Broken Dove
Page 143
He found Christophe in the first place he looked, his room.
His son was sitting at his desk, head bent, quill in hand, scribbling on a piece of paper.
His was so engrossed in this endeavor Apollo leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb and took the time to enjoy watching his son’s concentration for long moments before he saw Christophe start and look his way.
“Papa,” he said.
“If you’re at your studies, Chris, I won’t disturb you,” Apollo replied.
Chris quickly turned the paper on his desk over as he shook his head and stated, “I’m not at my studies.”
He was writing and what he was writing was not Apollo’s to see. That was his son’s prerogative, it always was and it always would be. Apollo never read Christophe’s writing unless asked to do so. Indeed, no one did, unless it was an assignment from his tutor. And Christophe was very particular about who he allowed to read it.
It had heartened him when Christophe had offered that gift to Maddie on the way to Brunskar. However, as things were as they were, he had since reneged.
Still, Apollo took this as an invitation and entered the room.
Christophe didn’t move from his chair so Apollo came to a stop several feet in front of his desk.
“I’ve been told,” he started cautiously, not sharing who told him even knowing his son would know, “that you’ve overhead some servants gossiping.”
Red crept into Christophe’s cheeks as he looked down to the quill he was still holding, a quill he was twirling in his fingers.
Apollo waited the time it took Christophe to speak.
Finally, he did.
“They said some things about Grandpapa.”
“I know,” Apollo told him and gained his son’s eyes. “This is unfortunate, Chris. Although unfortunate, I wish you to know that I had intended to share this with you when you were older.”
A stubborn firmness starting setting in Christophe’s face, that same firmness Apollo had seen often whenever it was mentioned he was too young for anything, so Apollo continued.
“Alas, you know of it now. Likely not all of it and I will not take this opportunity to share the rest. You’re still too young.”
“But—” Christophe started.
“You’re too young, my son,” Apollo stated quietly. “What I will tell you now is that a long time ago, your grandfather made a decision. It is my opinion that it was the wrong decision. When it’s your time to know the fullness of this story, you’ll be old enough to form your own opinion. But regardless of either of our opinions, it has all long since happened and there is nothing we can do to change it now.”
Christophe held his eyes and declared, “Auntie Lynne was your mother.”
“She was, and in the ways she could be, she was a good one.”
“You grew up without her.”
“I did and I didn’t.” It was he who held his son’s eyes when he shared, “There is much a mother will do to be with her children. My mother did all that.”
Christophe looked back to his quill. “You…you had to…” he trailed off and said no more.
“Chris, son, please look at me,” Apollo called and Christophe lifted his eyes to his father. “I did not suffer. It was the life I knew and I had her love. I had my father’s love. It was not a usual situation but it was mine.”
“Is this why Grandmother never comes to see us?” he asked. “Because we aren’t hers?”
“It is,” Apollo confirmed.
“Is she angry?” he asked.
“I can’t know. What I do know is that she’s feeling something that keeps her away and that might be what she’s feeling. She also may be sad. But whatever it is, it’s hers to feel and her decision to stay away.”
“Was she mean to you?” he whispered.
“Never,” Apollo replied. “When I was older, I would understand why she was as she was with her husband. But she never was that way with me.”
“The maids said—”
“The maids know little and should have said nothing at all. And this, Chris, is the lesson you should take from what’s happened. When you speak, you must be aware of what you say, how it can be taken and who may hear it. But mostly, if you speak at all, you should know what you’re talking about.”
He nodded to confirm he’d heard his father’s message then rubbed his lips together before he asked, “Did…erm, well…Maddie…is she…?” He drew in a deep breath and let it out, saying quietly, “She seemed very sad.”
“What they said wounded her deeply. We talked about this, she’s feeling better now.”
Apollo felt relief sweep through him when he saw the same on his son’s face.
This was short-lived, however, before he returned to looking troubled.
Apollo would know why when he asked, “Are you sending her away?”
“No,” Apollo replied and when he did, unfortunately his son hid his reaction so Apollo could not know his thoughts.
“They said you were sending her away,” Christophe noted.
“They were in error,” Apollo explained.
Christophe rubbed his lips together again.
Apollo let him for a while before he took a chance.
“As I explained, your sister and I enjoy her company. Maddie also enjoys ours. I’ve asked her to dinner tonight but she has refused, worried about you and what you’d heard. She also is simply worried about you. I would like for her to join us again soon. I can find my times with her, as can Élan, times we don’t share with you. Therefore, if you don’t wish her company, I need you to tell me.” He lowered his voice when he finished, “But I must be honest with you, my son. You must follow your heart and I hope you always share with me freely what’s in it. I will do my best to listen with no recriminations. I will return that favor right now and share that for your sister, for me, and also for Maddie, I would hope you will dig deep and find times that we can all share together. If you can’t, this will be understood. But that does not negate the fact that I hope that you can.”
“I think…” Christophe shook his head but then kept talking. “I think she was so sad because she thought you were sending her away.”
“You think correctly.”
He rubbed his lips together some more before he noted, “She’s nice to Élan.”
“She cares for her deeply.”
His son was sitting at his desk, head bent, quill in hand, scribbling on a piece of paper.
His was so engrossed in this endeavor Apollo leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb and took the time to enjoy watching his son’s concentration for long moments before he saw Christophe start and look his way.
“Papa,” he said.
“If you’re at your studies, Chris, I won’t disturb you,” Apollo replied.
Chris quickly turned the paper on his desk over as he shook his head and stated, “I’m not at my studies.”
He was writing and what he was writing was not Apollo’s to see. That was his son’s prerogative, it always was and it always would be. Apollo never read Christophe’s writing unless asked to do so. Indeed, no one did, unless it was an assignment from his tutor. And Christophe was very particular about who he allowed to read it.
It had heartened him when Christophe had offered that gift to Maddie on the way to Brunskar. However, as things were as they were, he had since reneged.
Still, Apollo took this as an invitation and entered the room.
Christophe didn’t move from his chair so Apollo came to a stop several feet in front of his desk.
“I’ve been told,” he started cautiously, not sharing who told him even knowing his son would know, “that you’ve overhead some servants gossiping.”
Red crept into Christophe’s cheeks as he looked down to the quill he was still holding, a quill he was twirling in his fingers.
Apollo waited the time it took Christophe to speak.
Finally, he did.
“They said some things about Grandpapa.”
“I know,” Apollo told him and gained his son’s eyes. “This is unfortunate, Chris. Although unfortunate, I wish you to know that I had intended to share this with you when you were older.”
A stubborn firmness starting setting in Christophe’s face, that same firmness Apollo had seen often whenever it was mentioned he was too young for anything, so Apollo continued.
“Alas, you know of it now. Likely not all of it and I will not take this opportunity to share the rest. You’re still too young.”
“But—” Christophe started.
“You’re too young, my son,” Apollo stated quietly. “What I will tell you now is that a long time ago, your grandfather made a decision. It is my opinion that it was the wrong decision. When it’s your time to know the fullness of this story, you’ll be old enough to form your own opinion. But regardless of either of our opinions, it has all long since happened and there is nothing we can do to change it now.”
Christophe held his eyes and declared, “Auntie Lynne was your mother.”
“She was, and in the ways she could be, she was a good one.”
“You grew up without her.”
“I did and I didn’t.” It was he who held his son’s eyes when he shared, “There is much a mother will do to be with her children. My mother did all that.”
Christophe looked back to his quill. “You…you had to…” he trailed off and said no more.
“Chris, son, please look at me,” Apollo called and Christophe lifted his eyes to his father. “I did not suffer. It was the life I knew and I had her love. I had my father’s love. It was not a usual situation but it was mine.”
“Is this why Grandmother never comes to see us?” he asked. “Because we aren’t hers?”
“It is,” Apollo confirmed.
“Is she angry?” he asked.
“I can’t know. What I do know is that she’s feeling something that keeps her away and that might be what she’s feeling. She also may be sad. But whatever it is, it’s hers to feel and her decision to stay away.”
“Was she mean to you?” he whispered.
“Never,” Apollo replied. “When I was older, I would understand why she was as she was with her husband. But she never was that way with me.”
“The maids said—”
“The maids know little and should have said nothing at all. And this, Chris, is the lesson you should take from what’s happened. When you speak, you must be aware of what you say, how it can be taken and who may hear it. But mostly, if you speak at all, you should know what you’re talking about.”
He nodded to confirm he’d heard his father’s message then rubbed his lips together before he asked, “Did…erm, well…Maddie…is she…?” He drew in a deep breath and let it out, saying quietly, “She seemed very sad.”
“What they said wounded her deeply. We talked about this, she’s feeling better now.”
Apollo felt relief sweep through him when he saw the same on his son’s face.
This was short-lived, however, before he returned to looking troubled.
Apollo would know why when he asked, “Are you sending her away?”
“No,” Apollo replied and when he did, unfortunately his son hid his reaction so Apollo could not know his thoughts.
“They said you were sending her away,” Christophe noted.
“They were in error,” Apollo explained.
Christophe rubbed his lips together again.
Apollo let him for a while before he took a chance.
“As I explained, your sister and I enjoy her company. Maddie also enjoys ours. I’ve asked her to dinner tonight but she has refused, worried about you and what you’d heard. She also is simply worried about you. I would like for her to join us again soon. I can find my times with her, as can Élan, times we don’t share with you. Therefore, if you don’t wish her company, I need you to tell me.” He lowered his voice when he finished, “But I must be honest with you, my son. You must follow your heart and I hope you always share with me freely what’s in it. I will do my best to listen with no recriminations. I will return that favor right now and share that for your sister, for me, and also for Maddie, I would hope you will dig deep and find times that we can all share together. If you can’t, this will be understood. But that does not negate the fact that I hope that you can.”
“I think…” Christophe shook his head but then kept talking. “I think she was so sad because she thought you were sending her away.”
“You think correctly.”
He rubbed his lips together some more before he noted, “She’s nice to Élan.”
“She cares for her deeply.”
