Boys South of the Mason Dixon
Page 36
“No, Steel, I’m not. Asher doesn’t want me. He made that clear to me. I broke it off with you because you deserve to be loved by someone who is not me. With their whole heart, and not only half of one.”
He released a nasty laugh. “Yeah. Fuck that. I don’t want anything to do with love. I’m over it. I can drink and fuck my way through life. Sounds a helluva lot more fun than dating you.”
I tried to hide the humiliation he made me feel with his words because Steel had more substance than that. He was kind and could love someone for life. Steel could give a woman a home and a family. I knew that. It had been one of the reasons why letting him go had been so hard. But that woman should be able to offer the same in return. I’d never been able to do that with him. His brother always stood between us and would’ve probably stayed there forever.
“You’re meant for more than bars and one-night stands.”
He stared off down the road as the cars whizzed by, “I thought so, too, but you know what, Dix, I think I’ll like bars and a different woman every night just fine. That actually sounds good to me.”
I guessed all men needed to be a little reckless before they finally settled down. This might have been Steel’s time to have a taste of that life. But I knew it wouldn’t make him happy. At least not forever. Daddy always said a man sowed his wild oats before he realized that the love of one woman was all he needed to thrive. When I’d been with Asher and thought we’d always be together, Daddy would warn me outright, “Don’t be planning a wedding and babies, Dixie. That boy has wild oats to sow before he’s ready for that. He goes out and comes back to you in the end, then it’s a love you can trust. You need to date other men, too. Might be more to life than Asher Sutton.”
I hated hearing him tell me that. I would roll my eyes and ignore it. I couldn’t stand the idea of Asher being with anyone else. But that was when I thought fairytales came true, when I believed Asher was my future. My focus then returned to Steel, “Then I guess you can go see if that’s the life you want. It’s not my place to tell you what is right for you. You’re a grown man.”
He turned to me, straightening his torso. “I just might thank you one day. For breaking my fuckin’ heart.”
I had nothing to say to that. He began walking toward the town center. Or rather, swaying toward it. I considered following him, calling Dallas maybe to yank Steel from the street, when Asher’s blue truck suddenly emerged from around the corner. The Sutton boys always took care of their own. I was no longer needed so I climbed in my Jeep and quickly drove away. Asher didn’t want to see me. Steel even less. He’d said what he couldn’t say sober.
I also felt a little better. This morning left me raw, the wound remaining wide open, but Steel’s words made sure that it would begin to heal. Steel had been an important part of my life for a year. We’d become a couple. And I wanted us to work, until Asher came back. Now I knew that had been a lie all along. Steel would now be a part of my past, and maybe one day I could remember this and not feel sad about it. But that’d be a while from now.
Leaving this town was my only option. I had to make a new life somewhere else. I didn’t want to leave my parents. I hadn’t wanted to leave Scarlet either, but now she’d left me. I liked this place, I loved my home, but my life here had always been intertwined with the Sutton boys.
A new town with new friends and a new independence would help me get on with my life. I’d tell Daddy tonight I was ready to commit to Clemson in the fall. He could pay the tuition and I’d start making plans to leave Malroy in August. My chest felt heavy from knowing I had to leave. Even though Asher would be leaving soon and finishing his last year at Florida, this town was still my connection to him. It was the place where he’d been mine.
I looked in the rearview mirror as I came to a stop at the red light. Asher was outside his truck talking to Steel who was now more animated and yelling at Asher, while Asher remained calm and relaxed. Right now, they had to be both wishing they’d never met me. Dixie Monroe had been nothing but a problem. But soon I’d be gone and they’d be rid of me for good.
Asher Sutton
THIS WASN’T OVER with Steel. He’d cursed me, drunkenly ranted, and then asked for Brent to come get him. I left him there with him. Brent was probably who he needed right now. They both were hurting. They both needed to drink and forget. They could drown their sorrows together. Hopefully, they wouldn’t both wake up next to women they didn’t know. But then maybe that was what they needed after all. As long as they stayed away from the married ones. Bray was infamous for messing around with married women he didn’t realize were married. It was a miracle he hadn’t been shot yet. Brent and Steel were hurting, but they were both more cautious than Bray.
I didn’t want to go home and talk about Steel. He could tell them what he wanted when he was sober enough. What I needed right now was silence and my thoughts, but I knew I wouldn’t find any peace. As I turned my truck onto the dirt road that led to the lake connecting our land to the Monroe’s working farm, one that no one used unless Luke was fishing. At least not anymore. My brothers and I used to swim and fish there as kids, but those days were long gone.
It had also been the spot where I’d taken Dixie’s innocence. She’d told me she loved me along that grassy bank. I’d told her I loved her, too, holding her naked body snugly against mine for the very first time. Most would say any teenage boy would declare love when he had a naked female in his arms. But I knew this moment had been special. It had been honest and real. I’d known I loved her before that moment. It had just fallen from my lips as emotions washed over me like a tidal wave. She hadn’t been my first, but she was my one.
I turned off my truck lights and sat there in the dark watching the moonlight dance across the water. Dad taught us to swim here. There were nights when I was away that I’d close my eyes and think of just sitting here. Recalling good days made me less homesick, but it also kept breaking my heart.
All of a sudden, movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to see Dixie standing several feet away. She’d been sitting. I hadn’t noticed. But she was leaving now. I should let her go. It was best for both of us. The right thing to do. But I couldn’t. Not here and not right now. Not when some of my best memories came from this place. Here, I felt weak, my soul longing for what it couldn’t have. I got out of my truck and walked to her. She stopped, didn’t move, her gaze locked on me. The moonshine seemed to draw a bright halo around her, as if she didn’t belong to the night.
“You come here often?” I asked. It was something I wondered about often. We had so many memories here. Did Dixie think of me when she came to the lake?
“Yes, sometimes . . . some times more than others.”
She didn’t have to explain that to me. After this morning with Steel, I imagined she needed to be alone, much like I did now.
“You did the right thing,” I told her.
“I know,” she replied, not needing my approval. “But it was the hardest thing to do.”
“I wasn’t being condescending. If you’re out here worried about the shape you found him in earlier, drunk in the middle of town . . . he’ll be okay.”
She gazed back to the water, her eyes no longer on mine. “He hates me now, maybe he always will, but he said today he might thank me in the future. I don’t think he meant it, but I’ll hope and pray that’s the case. Have to hold on to that.”
He released a nasty laugh. “Yeah. Fuck that. I don’t want anything to do with love. I’m over it. I can drink and fuck my way through life. Sounds a helluva lot more fun than dating you.”
I tried to hide the humiliation he made me feel with his words because Steel had more substance than that. He was kind and could love someone for life. Steel could give a woman a home and a family. I knew that. It had been one of the reasons why letting him go had been so hard. But that woman should be able to offer the same in return. I’d never been able to do that with him. His brother always stood between us and would’ve probably stayed there forever.
“You’re meant for more than bars and one-night stands.”
He stared off down the road as the cars whizzed by, “I thought so, too, but you know what, Dix, I think I’ll like bars and a different woman every night just fine. That actually sounds good to me.”
I guessed all men needed to be a little reckless before they finally settled down. This might have been Steel’s time to have a taste of that life. But I knew it wouldn’t make him happy. At least not forever. Daddy always said a man sowed his wild oats before he realized that the love of one woman was all he needed to thrive. When I’d been with Asher and thought we’d always be together, Daddy would warn me outright, “Don’t be planning a wedding and babies, Dixie. That boy has wild oats to sow before he’s ready for that. He goes out and comes back to you in the end, then it’s a love you can trust. You need to date other men, too. Might be more to life than Asher Sutton.”
I hated hearing him tell me that. I would roll my eyes and ignore it. I couldn’t stand the idea of Asher being with anyone else. But that was when I thought fairytales came true, when I believed Asher was my future. My focus then returned to Steel, “Then I guess you can go see if that’s the life you want. It’s not my place to tell you what is right for you. You’re a grown man.”
He turned to me, straightening his torso. “I just might thank you one day. For breaking my fuckin’ heart.”
I had nothing to say to that. He began walking toward the town center. Or rather, swaying toward it. I considered following him, calling Dallas maybe to yank Steel from the street, when Asher’s blue truck suddenly emerged from around the corner. The Sutton boys always took care of their own. I was no longer needed so I climbed in my Jeep and quickly drove away. Asher didn’t want to see me. Steel even less. He’d said what he couldn’t say sober.
I also felt a little better. This morning left me raw, the wound remaining wide open, but Steel’s words made sure that it would begin to heal. Steel had been an important part of my life for a year. We’d become a couple. And I wanted us to work, until Asher came back. Now I knew that had been a lie all along. Steel would now be a part of my past, and maybe one day I could remember this and not feel sad about it. But that’d be a while from now.
Leaving this town was my only option. I had to make a new life somewhere else. I didn’t want to leave my parents. I hadn’t wanted to leave Scarlet either, but now she’d left me. I liked this place, I loved my home, but my life here had always been intertwined with the Sutton boys.
A new town with new friends and a new independence would help me get on with my life. I’d tell Daddy tonight I was ready to commit to Clemson in the fall. He could pay the tuition and I’d start making plans to leave Malroy in August. My chest felt heavy from knowing I had to leave. Even though Asher would be leaving soon and finishing his last year at Florida, this town was still my connection to him. It was the place where he’d been mine.
I looked in the rearview mirror as I came to a stop at the red light. Asher was outside his truck talking to Steel who was now more animated and yelling at Asher, while Asher remained calm and relaxed. Right now, they had to be both wishing they’d never met me. Dixie Monroe had been nothing but a problem. But soon I’d be gone and they’d be rid of me for good.
Asher Sutton
THIS WASN’T OVER with Steel. He’d cursed me, drunkenly ranted, and then asked for Brent to come get him. I left him there with him. Brent was probably who he needed right now. They both were hurting. They both needed to drink and forget. They could drown their sorrows together. Hopefully, they wouldn’t both wake up next to women they didn’t know. But then maybe that was what they needed after all. As long as they stayed away from the married ones. Bray was infamous for messing around with married women he didn’t realize were married. It was a miracle he hadn’t been shot yet. Brent and Steel were hurting, but they were both more cautious than Bray.
I didn’t want to go home and talk about Steel. He could tell them what he wanted when he was sober enough. What I needed right now was silence and my thoughts, but I knew I wouldn’t find any peace. As I turned my truck onto the dirt road that led to the lake connecting our land to the Monroe’s working farm, one that no one used unless Luke was fishing. At least not anymore. My brothers and I used to swim and fish there as kids, but those days were long gone.
It had also been the spot where I’d taken Dixie’s innocence. She’d told me she loved me along that grassy bank. I’d told her I loved her, too, holding her naked body snugly against mine for the very first time. Most would say any teenage boy would declare love when he had a naked female in his arms. But I knew this moment had been special. It had been honest and real. I’d known I loved her before that moment. It had just fallen from my lips as emotions washed over me like a tidal wave. She hadn’t been my first, but she was my one.
I turned off my truck lights and sat there in the dark watching the moonlight dance across the water. Dad taught us to swim here. There were nights when I was away that I’d close my eyes and think of just sitting here. Recalling good days made me less homesick, but it also kept breaking my heart.
All of a sudden, movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to see Dixie standing several feet away. She’d been sitting. I hadn’t noticed. But she was leaving now. I should let her go. It was best for both of us. The right thing to do. But I couldn’t. Not here and not right now. Not when some of my best memories came from this place. Here, I felt weak, my soul longing for what it couldn’t have. I got out of my truck and walked to her. She stopped, didn’t move, her gaze locked on me. The moonshine seemed to draw a bright halo around her, as if she didn’t belong to the night.
“You come here often?” I asked. It was something I wondered about often. We had so many memories here. Did Dixie think of me when she came to the lake?
“Yes, sometimes . . . some times more than others.”
She didn’t have to explain that to me. After this morning with Steel, I imagined she needed to be alone, much like I did now.
“You did the right thing,” I told her.
“I know,” she replied, not needing my approval. “But it was the hardest thing to do.”
“I wasn’t being condescending. If you’re out here worried about the shape you found him in earlier, drunk in the middle of town . . . he’ll be okay.”
She gazed back to the water, her eyes no longer on mine. “He hates me now, maybe he always will, but he said today he might thank me in the future. I don’t think he meant it, but I’ll hope and pray that’s the case. Have to hold on to that.”
