Breaking Away
Page 88
“That’s bullshit! I have not hurt everyone in my life!”
“Yes, you have! Grandma, Mom, Alana, and me! You can’t stay true to anyone! I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long with me but lookie here, f**king up, like always.”
He took a step towards her, anger bubbling in his chest as he stood toe to toe with her. Everything she was saying was shit but by the defiant way she was looking up at him, he knew that she believed it and that blew his mind. How could she? After everything he had done, after all the ways he had shown he loved her. What had he done wrong?
Taking in a deep breath, he pushed back his tears as he said, “Everything I have done has never been with the intentions of hurting any of you! I did what I had to do!”
“For yourself!”
“That’s not true! I always thought of you guys. I sent money all the time.”
“Yeah, that’s all we were, a payoff, so that you felt better about yourself.”
That hurt. Trying not to flinch at her words, he said, “How can you say that? That’s not true at all. I had no choice, Claire. I had to get out when I did before they ruined me. I always thought of you and—”
“No!” she screamed, and he actually jumped. Tears fell in heaps down her cheeks, her lips wobbled for only for a second before she was glaring up at him. “You never thought about me. You never thought about how leaving me with Mom was going to affect me! You don’t know half the shit I went through. How I had to fight off men to keep from being touched! How I had to beg people for food, because she spent the money you sent on drugs and anything else she needed. How my grandmother couldn’t bother to care for me. How I had to fight to keep dancing just to feel normal. You never called, you never came to see me, and you just left—”
Her words stopped as a sob ripped through her. She dropped to the ground, holding herself as she took in a deep breath. Tears blurred his eyes as he watched her. Fight off men? Beg for food? Was she f**king kidding him? How could his sister do that to her own daughter? Why did she fight him so bad to keep Claire when it was obvious she didn’t want her? How could he have been so blind, so stupid? Why didn’t he fight harder?
Looking up at him with her beautiful blue eyes drowning in tears, she whispered, “You didn’t f**king care and now, you get stuck with me again. I was starting to believe that you did love me and that you did want to do what was best for me, but then the one thing I ask for you not to do, you do. I don’t want to lose her. You took Alana from me, and now you’ll do the same with Reese.”
Squatting down in front of her, he reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t flinch away; she only looked up at him with the eyes of a scared child. Words couldn’t express his hatred for his sister at that moment, but also the hatred for himself. He was so selfish back then, but he was a kid too. He didn’t know any better then. He was too caught up in his own life, trying to make sure he was good and normal, that all he did was send money and hope that worked, that it made things better for them, but it hadn’t. He had a hand in ruining this girl, and he would forever try to make up for that. He had to but, first, they needed to set some things straight because they couldn’t move forward if she couldn’t let go.
“I didn’t take Alana from you. She took herself. She chose her dad over me, which is fine, but don’t blame me for her. As for all the accusations you have said, they are all false. I did try to fight for you, to try and get you, but Claire, I was a kid. Maybe I didn’t fight as hard as I could have, but when I did, the courts wouldn’t give me custody, and your mom wasn’t having it. She liked the money I sent more, and I am so sorry for everything you have been through. If I could, I’d find every piece of shit that tried to touch you and make them pay, but I can’t. I’m sorry for that, you have to know that,” he pleaded, looking deep into her eyes, begging her to see how much he loved her. “You have to believe that I am here now, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, and you have to let go of all this anger you have against me. I have done everything to make you happy. I have worked hard to give you all the things you need to succeed, and don’t you see that you are?”
When she didn’t answer him, he continued. “I love you, completely, and I don’t plan on stopping. I am here, and I’m not going anywhere. Just please let go of the past because it will not help us make a future. It will hold you back and you don’t want that, do you? Don’t you want to succeed? Because I want to give you the tools and the love you need to do just that. Let me. Just let go of it all.”
She shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, ruining the makeup he knew she had spent most of the afternoon putting on. “I thought I had, but then you lied to me.”
He looked down and let his shoulders fall in defeat. “I know but the thing is, Claire, I never expected it to go as far as it did. Things started before you asked me not to get with her, and now I’m stuck.”
“Stuck?”
He let out a breath. “I love her.”
She looked shocked as she ran the back of her hand along her cheek, smearing her makeup. “And she loves you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. But I do know she loves you, and that she isn’t going anywhere when it comes to you. I can promise you that if things go south between us, which I hope it doesn’t… but if it does, then you will always dance for her. You will always have her in your life. She is dedicated to you, so proud of you, like me, and I truly believe that she won’t go anywhere.”
“Yes, you have! Grandma, Mom, Alana, and me! You can’t stay true to anyone! I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long with me but lookie here, f**king up, like always.”
He took a step towards her, anger bubbling in his chest as he stood toe to toe with her. Everything she was saying was shit but by the defiant way she was looking up at him, he knew that she believed it and that blew his mind. How could she? After everything he had done, after all the ways he had shown he loved her. What had he done wrong?
Taking in a deep breath, he pushed back his tears as he said, “Everything I have done has never been with the intentions of hurting any of you! I did what I had to do!”
“For yourself!”
“That’s not true! I always thought of you guys. I sent money all the time.”
“Yeah, that’s all we were, a payoff, so that you felt better about yourself.”
That hurt. Trying not to flinch at her words, he said, “How can you say that? That’s not true at all. I had no choice, Claire. I had to get out when I did before they ruined me. I always thought of you and—”
“No!” she screamed, and he actually jumped. Tears fell in heaps down her cheeks, her lips wobbled for only for a second before she was glaring up at him. “You never thought about me. You never thought about how leaving me with Mom was going to affect me! You don’t know half the shit I went through. How I had to fight off men to keep from being touched! How I had to beg people for food, because she spent the money you sent on drugs and anything else she needed. How my grandmother couldn’t bother to care for me. How I had to fight to keep dancing just to feel normal. You never called, you never came to see me, and you just left—”
Her words stopped as a sob ripped through her. She dropped to the ground, holding herself as she took in a deep breath. Tears blurred his eyes as he watched her. Fight off men? Beg for food? Was she f**king kidding him? How could his sister do that to her own daughter? Why did she fight him so bad to keep Claire when it was obvious she didn’t want her? How could he have been so blind, so stupid? Why didn’t he fight harder?
Looking up at him with her beautiful blue eyes drowning in tears, she whispered, “You didn’t f**king care and now, you get stuck with me again. I was starting to believe that you did love me and that you did want to do what was best for me, but then the one thing I ask for you not to do, you do. I don’t want to lose her. You took Alana from me, and now you’ll do the same with Reese.”
Squatting down in front of her, he reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t flinch away; she only looked up at him with the eyes of a scared child. Words couldn’t express his hatred for his sister at that moment, but also the hatred for himself. He was so selfish back then, but he was a kid too. He didn’t know any better then. He was too caught up in his own life, trying to make sure he was good and normal, that all he did was send money and hope that worked, that it made things better for them, but it hadn’t. He had a hand in ruining this girl, and he would forever try to make up for that. He had to but, first, they needed to set some things straight because they couldn’t move forward if she couldn’t let go.
“I didn’t take Alana from you. She took herself. She chose her dad over me, which is fine, but don’t blame me for her. As for all the accusations you have said, they are all false. I did try to fight for you, to try and get you, but Claire, I was a kid. Maybe I didn’t fight as hard as I could have, but when I did, the courts wouldn’t give me custody, and your mom wasn’t having it. She liked the money I sent more, and I am so sorry for everything you have been through. If I could, I’d find every piece of shit that tried to touch you and make them pay, but I can’t. I’m sorry for that, you have to know that,” he pleaded, looking deep into her eyes, begging her to see how much he loved her. “You have to believe that I am here now, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, and you have to let go of all this anger you have against me. I have done everything to make you happy. I have worked hard to give you all the things you need to succeed, and don’t you see that you are?”
When she didn’t answer him, he continued. “I love you, completely, and I don’t plan on stopping. I am here, and I’m not going anywhere. Just please let go of the past because it will not help us make a future. It will hold you back and you don’t want that, do you? Don’t you want to succeed? Because I want to give you the tools and the love you need to do just that. Let me. Just let go of it all.”
She shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, ruining the makeup he knew she had spent most of the afternoon putting on. “I thought I had, but then you lied to me.”
He looked down and let his shoulders fall in defeat. “I know but the thing is, Claire, I never expected it to go as far as it did. Things started before you asked me not to get with her, and now I’m stuck.”
“Stuck?”
He let out a breath. “I love her.”
She looked shocked as she ran the back of her hand along her cheek, smearing her makeup. “And she loves you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. But I do know she loves you, and that she isn’t going anywhere when it comes to you. I can promise you that if things go south between us, which I hope it doesn’t… but if it does, then you will always dance for her. You will always have her in your life. She is dedicated to you, so proud of you, like me, and I truly believe that she won’t go anywhere.”
