Building From Ashes
Page 58
Her counselor’s voice was almost a whisper. “Who would hear you?”
“Mum would hear me. I’d get in trouble. He told me.”
“Brigid—”
She paced back and forth as the grass singed under her bare feet. “Why don’t you understand? It’s too ugly. I know what you’re trying to do, dammit! But if I let one thing out, it will all come out and there’ll be no end to it!” Anne and Cathy backed away slowly as Brigid came to a halt, burning alive in the desolate meadow. “It’ll swallow me up! I’d never be myself again. There’s too…”
“Too what?”
A sob she didn’t recognize tore from her throat. “Too much!”
Anne’s eyes bled tears. “Too much what?”
“Everything!”
“Let yourself feel it, Brigid.”
“No! That’s what everyone says, but what does that do for you? You only lose control of the one thing that’s yours. And then, you have nothing. They’ve taken everything from you, and there’s nothing left. Nothing will be safe.”
Cathy spoke up. “Brigid, you have people who love you. Who want to help—”
She spun on her. “That’s a lie.”
Anne looked confused. “Brigid, you know we want to—”
“No one will take care of you but yourself. That’s the only person you can depend on.”
Cathy snorted and Brigid’s ire spiked. “Well, that’s horse shit.”
Brigid’s eyes narrowed. “No, it’s not.”
“Who told you that? Your mother? Your step-father?”
“Shut up, you bitch.”
“Because I sure as hell know that Deirdre and Ioan loved you. Especially Ioan. Your Aunt Sinead. Carwyn. So who are you going to believe?”
“Shut up!”
Cathy shook her head. “You’re an idiot.”
Brigid started toward her. “I am not, you miserable cow!”
Cathy didn’t back down. She pointed a finger in Brigid’s furious face. “You’re the one believing the lie, instead of the people who love you.”
“I do not!”
“Yes, you do,” Cathy said. “You just said so. And you’re full of shit. You can’t cry? You’re crying right now. Can’t you feel it?”
Brigid blinked and brought a hand up to her face, starting when her fingertips sizzled on the bloody tears. “I’m… I’m not—”
“I guess you don’t even believe the shit you’re spewing.”
Brigid’s shock dropped away, and a murderous rage took over. She felt the fire building along her skin. It surged from the small of her back, and she felt the cool air as her clothing fell away. The flames covered her. Swirling over her like a living shield.
Cathy still looked unafraid. “It’s a good thing Ioan never knew what a liar you are.”
Brigid let loose a scream as the rage burst out. It exploded away from her, shooting in every direction in one terrifying flood of energy. She held it for a brief moment before she felt her amnis shrink back, curling around her like a warm shroud. Brigid fell to her knees, weeping gut-wrenching sobs that tore her throat. The earth around her was burned black, the grass curled into ash, but she was untouched. She lay frozen in the middle of the scorched earth as a blanket of water fell over her. Anne’s hands sizzled against her back as she pulled Brigid up and embraced her.
“I have you, Brigid. You’re fine. I have you now.”
“Anne—” Brigid choked. “I didn’t… I didn’t lie to Ioan.”
“I know, darling.” She soaked the front of Anne’s shirt with her tears. The water was already steaming off her skin, and she felt a shivering kind of weakness envelop her. She was exposed. Raw.
She tried to pull away from Anne’s embrace. “I… I can’t—”
“Don’t.” Her friend’s arms tightened around her. “You deserve to be heard. And held. This is not weakness.” Anne bent over and whispered in her ear. “Let me hear it. Even the ugly things.”
“There are so many ugly things.”
“Then let them out so you can be rid of them. You don’t need to carry them around for eternity.”
“I didn’t want Ioan and Deirdre to know.”
“Know what?”
“The ugliness. The anger.” She sniffed. “He was better than me. All that he and Deirdre did for me? They didn’t deserve that.”
Anne pulled back and framed Brigid’s face with her hands. “They aren’t better. Or worse. Just different. We all have our demons, Brigid. Let me help you with yours. That way, you don’t keep hurting yourself.”
“Or other people,” Cathy croaked from across the meadow. She crawled toward them with a grin on her face and a curl still smoking over her forehead. “And all emotional revelations aside… that, Brigid Connor, was very fucking interesting.”
Chapter Fifteen
Valle de Cochamó, Chile
February 2011
“Squeal in terror, tiny human.”
“Forget it, old man. You’re going down.”
“You are wildly optimistic for a loser.”
“Keep trash talking. It’ll just make it sweeter when I—what was that?” Ben’s mouth dropped open as he stared at Carwyn’s coin count shoot up.
“Mum would hear me. I’d get in trouble. He told me.”
“Brigid—”
She paced back and forth as the grass singed under her bare feet. “Why don’t you understand? It’s too ugly. I know what you’re trying to do, dammit! But if I let one thing out, it will all come out and there’ll be no end to it!” Anne and Cathy backed away slowly as Brigid came to a halt, burning alive in the desolate meadow. “It’ll swallow me up! I’d never be myself again. There’s too…”
“Too what?”
A sob she didn’t recognize tore from her throat. “Too much!”
Anne’s eyes bled tears. “Too much what?”
“Everything!”
“Let yourself feel it, Brigid.”
“No! That’s what everyone says, but what does that do for you? You only lose control of the one thing that’s yours. And then, you have nothing. They’ve taken everything from you, and there’s nothing left. Nothing will be safe.”
Cathy spoke up. “Brigid, you have people who love you. Who want to help—”
She spun on her. “That’s a lie.”
Anne looked confused. “Brigid, you know we want to—”
“No one will take care of you but yourself. That’s the only person you can depend on.”
Cathy snorted and Brigid’s ire spiked. “Well, that’s horse shit.”
Brigid’s eyes narrowed. “No, it’s not.”
“Who told you that? Your mother? Your step-father?”
“Shut up, you bitch.”
“Because I sure as hell know that Deirdre and Ioan loved you. Especially Ioan. Your Aunt Sinead. Carwyn. So who are you going to believe?”
“Shut up!”
Cathy shook her head. “You’re an idiot.”
Brigid started toward her. “I am not, you miserable cow!”
Cathy didn’t back down. She pointed a finger in Brigid’s furious face. “You’re the one believing the lie, instead of the people who love you.”
“I do not!”
“Yes, you do,” Cathy said. “You just said so. And you’re full of shit. You can’t cry? You’re crying right now. Can’t you feel it?”
Brigid blinked and brought a hand up to her face, starting when her fingertips sizzled on the bloody tears. “I’m… I’m not—”
“I guess you don’t even believe the shit you’re spewing.”
Brigid’s shock dropped away, and a murderous rage took over. She felt the fire building along her skin. It surged from the small of her back, and she felt the cool air as her clothing fell away. The flames covered her. Swirling over her like a living shield.
Cathy still looked unafraid. “It’s a good thing Ioan never knew what a liar you are.”
Brigid let loose a scream as the rage burst out. It exploded away from her, shooting in every direction in one terrifying flood of energy. She held it for a brief moment before she felt her amnis shrink back, curling around her like a warm shroud. Brigid fell to her knees, weeping gut-wrenching sobs that tore her throat. The earth around her was burned black, the grass curled into ash, but she was untouched. She lay frozen in the middle of the scorched earth as a blanket of water fell over her. Anne’s hands sizzled against her back as she pulled Brigid up and embraced her.
“I have you, Brigid. You’re fine. I have you now.”
“Anne—” Brigid choked. “I didn’t… I didn’t lie to Ioan.”
“I know, darling.” She soaked the front of Anne’s shirt with her tears. The water was already steaming off her skin, and she felt a shivering kind of weakness envelop her. She was exposed. Raw.
She tried to pull away from Anne’s embrace. “I… I can’t—”
“Don’t.” Her friend’s arms tightened around her. “You deserve to be heard. And held. This is not weakness.” Anne bent over and whispered in her ear. “Let me hear it. Even the ugly things.”
“There are so many ugly things.”
“Then let them out so you can be rid of them. You don’t need to carry them around for eternity.”
“I didn’t want Ioan and Deirdre to know.”
“Know what?”
“The ugliness. The anger.” She sniffed. “He was better than me. All that he and Deirdre did for me? They didn’t deserve that.”
Anne pulled back and framed Brigid’s face with her hands. “They aren’t better. Or worse. Just different. We all have our demons, Brigid. Let me help you with yours. That way, you don’t keep hurting yourself.”
“Or other people,” Cathy croaked from across the meadow. She crawled toward them with a grin on her face and a curl still smoking over her forehead. “And all emotional revelations aside… that, Brigid Connor, was very fucking interesting.”
Chapter Fifteen
Valle de Cochamó, Chile
February 2011
“Squeal in terror, tiny human.”
“Forget it, old man. You’re going down.”
“You are wildly optimistic for a loser.”
“Keep trash talking. It’ll just make it sweeter when I—what was that?” Ben’s mouth dropped open as he stared at Carwyn’s coin count shoot up.
