
As I walk away he says, “In my day that would never have happened. If it did someone would have gotten a f**king punch in the head.”
I twist around and he snakes his arm around one of the waitresses and plunges his tongue in ear before looking over toward me. “Sure you don’t have a little time?” he asks his eyes darting to the chick in his arms.
I grin at him before I take a last look around. “Next time.”
I have one final stop to make before I leave—the beach herself. As I make my way through the sand, I think about the many hours I’ve spent here . . . surfing, walking, running, looking for myself. On this beach, I found a part of what I was missing. It was finality, a feeling of closure. Something I missed over and over with everyone I lost. I’ll especially always regret how things ended with Dahl. As I meander down this beach for the last time, I want so much to let that guilt roll off my shoulders. But there are some burdens that just won’t wash away. While I wipe the sand from my feet and slip back into my shoes, I try to focus on the possibility of new beginnings instead of the fact that when I head back to California no one will be awaiting my arrival.
***
Just as I enter the gleaming glass doors of the Sydney Airport, my cell rings and I grab for it from my front pocket. I see Caleb’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hey, f**ker. How’s the newly minted agent?”
Caleb snorts. “Hey, f**ker, yourself. And you’re being a little premature with your greeting. I haven’t graduated yet, but I am doing f**king amazing. I drove my first surveillance detection route yesterday.”
“Sounds like a kinky fantasy life if you ask me.”
“Scraping ice off cars and specialized training classes don’t add up to anything whatsoever kinky.”
“Sucks to be you then.”
“Yeah, yeah it does. But not you I’m sure. How’s Australia?”
“Not a waste of time, I can tell you that, but I’m headed home now.”
“For the trial,” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Absolutely f**king not. But I do want to hear more about your shenanigans. When are they letting you out of Quantico?”
“Soon. Really soon.” His laugh is low. “But it’s not like I’m in prison.”
“I’d say that’s up for discussion.”
“Over a few beers?”
“Is there any other way?”
“Really, how are you doing, man?”
“I’m managing. I need to get a job when I get back and figure everything out, but right now life is good.”
“Hey, one day at a time, right?”
“I’m not in AA, f**ker.”
“I know, Ben, but when you get back—take it easy. And make up with your sister. Jason said she really misses you.”
“Yeah, yeah. One day at a time.” I groan and roll my eyes.
“Listen, I gotta run. I have a simulated bank robbery I have to get to, but I’ll call you next week. And, Ben, I just found out I won’t be home until the end of the year, but I’ll have a month off then and I’m planning on spending it with you.”
“Aren’t I a lucky bastard then?”
“Hey, seriously, man, call me if you need me and, Ben, take care.”
“Yeah, you take care, too.”
***
I’ve always liked being independent because if you didn’t depend on anyone, there was no one to let you down. But Caleb and Trent are the exceptions. I looked forward to their calls. Caleb was the one person, besides Dahl, I had always depended on. And Trent was the one person besides Dahl, I’d always allowed to depend on me. The fact that he’s doing so well right now is the shiny spot in my life. He’s out of rehab and back in school. He’s even training for a local surf competition.
