Broken Open
Page 31
Natalie leaned over and hugged Tuesday tight. “I needed that. Thank you for being my friend.”
“Back at you. I’ll see you later. Either for movies or tomorrow.”
* * *
EZRA CAUGHT SIGHT of Paddy approaching when he and his horse were still a bit away. The alfalfa spread out all around them would be ready for harvest in another month or so. It would be a pretty good year.
He waved at Paddy once he’d reached where Ezra had been looking over a section of the field where they’d had some problems with mold.
“I went by your place but the pig and the dog were gone so I figured you were out there.”
Violet had found herself a shady spot to eat bugs and keep an eye on Loopy and everything else nearby. The pig thought she was a dog and Ezra had no inclination to spoil her little fantasy. Who was he to tell her she couldn’t think she was a dog?
“Got back from town a few minutes ago and I wanted to come out here and check these rows.” Tuesday would be coming over soon and he was on his way back to the house.
“We doing okay? On track for harvest?”
“I think so, yes. We’ve got about three to five weeks to go until it’s ready. I’d been worried because we had snow and frost so late, but it’s looking like we’ll have a decent profit this year.”
“Good. I’m around so I’ll be out helping you every day. Damien, too. At least until the baby comes. He drives Mary crazy with all his hovering so she’ll probably kick him out to get some peace and quiet.”
Ezra laughed as they walked the horses farther north. “Probably. Appreciate the help. Since Vaughan is in Gresham, the extra hands are even more necessary. I do have a big enough crew for harvest, but if you’re around I can chase Dad away from heavy stuff.”
Their father was a rancher. He was in excellent physical shape but he was getting older and he couldn’t do all the stuff he had before. He had trouble hearing that. So Ezra and his brothers tried to take on the heaviest parts to keep their dad occupied with important tasks that weren’t as physically taxing.
“I’m sorry you have to do all this on your own when we’re out on tour.”
Ezra did what he was supposed to be doing. Ranching kept him tired. Used up all the energy burning through his muscles every moment. He planted things, they grew and then he harvested and they started the next cycle.
He made a difference he could see. After destroying so much and being such a disappointment, it was Ezra’s way to make things right. To reset the balance he’d destroyed with his addiction.
“Nothing to be sorry about. This is my job and my life. I made the choice to be here.”
“Don’t you resent it? Being here when we’re out there?”
“We’ve talked about this before.” And he didn’t want to do it again.
“No, I asked and you blew me off.”
Ezra swung off his horse, Paddy following, not letting go. “Do you think we don’t know how much you do and never complain about? You’re meant for more than this.”
Ezra rested on his heels as he bent to look at a patch where there was growth, but much slower than most of the rest. “I like this. I like working the land. I like that we’re taking this ranch into the next generation. These things satisfy me.”
“That’s not the same as making you happy.”
“It doesn’t have to be. It’s not always about that.”
“You’ve already proven yourself. You’re clean. Yes, you were a goddamn mess once. But you were a junkie for what, a year and a half, two years? You’ve been clean longer than that. How long are you going to punish yourself? Didn’t you feel it out there on that stage with us? We have a foreman. We can afford to hire more people to do this so you can make music again.”
“I make music right now. I produce every damned album, all the singles, oversee the remixes. I’m in a lot of the videos. I write the music.” Ezra shrugged. “Yes, I felt it up there onstage. I miss it. But I don’t know how to feel about missing it.” He didn’t want to think about it for a while. He needed some distance. “Touring is a small part of what we do as Sweet Hollow Ranch. I like what I’m doing.”
“Is this your forever?”
Ezra stood, brushing his hands on the legs of his jeans. “It’s my right now. Which is enough.”
Paddy looked like he planned to argue but then decided against it. “All right. Nat and I are watching a movie tonight. We haven’t hung out with you and Tuesday in a while. Come early and have dinner with us.”
“I have dinner planned and that doesn’t include anyone else. After, yeah, we’ll wander down to your place.”
“We should all have dinner together. Maybe go to Mary and Damien’s. I bet she’d like the company.”
Part of him wanted to accept. If they had dinner with a group it would keep a more casual tone. He was already antsy after this stupid conversation with his brother. He wasn’t good company for a date.
But he shook that off. He wanted to have her all to himself for a while.
“Fuck off, Patrick. Mary is lovely, but I’ve seen her today.”
Paddy shrugged. “Okay then. We’ll start screening the first movie at nine, which gives you time to eat and whatever else you might be doing with the supergorgeous Tuesday Eastwood.”
“Well, enough time is a relative concept when you’re discussing a woman like Tuesday. Anyway, it’s enough time to eat.” And for part one of whatever else they’d be doing when they were alone and naked but he didn’t need to share that with Paddy.
“Back at you. I’ll see you later. Either for movies or tomorrow.”
* * *
EZRA CAUGHT SIGHT of Paddy approaching when he and his horse were still a bit away. The alfalfa spread out all around them would be ready for harvest in another month or so. It would be a pretty good year.
He waved at Paddy once he’d reached where Ezra had been looking over a section of the field where they’d had some problems with mold.
“I went by your place but the pig and the dog were gone so I figured you were out there.”
Violet had found herself a shady spot to eat bugs and keep an eye on Loopy and everything else nearby. The pig thought she was a dog and Ezra had no inclination to spoil her little fantasy. Who was he to tell her she couldn’t think she was a dog?
“Got back from town a few minutes ago and I wanted to come out here and check these rows.” Tuesday would be coming over soon and he was on his way back to the house.
“We doing okay? On track for harvest?”
“I think so, yes. We’ve got about three to five weeks to go until it’s ready. I’d been worried because we had snow and frost so late, but it’s looking like we’ll have a decent profit this year.”
“Good. I’m around so I’ll be out helping you every day. Damien, too. At least until the baby comes. He drives Mary crazy with all his hovering so she’ll probably kick him out to get some peace and quiet.”
Ezra laughed as they walked the horses farther north. “Probably. Appreciate the help. Since Vaughan is in Gresham, the extra hands are even more necessary. I do have a big enough crew for harvest, but if you’re around I can chase Dad away from heavy stuff.”
Their father was a rancher. He was in excellent physical shape but he was getting older and he couldn’t do all the stuff he had before. He had trouble hearing that. So Ezra and his brothers tried to take on the heaviest parts to keep their dad occupied with important tasks that weren’t as physically taxing.
“I’m sorry you have to do all this on your own when we’re out on tour.”
Ezra did what he was supposed to be doing. Ranching kept him tired. Used up all the energy burning through his muscles every moment. He planted things, they grew and then he harvested and they started the next cycle.
He made a difference he could see. After destroying so much and being such a disappointment, it was Ezra’s way to make things right. To reset the balance he’d destroyed with his addiction.
“Nothing to be sorry about. This is my job and my life. I made the choice to be here.”
“Don’t you resent it? Being here when we’re out there?”
“We’ve talked about this before.” And he didn’t want to do it again.
“No, I asked and you blew me off.”
Ezra swung off his horse, Paddy following, not letting go. “Do you think we don’t know how much you do and never complain about? You’re meant for more than this.”
Ezra rested on his heels as he bent to look at a patch where there was growth, but much slower than most of the rest. “I like this. I like working the land. I like that we’re taking this ranch into the next generation. These things satisfy me.”
“That’s not the same as making you happy.”
“It doesn’t have to be. It’s not always about that.”
“You’ve already proven yourself. You’re clean. Yes, you were a goddamn mess once. But you were a junkie for what, a year and a half, two years? You’ve been clean longer than that. How long are you going to punish yourself? Didn’t you feel it out there on that stage with us? We have a foreman. We can afford to hire more people to do this so you can make music again.”
“I make music right now. I produce every damned album, all the singles, oversee the remixes. I’m in a lot of the videos. I write the music.” Ezra shrugged. “Yes, I felt it up there onstage. I miss it. But I don’t know how to feel about missing it.” He didn’t want to think about it for a while. He needed some distance. “Touring is a small part of what we do as Sweet Hollow Ranch. I like what I’m doing.”
“Is this your forever?”
Ezra stood, brushing his hands on the legs of his jeans. “It’s my right now. Which is enough.”
Paddy looked like he planned to argue but then decided against it. “All right. Nat and I are watching a movie tonight. We haven’t hung out with you and Tuesday in a while. Come early and have dinner with us.”
“I have dinner planned and that doesn’t include anyone else. After, yeah, we’ll wander down to your place.”
“We should all have dinner together. Maybe go to Mary and Damien’s. I bet she’d like the company.”
Part of him wanted to accept. If they had dinner with a group it would keep a more casual tone. He was already antsy after this stupid conversation with his brother. He wasn’t good company for a date.
But he shook that off. He wanted to have her all to himself for a while.
“Fuck off, Patrick. Mary is lovely, but I’ve seen her today.”
Paddy shrugged. “Okay then. We’ll start screening the first movie at nine, which gives you time to eat and whatever else you might be doing with the supergorgeous Tuesday Eastwood.”
“Well, enough time is a relative concept when you’re discussing a woman like Tuesday. Anyway, it’s enough time to eat.” And for part one of whatever else they’d be doing when they were alone and naked but he didn’t need to share that with Paddy.
