Capturing Peace
Page 32
“Keegan,” I groaned, and knocked harder.
“Ray, what the—hey, little man!” Keegan sent me a hard look before smiling down at Parker and holding his hand up for Parker to slap.
“Is Erica here?” I asked anxiously.
“Uh . . . yeah?”
“Can she watch Parker while I talk to you?”
“Uh, Ray—”
“Hey, Parker!” Erica came around Keegan and held out her hand for Parker. “Come hang out with me for a little bit.”
“Look what Coen gave me!” Parker said and held out his arm.
Erica and Keegan shared a look before Erica smiled at him again. “That’s awesome! Come tell me all about it, okay?”
I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, and waited until Erica and Parker rounded the corner on the left before I looked at Keegan and broke down. “I’m freaking out! I don’t know what to do, I was—I said a lot to Coen to make him think I didn’t want to be with him. I know he was hurt, and it killed me, but—oh, God, Keegan . . . I couldn’t do it.” I took deep breaths in and out and walked into the living room to drop onto the couch. “He’d leave someday. I know he would. And Parker was falling so in love with him. You should see them together! They’ve barely spent any time together, and already they’re so close.”
“Reagan—”
“He came over last night, and it was perfect. The three of us, the whole thing, it was perfect,” I choked out. My throat felt like it was closing up, but I refused to start crying over this now. I was afraid once I started crying, I wouldn’t stop. “But this morning when I woke Parker up, he asked if Coen was going to be his dad.”
Keegan’s eyes widened and his eyebrows rose. “Uh . . .”
I moved my hands frantically in front of me as I tried to get him to understand the enormity of that. “Two nights together. Two, Keegan. Well, three I guess if you count the dinner when you got out. But that’s beside the point. Three nights, and he asked if Coen was going to be his dad. And he sounded like he wanted it, you know?”
“Seriously, Ray—”
“Then, you know what he told me? He told me the next time he saw Coen, he was going to ask if he could call him ‘Dad.’ I know Coen would eventually leave, and I’ve been protecting Parker and me from that for years . . . but I kept letting myself hope that maybe somehow it would be different because for the first time I actually wanted to be with someone. But after this morning? Well, honestly, it kinda scared the shit out of me how fast all this progressed. But the more I thought about it, the more it felt right for Coen and me. But I knew—I just knew if Parker said that to him it would scare Coen away. And I wouldn’t know how to explain to Parker that he wasn’t the reason Coen wasn’t coming around anymore.” I knew I was rambling, but I couldn’t stop. I needed to ramble. I needed to freak out to my big brother so I wouldn’t lose it while I was alone with Parker later. “I don’t know if Parker is old enough to understand all of this yet. God, I feel sick. I hated saying that to Coen. I just don’t know, Keegan. But I couldn’t risk him running away from us—”
“So instead you pushed me away?”
I shot up off the couch and turned around to see Coen standing in Keegan’s kitchen, his face livid.
“Oh God,” I whispered, and placed a hand on my sensitive stomach. I was going to throw up . . . or faint. I just couldn’t figure out which.
“Instead of letting it all play out . . . instead of letting me surprise you, you took all that away from me. You made my decision for me because you were so sure I would leave when I heard that?”
“It hasn’t even been two weeks, Coen! Not even two weeks with Parker and he wants you to be his dad. You can’t tell me that doesn’t freak you out.”
He laughed and lifted his hands in the air before letting them drop to his sides. “Well, according to you, that’s exactly what it does. It freaks me out and makes me want to run.”
“What twenty-four-year-old wants to suddenly become a father to a six-year-old?” I argued, and flung my arm in the direction of the room Parker and Erica were in.
Coen’s eyebrows slammed down and his eyes narrowed. “I can’t think of many,” he said darkly before walking to the back of the couch and resting his hands on the top of it. “But tell me this. What guy goes into a relationship with a single mother and doesn’t factor her kid into that relationship?”
Crossing my arms, I met his dark stare and laughed humorlessly. “A lot, actually.”
“Yeah. A lot of ass**les who don’t care about the most important thing in their girlfriend’s life. And if that’s how you view me, then you were right to end this,” he said, and waved his hand between us. “Because that means you don’t know me at all. Well, apparently you do since you knew without a doubt I would run away from you,” he sneered.
“And you’re telling me you wouldn’t? You’re telling me one day you wouldn’t leave?” I nearly yelled, and covered my mouth when I realized that I was. Looking back over to Keegan, I realized he wasn’t in the room anymore and I wasn’t sure if I was glad for that or not.
“I don’t know, Reagan. People date, they break up. Others date and get married. Who knows what would’ve happened between us?”
“Ray, what the—hey, little man!” Keegan sent me a hard look before smiling down at Parker and holding his hand up for Parker to slap.
“Is Erica here?” I asked anxiously.
“Uh . . . yeah?”
“Can she watch Parker while I talk to you?”
“Uh, Ray—”
“Hey, Parker!” Erica came around Keegan and held out her hand for Parker. “Come hang out with me for a little bit.”
“Look what Coen gave me!” Parker said and held out his arm.
Erica and Keegan shared a look before Erica smiled at him again. “That’s awesome! Come tell me all about it, okay?”
I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, and waited until Erica and Parker rounded the corner on the left before I looked at Keegan and broke down. “I’m freaking out! I don’t know what to do, I was—I said a lot to Coen to make him think I didn’t want to be with him. I know he was hurt, and it killed me, but—oh, God, Keegan . . . I couldn’t do it.” I took deep breaths in and out and walked into the living room to drop onto the couch. “He’d leave someday. I know he would. And Parker was falling so in love with him. You should see them together! They’ve barely spent any time together, and already they’re so close.”
“Reagan—”
“He came over last night, and it was perfect. The three of us, the whole thing, it was perfect,” I choked out. My throat felt like it was closing up, but I refused to start crying over this now. I was afraid once I started crying, I wouldn’t stop. “But this morning when I woke Parker up, he asked if Coen was going to be his dad.”
Keegan’s eyes widened and his eyebrows rose. “Uh . . .”
I moved my hands frantically in front of me as I tried to get him to understand the enormity of that. “Two nights together. Two, Keegan. Well, three I guess if you count the dinner when you got out. But that’s beside the point. Three nights, and he asked if Coen was going to be his dad. And he sounded like he wanted it, you know?”
“Seriously, Ray—”
“Then, you know what he told me? He told me the next time he saw Coen, he was going to ask if he could call him ‘Dad.’ I know Coen would eventually leave, and I’ve been protecting Parker and me from that for years . . . but I kept letting myself hope that maybe somehow it would be different because for the first time I actually wanted to be with someone. But after this morning? Well, honestly, it kinda scared the shit out of me how fast all this progressed. But the more I thought about it, the more it felt right for Coen and me. But I knew—I just knew if Parker said that to him it would scare Coen away. And I wouldn’t know how to explain to Parker that he wasn’t the reason Coen wasn’t coming around anymore.” I knew I was rambling, but I couldn’t stop. I needed to ramble. I needed to freak out to my big brother so I wouldn’t lose it while I was alone with Parker later. “I don’t know if Parker is old enough to understand all of this yet. God, I feel sick. I hated saying that to Coen. I just don’t know, Keegan. But I couldn’t risk him running away from us—”
“So instead you pushed me away?”
I shot up off the couch and turned around to see Coen standing in Keegan’s kitchen, his face livid.
“Oh God,” I whispered, and placed a hand on my sensitive stomach. I was going to throw up . . . or faint. I just couldn’t figure out which.
“Instead of letting it all play out . . . instead of letting me surprise you, you took all that away from me. You made my decision for me because you were so sure I would leave when I heard that?”
“It hasn’t even been two weeks, Coen! Not even two weeks with Parker and he wants you to be his dad. You can’t tell me that doesn’t freak you out.”
He laughed and lifted his hands in the air before letting them drop to his sides. “Well, according to you, that’s exactly what it does. It freaks me out and makes me want to run.”
“What twenty-four-year-old wants to suddenly become a father to a six-year-old?” I argued, and flung my arm in the direction of the room Parker and Erica were in.
Coen’s eyebrows slammed down and his eyes narrowed. “I can’t think of many,” he said darkly before walking to the back of the couch and resting his hands on the top of it. “But tell me this. What guy goes into a relationship with a single mother and doesn’t factor her kid into that relationship?”
Crossing my arms, I met his dark stare and laughed humorlessly. “A lot, actually.”
“Yeah. A lot of ass**les who don’t care about the most important thing in their girlfriend’s life. And if that’s how you view me, then you were right to end this,” he said, and waved his hand between us. “Because that means you don’t know me at all. Well, apparently you do since you knew without a doubt I would run away from you,” he sneered.
“And you’re telling me you wouldn’t? You’re telling me one day you wouldn’t leave?” I nearly yelled, and covered my mouth when I realized that I was. Looking back over to Keegan, I realized he wasn’t in the room anymore and I wasn’t sure if I was glad for that or not.
“I don’t know, Reagan. People date, they break up. Others date and get married. Who knows what would’ve happened between us?”
