Broken Open
Page 77
After they’d stopped laughing, Di took her daughter by the upper arms and held her still while she examined Tuesday’s face.
“Tell me about him.”
“I don’t think I’d have enough time even if I was staying until next week. He makes me feel again. In that romantic way. He’s a good man.”
“A heroin addict.”
“Someone knows how to use the internet.”
Her mother’s brows flew up. “Don’t you sass me.”
“I’m sorry. I told you he was in rehab for heroin and alcohol. He went in—he did his time. He does his work to stay clean. He is solid.”
“And his lifestyle?”
She laughed. “Mom, he takes in foster pigs, for goodness’ sake! He doesn’t have a wild lifestyle unless you count riding horses to look at trees and talk about bud cycles. He’s up before dawn most days because he runs a ranch. A successful ranch. He made a mistake. That mistake stole years from him. Friendships. His career. He’s spent his life since making things right. No one holds Ezra more responsible for what he did then than Ezra. Believe me. You think I have guilt issues? He makes me look like an amateur.”
“I’m not sure I believe there are people who take on guilt for things they didn’t even do more than you. I’ll have to know Ezra a lot longer before I can agree with you. I don’t have much longer before we get interrupted. Your father likes him.”
“How can you tell?”
“I’ve been married to the man a long time. He has three basic settings. When he went off with Ezra he was smiling. He likes the boy.”
“Smiling? He was doing a flinty-eyed not-smile!”
Her mother waved a hand. “He didn’t mean it. It didn’t reach his eyes. What did you do outside? He was watching probably. He’s been lurking around peeking out the windows to see if you’d arrived yet.”
“He was up in your bedroom when Ezra opened my door.”
Her mother laughed and laughed. “Nice.”
Back when her older sister, April, had been in high school she’d dated a boy who, upon dropping her off, did not walk her to the door, instead parking out front and then pulling away before she’d even got in the house. That boy was never allowed near April after that. Not that her sister would have stayed with a guy like him, but it was sort of family mythology at that point.
Her mother pressed a small box into her hands. “Happy birthday.”
Tuesday tugged on the ribbon and pulled the lid free, finding her great-grandmother’s ruby brooch inside.
“I thought about giving this to you when you got married. But it wasn’t the right time. And then I wondered if it might coax you back from that place you went after Eric died. There have been four other birthdays since then and I have had this box waiting. I wasn’t even sure I was going to give this to you today until you spoke about Ezra just now. You’re in love. Today is the right time. She’d want you to have it.”
She swallowed hard and looked up at her mother. “Am I that obvious then?”
Her mother cupped one of Tuesday’s cheeks briefly. “Only to me. You’re scared?”
“Yes. Oh god, yes. I love him. I can’t deny it. But it’s so complicated and big and both of us are weird and messed up and I’m trying to take it day by day so I can deal.”
“Not how love works, darling. But you know that.” An elegant shrug Tuesday had been imitating for years but never got as perfect as her mother did. “You can’t pretend love away. Love is a force capable of breaking through just about anything. Tell me a reason why you love him.”
There were so many, Tuesday realized as she thought about it. “When I’m with him he gives me all his attention. It’s rather overwhelming.”
“But it makes you feel special.”
“Dad does that? To you I mean.”
Her mother nodded. “The first time I met him he looked at me like I was the only person in the room. If anyone else had looked at me like that I would have been uncomfortable. But it was all right because it felt to me like he got to because he understood me. It’s not only important to be understood by your man, it’s integral. Eric never understood you.”
It hit like a slap and Tuesday took two steps away.
Her mother waited for Tuesday to be ready to listen again before speaking. “I don’t want to upset you. I’m sorry to have to say all this but you need to hear it. Eric didn’t understand you. He loved you, lord yes. And you loved him and it was right and good that you two were together. This is different and I expect you’re panicking. Always feeling guilty over things when you were little, too. Tell me honestly, does Ezra understand you? Oh, he’s a man so you’ll need to give him a shove in the right direction sometimes. Mostly, when you’re with him do you feel like he’s there for you, for the real Tuesday you are with me or with Natalie? Do you feel like he sees all your cracks and breaks and accepts them? Because that’s what you should demand. You’re worth that sort of understanding. You get to move on. You have every right to do that.”
A loud hail of hellos meant Natalie had arrived. Her mother took the brooch out and pinned it to Tuesday’s blouse. “Aletha Howard was a strong woman and the man who gave her this saved every single spare penny he could until he could buy it. It took him three years. And he came to her and asked her if he could court her. He said this brooch was his pledge that she was worth more than diamonds to him and that he’d put her first for the rest of his life. He was ninety-three when he died. Just three months after she did. This magic is what you need.”
“Tell me about him.”
“I don’t think I’d have enough time even if I was staying until next week. He makes me feel again. In that romantic way. He’s a good man.”
“A heroin addict.”
“Someone knows how to use the internet.”
Her mother’s brows flew up. “Don’t you sass me.”
“I’m sorry. I told you he was in rehab for heroin and alcohol. He went in—he did his time. He does his work to stay clean. He is solid.”
“And his lifestyle?”
She laughed. “Mom, he takes in foster pigs, for goodness’ sake! He doesn’t have a wild lifestyle unless you count riding horses to look at trees and talk about bud cycles. He’s up before dawn most days because he runs a ranch. A successful ranch. He made a mistake. That mistake stole years from him. Friendships. His career. He’s spent his life since making things right. No one holds Ezra more responsible for what he did then than Ezra. Believe me. You think I have guilt issues? He makes me look like an amateur.”
“I’m not sure I believe there are people who take on guilt for things they didn’t even do more than you. I’ll have to know Ezra a lot longer before I can agree with you. I don’t have much longer before we get interrupted. Your father likes him.”
“How can you tell?”
“I’ve been married to the man a long time. He has three basic settings. When he went off with Ezra he was smiling. He likes the boy.”
“Smiling? He was doing a flinty-eyed not-smile!”
Her mother waved a hand. “He didn’t mean it. It didn’t reach his eyes. What did you do outside? He was watching probably. He’s been lurking around peeking out the windows to see if you’d arrived yet.”
“He was up in your bedroom when Ezra opened my door.”
Her mother laughed and laughed. “Nice.”
Back when her older sister, April, had been in high school she’d dated a boy who, upon dropping her off, did not walk her to the door, instead parking out front and then pulling away before she’d even got in the house. That boy was never allowed near April after that. Not that her sister would have stayed with a guy like him, but it was sort of family mythology at that point.
Her mother pressed a small box into her hands. “Happy birthday.”
Tuesday tugged on the ribbon and pulled the lid free, finding her great-grandmother’s ruby brooch inside.
“I thought about giving this to you when you got married. But it wasn’t the right time. And then I wondered if it might coax you back from that place you went after Eric died. There have been four other birthdays since then and I have had this box waiting. I wasn’t even sure I was going to give this to you today until you spoke about Ezra just now. You’re in love. Today is the right time. She’d want you to have it.”
She swallowed hard and looked up at her mother. “Am I that obvious then?”
Her mother cupped one of Tuesday’s cheeks briefly. “Only to me. You’re scared?”
“Yes. Oh god, yes. I love him. I can’t deny it. But it’s so complicated and big and both of us are weird and messed up and I’m trying to take it day by day so I can deal.”
“Not how love works, darling. But you know that.” An elegant shrug Tuesday had been imitating for years but never got as perfect as her mother did. “You can’t pretend love away. Love is a force capable of breaking through just about anything. Tell me a reason why you love him.”
There were so many, Tuesday realized as she thought about it. “When I’m with him he gives me all his attention. It’s rather overwhelming.”
“But it makes you feel special.”
“Dad does that? To you I mean.”
Her mother nodded. “The first time I met him he looked at me like I was the only person in the room. If anyone else had looked at me like that I would have been uncomfortable. But it was all right because it felt to me like he got to because he understood me. It’s not only important to be understood by your man, it’s integral. Eric never understood you.”
It hit like a slap and Tuesday took two steps away.
Her mother waited for Tuesday to be ready to listen again before speaking. “I don’t want to upset you. I’m sorry to have to say all this but you need to hear it. Eric didn’t understand you. He loved you, lord yes. And you loved him and it was right and good that you two were together. This is different and I expect you’re panicking. Always feeling guilty over things when you were little, too. Tell me honestly, does Ezra understand you? Oh, he’s a man so you’ll need to give him a shove in the right direction sometimes. Mostly, when you’re with him do you feel like he’s there for you, for the real Tuesday you are with me or with Natalie? Do you feel like he sees all your cracks and breaks and accepts them? Because that’s what you should demand. You’re worth that sort of understanding. You get to move on. You have every right to do that.”
A loud hail of hellos meant Natalie had arrived. Her mother took the brooch out and pinned it to Tuesday’s blouse. “Aletha Howard was a strong woman and the man who gave her this saved every single spare penny he could until he could buy it. It took him three years. And he came to her and asked her if he could court her. He said this brooch was his pledge that she was worth more than diamonds to him and that he’d put her first for the rest of his life. He was ninety-three when he died. Just three months after she did. This magic is what you need.”
