Broken Open
Page 29
They got to her car and he took her keys, unlocking for her. He handed them back and bent to kiss her. “Since you’re off the clock and all, I thought I’d grab one because your mouth is a temptation.”
He made her insides all fluttery.
“I’ll see you in an hour or so.”
She headed home, surprised to see Nat there after she’d changed and headed back downstairs.
Tuesday kissed Nat’s cheek on her way past. “I was beginning to wonder if I’d dreamed you up.”
“I feel terrible for being gone so much.”
Tuesday leaned against the doorway. “Why on earth would you feel bad? You’re in love, Natalie. Love. You want to be with him. He’s been gone for a few months. You two had a big fight for part of that time. Of course that takes some face-to-face so everyone feels better. I don’t feel like you’re replacing me with Paddy. Frankly, I’m just waiting for him to invite you to move in.”
Surprise lit Natalie’s features briefly, but then she shrugged. “I think he wants to but he’s scared of my answer.”
“You’d say no?” Tuesday knew it was only a matter of time. That fight and making up had been a huge step in their relationship.
“I don’t know. I love this house. I love sharing it with you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Eric and I had our own home for years and you and I were friends through all that. Don’t make me your excuse to say no. I mean, if you need to use me to say what you want to say and are worried how he’d take it, fine. But he loves you. He’s going to love you even if you say you’re not ready. But you are.”
“Do you think so?” Fear and hope all wrapped up in that question, no doubt.
“I do. But I also think you just had a big fight and maybe if you get yourselves back on track first and then move in that might be better in the future as you look back, you know? Get past this moment and then once you’re stable again you can take a new step.”
“I think so, too. Right now it’s good. He’s starting to finally really be back. He’s different when he’s working or out on tour.”
“Can you deal with that?” Tuesday wasn’t sure she could.
“It’s not that my buttons get pushed. I thought for a while, even during this tour, that I was uneasy because of all the wild living they do out there. Childhood-issue trigger. Check.” Nat made a check- mark motion with a flick of her wrist. “I was okay when he was gone. I missed him, but we talked. When I went out there on the road with him it was fine. It was, to be totally honest with you, the best sex I’ve ever had. When it went bad it wasn’t his lifestyle that tripped us up. It was just that we came at each other wrong.” She shrugged.
In some ways that seemed like it might be more difficult. The normal fight stuff was sometimes the scariest.
“Do you trust him, Nat? He will hurt you. It’s inevitable with someone you love. But you have to trust him to find a way back to you when things are really bad. That’s really it. It’s easy to love someone when things are good. Love like that fills our reserves, strengthens and hardens against attack.
“But when something bad happens and that love is challenged, that’s when trust will either keep you together or tear you apart. You can’t expect another person not to hurt you. But you can, and you should, expect another person to protect your heart once you’ve given it to them.”
“Sometimes I forget that you were married. And I really can’t believe I just said that.” Natalie came over and hugged Tuesday. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Tears pricked the backs of Tuesday’s eyes. “It’s okay. For a long time it wasn’t. But lately it’s been a little easier to look back.”
“Because of Ezra?”
Tuesday took a deep breath. “I don’t think so. I mean, he’s part of it, but I think over the last year or so it’s hurt less and less each day. I don’t know if I can say this right but for the longest time it was like that part of me had burned out. Like a circuit that was just always going to be dark. It hurt. Every day it hurt when something would happen and I’d reach out to tell him and he wasn’t there. He never would be there.” She looked up at the ceiling, trying to stem the tide of tears.
“That’s fair.”
“I need to take this slow, Natalie.” Tuesday took her friend’s hand a moment. “Ezra...this thing between he and I is superintense. I wouldn’t have been ready for him before that first kiss. Hell, Nat I’m not sure I’m ready for him now. So I’m trying to keep it cool. You’re excited because you love me and of course you like him and it’s in your nature to want happy things for people you care about. I’m not up to too much joking about it right now. I feel fragile.”
Tuesday bet Ezra was feeling pretty fragile, too.
Natalie hugged her again, this time holding on a while until they both felt better.
“Enough tears! So what are you up to? That’s your hey-my-boobs-look-great shirt.”
Tuesday had a certain fit of shirt she loved because it had the perfect cut to emphasize her breasts with the right nip at the waist to show off curves but not too clingy.
“Ezra came by the shop to invite me to dinner so I’m on my way up there.”
“Get. Out. Damn. I won’t push you on feelings but you do need to pony up the sex details. That’s all I ask.”
He made her insides all fluttery.
“I’ll see you in an hour or so.”
She headed home, surprised to see Nat there after she’d changed and headed back downstairs.
Tuesday kissed Nat’s cheek on her way past. “I was beginning to wonder if I’d dreamed you up.”
“I feel terrible for being gone so much.”
Tuesday leaned against the doorway. “Why on earth would you feel bad? You’re in love, Natalie. Love. You want to be with him. He’s been gone for a few months. You two had a big fight for part of that time. Of course that takes some face-to-face so everyone feels better. I don’t feel like you’re replacing me with Paddy. Frankly, I’m just waiting for him to invite you to move in.”
Surprise lit Natalie’s features briefly, but then she shrugged. “I think he wants to but he’s scared of my answer.”
“You’d say no?” Tuesday knew it was only a matter of time. That fight and making up had been a huge step in their relationship.
“I don’t know. I love this house. I love sharing it with you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Eric and I had our own home for years and you and I were friends through all that. Don’t make me your excuse to say no. I mean, if you need to use me to say what you want to say and are worried how he’d take it, fine. But he loves you. He’s going to love you even if you say you’re not ready. But you are.”
“Do you think so?” Fear and hope all wrapped up in that question, no doubt.
“I do. But I also think you just had a big fight and maybe if you get yourselves back on track first and then move in that might be better in the future as you look back, you know? Get past this moment and then once you’re stable again you can take a new step.”
“I think so, too. Right now it’s good. He’s starting to finally really be back. He’s different when he’s working or out on tour.”
“Can you deal with that?” Tuesday wasn’t sure she could.
“It’s not that my buttons get pushed. I thought for a while, even during this tour, that I was uneasy because of all the wild living they do out there. Childhood-issue trigger. Check.” Nat made a check- mark motion with a flick of her wrist. “I was okay when he was gone. I missed him, but we talked. When I went out there on the road with him it was fine. It was, to be totally honest with you, the best sex I’ve ever had. When it went bad it wasn’t his lifestyle that tripped us up. It was just that we came at each other wrong.” She shrugged.
In some ways that seemed like it might be more difficult. The normal fight stuff was sometimes the scariest.
“Do you trust him, Nat? He will hurt you. It’s inevitable with someone you love. But you have to trust him to find a way back to you when things are really bad. That’s really it. It’s easy to love someone when things are good. Love like that fills our reserves, strengthens and hardens against attack.
“But when something bad happens and that love is challenged, that’s when trust will either keep you together or tear you apart. You can’t expect another person not to hurt you. But you can, and you should, expect another person to protect your heart once you’ve given it to them.”
“Sometimes I forget that you were married. And I really can’t believe I just said that.” Natalie came over and hugged Tuesday. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Tears pricked the backs of Tuesday’s eyes. “It’s okay. For a long time it wasn’t. But lately it’s been a little easier to look back.”
“Because of Ezra?”
Tuesday took a deep breath. “I don’t think so. I mean, he’s part of it, but I think over the last year or so it’s hurt less and less each day. I don’t know if I can say this right but for the longest time it was like that part of me had burned out. Like a circuit that was just always going to be dark. It hurt. Every day it hurt when something would happen and I’d reach out to tell him and he wasn’t there. He never would be there.” She looked up at the ceiling, trying to stem the tide of tears.
“That’s fair.”
“I need to take this slow, Natalie.” Tuesday took her friend’s hand a moment. “Ezra...this thing between he and I is superintense. I wouldn’t have been ready for him before that first kiss. Hell, Nat I’m not sure I’m ready for him now. So I’m trying to keep it cool. You’re excited because you love me and of course you like him and it’s in your nature to want happy things for people you care about. I’m not up to too much joking about it right now. I feel fragile.”
Tuesday bet Ezra was feeling pretty fragile, too.
Natalie hugged her again, this time holding on a while until they both felt better.
“Enough tears! So what are you up to? That’s your hey-my-boobs-look-great shirt.”
Tuesday had a certain fit of shirt she loved because it had the perfect cut to emphasize her breasts with the right nip at the waist to show off curves but not too clingy.
“Ezra came by the shop to invite me to dinner so I’m on my way up there.”
“Get. Out. Damn. I won’t push you on feelings but you do need to pony up the sex details. That’s all I ask.”
