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He shook our joined hands vigorously and grinned at me. “Deal.”
I tugged him closer, so that our noses were almost touching, and mock-whispered, “Do you want to know a secret?”
His evergreen eyes popped wide and he nodded so vigorously that for a second I thought he was going to slide off the stool. I put my lips on his baby-soft cheek and gave him a little peck.
“It doesn’t matter to your dad what you call him . . . Daddy, Zeb, Zebulon, Old Man River, Mr. Giant, Captain Beardo, Paul Bunyan . . . all he cares about is that you’re here to call him anything. He simply wants you, Hyde. No matter what, I want you to remember that, okay?”
He gave a jerky little nod and I pulled away and took the bowl with me over to the stove so that I could try again to make pancakes once I found another spoon. There was no way I was going fishing for the one that was at the bottom of the bowl. I would end up with batter in even more places than I already had it.
I had everything set up and was intently focused on my task when Hyde’s voice drifted to me from across the room.
“How come you only have one red wall?” He had climbed off the stool and was standing in front of the poppy-colored wall, studying it with his head tilted a little to the side.
“Uh, your dad actually painted it for me. I have a friend who lives with me and he asked her to pick out a color to cheer her up. That was the color she chose.”
“I like it. It’s bright.”
“I like it, too, and when the pancakes are done and hopefully not burned this time around, we can go wake Poppy up and you can tell her you like it. She’ll be thrilled.”
“Are you gonna have my dad paint more?”
I felt my spine go stiff at the stove as the butter melted and sizzled on the griddle. I wondered if he even realized that he had referred to Zeb as his dad. “No. I wasn’t going to have him paint any more. Just that one wall.”
He made his way over to me and I cautioned him to keep his hands clear of the top of the stove.
“Do you like it like that?”
I looked down at him. “Like what?”
“Everything so boring. The red wall is better.”
I bit the inside of my lip and turned my head to look at it. “You’re right. It is better.”
And no, I didn’t like the rest of the house being plain and boring. It was supposed to be soothing and comforting; instead I felt like the entire inside lacked personality and that every single neutral-toned wall mocked me as I walked by it. I sighed and pulled the pan off the heat.
“Let’s go get Poppy and dive into our masterpiece, shall we?”
He followed me without argument.
Luckily Poppy was already up and in the living room when we went to fetch her. I should’ve known she wouldn’t be able to sleep through the doorbell going off. Hyde took an immediate liking to her, and the three of us spent the rest of the morning eating pancakes, coloring on the back of computer paper, and playing band with overturned pots and pans. Hyde was quite the drummer, and I was surprised at how dedicated Poppy was to her role as lead air guitarist. I, by default, ended up as lead singer, which sucked for them since the only songs I knew the lyrics to were eighties heavy metal. After the second round of “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” Poppy threw in the towel and claimed she needed a nap. Hyde also looked a little heavy-eyed, so I set him up on the couch with Nickelodeon on the TV. He was out before I could turn around and cover him up with a blanket.
I felt like I should run into my office and grab my computer so I could get through the work that was waiting for me, but all I could do was stand there like I was glued to the spot and stare down at the precious little boy. He was so sweet, so resilient, considering everything he had been through. I had no idea how he had it in him to be so trusting and so open to love, but I was unendingly thankful that he was. I could learn so much from him.
I jerked when Poppy put her hand on my elbow and inclined her head toward my office. I followed her as quietly as I could so we wouldn’t wake Hyde, and sniffed a little when I realized that I had tears in my eyes that were threatening to spill over. All these feelings were so much and they were starting to leak out of me regularly now.
“I thought you were taking a nap.”
“I was going to, but then I started thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it before I lost my nerve.” She twisted her hands together and started to pace back and forth in front of me. She fluttered around like a little golden bird and it made me anxious.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, Poppy.”
She audibly gulped. “I do . . . well, anything about me, but this is about you, Sayer, and it’s hard for me to say, after all the wonderful things you’ve done for me.”
She succeeded in catching me off guard. “Uh, okay, I’m listening.”
She took a deep breath and was obviously rallying her nerve before she blurted out, “You would be a really great mom.”
I blinked in shock because that wasn’t what I was expecting. “Excuse me?”
She moved shaky hands to push her hair behind her ears and I saw her turn pink. “I know you struggle with the way your mom died and feel like she abandoned you, but, Sayer . . .” She reached out and put a hand on my arm. “You would never and could never do that to anyone. I watched you with Hyde all morning, and I can see how much you love him.”
I put my hand over hers and gave it a pat. “He’s just a little boy, Poppy. It’s impossible not to care for him.”
Her amber eyes sharpened as she narrowed them at me. “Really? Because if that was true, it would be his mother cooking him pancakes for breakfast and not you.”
I opened my mouth to argue and then let it fall back closed because she did have a point.
“It’s not just that. When you took me in without question because I couldn’t handle being around men, even the man I trust most in the whole world, I thought you were my guardian angel. I wouldn’t have survived without you, Sayer.”
“No.” I automatically denied my role in her ongoing recovery. “You’re a fighter, Poppy.”
She snorted delicately and lifted her caramel-colored eyebrows. “Am I? Because you threw me the life preserver months ago and all I’ve been doing is floating and hoping I don’t drown. I haven’t been swimming at all, Sayer, but you have loved me, protected me, sheltered me, and fought for me when I wouldn’t fight for myself. You did everything for me your own mother couldn’t do for you.”
I tugged him closer, so that our noses were almost touching, and mock-whispered, “Do you want to know a secret?”
His evergreen eyes popped wide and he nodded so vigorously that for a second I thought he was going to slide off the stool. I put my lips on his baby-soft cheek and gave him a little peck.
“It doesn’t matter to your dad what you call him . . . Daddy, Zeb, Zebulon, Old Man River, Mr. Giant, Captain Beardo, Paul Bunyan . . . all he cares about is that you’re here to call him anything. He simply wants you, Hyde. No matter what, I want you to remember that, okay?”
He gave a jerky little nod and I pulled away and took the bowl with me over to the stove so that I could try again to make pancakes once I found another spoon. There was no way I was going fishing for the one that was at the bottom of the bowl. I would end up with batter in even more places than I already had it.
I had everything set up and was intently focused on my task when Hyde’s voice drifted to me from across the room.
“How come you only have one red wall?” He had climbed off the stool and was standing in front of the poppy-colored wall, studying it with his head tilted a little to the side.
“Uh, your dad actually painted it for me. I have a friend who lives with me and he asked her to pick out a color to cheer her up. That was the color she chose.”
“I like it. It’s bright.”
“I like it, too, and when the pancakes are done and hopefully not burned this time around, we can go wake Poppy up and you can tell her you like it. She’ll be thrilled.”
“Are you gonna have my dad paint more?”
I felt my spine go stiff at the stove as the butter melted and sizzled on the griddle. I wondered if he even realized that he had referred to Zeb as his dad. “No. I wasn’t going to have him paint any more. Just that one wall.”
He made his way over to me and I cautioned him to keep his hands clear of the top of the stove.
“Do you like it like that?”
I looked down at him. “Like what?”
“Everything so boring. The red wall is better.”
I bit the inside of my lip and turned my head to look at it. “You’re right. It is better.”
And no, I didn’t like the rest of the house being plain and boring. It was supposed to be soothing and comforting; instead I felt like the entire inside lacked personality and that every single neutral-toned wall mocked me as I walked by it. I sighed and pulled the pan off the heat.
“Let’s go get Poppy and dive into our masterpiece, shall we?”
He followed me without argument.
Luckily Poppy was already up and in the living room when we went to fetch her. I should’ve known she wouldn’t be able to sleep through the doorbell going off. Hyde took an immediate liking to her, and the three of us spent the rest of the morning eating pancakes, coloring on the back of computer paper, and playing band with overturned pots and pans. Hyde was quite the drummer, and I was surprised at how dedicated Poppy was to her role as lead air guitarist. I, by default, ended up as lead singer, which sucked for them since the only songs I knew the lyrics to were eighties heavy metal. After the second round of “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” Poppy threw in the towel and claimed she needed a nap. Hyde also looked a little heavy-eyed, so I set him up on the couch with Nickelodeon on the TV. He was out before I could turn around and cover him up with a blanket.
I felt like I should run into my office and grab my computer so I could get through the work that was waiting for me, but all I could do was stand there like I was glued to the spot and stare down at the precious little boy. He was so sweet, so resilient, considering everything he had been through. I had no idea how he had it in him to be so trusting and so open to love, but I was unendingly thankful that he was. I could learn so much from him.
I jerked when Poppy put her hand on my elbow and inclined her head toward my office. I followed her as quietly as I could so we wouldn’t wake Hyde, and sniffed a little when I realized that I had tears in my eyes that were threatening to spill over. All these feelings were so much and they were starting to leak out of me regularly now.
“I thought you were taking a nap.”
“I was going to, but then I started thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it before I lost my nerve.” She twisted her hands together and started to pace back and forth in front of me. She fluttered around like a little golden bird and it made me anxious.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, Poppy.”
She audibly gulped. “I do . . . well, anything about me, but this is about you, Sayer, and it’s hard for me to say, after all the wonderful things you’ve done for me.”
She succeeded in catching me off guard. “Uh, okay, I’m listening.”
She took a deep breath and was obviously rallying her nerve before she blurted out, “You would be a really great mom.”
I blinked in shock because that wasn’t what I was expecting. “Excuse me?”
She moved shaky hands to push her hair behind her ears and I saw her turn pink. “I know you struggle with the way your mom died and feel like she abandoned you, but, Sayer . . .” She reached out and put a hand on my arm. “You would never and could never do that to anyone. I watched you with Hyde all morning, and I can see how much you love him.”
I put my hand over hers and gave it a pat. “He’s just a little boy, Poppy. It’s impossible not to care for him.”
Her amber eyes sharpened as she narrowed them at me. “Really? Because if that was true, it would be his mother cooking him pancakes for breakfast and not you.”
I opened my mouth to argue and then let it fall back closed because she did have a point.
“It’s not just that. When you took me in without question because I couldn’t handle being around men, even the man I trust most in the whole world, I thought you were my guardian angel. I wouldn’t have survived without you, Sayer.”
“No.” I automatically denied my role in her ongoing recovery. “You’re a fighter, Poppy.”
She snorted delicately and lifted her caramel-colored eyebrows. “Am I? Because you threw me the life preserver months ago and all I’ve been doing is floating and hoping I don’t drown. I haven’t been swimming at all, Sayer, but you have loved me, protected me, sheltered me, and fought for me when I wouldn’t fight for myself. You did everything for me your own mother couldn’t do for you.”
