Breaking Love
Page 57
“Celesha never exaggerates.”
“There’s nothing to tell. He asked me out. That’s it.”
“And you said?”
“I turned him down. After all, I wasn’t under the impression I would be sticking around long enough to be accepting dates. Had I known sooner that I would be forced into slavery, I would have accepted.”
“You should have told him you belong to someone. That someone being his boss, who could have him fired and out on his ass if he so much as looks at you again.” I fell silent and waited to see if my threat would take.
“You’re a bastard,” she whispered, once again staring out the window.
“If I’m a bastard, it’s only because you pushed me this far.”
“Right. I pushed you to lie to me and to purposely make me fall—” She stopped short and took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We’ll never be together because we aren’t meant to be. Have you ever given the possibility any consideration?”
“No. I control my future and now I control you. The only things I can’t control are my feelings for you.”
“You don’t have feelings for me. You’re obsessed with being in control. Your ego doesn’t like that I didn’t fall for your mind games and walked away from you after finding out what a manipulative, lying bastard you are.”
“Manipulative?”
“That’s what I said.”
“So what exactly did I manipulate you into doing because, as I remember, you begged for it every time I touched you?”
“I don’t deny the physical, Dasher. I wanted you, but it was my heart you toyed with. That summer was the best time of my life. You made me feel so many things I never thought I would experience because of who I am. My taste in clothes and the way I wore my hair didn’t stand a chance, and I accepted that until you. But then our summer ended and the truth showed me the real you was far worse than I feared. You took something from me that I’ll never get back and I’m not talking about my virginity… But if I have to explain it to you, then you really don’t know what our summer meant. Your feelings for me, Dasher Chambers, is nothing more than your bruised ego wanting to mend your pride with lust. I’m not an all you can eat buffet. You can’t just take from me until you’re satisfied.”
* * *
My attempt to make her feel small in the car backfired and I was the one left confused. The truth is I did toy with her heart during our summer together but while I toyed, I fell. Hard. No amount of apologies and promises could see me past my lie. Angel had swept me off my feet so quickly that I can’t even recall when it was no longer a ploy and became the real thing.
It could have been the first time of many when she had called me a narcissistic prick, or the first time I kissed her lips, touched her hand, smelled her hair, or watched her sleep. I have no clue because when it happened it felt natural as if I loved her my entire life.
My decisions led us here. After a year of fighting for her affection, four years living without her, and a week of stumbling and fighting, I was no closer to making her mine than I was when I first approached her on campus.
We had arrived at my apartment minutes after she put me in my place and because I couldn’t stand the silence, and because she fucked me up so bad, I did the unthinkable. I agreed to dinner with Rosalyn, who would likely make it into a romantic occasion. I wanted Angel to suffer so I made sure she knew exactly where I was going and who with. I wanted her to wonder while I was with Rosalyn. I wanted her to share my frustration. She was hell bent on returning to her life without me, and I couldn’t help but wonder what or who was worth leaving me for… again.
No matter my wrongs, I kept coming back to that. It was as Keenan had said—she was the one who got away.
“Dash, darling, come in. Rosalyn is just putting the finishing touches together. You can never look too good for your future groom.”
“Good evening, Mrs. Cordell.”
“Oh, stop and call me Mom.”
Yeah, fucking right.
She placed kisses on my cheek and I resisted the urge to scratch at the crawling sensation. Her father came out of his study and did the customary slapping on the back and shaking my hand.
“My boy, how do you like heading a multi-international company. The power really gets you going, doesn’t it?”
I faked my way through the pleasantries, but after ten minutes of waiting, I was ready to turn around and beg for Angel’s forgiveness. Just as I was ready to put thought into action, Rosalyn strutted down the stairs in a tight red number. The color somehow looked gaudy on her. Or maybe Angel just ruined the color for me on any 0ther woman.
“There’s nothing to tell. He asked me out. That’s it.”
“And you said?”
“I turned him down. After all, I wasn’t under the impression I would be sticking around long enough to be accepting dates. Had I known sooner that I would be forced into slavery, I would have accepted.”
“You should have told him you belong to someone. That someone being his boss, who could have him fired and out on his ass if he so much as looks at you again.” I fell silent and waited to see if my threat would take.
“You’re a bastard,” she whispered, once again staring out the window.
“If I’m a bastard, it’s only because you pushed me this far.”
“Right. I pushed you to lie to me and to purposely make me fall—” She stopped short and took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We’ll never be together because we aren’t meant to be. Have you ever given the possibility any consideration?”
“No. I control my future and now I control you. The only things I can’t control are my feelings for you.”
“You don’t have feelings for me. You’re obsessed with being in control. Your ego doesn’t like that I didn’t fall for your mind games and walked away from you after finding out what a manipulative, lying bastard you are.”
“Manipulative?”
“That’s what I said.”
“So what exactly did I manipulate you into doing because, as I remember, you begged for it every time I touched you?”
“I don’t deny the physical, Dasher. I wanted you, but it was my heart you toyed with. That summer was the best time of my life. You made me feel so many things I never thought I would experience because of who I am. My taste in clothes and the way I wore my hair didn’t stand a chance, and I accepted that until you. But then our summer ended and the truth showed me the real you was far worse than I feared. You took something from me that I’ll never get back and I’m not talking about my virginity… But if I have to explain it to you, then you really don’t know what our summer meant. Your feelings for me, Dasher Chambers, is nothing more than your bruised ego wanting to mend your pride with lust. I’m not an all you can eat buffet. You can’t just take from me until you’re satisfied.”
* * *
My attempt to make her feel small in the car backfired and I was the one left confused. The truth is I did toy with her heart during our summer together but while I toyed, I fell. Hard. No amount of apologies and promises could see me past my lie. Angel had swept me off my feet so quickly that I can’t even recall when it was no longer a ploy and became the real thing.
It could have been the first time of many when she had called me a narcissistic prick, or the first time I kissed her lips, touched her hand, smelled her hair, or watched her sleep. I have no clue because when it happened it felt natural as if I loved her my entire life.
My decisions led us here. After a year of fighting for her affection, four years living without her, and a week of stumbling and fighting, I was no closer to making her mine than I was when I first approached her on campus.
We had arrived at my apartment minutes after she put me in my place and because I couldn’t stand the silence, and because she fucked me up so bad, I did the unthinkable. I agreed to dinner with Rosalyn, who would likely make it into a romantic occasion. I wanted Angel to suffer so I made sure she knew exactly where I was going and who with. I wanted her to wonder while I was with Rosalyn. I wanted her to share my frustration. She was hell bent on returning to her life without me, and I couldn’t help but wonder what or who was worth leaving me for… again.
No matter my wrongs, I kept coming back to that. It was as Keenan had said—she was the one who got away.
“Dash, darling, come in. Rosalyn is just putting the finishing touches together. You can never look too good for your future groom.”
“Good evening, Mrs. Cordell.”
“Oh, stop and call me Mom.”
Yeah, fucking right.
She placed kisses on my cheek and I resisted the urge to scratch at the crawling sensation. Her father came out of his study and did the customary slapping on the back and shaking my hand.
“My boy, how do you like heading a multi-international company. The power really gets you going, doesn’t it?”
I faked my way through the pleasantries, but after ten minutes of waiting, I was ready to turn around and beg for Angel’s forgiveness. Just as I was ready to put thought into action, Rosalyn strutted down the stairs in a tight red number. The color somehow looked gaudy on her. Or maybe Angel just ruined the color for me on any 0ther woman.
