Break
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“Jessica, you only need to say so and we’ll stop right now.”
“No, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
All common sense flew out the window. Who cared if he paid me? My body was screaming for him. My hands moved across his thighs and felt his hardness like an iron rod in his slacks. I unzipped his pants and he fell into my hands, thick and heavy. Luke’s briefs slid to the floor as I straddled his trim waist, my breast throbbing with my heartbeat.
“Wait.” He grabbed a little square packet from what seemed like nowhere and ripped it open, rolling the thin latex over his throbbing member.
Then he looked at me, not moving a muscle. It was all up to me, then. I felt a surge of—I don’t know what—freedom? For the first time, I had complete control. He was giving it to me. I raised my hips over his thick thighs and sunk downwards. Then his hips pressed upwards and he was spearing me, splitting me open. I gripped his hair so hard that he grunted in pain. It was painful—shocking, almost as if I was a virgin again. For what seemed like forever, I slowly sank down, gradually admitting more of him inside me as my walls parted.
“Jessica,” he moaned against my breast, his cavernous mouth opening to swallow my breast. Heat exploded over my skin.
God, he felt good. I slowly raised my hips, feeling his cock sliding out before I plummeted back down, so suddenly that we both gasped. Every thrust made my toes curl, he began to hold my hips and thrust upwards as he met my downward plunges. We connected with a satisfying, wet smack and our mouths met each other in a series of desperate, breathless kisses. I increased the rhythm, groaning as his cock pounded my sensitive core. All of the sounds of sex and his deep voice uttering little moans all whirled inside my head, bringing me higher and higher. My nails dug into his shoulder as the pace quickened. Every nerve inside me screamed for release, and his hot hands gripping my hips and his mouth and his skin, slightly damp under my hands—all of it combined suddenly and I cried out as I felt him plunge my depths one last time. I gripped his head, feeling his thighs flexing under me as I leaned into him and my body shattered. All the energy left my body to be replaced by warm, exhausted happiness.
Luke let out a long moan that made my heart thud against my chest and then his cock jumped inside me. I collapsed against his heaving chest, paralyzed with happiness. As I looked up at him and stroked his hair, it was almost in a loving caress. He kissed me long and hard, his hands still moving all over my body. He broke away, still breathing heavily.
“I needed this.” He gave me another smoldering look before he kissed my neck wetly. “You make me want to go again.”
I couldn’t say how much his words thrilled me, and for the second time I felt afraid. I was giving too much of myself to this man. I looked at him and knew that I would be devastated when we parted ways. Was this love or was it just infatuation?
He sighed into my neck. “I’m getting really confused about our arrangement. I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Does it feel like a bad idea?”
“Well, no.”
“Then why can’t we enjoy it? I’m already too attached to you anyways. It’s going to hurt no matter what.”
His eyes were shining. He cupped my cheek and didn’t look away. “Oh, Jessica.”
I hated the softness in his voice. He didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t have to. His face was full of regret. I slipped from his lap, tears already falling down my face as I bent down and gathered my clothes.
“Jessica. Jessica, wait!”
I ran into the bathroom to escape him and then I looked at my crumpled face and sobbed. He doesn’t want me like I want him. I remembered that the whole point of this was to help Luke. He was paying me a huge sum of money to help him and I had no right to be upset. Luke had said from the beginning that this was never going to be anything more than a two-dimensional relationship. I needed to accept that.
“Jessica, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have—”
I ripped open the bathroom door as rage exploded in my stomach. I was still naked, but Luke had pulled on his pants. I didn’t even care how exposed I was. “Don’t you dare say that you shouldn’t have done it. Don’t tell me that it was a mistake. I’m not a mistake!”
There was a desperate plea in my voice that made me feel sick.
Luke looked horrified. “I wasn’t going to say that. Of course you’re not a mistake. Jessica?”
Suddenly, all of the anger deflated from my chest. I just wanted to curl in a ball under my sheets. It’s your fault for making me feel like I had a chance.
Luke hovered near the doorway, the conflict wreaking havoc on his face. He wanted to comfort me but he was afraid of upsetting me. “Look, we have to fly to Chicago tomorrow to visit my father at the hospice. I can’t put it off any longer. Can we please talk about this after that? I just felt so overwhelmed with my father and you made me feel good. You always make me feel good.”
His cheeks went a little pink and I hated myself for the hope soaring in my chest. I wiped the tears staining my cheeks and nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Luke hesitated, guilt written all over his face as he looked at me. “Okay.”
I looked in the mirror at my tear-stained face. Even if it amounted to nothing, I gained a victory tonight. I had sex with a man and it hadn’t been a disaster. It hadn’t been painful. It had been—nourishing.
Chapter 8
“I told you so,” Natalie said for the umpteenth time. “I said it right before you left. I knew this would happen.”
“Yeah, I know.”
The phone was hot on the side of my face and damp with my sweat. I paced the hotel suite and spoke in hushed whispers, careful to avoid Luke in the living room. I was long overdue for a phone call with my best friend, who wasted no time in telling me that she was right.
“I don’t care if you’re right. It’s worth it. I feel different, Natalie. I don’t know what it is, but he makes me feel better, even if it’s temporary.”
Natalie’s voice was soft. “Well, he seems like a decent person,” she admitted grudgingly. “I’m happy for you, but at the same time I’m worried that this is going to blow up in your face. I don’t think you’ll feel so great when he ditches you.”
I yanked my hair. “We’re not together. He can’t ditch me.”
I could hear her rolling her eyes at me.
“No, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
All common sense flew out the window. Who cared if he paid me? My body was screaming for him. My hands moved across his thighs and felt his hardness like an iron rod in his slacks. I unzipped his pants and he fell into my hands, thick and heavy. Luke’s briefs slid to the floor as I straddled his trim waist, my breast throbbing with my heartbeat.
“Wait.” He grabbed a little square packet from what seemed like nowhere and ripped it open, rolling the thin latex over his throbbing member.
Then he looked at me, not moving a muscle. It was all up to me, then. I felt a surge of—I don’t know what—freedom? For the first time, I had complete control. He was giving it to me. I raised my hips over his thick thighs and sunk downwards. Then his hips pressed upwards and he was spearing me, splitting me open. I gripped his hair so hard that he grunted in pain. It was painful—shocking, almost as if I was a virgin again. For what seemed like forever, I slowly sank down, gradually admitting more of him inside me as my walls parted.
“Jessica,” he moaned against my breast, his cavernous mouth opening to swallow my breast. Heat exploded over my skin.
God, he felt good. I slowly raised my hips, feeling his cock sliding out before I plummeted back down, so suddenly that we both gasped. Every thrust made my toes curl, he began to hold my hips and thrust upwards as he met my downward plunges. We connected with a satisfying, wet smack and our mouths met each other in a series of desperate, breathless kisses. I increased the rhythm, groaning as his cock pounded my sensitive core. All of the sounds of sex and his deep voice uttering little moans all whirled inside my head, bringing me higher and higher. My nails dug into his shoulder as the pace quickened. Every nerve inside me screamed for release, and his hot hands gripping my hips and his mouth and his skin, slightly damp under my hands—all of it combined suddenly and I cried out as I felt him plunge my depths one last time. I gripped his head, feeling his thighs flexing under me as I leaned into him and my body shattered. All the energy left my body to be replaced by warm, exhausted happiness.
Luke let out a long moan that made my heart thud against my chest and then his cock jumped inside me. I collapsed against his heaving chest, paralyzed with happiness. As I looked up at him and stroked his hair, it was almost in a loving caress. He kissed me long and hard, his hands still moving all over my body. He broke away, still breathing heavily.
“I needed this.” He gave me another smoldering look before he kissed my neck wetly. “You make me want to go again.”
I couldn’t say how much his words thrilled me, and for the second time I felt afraid. I was giving too much of myself to this man. I looked at him and knew that I would be devastated when we parted ways. Was this love or was it just infatuation?
He sighed into my neck. “I’m getting really confused about our arrangement. I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Does it feel like a bad idea?”
“Well, no.”
“Then why can’t we enjoy it? I’m already too attached to you anyways. It’s going to hurt no matter what.”
His eyes were shining. He cupped my cheek and didn’t look away. “Oh, Jessica.”
I hated the softness in his voice. He didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t have to. His face was full of regret. I slipped from his lap, tears already falling down my face as I bent down and gathered my clothes.
“Jessica. Jessica, wait!”
I ran into the bathroom to escape him and then I looked at my crumpled face and sobbed. He doesn’t want me like I want him. I remembered that the whole point of this was to help Luke. He was paying me a huge sum of money to help him and I had no right to be upset. Luke had said from the beginning that this was never going to be anything more than a two-dimensional relationship. I needed to accept that.
“Jessica, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have—”
I ripped open the bathroom door as rage exploded in my stomach. I was still naked, but Luke had pulled on his pants. I didn’t even care how exposed I was. “Don’t you dare say that you shouldn’t have done it. Don’t tell me that it was a mistake. I’m not a mistake!”
There was a desperate plea in my voice that made me feel sick.
Luke looked horrified. “I wasn’t going to say that. Of course you’re not a mistake. Jessica?”
Suddenly, all of the anger deflated from my chest. I just wanted to curl in a ball under my sheets. It’s your fault for making me feel like I had a chance.
Luke hovered near the doorway, the conflict wreaking havoc on his face. He wanted to comfort me but he was afraid of upsetting me. “Look, we have to fly to Chicago tomorrow to visit my father at the hospice. I can’t put it off any longer. Can we please talk about this after that? I just felt so overwhelmed with my father and you made me feel good. You always make me feel good.”
His cheeks went a little pink and I hated myself for the hope soaring in my chest. I wiped the tears staining my cheeks and nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Luke hesitated, guilt written all over his face as he looked at me. “Okay.”
I looked in the mirror at my tear-stained face. Even if it amounted to nothing, I gained a victory tonight. I had sex with a man and it hadn’t been a disaster. It hadn’t been painful. It had been—nourishing.
Chapter 8
“I told you so,” Natalie said for the umpteenth time. “I said it right before you left. I knew this would happen.”
“Yeah, I know.”
The phone was hot on the side of my face and damp with my sweat. I paced the hotel suite and spoke in hushed whispers, careful to avoid Luke in the living room. I was long overdue for a phone call with my best friend, who wasted no time in telling me that she was right.
“I don’t care if you’re right. It’s worth it. I feel different, Natalie. I don’t know what it is, but he makes me feel better, even if it’s temporary.”
Natalie’s voice was soft. “Well, he seems like a decent person,” she admitted grudgingly. “I’m happy for you, but at the same time I’m worried that this is going to blow up in your face. I don’t think you’ll feel so great when he ditches you.”
I yanked my hair. “We’re not together. He can’t ditch me.”
I could hear her rolling her eyes at me.
