Boarded by Love
Page 113
I love my girlfriend.
He then tagged me, and seeing those words, his profile picture of us kissing after one of his games, has my lip wobbling and my heart aching. I want to lie back down, cover myself with the blanket and just cry myself stupid, but then I feel like I need to wash my face. Sitting up, I look over to find Reese and Phillip at the kitchen island, watching me.
Looking away, embarrassed, I say, “Sorry for coming over so late.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. You are always welcome here,” Reese says. “I laid you out some towels and got you some old clothes if you want to go shower.”
Nodding, I stand up and tuck my phone in my pocket. I don’t look at them as I pass, heading to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. Leaning against the door, a tear rolls down my face and I wipe it away before pulling out my phone. Clicking on my messages, I open a new text and type Jude’s name.
Me: Hey… I miss u. A lot. And I’m really sorry.
Unlike every other time, he doesn’t write back right away. When I get out of the shower after standing under the hot water for well over a half hour, I check and he still hasn’t written back. Maybe he had a rough night with his mom or something and he’s sleeping. When I look at the clock though, I see that it’s two in the afternoon. Cringing, I shake away the thoughts that come. I refuse to think that he’s moved on. He wouldn’t do that. He loves me. We’re just... Shit, he may love me, but that won’t keep him from finding someone else to fuck his pain away.
Picking my phone back up after dressing, I type:
Me: Please, Jude. Just talk to me. We can work this out.
Me: I love you.
Me: I don’t want to lose you.
When he still doesn’t answer me, I slide down the door and curl up in a ball on the floor, hugging my legs as the tears drip from my eyes and wet the Hogwarts pants I’m wearing. Swallowing back the sob that wants to escape, I cry, rocking back and forth as I stare at my phone. Waiting. Just for a response. I need one. I need to know he still loves me. I need to know he still wants me.
Closing my eyes, I rest my head on my knees and cry until Reese comes knocking on the bathroom door. “Claire, honey, you’ve been in there a while. Can you come out?”
I love how she doesn’t ask if I’m okay. I think she knows I’m devastated.
“Yeah,” I answer, standing up and tucking my phone in my pocket. Opening the door, she waits for me on the other side, a small smile on her face as she looks me over. I’m waiting for her to ask what happened, but a part of me thinks she knows. I think she knows that my lies caught up with me and that Jude did exactly what I feared.
He left me.
Reaching out, she laces her fingers with mine and asks, “Hungry?”
I shake my head, but my stomach betrays me and rumbles. She smiles as she pulls me against her side and says, “Well, maybe you can eat just to make me feel better.”
I shrug and lean my head against her shoulder as we make our way into the kitchen. Phillip is leaning against the counter, but that’s not what holds my gaze. His bags are by the door, which means he’s leaving. Looking up at him, I ask, “When do you leave?”
“Tonight,” he answers. “But I have time to find that kid and kill him.”
I’m not sure if he’s being serious or trying to make me laugh, so I just shake my head, sitting down at the island in front of a huge plate of waffles covered in my favorite strawberry sauce.
“No, don’t. It’s my fault.”
“What happened?” Reese asks, leaning her forearms on the island. “Did he find out about the club?”
Slowly I nod, my throat burning with emotion. “Yeah, he did, and it was bad,” I say and then I tell them what happened. They don’t say anything as I explain about his dad. I was sure that Phillip was going to lose his shit when I told him what Jude said about my being like my mom, but he surprises me and just listens.
“I mean, maybe I am, you know? Maybe I am just like her and I’m going to be alone and run through men thinking they’re each the love of my life. I should have known better, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him about the club. I knew that he wouldn’t like it,” I say, wiping away the few tears that have fallen.
Coming toward the island, Phillip says, “One: you aren’t your mother, not in the least.”
“He’s right,” Reese adds with a nod.
“And two: if he loves you, he’ll come around. Just give him time to process. I needed time and we’re fine.”
“But you have to love me,” I say, and he shakes his head.
“I know, but I didn’t have to forgive you. It’s not easy to forgive; you have to push aside your pride and believe that the person won’t hurt you again. That’s not an easy thing to do. Give him time.”
“I just don’t think he’ll come around. You didn’t see his eyes, they were hard, and my God, he was so upset.”
“Of course he was, Claire. Not only did he find out you lied to him, but his dad was cheating on his mom. That’s a lot to take in at once,” Reese says. “Give him a few days, see what happens.”
“Yeah,” I say with a nod. “Maybe, but what do I do till then? I drove myself crazy when you didn’t talk to me, and honestly, I don’t know if I can handle it from Jude. I’ve talked to him every minute of every day. When we weren’t together, we were texting. How do I just stop that?”
Reese reaches across the table, taking my hand in hers. “You have to be patient, just remember he is going through the same pain you are.”
“Or he’s sleeping with anything with tits,” I supply, and she gives me a dry look.
“I doubt that. When you truly love someone, you don’t get over them that quickly.”
“That’s the thing, though; how do I know he really loved me? I mean, he just ended it, didn’t even try to understand my reasoning or even care that I was sorry.”
Setting me with a look, Phillip says, “Do you really believe that he doesn’t love you? I may not like the guy, but even I know that’s crap, Claire. That kid worships the ground you walk on. You have him wrapped around your finger like a knot. He’s mad, his pride hurts, and he is also dealing with the shit with his parents. He’ll come around.”
Before I can say anything, my phone signals a text. When I see that it’s from Jude, I almost drop my phone trying to open it as my heart pounds in my chest. Opening the text thought, my heart falls into my stomach and dissolves away from the acid in my gut.
He then tagged me, and seeing those words, his profile picture of us kissing after one of his games, has my lip wobbling and my heart aching. I want to lie back down, cover myself with the blanket and just cry myself stupid, but then I feel like I need to wash my face. Sitting up, I look over to find Reese and Phillip at the kitchen island, watching me.
Looking away, embarrassed, I say, “Sorry for coming over so late.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. You are always welcome here,” Reese says. “I laid you out some towels and got you some old clothes if you want to go shower.”
Nodding, I stand up and tuck my phone in my pocket. I don’t look at them as I pass, heading to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. Leaning against the door, a tear rolls down my face and I wipe it away before pulling out my phone. Clicking on my messages, I open a new text and type Jude’s name.
Me: Hey… I miss u. A lot. And I’m really sorry.
Unlike every other time, he doesn’t write back right away. When I get out of the shower after standing under the hot water for well over a half hour, I check and he still hasn’t written back. Maybe he had a rough night with his mom or something and he’s sleeping. When I look at the clock though, I see that it’s two in the afternoon. Cringing, I shake away the thoughts that come. I refuse to think that he’s moved on. He wouldn’t do that. He loves me. We’re just... Shit, he may love me, but that won’t keep him from finding someone else to fuck his pain away.
Picking my phone back up after dressing, I type:
Me: Please, Jude. Just talk to me. We can work this out.
Me: I love you.
Me: I don’t want to lose you.
When he still doesn’t answer me, I slide down the door and curl up in a ball on the floor, hugging my legs as the tears drip from my eyes and wet the Hogwarts pants I’m wearing. Swallowing back the sob that wants to escape, I cry, rocking back and forth as I stare at my phone. Waiting. Just for a response. I need one. I need to know he still loves me. I need to know he still wants me.
Closing my eyes, I rest my head on my knees and cry until Reese comes knocking on the bathroom door. “Claire, honey, you’ve been in there a while. Can you come out?”
I love how she doesn’t ask if I’m okay. I think she knows I’m devastated.
“Yeah,” I answer, standing up and tucking my phone in my pocket. Opening the door, she waits for me on the other side, a small smile on her face as she looks me over. I’m waiting for her to ask what happened, but a part of me thinks she knows. I think she knows that my lies caught up with me and that Jude did exactly what I feared.
He left me.
Reaching out, she laces her fingers with mine and asks, “Hungry?”
I shake my head, but my stomach betrays me and rumbles. She smiles as she pulls me against her side and says, “Well, maybe you can eat just to make me feel better.”
I shrug and lean my head against her shoulder as we make our way into the kitchen. Phillip is leaning against the counter, but that’s not what holds my gaze. His bags are by the door, which means he’s leaving. Looking up at him, I ask, “When do you leave?”
“Tonight,” he answers. “But I have time to find that kid and kill him.”
I’m not sure if he’s being serious or trying to make me laugh, so I just shake my head, sitting down at the island in front of a huge plate of waffles covered in my favorite strawberry sauce.
“No, don’t. It’s my fault.”
“What happened?” Reese asks, leaning her forearms on the island. “Did he find out about the club?”
Slowly I nod, my throat burning with emotion. “Yeah, he did, and it was bad,” I say and then I tell them what happened. They don’t say anything as I explain about his dad. I was sure that Phillip was going to lose his shit when I told him what Jude said about my being like my mom, but he surprises me and just listens.
“I mean, maybe I am, you know? Maybe I am just like her and I’m going to be alone and run through men thinking they’re each the love of my life. I should have known better, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him about the club. I knew that he wouldn’t like it,” I say, wiping away the few tears that have fallen.
Coming toward the island, Phillip says, “One: you aren’t your mother, not in the least.”
“He’s right,” Reese adds with a nod.
“And two: if he loves you, he’ll come around. Just give him time to process. I needed time and we’re fine.”
“But you have to love me,” I say, and he shakes his head.
“I know, but I didn’t have to forgive you. It’s not easy to forgive; you have to push aside your pride and believe that the person won’t hurt you again. That’s not an easy thing to do. Give him time.”
“I just don’t think he’ll come around. You didn’t see his eyes, they were hard, and my God, he was so upset.”
“Of course he was, Claire. Not only did he find out you lied to him, but his dad was cheating on his mom. That’s a lot to take in at once,” Reese says. “Give him a few days, see what happens.”
“Yeah,” I say with a nod. “Maybe, but what do I do till then? I drove myself crazy when you didn’t talk to me, and honestly, I don’t know if I can handle it from Jude. I’ve talked to him every minute of every day. When we weren’t together, we were texting. How do I just stop that?”
Reese reaches across the table, taking my hand in hers. “You have to be patient, just remember he is going through the same pain you are.”
“Or he’s sleeping with anything with tits,” I supply, and she gives me a dry look.
“I doubt that. When you truly love someone, you don’t get over them that quickly.”
“That’s the thing, though; how do I know he really loved me? I mean, he just ended it, didn’t even try to understand my reasoning or even care that I was sorry.”
Setting me with a look, Phillip says, “Do you really believe that he doesn’t love you? I may not like the guy, but even I know that’s crap, Claire. That kid worships the ground you walk on. You have him wrapped around your finger like a knot. He’s mad, his pride hurts, and he is also dealing with the shit with his parents. He’ll come around.”
Before I can say anything, my phone signals a text. When I see that it’s from Jude, I almost drop my phone trying to open it as my heart pounds in my chest. Opening the text thought, my heart falls into my stomach and dissolves away from the acid in my gut.
