Born in Ice
Page 103
“Oh, go away. Why did you come back here?”
“I forgot a few things.”
“There’s nothing here.”
“You’re here.” He knelt down, taking her hands to keep her from covering the tears. “Let me tell you a story. No, go on crying if you want,” he said when she tried to pull away. “But listen. I thought he had to leave.
McGee.”
“You’ve come back to talk to me about your book?”
“Let me tell you a story. I figured he had to leave. So what if he’d never cared for anyone the way he cared for Tullia. So what if she loved him, had changed him, changed his whole life. Completed it. They were miles apart in every other way, weren’t they?”
Patiently he watched another tear run down her cheek. She was struggling against them, he knew. And she was losing.
“He was a loner,” Gray continued. “Always had been. What the hell would he be doing, planting himself in some little cottage in the west of Ireland?
And she let him go, because she was too damn stubborn, too proud, and too much in love to ask him to stay.
“I worried over that,” he continued. “For weeks. It drove me crazy. And all the way to Dublin I chewed on it—figured I wouldn’t think of you if I was thinking of that. And I suddenly realized that he wouldn’t go, and she wouldn’t let him. Oh, they’d survive without each other, because they’re born survivors. But they’d never be whole. Not the way they were together. So I did a rewrite, right there in the lobby of the hotel in Dublin.”
She swallowed hard against tears and humiliation. “So you’ve solved your problem. Good for you.”
“One of them. You’re not going anywhere, Brianna.” He tightened his grip until she stopped dragging at her hands. “When I finished the rewrite, I thought, I’ll get a drink somewhere, and go to bed. Instead, I got in the car, turned around, and came back here. Because I forgot that I spent the happiest six months of my life here. I forgot that I wanted to hear you singing in the kitchen in the morning or see you out of the bedroom window. I forgot that surviving isn’t always enough. Look at me. Please.”
When she did, he rubbed one of her tears away with his thumb, then linked his hands with hers again. “And most of all, Brianna, I forgot to let myself tell you that I love you.”
She said nothing, couldn’t as her breath continued to hitch. But her eyes widened and two new tears plopped onto their joined hands.
“It was news to me, too,” he murmured. “More of a shock. I’m still not sure how to deal with it. I never wanted to feel this way about anyone, and it’s been easy to avoid it until you. It means strings, and responsibilities, and it means maybe I can live without you, but I’d never be whole without you.”
Gently he lifted their joined hands to his lips and tasted her tears. “I figured you’d gotten over me pretty quick with that send-off last night. That started me panicking. I was all set to beg when I came in and heard you crying. I have to say, it was music to my ears.”
“You wanted me to cry.”
“Maybe. Yeah.” He rose then, releasing her hands. “I figured if you’d done some sobbing on my shoulder last night, if you’d asked me not to leave you, I’d have stayed. Then I could have blamed you if I screwed things up.”
After a short laugh she wiped at her cheeks. “I’ve accommodated you, haven’t I?”
“Not really.” He turned back to look at her. She was so perfect, he realized, with her tidy apron, her hair slipping from its pins, and tears drying on her cheeks. “I had to come around to this on my own, so I’ve got no one else to blame if I mess it up. I want you to know I’m going to try hard not to mess it up.”
“You want to come back.” She gripped her hands tight together. It was so hard to hope.
“More or less. More, actually.” The panic was still there, brewing inside him. He only hoped it didn’t show. “I said I love you, Brianna.”
“I know. I remember.” She managed a smile as she rose. “You don’t forget the first time you hear it.”
“The first time I heard it was the first time I made love to you. I was hoping I’d hear it again.”
“I love you, Grayson. You know I do.”
“We’re going to see about that.” He reached into his pocket and took out a small box.
“You didn’t have to buy me a gift. You only had to come home.”
“I thought about that a lot, driving back from Dublin. Coming home. It’s the first time I have.” He handed her the box. “I’d like to make it a habit.”
She opened the box and, bracing a hand on the bed behind her, sat again.
“I harassed the manager of the hotel in Dublin until he had the gift shop opened. You Irish are so sentimental, I didn’t even have to bribe him.” He swallowed. “I thought I’d have better luck with a traditional ring. I want you to marry me, Brianna. I want us to make a home together.”
“Grayson—”
“I know I’m a bad bet,” he hurried on. “I don’t deserve you. But you love me anyway. I can work anywhere, and I can help you here, with the inn.”
As she looked at him, her heart simply overflowed. He loved her, wanted her, and would stay. “Grayson—”
“I’ll still have to travel some.” He plowed over her, terrified she’d refuse him. “But it wouldn’t be like before. And sometimes you could come with me. We’d always come back here, Brie. Always. This place, it means almost as much to me as it does to you.”
“I know. I—”
“You can’t know,” he interrupted. “I didn’t know myself until I’d left. It’s home. You’re home. Not a trap,” he murmured. “A sanctuary. A chance. I want to make a family here.” He dragged a hand through his hair as she stared at him. “Jesus, I want that. Children, long-term plans. A future. And knowing you’re right there, every night, every morning. No one could ever love you the way I do, Brianna. I want to pledge to you.” He drew an unsteady breath. “From this day, from this hour.”
“Oh, Grayson.” She choked out his name. Dreams, it seemed, could come true. “I’ve wanted—”
“I forgot a few things.”
“There’s nothing here.”
“You’re here.” He knelt down, taking her hands to keep her from covering the tears. “Let me tell you a story. No, go on crying if you want,” he said when she tried to pull away. “But listen. I thought he had to leave.
McGee.”
“You’ve come back to talk to me about your book?”
“Let me tell you a story. I figured he had to leave. So what if he’d never cared for anyone the way he cared for Tullia. So what if she loved him, had changed him, changed his whole life. Completed it. They were miles apart in every other way, weren’t they?”
Patiently he watched another tear run down her cheek. She was struggling against them, he knew. And she was losing.
“He was a loner,” Gray continued. “Always had been. What the hell would he be doing, planting himself in some little cottage in the west of Ireland?
And she let him go, because she was too damn stubborn, too proud, and too much in love to ask him to stay.
“I worried over that,” he continued. “For weeks. It drove me crazy. And all the way to Dublin I chewed on it—figured I wouldn’t think of you if I was thinking of that. And I suddenly realized that he wouldn’t go, and she wouldn’t let him. Oh, they’d survive without each other, because they’re born survivors. But they’d never be whole. Not the way they were together. So I did a rewrite, right there in the lobby of the hotel in Dublin.”
She swallowed hard against tears and humiliation. “So you’ve solved your problem. Good for you.”
“One of them. You’re not going anywhere, Brianna.” He tightened his grip until she stopped dragging at her hands. “When I finished the rewrite, I thought, I’ll get a drink somewhere, and go to bed. Instead, I got in the car, turned around, and came back here. Because I forgot that I spent the happiest six months of my life here. I forgot that I wanted to hear you singing in the kitchen in the morning or see you out of the bedroom window. I forgot that surviving isn’t always enough. Look at me. Please.”
When she did, he rubbed one of her tears away with his thumb, then linked his hands with hers again. “And most of all, Brianna, I forgot to let myself tell you that I love you.”
She said nothing, couldn’t as her breath continued to hitch. But her eyes widened and two new tears plopped onto their joined hands.
“It was news to me, too,” he murmured. “More of a shock. I’m still not sure how to deal with it. I never wanted to feel this way about anyone, and it’s been easy to avoid it until you. It means strings, and responsibilities, and it means maybe I can live without you, but I’d never be whole without you.”
Gently he lifted their joined hands to his lips and tasted her tears. “I figured you’d gotten over me pretty quick with that send-off last night. That started me panicking. I was all set to beg when I came in and heard you crying. I have to say, it was music to my ears.”
“You wanted me to cry.”
“Maybe. Yeah.” He rose then, releasing her hands. “I figured if you’d done some sobbing on my shoulder last night, if you’d asked me not to leave you, I’d have stayed. Then I could have blamed you if I screwed things up.”
After a short laugh she wiped at her cheeks. “I’ve accommodated you, haven’t I?”
“Not really.” He turned back to look at her. She was so perfect, he realized, with her tidy apron, her hair slipping from its pins, and tears drying on her cheeks. “I had to come around to this on my own, so I’ve got no one else to blame if I mess it up. I want you to know I’m going to try hard not to mess it up.”
“You want to come back.” She gripped her hands tight together. It was so hard to hope.
“More or less. More, actually.” The panic was still there, brewing inside him. He only hoped it didn’t show. “I said I love you, Brianna.”
“I know. I remember.” She managed a smile as she rose. “You don’t forget the first time you hear it.”
“The first time I heard it was the first time I made love to you. I was hoping I’d hear it again.”
“I love you, Grayson. You know I do.”
“We’re going to see about that.” He reached into his pocket and took out a small box.
“You didn’t have to buy me a gift. You only had to come home.”
“I thought about that a lot, driving back from Dublin. Coming home. It’s the first time I have.” He handed her the box. “I’d like to make it a habit.”
She opened the box and, bracing a hand on the bed behind her, sat again.
“I harassed the manager of the hotel in Dublin until he had the gift shop opened. You Irish are so sentimental, I didn’t even have to bribe him.” He swallowed. “I thought I’d have better luck with a traditional ring. I want you to marry me, Brianna. I want us to make a home together.”
“Grayson—”
“I know I’m a bad bet,” he hurried on. “I don’t deserve you. But you love me anyway. I can work anywhere, and I can help you here, with the inn.”
As she looked at him, her heart simply overflowed. He loved her, wanted her, and would stay. “Grayson—”
“I’ll still have to travel some.” He plowed over her, terrified she’d refuse him. “But it wouldn’t be like before. And sometimes you could come with me. We’d always come back here, Brie. Always. This place, it means almost as much to me as it does to you.”
“I know. I—”
“You can’t know,” he interrupted. “I didn’t know myself until I’d left. It’s home. You’re home. Not a trap,” he murmured. “A sanctuary. A chance. I want to make a family here.” He dragged a hand through his hair as she stared at him. “Jesus, I want that. Children, long-term plans. A future. And knowing you’re right there, every night, every morning. No one could ever love you the way I do, Brianna. I want to pledge to you.” He drew an unsteady breath. “From this day, from this hour.”
“Oh, Grayson.” She choked out his name. Dreams, it seemed, could come true. “I’ve wanted—”
