Born in Shame
Page 64
“Look, there’s a magpie.” She lifted her hand to point as the bird darted low over the field. “That’s right, isn’t it? Brianna showed me.”
“That’s right. Look there, quick. Two more.” Pleased at his luck, he swung his arm around her shoulders. “One is for sorrow,” he told her. “Two is for mirth. Three for a wedding, and four for a birth.”
She watched the flight and cleared her throat. “Murphy, I know you have very strong feelings, and—”
He lifted her up and set her over the next wall. “I’m in love with you,” he said easily. “If that’s what you’re meaning.”
“Yes, that’s what I mean.” She had to be careful, she realized, as her own emotions had gone so much deeper than she’d ever intended. “And I think I understand how you believe that should progress. Taking your personality, your culture, and your religion into account.”
“You’ve a wonderful way of cluttering things up with words. What you mean is I want to marry you.”
“Oh, Murphy.”
“I’m not asking you at the moment,” he pointed out. “What I’m doing is enjoying a morning walk with you and looking forward to seeing you again in the evening.”
She slid him a glance, saw he was studying her. “So, we can keep it simple?”
“There’s nothing simpler. Here. Let me kiss you before we’re in Brie’s garden.”
He turned her into his arms, lowered his head, and melted her heart. “One more,” she whispered and drew him back.
“I’ll call for you.” He made the effort and released her. “I’d take you out to dinner, but—”
“Your family’s here,” she finished. “I understand.”
“They’ll be gone tomorrow. If you wouldn’t feel awkward with Brie, I’d like if you’d spend the night with me then, in my bed.”
“No. I wouldn’t feel awkward.”
“Till later then.” He kissed her fingertips and left her on the edge of the garden where the roses were still damp with dew.
Humming to herself, she crossed the lawn, let herself in the back door. Only to come up short when she saw Brianna measuring up coffee at the stove.
“Oh, hi.” Unaware of the foolish grin on her face, Shannon stuck her hands in her trouser pockets. “You’re up early.”
Brianna only lifted a brow. She’d been up half an hour, the same time as she was up nearly every morning of her life. “Kayla wanted breakfast.”
Shannon glanced at the clock in surprise. “I guess it’s a little later than I thought. I was just . . . out.”
“So I gathered. Didn’t Murphy want to come in for coffee?”
“No, he—” She broke off, blew out a breath. “I guess we weren’t very discreet.”
“You could say I’m not surprised to see you coming in now when I saw the way you looked when you walked out with him last night.” Since the coffee was brewing, Brianna turned around. “You look happy.”
“Do I?” She laughed, then gave into impulse and rushed over to throw her arms around Brianna. “I must be. I must be idiotically happy. I just spent the night with a man in a horse pasture. Me. In a horse pasture. It’s incredible.”
“I’m happy for you.” Brianna held tight, moved by this first free burst of affection of sister for sister. “For both of you. He’s a special man, Murphy. I’ve hoped for a long time he’d find someone as special.”
Shannon clung for another minute. “Brianna, it isn’t quite like that. I care for him. I care for him very much. I couldn’t have been with him if I didn’t.”
“I know. I understand that very well.”
“But I’m not like you.” Shannon stepped back, hoping to explain to Brianna what she needed to explain to herself. “I’m not like you or Maggie. I’m not looking to settle down here, get married, and raise a family. I have other ambitions.”
The trouble had already come into Brianna’s eyes before she lowered them. “He’s very much in love with you.”
“I know. And I’m not sure that I’m not in love with him.” She turned away, thinking to keep her balance in movement. “But love isn’t always enough to build a life on. You and I should understand that, because of our parents. I’ve tried to explain this to Murphy, and can only hope I have. Because the last thing I want to do is hurt him.”
“And you don’t think you’ll hurt yourself by turning away from your heart?”
“I have my head to think about, too.”
Brianna reached into a cupboard for cups and saucers. “That’s true. It’s all of you that has to decide what’s right. And it’s hard when one part of you tugs away from the other.”
“You do understand.” Grateful, Shannon laid a hand on her shoulder. “You really do.”
“Of course. For Murphy it’s easy. He has no questions about his thoughts or feelings or needs. They’re all you. For you it’s not so simple. So you have to take your happiness as it comes, and not question every step of it.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. Not just with Murphy. I’m happy, Brianna,” she said softly, “with you.”
“It means more than I can say to hear you say that.” With the love easing gently through her, Brianna turned and smiled. “To know you could say it. It’s a fine morning.”
“It’s a great morning.” Shannon caught Brianna’s hands and squeezed. “The best morning. I’m going to go change.”
“Take your coffee with you.” Blinking at tears, Brianna poured a cup. “I’ll fix you breakfast before church.”
“No. I’ll take the coffee,” Shannon said and did so. “And I’ll go change. Then I’ll come back and help you fix breakfast.”
“But—”
“I’m not a guest here anymore.”
This time Brianna’s eyes filled before she could stop them. “No, you’re not. Well, be smart about it then,” she ordered and turned briskly to pour herself tea. “Those that are will be rising soon.”
Gray waited until Shannon had left the kitchen before he stepped in himself. He crossed over and gathered his quietly weeping wife into his arms.
“That’s right. Look there, quick. Two more.” Pleased at his luck, he swung his arm around her shoulders. “One is for sorrow,” he told her. “Two is for mirth. Three for a wedding, and four for a birth.”
She watched the flight and cleared her throat. “Murphy, I know you have very strong feelings, and—”
He lifted her up and set her over the next wall. “I’m in love with you,” he said easily. “If that’s what you’re meaning.”
“Yes, that’s what I mean.” She had to be careful, she realized, as her own emotions had gone so much deeper than she’d ever intended. “And I think I understand how you believe that should progress. Taking your personality, your culture, and your religion into account.”
“You’ve a wonderful way of cluttering things up with words. What you mean is I want to marry you.”
“Oh, Murphy.”
“I’m not asking you at the moment,” he pointed out. “What I’m doing is enjoying a morning walk with you and looking forward to seeing you again in the evening.”
She slid him a glance, saw he was studying her. “So, we can keep it simple?”
“There’s nothing simpler. Here. Let me kiss you before we’re in Brie’s garden.”
He turned her into his arms, lowered his head, and melted her heart. “One more,” she whispered and drew him back.
“I’ll call for you.” He made the effort and released her. “I’d take you out to dinner, but—”
“Your family’s here,” she finished. “I understand.”
“They’ll be gone tomorrow. If you wouldn’t feel awkward with Brie, I’d like if you’d spend the night with me then, in my bed.”
“No. I wouldn’t feel awkward.”
“Till later then.” He kissed her fingertips and left her on the edge of the garden where the roses were still damp with dew.
Humming to herself, she crossed the lawn, let herself in the back door. Only to come up short when she saw Brianna measuring up coffee at the stove.
“Oh, hi.” Unaware of the foolish grin on her face, Shannon stuck her hands in her trouser pockets. “You’re up early.”
Brianna only lifted a brow. She’d been up half an hour, the same time as she was up nearly every morning of her life. “Kayla wanted breakfast.”
Shannon glanced at the clock in surprise. “I guess it’s a little later than I thought. I was just . . . out.”
“So I gathered. Didn’t Murphy want to come in for coffee?”
“No, he—” She broke off, blew out a breath. “I guess we weren’t very discreet.”
“You could say I’m not surprised to see you coming in now when I saw the way you looked when you walked out with him last night.” Since the coffee was brewing, Brianna turned around. “You look happy.”
“Do I?” She laughed, then gave into impulse and rushed over to throw her arms around Brianna. “I must be. I must be idiotically happy. I just spent the night with a man in a horse pasture. Me. In a horse pasture. It’s incredible.”
“I’m happy for you.” Brianna held tight, moved by this first free burst of affection of sister for sister. “For both of you. He’s a special man, Murphy. I’ve hoped for a long time he’d find someone as special.”
Shannon clung for another minute. “Brianna, it isn’t quite like that. I care for him. I care for him very much. I couldn’t have been with him if I didn’t.”
“I know. I understand that very well.”
“But I’m not like you.” Shannon stepped back, hoping to explain to Brianna what she needed to explain to herself. “I’m not like you or Maggie. I’m not looking to settle down here, get married, and raise a family. I have other ambitions.”
The trouble had already come into Brianna’s eyes before she lowered them. “He’s very much in love with you.”
“I know. And I’m not sure that I’m not in love with him.” She turned away, thinking to keep her balance in movement. “But love isn’t always enough to build a life on. You and I should understand that, because of our parents. I’ve tried to explain this to Murphy, and can only hope I have. Because the last thing I want to do is hurt him.”
“And you don’t think you’ll hurt yourself by turning away from your heart?”
“I have my head to think about, too.”
Brianna reached into a cupboard for cups and saucers. “That’s true. It’s all of you that has to decide what’s right. And it’s hard when one part of you tugs away from the other.”
“You do understand.” Grateful, Shannon laid a hand on her shoulder. “You really do.”
“Of course. For Murphy it’s easy. He has no questions about his thoughts or feelings or needs. They’re all you. For you it’s not so simple. So you have to take your happiness as it comes, and not question every step of it.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. Not just with Murphy. I’m happy, Brianna,” she said softly, “with you.”
“It means more than I can say to hear you say that.” With the love easing gently through her, Brianna turned and smiled. “To know you could say it. It’s a fine morning.”
“It’s a great morning.” Shannon caught Brianna’s hands and squeezed. “The best morning. I’m going to go change.”
“Take your coffee with you.” Blinking at tears, Brianna poured a cup. “I’ll fix you breakfast before church.”
“No. I’ll take the coffee,” Shannon said and did so. “And I’ll go change. Then I’ll come back and help you fix breakfast.”
“But—”
“I’m not a guest here anymore.”
This time Brianna’s eyes filled before she could stop them. “No, you’re not. Well, be smart about it then,” she ordered and turned briskly to pour herself tea. “Those that are will be rising soon.”
Gray waited until Shannon had left the kitchen before he stepped in himself. He crossed over and gathered his quietly weeping wife into his arms.
