Capturing Peace
Page 2
“No . . . Reagan, no!”
I burst into strained sobs, unable to try and brush it off as something else. My boyfriend of the last eighteen months had just broken my heart. He’d called our baby a thing. I’d been stressing over hiding my bump with loose-fitting clothing for almost a month now. I’d only turned sixteen a couple weeks ago and was having a baby.
All the emotions crashed down on me, and no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I needed my mom right then.
“M-mom,” I somehow managed to say through the near-hyperventilating crying.
“No. What have you done?” she shrieked as she backed away from me.
“Mom, please!”
I followed her into my bedroom, and our heads turned toward my door when heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs. My older brother burst into my room, quickly followed by my dad.
What is he already doing home? He usually isn’t home for another few hours.
I panicked when I saw the look of horror cross both their faces. Their eyes were glued to my stomach. I quickly pulled my shirt down to cover it, but my arms stayed in front of my little bump, like I was protecting my baby from what was about to happen.
“Daddy,” I cried, and started to take a step toward him, but he took one away.
“I’m going to kill him,” my brother, Keegan, whispered. “I swear to God I’ll kill him.”
“What have you done, Reagan?” Mom screamed again.
My chest ached, and the tears somehow—impossibly—fell harder. “Mom, I’m—”
“Tell me you’re not pregnant! Damn it, Reagan, tell me!”
Hands gripped my arms just as my knees gave out beneath me. “Stop screaming at her!” Keegan yelled back as he walked me toward my bed. “She’s upset enough as it is, you’re not helping anything.”
When we were sitting, I gripped my brother’s hand like a lifeline . . . the only way I could thank him in that moment.
“Did you know this?” Mom turned her attention on Keegan, her voice still shrill. “Did you know this, and you kept it from us?”
“Austin wouldn’t be alive if I’d known about this! But you’re making this worse, she’s probably terrified and you yelling is stressing her out!”
“Don’t tell me how to react to this situation! Don’t you dare! Get out of the room!”
“Mom, I’m pissed too! I’m forcing myself not to leave this house because I know I’ll go hunt Austin down. But we need to calm down for Reagan! If she’s pregnant, this isn’t going to help the baby.”
Mom gripped my desk like she needed it to stay standing. Her voice wavered, but she never stopped screaming. “She can’t be pregnant . . . Reagan, you can’t be pregnant!”
Even though Keegan was trying to calm the room, my dad was the only one who hadn’t spoken and wasn’t crying. I looked at him, hoping for something from him. Anything. But his eyes were still glued to my stomach. “Dad . . . ?”
He slowly looked up at me, his face still showing how horrified he was. “I can’t even look at you right now. You’re not my daughter.”
“Daddy!” I choked out when he turned and left the room.
“Dad!” Keegan barked, his hold on me tightening.
“Why would you let this happen?”
I looked back to my mom when her softened voice reached me. Somehow, my heart continued to break even more when I saw the disappointment in her eyes.
“This can’t be happening,” she said, and then turned to quickly leave my room.
I collapsed into Keegan’s arms, and was surprised at the force of my next round of sobs. I hadn’t expected my family to be happy, but even my worst fears hadn’t been prepared for that.
We heard the front door slam shut just a few minutes after Mom had left my room, and from her pleas as she called him over and over again, I knew Dad had left.
“I’M SORRY,” I mumbled hours later, when my tears had run dry. Keegan hadn’t once left my side. “I’m so sorry.”
He kissed the top of my head and hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry, Ray. I—I can’t believe this either, but you know I’m always here for you. They’ll come around, they’re just shocked right now.”
“They hate me.”
“No, they don’t. You just need to wait until they process it.” I didn’t respond, because I didn’t believe him. A few minutes later, he asked, “Does Austin know?”
I nodded my head and told him everything that happened that afternoon. I didn’t cry again, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to cry again. My voice was robotic as I replayed the conversation, and I didn’t flinch when Keegan’s hard voice swore again that he would kill Austin. I knew he wouldn’t, but I had no doubt he would do something.
Keegan held me until I fell asleep on his shoulder from the exhaustion of the day. When I woke, it was dark in my room, but I could still make out my dad’s shape as he sat on the edge of my bed, his back to me, one of his hands gripping mine. I didn’t move, or give any indication that I’d woken. To be honest, I was afraid of what he’d say to me then.
He hunched in on himself, and his hand tightened around mine. And for the first time in my life, I watched my dad as he cried.
Chapter One
Reagan—July 23, 2010
I BENT DOWN to kiss my son’s head, straightened, and tiptoed out of his room, shutting the door behind me. Grabbing my phone, I called my mom as I went around the apartment picking up the toys Parker had received for his sixth birthday.
I burst into strained sobs, unable to try and brush it off as something else. My boyfriend of the last eighteen months had just broken my heart. He’d called our baby a thing. I’d been stressing over hiding my bump with loose-fitting clothing for almost a month now. I’d only turned sixteen a couple weeks ago and was having a baby.
All the emotions crashed down on me, and no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I needed my mom right then.
“M-mom,” I somehow managed to say through the near-hyperventilating crying.
“No. What have you done?” she shrieked as she backed away from me.
“Mom, please!”
I followed her into my bedroom, and our heads turned toward my door when heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs. My older brother burst into my room, quickly followed by my dad.
What is he already doing home? He usually isn’t home for another few hours.
I panicked when I saw the look of horror cross both their faces. Their eyes were glued to my stomach. I quickly pulled my shirt down to cover it, but my arms stayed in front of my little bump, like I was protecting my baby from what was about to happen.
“Daddy,” I cried, and started to take a step toward him, but he took one away.
“I’m going to kill him,” my brother, Keegan, whispered. “I swear to God I’ll kill him.”
“What have you done, Reagan?” Mom screamed again.
My chest ached, and the tears somehow—impossibly—fell harder. “Mom, I’m—”
“Tell me you’re not pregnant! Damn it, Reagan, tell me!”
Hands gripped my arms just as my knees gave out beneath me. “Stop screaming at her!” Keegan yelled back as he walked me toward my bed. “She’s upset enough as it is, you’re not helping anything.”
When we were sitting, I gripped my brother’s hand like a lifeline . . . the only way I could thank him in that moment.
“Did you know this?” Mom turned her attention on Keegan, her voice still shrill. “Did you know this, and you kept it from us?”
“Austin wouldn’t be alive if I’d known about this! But you’re making this worse, she’s probably terrified and you yelling is stressing her out!”
“Don’t tell me how to react to this situation! Don’t you dare! Get out of the room!”
“Mom, I’m pissed too! I’m forcing myself not to leave this house because I know I’ll go hunt Austin down. But we need to calm down for Reagan! If she’s pregnant, this isn’t going to help the baby.”
Mom gripped my desk like she needed it to stay standing. Her voice wavered, but she never stopped screaming. “She can’t be pregnant . . . Reagan, you can’t be pregnant!”
Even though Keegan was trying to calm the room, my dad was the only one who hadn’t spoken and wasn’t crying. I looked at him, hoping for something from him. Anything. But his eyes were still glued to my stomach. “Dad . . . ?”
He slowly looked up at me, his face still showing how horrified he was. “I can’t even look at you right now. You’re not my daughter.”
“Daddy!” I choked out when he turned and left the room.
“Dad!” Keegan barked, his hold on me tightening.
“Why would you let this happen?”
I looked back to my mom when her softened voice reached me. Somehow, my heart continued to break even more when I saw the disappointment in her eyes.
“This can’t be happening,” she said, and then turned to quickly leave my room.
I collapsed into Keegan’s arms, and was surprised at the force of my next round of sobs. I hadn’t expected my family to be happy, but even my worst fears hadn’t been prepared for that.
We heard the front door slam shut just a few minutes after Mom had left my room, and from her pleas as she called him over and over again, I knew Dad had left.
“I’M SORRY,” I mumbled hours later, when my tears had run dry. Keegan hadn’t once left my side. “I’m so sorry.”
He kissed the top of my head and hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry, Ray. I—I can’t believe this either, but you know I’m always here for you. They’ll come around, they’re just shocked right now.”
“They hate me.”
“No, they don’t. You just need to wait until they process it.” I didn’t respond, because I didn’t believe him. A few minutes later, he asked, “Does Austin know?”
I nodded my head and told him everything that happened that afternoon. I didn’t cry again, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to cry again. My voice was robotic as I replayed the conversation, and I didn’t flinch when Keegan’s hard voice swore again that he would kill Austin. I knew he wouldn’t, but I had no doubt he would do something.
Keegan held me until I fell asleep on his shoulder from the exhaustion of the day. When I woke, it was dark in my room, but I could still make out my dad’s shape as he sat on the edge of my bed, his back to me, one of his hands gripping mine. I didn’t move, or give any indication that I’d woken. To be honest, I was afraid of what he’d say to me then.
He hunched in on himself, and his hand tightened around mine. And for the first time in my life, I watched my dad as he cried.
Chapter One
Reagan—July 23, 2010
I BENT DOWN to kiss my son’s head, straightened, and tiptoed out of his room, shutting the door behind me. Grabbing my phone, I called my mom as I went around the apartment picking up the toys Parker had received for his sixth birthday.
