Broken and Screwed
Page 9
“Right.” I frowned at him.
“Because, you know, because Hunt is the reason for tonight, but…” He frowned and heaved a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. I don’t really know what I’m talking about.”
Ben hummed behind me again. His whole body vibrated and I knew he was excited as he whispered in my ear, “He’s so cute. He likes you.”
I shoved him backwards.
“What?”
I glared at him and turned back. Erin’s frown deepened, but then he shook it off and gave me another grin. “You want a soda?”
“I would love a soda.”
And for awhile, I stayed there. Eric was nice. He was a jock from my grade with a lot of friends. Angie and Marissa would have given him the green light, but a short time later, I looked up and saw Jesse on the field. He had hit another home run. The crowd cheered as he rounded the bases. My heart faltered for a second.
There was no emotion on his face. His mouth was flat. His eyes were focused in front of him as he rounded each base. When he soared over home plate, his teammates met him and took their turn clapping him on the back. He had a smile on his face. There was no doubt about that, but it never reached his eyes. And no one else besides me would’ve known that he didn’t care if he hit zero home runs or twenty.
Then his eyes met mine and I jerked awake.
“Something wrong?” Eric asked, but his voice was at a distance.
Thirty people separated us, but it didn’t matter. Jesse stared at me and I stared back. I needed him. I hungered for him and when his eyes darkened, I knew he felt the same. Then I turned and bid my farewell to Eric. It didn’t matter how nice he was. I knew where I’d be that night. A shiver of anticipation went through me. It sizzled my skin, and I felt exhilarated as I found Angie and Marissa in a group behind the players’ seats.
Angie was on her feet, clapping loudly. “Come on, Justin! Come on. One more! One more, baby!”
Marissa smirked at me. “You’d think he was in the pros.”
Angie flashed us a glare. “Shut up. That’s my man and I’m supporting him. You all should take lessons. This is what you do when you love someone unconditionally. You clap and cheer like a mad woman and you don’t complain one bit. That’s what it’s like.”
“You look crazy?” I grinned at her.
Angie sobered, but then rolled her eyes. “Yes, or at least that’s what Justin wants. So I’m here and I’m cheering like a crazy woman. Whatever. I love that man. I’ll cheer until I get arrested if that’s what he wants.”
As I took the lawn chair beside Marissa, we watched Angie more than the game. She whooped, booed, and yelled with the best of them. I thought she was going to break out in her own cheer at one point, but when she collapsed in her lawn chair, I sighed in relief. I didn’t know if I would’ve cheered with her or hid from embarrassment.
Ben had gone to see some of his friends, but he returned for the last few innings and took the seat beside Marissa. When Justin’s team won 17 to 5, no one was surprised. Jesse had been on the team. We picked up our lawn chairs and waited to find out where the next game would prevail.
Close to midnight, I returned to the concessions stand. The line had tripled since we first arrived.
“Well, hello, Jesse’s slut!”
I froze for a split second, but turned. Casey Wright gave me a smug smirk as she stood with her friends behind her. All of them had their platinum blonde hair up in braids or styled to look cute as they wore baseball caps. And, of course, they wore tee shirts tied underneath their br**sts and low-riding jeans.
When I saw her shirt had Jesse’s number, I took a breath. What was going to happen here?
Eric had popped his head out of the concession stand when he saw me, but now he faltered. I knew he had heard her.
“What do you want, Casey?”
She snorted in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Leave Jesse alone.”
I sighed. When would she learn? “He’s going away, Casey. You have no shot.”
“And you do?”
“I never said I did.”
She snorted again and flipped her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder. Some of it trailed out from the back of her cap. Her emerald eyes were disgusted. “Are you kidding me, Alex? I told you what would happen if you got me as an enemy.”
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” Angie surged forward from behind me. Her hands found her hips and her lips were in a snarl. Marissa was right next to her, complete with her pigtails. Both of them looked fierce.
Casey eyed them wearily. “Really? The three of you against me?”
Marissa snorted. “Do you really think you’re all that? You’re second line, Casey. Get behind us.”
Her eyes snapped in irritation. “I am not second line. How dare you say that?!”
Marissa’s tiny body was tense and she looked ready to hurl herself at the girl, but she threw her chin forward. Her arms crossed over her chest and she glared. The loathing in her eyes sent me backwards a step. Then she growled. “Are you effing kidding me? You’re always second line. You got second line in cheerleading. You’re in the honors class, not the highest honors. You get Bs when I get As. I get the captains and you’re lucky to get a starter. Do I need to keep going?” She threw her arms wide. “You’re second best, Casey. You always will be. Just get used to it and settle back. Shut the hell up, bitch.”
It was at that time that I grew tired of the conversation. Confrontations happened all the time, but it didn’t matter. They had stopped mattering when I lost my brother. It might’ve sounded cliché, but I no longer cared. It was all stupid and senseless.
I edged towards the end of the crowd that had formed and slipped around the corner. I flattened myself against the side of the concessions building and took a few deep breaths. None of it mattered. Nothing. There was more to life. I took a few more deep breaths and tried to calm myself down, but why were my hands still shaking? Why was my breathing so labored? Maybe it did matter?
“Hey.”
I calmed instantly and stopped.
Jesse was at the far end of the building. He stepped closer, but reeked of sweat. Then he took off his cap and shook out his sweaty hair. Droplets splattered on me and he grinned. “Sorry about that.”
I ducked my head to hide my grin. I shouldn’t have been so happy to see him.
“Because, you know, because Hunt is the reason for tonight, but…” He frowned and heaved a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. I don’t really know what I’m talking about.”
Ben hummed behind me again. His whole body vibrated and I knew he was excited as he whispered in my ear, “He’s so cute. He likes you.”
I shoved him backwards.
“What?”
I glared at him and turned back. Erin’s frown deepened, but then he shook it off and gave me another grin. “You want a soda?”
“I would love a soda.”
And for awhile, I stayed there. Eric was nice. He was a jock from my grade with a lot of friends. Angie and Marissa would have given him the green light, but a short time later, I looked up and saw Jesse on the field. He had hit another home run. The crowd cheered as he rounded the bases. My heart faltered for a second.
There was no emotion on his face. His mouth was flat. His eyes were focused in front of him as he rounded each base. When he soared over home plate, his teammates met him and took their turn clapping him on the back. He had a smile on his face. There was no doubt about that, but it never reached his eyes. And no one else besides me would’ve known that he didn’t care if he hit zero home runs or twenty.
Then his eyes met mine and I jerked awake.
“Something wrong?” Eric asked, but his voice was at a distance.
Thirty people separated us, but it didn’t matter. Jesse stared at me and I stared back. I needed him. I hungered for him and when his eyes darkened, I knew he felt the same. Then I turned and bid my farewell to Eric. It didn’t matter how nice he was. I knew where I’d be that night. A shiver of anticipation went through me. It sizzled my skin, and I felt exhilarated as I found Angie and Marissa in a group behind the players’ seats.
Angie was on her feet, clapping loudly. “Come on, Justin! Come on. One more! One more, baby!”
Marissa smirked at me. “You’d think he was in the pros.”
Angie flashed us a glare. “Shut up. That’s my man and I’m supporting him. You all should take lessons. This is what you do when you love someone unconditionally. You clap and cheer like a mad woman and you don’t complain one bit. That’s what it’s like.”
“You look crazy?” I grinned at her.
Angie sobered, but then rolled her eyes. “Yes, or at least that’s what Justin wants. So I’m here and I’m cheering like a crazy woman. Whatever. I love that man. I’ll cheer until I get arrested if that’s what he wants.”
As I took the lawn chair beside Marissa, we watched Angie more than the game. She whooped, booed, and yelled with the best of them. I thought she was going to break out in her own cheer at one point, but when she collapsed in her lawn chair, I sighed in relief. I didn’t know if I would’ve cheered with her or hid from embarrassment.
Ben had gone to see some of his friends, but he returned for the last few innings and took the seat beside Marissa. When Justin’s team won 17 to 5, no one was surprised. Jesse had been on the team. We picked up our lawn chairs and waited to find out where the next game would prevail.
Close to midnight, I returned to the concessions stand. The line had tripled since we first arrived.
“Well, hello, Jesse’s slut!”
I froze for a split second, but turned. Casey Wright gave me a smug smirk as she stood with her friends behind her. All of them had their platinum blonde hair up in braids or styled to look cute as they wore baseball caps. And, of course, they wore tee shirts tied underneath their br**sts and low-riding jeans.
When I saw her shirt had Jesse’s number, I took a breath. What was going to happen here?
Eric had popped his head out of the concession stand when he saw me, but now he faltered. I knew he had heard her.
“What do you want, Casey?”
She snorted in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Leave Jesse alone.”
I sighed. When would she learn? “He’s going away, Casey. You have no shot.”
“And you do?”
“I never said I did.”
She snorted again and flipped her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder. Some of it trailed out from the back of her cap. Her emerald eyes were disgusted. “Are you kidding me, Alex? I told you what would happen if you got me as an enemy.”
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” Angie surged forward from behind me. Her hands found her hips and her lips were in a snarl. Marissa was right next to her, complete with her pigtails. Both of them looked fierce.
Casey eyed them wearily. “Really? The three of you against me?”
Marissa snorted. “Do you really think you’re all that? You’re second line, Casey. Get behind us.”
Her eyes snapped in irritation. “I am not second line. How dare you say that?!”
Marissa’s tiny body was tense and she looked ready to hurl herself at the girl, but she threw her chin forward. Her arms crossed over her chest and she glared. The loathing in her eyes sent me backwards a step. Then she growled. “Are you effing kidding me? You’re always second line. You got second line in cheerleading. You’re in the honors class, not the highest honors. You get Bs when I get As. I get the captains and you’re lucky to get a starter. Do I need to keep going?” She threw her arms wide. “You’re second best, Casey. You always will be. Just get used to it and settle back. Shut the hell up, bitch.”
It was at that time that I grew tired of the conversation. Confrontations happened all the time, but it didn’t matter. They had stopped mattering when I lost my brother. It might’ve sounded cliché, but I no longer cared. It was all stupid and senseless.
I edged towards the end of the crowd that had formed and slipped around the corner. I flattened myself against the side of the concessions building and took a few deep breaths. None of it mattered. Nothing. There was more to life. I took a few more deep breaths and tried to calm myself down, but why were my hands still shaking? Why was my breathing so labored? Maybe it did matter?
“Hey.”
I calmed instantly and stopped.
Jesse was at the far end of the building. He stepped closer, but reeked of sweat. Then he took off his cap and shook out his sweaty hair. Droplets splattered on me and he grinned. “Sorry about that.”
I ducked my head to hide my grin. I shouldn’t have been so happy to see him.
