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I flipped the folder closed on that face that was following me everywhere, picked up my phone, and hit Zeb’s contact info. The phone rang and rang, which I thought was strange, as anxious as he had been for any news about the results. Usually I was running to catch his calls or to call him back, so the fact that my call went to voicemail made me frown and had immediate thoughts of what—and who—could be occupying his time running around like angry squirrels in my mind. Frustrated and slightly disgusted with myself, I tossed the envelope on top of the now closed case file and told myself I was leaving Zeb here, in my office, along with hundreds of other cases that were on my desk and in the filing cabinets behind it.
I was pulling bobby pins out of the coil of my hair, peeling panty hose off my legs, and kicking my heels off so I could put on my hot-pink Vans, courtesy of a shopping trip with my brother’s oh-so-hip and stylish girlfriend. They were quirky and casual, and before I moved to Colorado I never would have worn them. Even when I moved out of my father’s house for college. It wasn’t until I took the leap, took the risk to come to Denver and find Rowdy, that I could take itty-bitty baby steps toward not analyzing how every single decision I made would ultimately affect me. I could wear pink shoes because they were cute and not worry about getting looked down upon for that choice. Only my father could take something as simple as a pair of shoes and turn them into a reflection of a person’s worth and perceived shortcomings.
I was gathering up my laptop to put in my bag when my phone shrilled from the spot where I had tossed it. It was startlingly loud in the quiet of my office, and when I saw Zeb’s name on the display it made me groan out loud into the empty space as I felt my pulse kick in response.
I plowed my fingers through my now loose hair and put the phone to my ear. As soon as I answered I heard heavy breathing and a lot of background noise.
“Hello?” I asked it questioningly as Zeb’s deep voice hollered out orders to someone who obviously wasn’t me.
“You need to have someone get out in the drainage ditch next to the driveway with a magnet. I don’t want the neighbors on my ass about nails in their tires. They’re already pissed I had you guys work late the last two nights. Hello? Sayer, is that you? Did you call me? Is there news?”
He sounded just as keyed up and anxious as he always did when we spoke and I wanted to curl up in a ball of shame for thinking anything different just because he wasn’t able to answer my call. I leaned forward and put my forehead on the edge of the desk with a solid thunk.
“Sayer? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Great. Now he was worried about me because I was acting like a dolt.
I sucked in a deep breath and told myself to get it together. “I’m good. I’m still at the office and just happened to get some last-minute mail. It’s something I think you’ll want to see. I was going to offer to bring it over to your place, but it sounds like you’re still working, too. You can swing by my office in the morning if you want.”
He got really quiet on the other end of the phone and I could hear the guys on his crew in the background and the sound of cars as he breathed low and steady in my ear.
“Zeb?” I didn’t want to ask if he was okay because I knew he wasn’t. His life was going to change even if the adorable little boy who looked just like him was, in fact, not his. Even if Hyde wasn’t his son I had a feeling that knowing the little boy was caught up in the system with no family and no one to look out for him wouldn’t sit well with him. Zeb was a fixer by nature and this little boy was most definitely on his project list.
He cleared his throat and I could picture him pacing back and forth as he pushed his free hand through his too long hair where it flopped over his forehead. Whoever would have thought being unkempt was so unbelievably sexy?
“Did you look at them? The results, I mean . . . am I a father?”
I put a hand to my chest as my heart squeezed like it had a fist around it when his voice broke on the last word. So much for keeping it all professional from here on out.
“No. I didn’t open the envelope. I figured that was something you needed to do. I know how worried you’ve been.”
He barked out a laugh so ugly and harsh it made my skin rise up in goose bumps. “Worried? Fuck being worried, Sayer. I feel like the world has stopped spinning, like every goddamn thing I do or say is all backward because I can’t think about anything but the kid. It’s been weeks and he’s still in foster care, alone and probably terrified. He needs to know he has family. He needs to know he has me.” He swore some more and then sighed. “I ran into a problem with the install of the new electrical system at my current job and then my buddy Asa asked me to look at a space he’s thinking about investing in, so I’m a week behind on this renovation. I’ve been pushing the guys hard this week, and I still have some things I need to finish up tonight. I hate to ask since the jobsite looks like a tornado blew through it, but would you mind swinging by here on your way home with the results? If not I can come by your place later and pick them up. I don’t think I have the patience to wait until the morning.”
I picked the envelope up off the desk and tucked it into my purse. “I’ll come to you. Just give me directions.”
His sigh of relief was audible as he rattled off an address in a part of Denver I wasn’t exactly familiar with called the Highlands. I jotted down the information and told him I would see him in a few. But not before carefully asking, “Zeb, do you want to maybe call a friend or someone in your family? I know you’ve been waiting for what seems like forever to see what this test says, but when you see it, when it becomes real, you may not want to deal with it on your own.”
I had seen the way earth-shaking news sent someone into an emotional tailspin more than once. I wanted to make sure Zeb had all the support he needed to soften the blow.
“You’re going to be here, right?” His deep voice was extra raspy and the goose bumps that followed the way it dragged through my ears had nothing to do with unease this time around.
“Yes. I’ll be there.”
“Then you’re the only person I need while I find out if I am Hyde’s father. Honestly, if the results are negative I think my mother might take it harder than me. She’s already calling the little guy her grandson. I don’t want to disappoint her.” There was an edge to his voice when he said it.
I was pulling bobby pins out of the coil of my hair, peeling panty hose off my legs, and kicking my heels off so I could put on my hot-pink Vans, courtesy of a shopping trip with my brother’s oh-so-hip and stylish girlfriend. They were quirky and casual, and before I moved to Colorado I never would have worn them. Even when I moved out of my father’s house for college. It wasn’t until I took the leap, took the risk to come to Denver and find Rowdy, that I could take itty-bitty baby steps toward not analyzing how every single decision I made would ultimately affect me. I could wear pink shoes because they were cute and not worry about getting looked down upon for that choice. Only my father could take something as simple as a pair of shoes and turn them into a reflection of a person’s worth and perceived shortcomings.
I was gathering up my laptop to put in my bag when my phone shrilled from the spot where I had tossed it. It was startlingly loud in the quiet of my office, and when I saw Zeb’s name on the display it made me groan out loud into the empty space as I felt my pulse kick in response.
I plowed my fingers through my now loose hair and put the phone to my ear. As soon as I answered I heard heavy breathing and a lot of background noise.
“Hello?” I asked it questioningly as Zeb’s deep voice hollered out orders to someone who obviously wasn’t me.
“You need to have someone get out in the drainage ditch next to the driveway with a magnet. I don’t want the neighbors on my ass about nails in their tires. They’re already pissed I had you guys work late the last two nights. Hello? Sayer, is that you? Did you call me? Is there news?”
He sounded just as keyed up and anxious as he always did when we spoke and I wanted to curl up in a ball of shame for thinking anything different just because he wasn’t able to answer my call. I leaned forward and put my forehead on the edge of the desk with a solid thunk.
“Sayer? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Great. Now he was worried about me because I was acting like a dolt.
I sucked in a deep breath and told myself to get it together. “I’m good. I’m still at the office and just happened to get some last-minute mail. It’s something I think you’ll want to see. I was going to offer to bring it over to your place, but it sounds like you’re still working, too. You can swing by my office in the morning if you want.”
He got really quiet on the other end of the phone and I could hear the guys on his crew in the background and the sound of cars as he breathed low and steady in my ear.
“Zeb?” I didn’t want to ask if he was okay because I knew he wasn’t. His life was going to change even if the adorable little boy who looked just like him was, in fact, not his. Even if Hyde wasn’t his son I had a feeling that knowing the little boy was caught up in the system with no family and no one to look out for him wouldn’t sit well with him. Zeb was a fixer by nature and this little boy was most definitely on his project list.
He cleared his throat and I could picture him pacing back and forth as he pushed his free hand through his too long hair where it flopped over his forehead. Whoever would have thought being unkempt was so unbelievably sexy?
“Did you look at them? The results, I mean . . . am I a father?”
I put a hand to my chest as my heart squeezed like it had a fist around it when his voice broke on the last word. So much for keeping it all professional from here on out.
“No. I didn’t open the envelope. I figured that was something you needed to do. I know how worried you’ve been.”
He barked out a laugh so ugly and harsh it made my skin rise up in goose bumps. “Worried? Fuck being worried, Sayer. I feel like the world has stopped spinning, like every goddamn thing I do or say is all backward because I can’t think about anything but the kid. It’s been weeks and he’s still in foster care, alone and probably terrified. He needs to know he has family. He needs to know he has me.” He swore some more and then sighed. “I ran into a problem with the install of the new electrical system at my current job and then my buddy Asa asked me to look at a space he’s thinking about investing in, so I’m a week behind on this renovation. I’ve been pushing the guys hard this week, and I still have some things I need to finish up tonight. I hate to ask since the jobsite looks like a tornado blew through it, but would you mind swinging by here on your way home with the results? If not I can come by your place later and pick them up. I don’t think I have the patience to wait until the morning.”
I picked the envelope up off the desk and tucked it into my purse. “I’ll come to you. Just give me directions.”
His sigh of relief was audible as he rattled off an address in a part of Denver I wasn’t exactly familiar with called the Highlands. I jotted down the information and told him I would see him in a few. But not before carefully asking, “Zeb, do you want to maybe call a friend or someone in your family? I know you’ve been waiting for what seems like forever to see what this test says, but when you see it, when it becomes real, you may not want to deal with it on your own.”
I had seen the way earth-shaking news sent someone into an emotional tailspin more than once. I wanted to make sure Zeb had all the support he needed to soften the blow.
“You’re going to be here, right?” His deep voice was extra raspy and the goose bumps that followed the way it dragged through my ears had nothing to do with unease this time around.
“Yes. I’ll be there.”
“Then you’re the only person I need while I find out if I am Hyde’s father. Honestly, if the results are negative I think my mother might take it harder than me. She’s already calling the little guy her grandson. I don’t want to disappoint her.” There was an edge to his voice when he said it.
