Breakable
Page 26
Some clumsy dickhead bumped into her then, and I pushed off the wall as her backpack slid down her arm and hit the floor. She righted herself, twisting down as I picked it up. Her eyes flashed up to mine and I wanted nothing more than to shield her from every injury or discomfort she might ever encounter.
So not possible – this I knew.
‘Chivalry isn’t really dead, you know,’ I said, sliding the bag back on to her shoulder.
‘Oh?’ Her cheeks were tinged pink. It was cool outside this morning, but I gathered that her flush was due to embarrassment, not the slight November chill.
‘Nah. That guy’s just an ass**le.’ Lifting my chin towards the jerk who’d run into her without even a proper apology, I couldn’t help fixing her dick of an ex in my sights, too, before returning to her. ‘You okay?’
In her eyes, I read her recognition of this recurrent question, and I hated myself for constantly reminding her of that night, even if that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Maybe she couldn’t help but be reminded, no matter what I said or did. I needed nothing to trigger my personal nightmares, after all. They came indiscriminately, regardless of what I did to avoid them.
‘Yes, fine.’ Her voice was a deflated whisper as she glanced towards the doorway. Moore and his would-be conquest had gone inside, and she moved to follow her classmates. ‘Thank you.’
Her thank you reminded me of the rainy day I’d held the door for her. The first time I’d seen her up close, looked into her eyes, and admitted to myself that I wanted her.
Damn.
She didn’t glance back or notice that I entered the classroom behind her. From the last row, I leaned back in my seat and watched her takes notes as Heller covered the whiteboard with new material, her furrowed brow and general body language screaming not getting this. I shouldn’t have wanted her to need Landon Maxfield, but I knew she’d be emailing me later, and I was already anticipating the questions I wanted to ask her.
Then, leaning down to reach into her backpack, she looked directly back at me.
So, she knew I was in the class, and where I sat. She must have noticed me on Monday before I’d seen her standing there. She must have chosen not to sit next to me. She’d preferred to take a seat that required her to climb over the outstretched legs of a guy who napped in class at least once a week.
But she knew where I was, and she was curious enough to glance back. I tried to keep my expression level, but the edge of my mouth pulled into a smile, even as I fought it. She whipped her face forward, and didn’t look back again.
When Heller wrapped up for the day, I hightailed it out the back, while Jacqueline thumbed through her spiral and turned it towards the guy next to her.
Before I could escape the building, a student stopped me. She’d been in Heller’s class last spring, but had dropped. She’d signed up to try again, but wasn’t doing any better this semester. She never came to tutoring sessions, and the only time she’d asked for individual tutoring, she’d wanted to meet off campus. I’d said no to that, as we’d been trained to do.
‘So we can’t meet at my apartment?’ she asked, as if we hadn’t had this exact conversation a few months prior.
I sighed. ‘Nope. Sorry. On-campus tutoring only – university rules.’
Catching a strand of her long hair and winding it round her finger, she pouted her lower lip out. That act must work on some guys, or her parents, but it sure as hell had the opposite effect on me. My phone buzzed in the front pocket of my jeans. Jacqueline hadn’t left the classroom yet, and I wanted to leave the building before she came out. That probably wasn’t going to happen, now.
‘So it’s a group tutoring thing? And it lasts an hour?’
That hair wound tight round her finger, the girl in front of me swayed from one foot to the other, adding to my annoyance. I wanted to grab hold of her shoulders and make her stand still for the thirty seconds more I was giving this exchange. ‘Yeah. From one to two.’
She asked what I was doing after the tutoring session. As if she knew I wouldn’t tutor her off campus … but maybe I’d be game for hooking up. Jesus. Christ.
‘Work.’
‘You’re always working, Lucas.’
I couldn’t remember ever having the actual feeling of someone watching me before, so I wasn’t sure if that’s what it was. Maybe it was merely the fact that I knew she could be there. But I’d swear my skin heated and my muscles contracted and my breath hitched. I couldn’t keep my eyes from pulling up and zeroing in on Jacqueline Wallace in the crowd of people zigzagging through the hallway, as though I knew exactly where she’d be. As though she was the only other person in that hallway.
She was close enough that I could have taken four strides to reach her. I knew she’d heard my name. Now she thought I was Lucas, while she was emailing Landon. There was no reason for her to reconcile the two. In that split second, I was utterly relieved and then disgusted with myself and then torn right down the middle. Again.
Before I could move, she turned and disappeared into the flow of people, and I swear I felt her leave.
10
Landon
I walked to Melody’s house to give her the maps I’d drawn and the citations page I’d finished. I didn’t take into consideration what my face looked like before I went. Even though I’d showered away the blood and Grandpa had patched me up with a couple of bandages, my lip was swollen and split all the way through. The bruises would be there for a while.
Her older brother answered the door. I recognized him from school. He was a senior, on student council. Popular.
‘Who the f**k are you?’
‘Evan,’ a woman’s voice said, and her mom’s face appeared behind him, scowling.
‘Oh … my. Landon, is it? What – what do you want?’
Evan didn’t move. He stood glaring at me while his mother moved to his side as if the two of them were blocking me from entering. Which they were doing.
‘I, uh, was bringing these to Melody. For the presentation.’ I hadn’t thought this out well. I hadn’t texted her to say I was coming. I wanted to explain in person that I didn’t want to let her down. That the only reason this consequence – the suspension – bugged me at all was that fact.
Mrs Dover’s brow arched. ‘And you can’t just bring it to class yourself?’
I shook my head, eyes sliding to her shoulder. ‘I … won’t be at school Friday.’
So not possible – this I knew.
‘Chivalry isn’t really dead, you know,’ I said, sliding the bag back on to her shoulder.
‘Oh?’ Her cheeks were tinged pink. It was cool outside this morning, but I gathered that her flush was due to embarrassment, not the slight November chill.
‘Nah. That guy’s just an ass**le.’ Lifting my chin towards the jerk who’d run into her without even a proper apology, I couldn’t help fixing her dick of an ex in my sights, too, before returning to her. ‘You okay?’
In her eyes, I read her recognition of this recurrent question, and I hated myself for constantly reminding her of that night, even if that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Maybe she couldn’t help but be reminded, no matter what I said or did. I needed nothing to trigger my personal nightmares, after all. They came indiscriminately, regardless of what I did to avoid them.
‘Yes, fine.’ Her voice was a deflated whisper as she glanced towards the doorway. Moore and his would-be conquest had gone inside, and she moved to follow her classmates. ‘Thank you.’
Her thank you reminded me of the rainy day I’d held the door for her. The first time I’d seen her up close, looked into her eyes, and admitted to myself that I wanted her.
Damn.
She didn’t glance back or notice that I entered the classroom behind her. From the last row, I leaned back in my seat and watched her takes notes as Heller covered the whiteboard with new material, her furrowed brow and general body language screaming not getting this. I shouldn’t have wanted her to need Landon Maxfield, but I knew she’d be emailing me later, and I was already anticipating the questions I wanted to ask her.
Then, leaning down to reach into her backpack, she looked directly back at me.
So, she knew I was in the class, and where I sat. She must have noticed me on Monday before I’d seen her standing there. She must have chosen not to sit next to me. She’d preferred to take a seat that required her to climb over the outstretched legs of a guy who napped in class at least once a week.
But she knew where I was, and she was curious enough to glance back. I tried to keep my expression level, but the edge of my mouth pulled into a smile, even as I fought it. She whipped her face forward, and didn’t look back again.
When Heller wrapped up for the day, I hightailed it out the back, while Jacqueline thumbed through her spiral and turned it towards the guy next to her.
Before I could escape the building, a student stopped me. She’d been in Heller’s class last spring, but had dropped. She’d signed up to try again, but wasn’t doing any better this semester. She never came to tutoring sessions, and the only time she’d asked for individual tutoring, she’d wanted to meet off campus. I’d said no to that, as we’d been trained to do.
‘So we can’t meet at my apartment?’ she asked, as if we hadn’t had this exact conversation a few months prior.
I sighed. ‘Nope. Sorry. On-campus tutoring only – university rules.’
Catching a strand of her long hair and winding it round her finger, she pouted her lower lip out. That act must work on some guys, or her parents, but it sure as hell had the opposite effect on me. My phone buzzed in the front pocket of my jeans. Jacqueline hadn’t left the classroom yet, and I wanted to leave the building before she came out. That probably wasn’t going to happen, now.
‘So it’s a group tutoring thing? And it lasts an hour?’
That hair wound tight round her finger, the girl in front of me swayed from one foot to the other, adding to my annoyance. I wanted to grab hold of her shoulders and make her stand still for the thirty seconds more I was giving this exchange. ‘Yeah. From one to two.’
She asked what I was doing after the tutoring session. As if she knew I wouldn’t tutor her off campus … but maybe I’d be game for hooking up. Jesus. Christ.
‘Work.’
‘You’re always working, Lucas.’
I couldn’t remember ever having the actual feeling of someone watching me before, so I wasn’t sure if that’s what it was. Maybe it was merely the fact that I knew she could be there. But I’d swear my skin heated and my muscles contracted and my breath hitched. I couldn’t keep my eyes from pulling up and zeroing in on Jacqueline Wallace in the crowd of people zigzagging through the hallway, as though I knew exactly where she’d be. As though she was the only other person in that hallway.
She was close enough that I could have taken four strides to reach her. I knew she’d heard my name. Now she thought I was Lucas, while she was emailing Landon. There was no reason for her to reconcile the two. In that split second, I was utterly relieved and then disgusted with myself and then torn right down the middle. Again.
Before I could move, she turned and disappeared into the flow of people, and I swear I felt her leave.
10
Landon
I walked to Melody’s house to give her the maps I’d drawn and the citations page I’d finished. I didn’t take into consideration what my face looked like before I went. Even though I’d showered away the blood and Grandpa had patched me up with a couple of bandages, my lip was swollen and split all the way through. The bruises would be there for a while.
Her older brother answered the door. I recognized him from school. He was a senior, on student council. Popular.
‘Who the f**k are you?’
‘Evan,’ a woman’s voice said, and her mom’s face appeared behind him, scowling.
‘Oh … my. Landon, is it? What – what do you want?’
Evan didn’t move. He stood glaring at me while his mother moved to his side as if the two of them were blocking me from entering. Which they were doing.
‘I, uh, was bringing these to Melody. For the presentation.’ I hadn’t thought this out well. I hadn’t texted her to say I was coming. I wanted to explain in person that I didn’t want to let her down. That the only reason this consequence – the suspension – bugged me at all was that fact.
Mrs Dover’s brow arched. ‘And you can’t just bring it to class yourself?’
I shook my head, eyes sliding to her shoulder. ‘I … won’t be at school Friday.’
