Broken Dove
Page 145
“Then what are you looking at, poppy?”
“I…” She looked to the window before she dropped the curtain and turned to him. “Nothing. I was thinking. I don’t know why I do that standing at a draughty window, but I guess it’s because it seems so serene out there. It helps me order my thoughts.” She shrugged. “There aren’t a lot of windows you can look out of in my world and witness complete stillness.”
“The other world,” he corrected.
“What?” she asked.
“This is your world, Maddie. It’s the other world that has limited stillness.”
Her teeth came out to worry her lip.
Apollo didn’t like that either but he continued to give her distance and asked quietly, “What were you thinking on, Maddie?”
“How’s Chris?” she asked immediately in return.
If he was told to guess what filled her thoughts that would be it.
“We talked,” he answered. “Considering the subject matter, there was not much I could share. This frustrates him for he’s nearly nine but he thinks he’s thirty-nine. However, we ended our talk by battling with wooden swords in the snow. So I think, for now, he’s fine.”
“You battled?” she asked, eyes wide.
“It’s play,” he explained. “Élan enjoys tea parties. Chris enjoys swordplay.”
“Oh,” she whispered, but said no more.
Therefore, he pressed, “Was Chris the only thing on your mind?”
“Not exactly,” she replied.
He felt his face go soft when he went on. “And what else was on your mind?”
“Well,” she began and threw out a hand. “The subject matter.”
“My father, my mother and Lady Ulfr,” he stated.
She nodded and Apollo didn’t delay in sharing what she clearly wished to know.
“As still happens today, my father’s marriage was arranged. He could have opposed it, but he did not. This was because, although she came from a much lesser House, his intended held great beauty.”
She nodded again as she leaned her weight into a hand on the back of the sofa, settling in for his story.
He didn’t like this for it meant she settled in away from him.
But he sensed she needed it, so he gave it to her and carried on.
“She was also a kind woman, if a quiet one. Unfortunately, it became clear early in their marriage that she could not provide him an heir. When this happens, the Head of a House can accept it and the next in line will inherit his role. My father could not know this for Achilles was born after me, but we know now that Achilles, who would have been the next in line, would have made a fine Head for the House of Ulfr. Though, he should have known it for my uncle was as fine a man as Achilles. But even if he could know it, the man he was, Father would still have made the decision he made. A decision that many Heads made then, before then and even now, should they find their wives unable to provide an heir. They find a surrogate so they can see to that task personally.”
He knew this information shocked her by the expression on her face.
But all she said was, “Okay.”
“My mother, however, was no surrogate,” he went on. “She too, had great beauty and my father held some affection for her. Thus, he installed her in this house, and if lore is true, fully enjoyed her being here.”
He witnessed her flinch but even so, he continued.
“She had me. As she was no surrogate arranged to provide an heir, although I believe she knew her place, she still expected to enjoy raising the son she bore for her lover. This didn’t happen. I was raised in Karsvall with my father and his wife. Although she lived quite close and I visited her regularly, it was not as regular as my mother would have liked. This caused her to protect against another pregnancy. Time passed and I was too young to know what occurred in that time or how those involved felt about it. I just know that many years after she had me, my father sent my mother away and I was raised fully here in Karsvall with him and his wife, seeing my mother only during short visits my father would allow.”
“That’s awful,” she whispered, the tone she said those words stating clear she felt it was exactly that.
“It is, yet it isn’t,” he replied. “I know the gossip but those who speak it don’t know either how those involved felt about what was happening. I only know that Patience Ulfr was a good woman who may not have showered me with adoration, but that simply wasn’t her nature. She was thoughtful. She was kind. But she was sad. Perhaps sad her marriage became what it became for I cannot know how they were before I came into this world, but they were very distant in the time I spent with them. Perhaps she was sad because I was not hers and she wished her own child. Perhaps sadness was simply part of her disposition. I cannot know. I never asked but even if I did, she was not the kind of woman to tell. Though, regardless of her consistent sadness, she never made me suffer for it.”
“And your mother?”
“Once I became old enough to decide how I would spend my time, I saw her far more frequently. After my father passed and Lady Patience returned to her own House, I moved my mother back to this one. She left this world a year after Ilsa died.”
When he stopped speaking, she studied him and said nothing.
He allowed this for some time before he stopped doing so.
“Now that I’ve shared that, my dove, may I ask why you’re so far away?”
She didn’t answer him.
She asked her own question.
“Is that why you seem to have an issue with me being in this house?”
“It is,” he confirmed. “I have many good memories of the times I shared with my mother in this house, both before my father died and after she returned. But you are not her. I don’t like you here not only because it reminds me of who she was to my father but also it reminds those around us of the same. And I do not want them to think of you in that way for you are not that to me. You are far more.”
He watched her features soften as she noted, “But now, with the way Chris is feeling, I can’t move.”
“Alas, you cannot. However, you were right those weeks ago. For him, you should remain here until he’s comfortable with you being there.”
She pressed her lips together, looking uncertain for a moment, before she asked quietly, “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“You must agree that we had more important things to discuss,” he remarked and her brows shot up.
“I…” She looked to the window before she dropped the curtain and turned to him. “Nothing. I was thinking. I don’t know why I do that standing at a draughty window, but I guess it’s because it seems so serene out there. It helps me order my thoughts.” She shrugged. “There aren’t a lot of windows you can look out of in my world and witness complete stillness.”
“The other world,” he corrected.
“What?” she asked.
“This is your world, Maddie. It’s the other world that has limited stillness.”
Her teeth came out to worry her lip.
Apollo didn’t like that either but he continued to give her distance and asked quietly, “What were you thinking on, Maddie?”
“How’s Chris?” she asked immediately in return.
If he was told to guess what filled her thoughts that would be it.
“We talked,” he answered. “Considering the subject matter, there was not much I could share. This frustrates him for he’s nearly nine but he thinks he’s thirty-nine. However, we ended our talk by battling with wooden swords in the snow. So I think, for now, he’s fine.”
“You battled?” she asked, eyes wide.
“It’s play,” he explained. “Élan enjoys tea parties. Chris enjoys swordplay.”
“Oh,” she whispered, but said no more.
Therefore, he pressed, “Was Chris the only thing on your mind?”
“Not exactly,” she replied.
He felt his face go soft when he went on. “And what else was on your mind?”
“Well,” she began and threw out a hand. “The subject matter.”
“My father, my mother and Lady Ulfr,” he stated.
She nodded and Apollo didn’t delay in sharing what she clearly wished to know.
“As still happens today, my father’s marriage was arranged. He could have opposed it, but he did not. This was because, although she came from a much lesser House, his intended held great beauty.”
She nodded again as she leaned her weight into a hand on the back of the sofa, settling in for his story.
He didn’t like this for it meant she settled in away from him.
But he sensed she needed it, so he gave it to her and carried on.
“She was also a kind woman, if a quiet one. Unfortunately, it became clear early in their marriage that she could not provide him an heir. When this happens, the Head of a House can accept it and the next in line will inherit his role. My father could not know this for Achilles was born after me, but we know now that Achilles, who would have been the next in line, would have made a fine Head for the House of Ulfr. Though, he should have known it for my uncle was as fine a man as Achilles. But even if he could know it, the man he was, Father would still have made the decision he made. A decision that many Heads made then, before then and even now, should they find their wives unable to provide an heir. They find a surrogate so they can see to that task personally.”
He knew this information shocked her by the expression on her face.
But all she said was, “Okay.”
“My mother, however, was no surrogate,” he went on. “She too, had great beauty and my father held some affection for her. Thus, he installed her in this house, and if lore is true, fully enjoyed her being here.”
He witnessed her flinch but even so, he continued.
“She had me. As she was no surrogate arranged to provide an heir, although I believe she knew her place, she still expected to enjoy raising the son she bore for her lover. This didn’t happen. I was raised in Karsvall with my father and his wife. Although she lived quite close and I visited her regularly, it was not as regular as my mother would have liked. This caused her to protect against another pregnancy. Time passed and I was too young to know what occurred in that time or how those involved felt about it. I just know that many years after she had me, my father sent my mother away and I was raised fully here in Karsvall with him and his wife, seeing my mother only during short visits my father would allow.”
“That’s awful,” she whispered, the tone she said those words stating clear she felt it was exactly that.
“It is, yet it isn’t,” he replied. “I know the gossip but those who speak it don’t know either how those involved felt about what was happening. I only know that Patience Ulfr was a good woman who may not have showered me with adoration, but that simply wasn’t her nature. She was thoughtful. She was kind. But she was sad. Perhaps sad her marriage became what it became for I cannot know how they were before I came into this world, but they were very distant in the time I spent with them. Perhaps she was sad because I was not hers and she wished her own child. Perhaps sadness was simply part of her disposition. I cannot know. I never asked but even if I did, she was not the kind of woman to tell. Though, regardless of her consistent sadness, she never made me suffer for it.”
“And your mother?”
“Once I became old enough to decide how I would spend my time, I saw her far more frequently. After my father passed and Lady Patience returned to her own House, I moved my mother back to this one. She left this world a year after Ilsa died.”
When he stopped speaking, she studied him and said nothing.
He allowed this for some time before he stopped doing so.
“Now that I’ve shared that, my dove, may I ask why you’re so far away?”
She didn’t answer him.
She asked her own question.
“Is that why you seem to have an issue with me being in this house?”
“It is,” he confirmed. “I have many good memories of the times I shared with my mother in this house, both before my father died and after she returned. But you are not her. I don’t like you here not only because it reminds me of who she was to my father but also it reminds those around us of the same. And I do not want them to think of you in that way for you are not that to me. You are far more.”
He watched her features soften as she noted, “But now, with the way Chris is feeling, I can’t move.”
“Alas, you cannot. However, you were right those weeks ago. For him, you should remain here until he’s comfortable with you being there.”
She pressed her lips together, looking uncertain for a moment, before she asked quietly, “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“You must agree that we had more important things to discuss,” he remarked and her brows shot up.
