Broken Open
Page 91
More, he knew she loved it, too, and that’s what made it so potent between them. He loved it hard, but so did she. Though he wondered at times after rehab if it was acceptable that he did. Whether or not he’d broken something and sought darker stuff because everyday sex couldn’t get him off.
He had no such problem right then as orgasm tore through him, shredding him until he could only fall to the bed next to her and draw her close as he caught his breath and could deal with the condom.
* * *
“SO, ALL KIDDING aside and the first round of reunion sex in the bag, tonight had a lot of stuff in it. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as they settled in their respective places in his bed.
When he’d opened the door to go out to get some water, he’d come back to find all three animals in bed with her. Peanut looked at him like she was going to poop in a shoe if he kept Tuesday away from them any more periods this long.
Loopy moved down to the tile floor, sprawling on her belly to get all the cool she could.
The cats burrowed between Ezra and Tuesday, purring like little jet engines as she scratched behind ears.
“My favorite part of the night was seeing you when you first got there. I kept telling myself it wasn’t a big deal that I hadn’t seen you in so long. We’d talked on the phone and texted, you had a harvest and I had all this work stuff but I missed you so much. And when I looked up and saw your face it was like every good thing I’d missed from not being with you for that time hit me all at once and made me just sort of drown in happy. The part with you going down on me and making me come for like eight minutes is also a high point. A full house at my opening. Selling so many pieces. Getting new contacts. All of those also hit the highlight reel. My sister and one of my brothers coming in from California was really amazing. I’ll go up to my parents’ house this weekend to hang out with them. Natalie will most likely come along because she and April get along well. I’m happy they got to meet you and your parents, too. I was thinking we could go out to dinner on Saturday so you can get to know them a little better.”
It was then he realized not only that he’d forgotten to mention his trip with Jeremy, but that she knew it anyway.
“Of course, if I knew you were going to be away with your friend this weekend I’d just plan around you. Were you afraid I’d be upset or something?”
“No. I honestly forgot. I’d mean to tell you and then I’d hear your voice and forget everything but you.” He frowned.
She watched him carefully, waiting for him to elaborate and when he didn’t she shrugged. “Have a good time. Bring me back chocolate.”
That she knew he hadn’t told her and that she knew he was holding back and was acting like she wasn’t mad pushed him to finally speak.
“Two things. I had this epiphany that Saturday we went up to your parents’ for your birthday. Jeremy called and we had a real conversation. He and I used to be pretty tight and he suggested he and I head to Vancouver for a few days to have good food and catch up. It was like an underline to this feeling I’ve had that I needed to make more of an effort to reconnect with my friends.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. I think you do, too. I imagine some of your friends have really been hoping you’d reach out again.”
“The second thing is that I don’t want to go because I want to be with you. I want to snatch you up and take you to the mountains for the weekend, where it’s just you and me.”
“We can go up again at another time. I have my stall in the morning and then I’m going to Olympia for the weekend. You’ll go to Vancouver and see Jeremy and when you get back to town I’ll be here.”
He pushed himself out of bed and began to pace. “Is it that easy for you?”
“What?”
“This week I needed to see you so much it nearly made me ache.”
She turned to face him, reaching to turn the lamp on. “I know. I mean, I know you’ve been holding yourself away from me. Avoiding me.”
“It’s not avoiding you.”
She got a sour look. “What is it then? I’m sitting here naked in your bed and I’m telling you the fucking truth. How dare you stand there and act like the truth isn’t the truth and I can’t see it. Fuck you, Ezra.”
Wow. He’d never seen her like this. Not directed at him.
“See, Ezra, you could have come to me. At any time in the ten days since that weekend at my parents’ and today. I’d have come to you. I will always come to you.”
“I don’t know how to want you and for it to be okay!”
She pulled on a robe and he was annoyed at the loss of all that pretty skin bared to his view.
“Stop yelling. You get the dog all upset and then she’ll sleep between us. I’m right here. I can hear you just fine.”
“How can you be so calm? I’m a goddamn junkie who is afraid of love because he doesn’t know how to healthily need someone.”
“I’m not confused.” She shrugged. “See, that’s the thing about tonight. I stood there and the Heywoods said all sorts of stuff and you got between them and me and absorbed all that hate. You defended me. For a long while it felt like anything good that made me happy was an insult to Eric. Tonight I told my mother I feel for you with an intensity I never had with anyone before, even Eric, and she said so what. And she’s got a point. I can feel guilty about the feelings of a dead man or I can be thankful you were thrown in my path when I was ready for you. It’s not right or wrong. It just is. You make me feel like no one ever has. And it freaks me out and I have moments when I wonder if I can really do it and be what you need. If I can be what I need. But the truth of it is the same either way. You can keep on with this talk about how you’re a junkie and this and that. But you’re not and that’s silly so I’m telling you up front that you are the only one who sees Ezra that way. The rest of us clearly know you better.”
He had no such problem right then as orgasm tore through him, shredding him until he could only fall to the bed next to her and draw her close as he caught his breath and could deal with the condom.
* * *
“SO, ALL KIDDING aside and the first round of reunion sex in the bag, tonight had a lot of stuff in it. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as they settled in their respective places in his bed.
When he’d opened the door to go out to get some water, he’d come back to find all three animals in bed with her. Peanut looked at him like she was going to poop in a shoe if he kept Tuesday away from them any more periods this long.
Loopy moved down to the tile floor, sprawling on her belly to get all the cool she could.
The cats burrowed between Ezra and Tuesday, purring like little jet engines as she scratched behind ears.
“My favorite part of the night was seeing you when you first got there. I kept telling myself it wasn’t a big deal that I hadn’t seen you in so long. We’d talked on the phone and texted, you had a harvest and I had all this work stuff but I missed you so much. And when I looked up and saw your face it was like every good thing I’d missed from not being with you for that time hit me all at once and made me just sort of drown in happy. The part with you going down on me and making me come for like eight minutes is also a high point. A full house at my opening. Selling so many pieces. Getting new contacts. All of those also hit the highlight reel. My sister and one of my brothers coming in from California was really amazing. I’ll go up to my parents’ house this weekend to hang out with them. Natalie will most likely come along because she and April get along well. I’m happy they got to meet you and your parents, too. I was thinking we could go out to dinner on Saturday so you can get to know them a little better.”
It was then he realized not only that he’d forgotten to mention his trip with Jeremy, but that she knew it anyway.
“Of course, if I knew you were going to be away with your friend this weekend I’d just plan around you. Were you afraid I’d be upset or something?”
“No. I honestly forgot. I’d mean to tell you and then I’d hear your voice and forget everything but you.” He frowned.
She watched him carefully, waiting for him to elaborate and when he didn’t she shrugged. “Have a good time. Bring me back chocolate.”
That she knew he hadn’t told her and that she knew he was holding back and was acting like she wasn’t mad pushed him to finally speak.
“Two things. I had this epiphany that Saturday we went up to your parents’ for your birthday. Jeremy called and we had a real conversation. He and I used to be pretty tight and he suggested he and I head to Vancouver for a few days to have good food and catch up. It was like an underline to this feeling I’ve had that I needed to make more of an effort to reconnect with my friends.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. I think you do, too. I imagine some of your friends have really been hoping you’d reach out again.”
“The second thing is that I don’t want to go because I want to be with you. I want to snatch you up and take you to the mountains for the weekend, where it’s just you and me.”
“We can go up again at another time. I have my stall in the morning and then I’m going to Olympia for the weekend. You’ll go to Vancouver and see Jeremy and when you get back to town I’ll be here.”
He pushed himself out of bed and began to pace. “Is it that easy for you?”
“What?”
“This week I needed to see you so much it nearly made me ache.”
She turned to face him, reaching to turn the lamp on. “I know. I mean, I know you’ve been holding yourself away from me. Avoiding me.”
“It’s not avoiding you.”
She got a sour look. “What is it then? I’m sitting here naked in your bed and I’m telling you the fucking truth. How dare you stand there and act like the truth isn’t the truth and I can’t see it. Fuck you, Ezra.”
Wow. He’d never seen her like this. Not directed at him.
“See, Ezra, you could have come to me. At any time in the ten days since that weekend at my parents’ and today. I’d have come to you. I will always come to you.”
“I don’t know how to want you and for it to be okay!”
She pulled on a robe and he was annoyed at the loss of all that pretty skin bared to his view.
“Stop yelling. You get the dog all upset and then she’ll sleep between us. I’m right here. I can hear you just fine.”
“How can you be so calm? I’m a goddamn junkie who is afraid of love because he doesn’t know how to healthily need someone.”
“I’m not confused.” She shrugged. “See, that’s the thing about tonight. I stood there and the Heywoods said all sorts of stuff and you got between them and me and absorbed all that hate. You defended me. For a long while it felt like anything good that made me happy was an insult to Eric. Tonight I told my mother I feel for you with an intensity I never had with anyone before, even Eric, and she said so what. And she’s got a point. I can feel guilty about the feelings of a dead man or I can be thankful you were thrown in my path when I was ready for you. It’s not right or wrong. It just is. You make me feel like no one ever has. And it freaks me out and I have moments when I wonder if I can really do it and be what you need. If I can be what I need. But the truth of it is the same either way. You can keep on with this talk about how you’re a junkie and this and that. But you’re not and that’s silly so I’m telling you up front that you are the only one who sees Ezra that way. The rest of us clearly know you better.”
