Carnal Secrets
Page 13
“Why else would you have totally snubbed me?” she asked rhetorically. There was no anger in her voice as she continued, just exhaustion and sadness. “I can understand how me being submissive is a problem, but that wouldn’t be a reason to ignore me the way you did. It wouldn’t be a reason to drive me to leave. And now that I’ve built a life for myself here and I’m happy, you turn up and say sorry, you’ve changed your mind and you’ve given up your Alpha throne. It makes no sense.”
Sighing, Nick scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d had no idea that she’d interpreted his actions that way. Shit. The only way she would understand the truth behind those actions was if he explained everything to her, explained all the reasons that had kept him away—even those that he would rather she didn’t know. But that would risk her giving him a chance out of pity. In fact, she might even think he was trying to guilt her into giving him a chance. He wanted to earn that chance, wanted to earn her trust. They’d have no shot without trust anyway. “We need to get one thing straight.”
Although his tone was gentle, the authority there had Shaya instantly giving him her full attention. She couldn’t have ignored him even if she had wanted to. His gaze held hers; there was a hint of anger there. She wasn’t sure if he was angry with her or himself.
“You are everything I ever could have wanted—everything I didn’t even know I wanted. Beautiful, smart, independent, loyal, and you have this sassy, effervescent charm that I wouldn’t have thought would appeal to me. If I thought you weren’t good enough, if you were something I could resist, something I could be without, I wouldn’t be here.” As a familiar ache suddenly began to build behind his eyes, he almost cursed aloud. Great. Another headache was creeping up on him. “Don’t ever again think differently.”
Shaya wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she said nothing.
“My great-uncle from another pack recently died.” Seeing that Shaya was ready to offer her condolences, Nick put a finger to her lips, needing to make his point. “He’d never mated. He told me once how he almost imprinted a long time ago, when he was twenty-one. The reason he hadn’t was that he’d wanted to hold out for his true mate. He never found her. My point is that many take it for granted that they’ll find their mate, but not everybody does. We’re lucky to have found each other. I know I f**ked up. I’ve said I’m sorry for hurting you; I meant it. I promised you that I wouldn’t let you down again; I meant it. You might not believe that right now, but you will in time—I won’t have it any other way. You’re mine, and I refuse to live my life without you in it.”
Neither of them spoke during the rest of the drive home. Even when he finally pulled up behind his motor home, he opened Shaya’s door without a word and handed her the large tub that contained the meal he’d cooked. He didn’t look angry with her, but there was hurt there. And another pain too…a pain she didn’t understand. It made her wolf whine, wanting to comfort him. He then merely gave Shaya a nod and gestured for her to go inside. She wanted him to talk to her, wanted to know what that pain was that he seemed to be trying to hide. But showing concern for him could give him the wrong idea, couldn’t it? So she ignored her wolf and her own concern and simply said, “Thanks.”
As the pain in his expression seemed to intensify, she was about to ask what was wrong, but then Derren appeared at his side. His body language was supportive and protective, and again there was disappointment in his gaze as he looked at her.
Derren turned to Nick and gestured at the motor home. “Fancy a game of poker?”
Nick quickly realized that Derren—who never missed a trick—had detected that he had one of his headaches and was urging him to go inside to take some painkillers. The urging wasn’t necessary. Not when his vision was starting to darken around the edges. “Sure.” He again gestured for Shaya to go inside her home, having no intention of moving until he saw that she was safely inside. Then, hearing a car pull up close by, he glanced briefly toward the noise…and tensed. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
Confused, Shaya spared the Chevy a brief look before asking Nick, “What?”
Derren winced, earning both of their attention. “Wow, I didn’t think she’d really come.”
Nick rounded on him. “You knew she was coming? You knew and you didn’t think to tell me?”
“Who?” demanded Shaya.
Turning back to Shaya, Nick sighed. “My mother.”
“She called me earlier,” said Derren. “She wanted to know how you were doing and what was happening with you and Shaya. As I know you’re private about personal stuff, I was pretty vague. Apparently that wasn’t the wisest move.”
Clearly not, because she’d come to find out the answers for herself. Nick cursed.
“What’s so bad about it?” asked Shaya. “Don’t you guys get along?”
“It’s not that. I came to Arizona to find you, make things up to you, and claim you. I kind of wanted some privacy, and no one seems to want to give it to us.” And his mother would undoubtedly pressure him to tell Shaya everything when she realized he hadn’t yet done it. She might even blurt out a thing or two, believing he’d already told Shaya. He couldn’t have that. “Why don’t you go inside, baby. I’ll take care of this.”
“You don’t want me to meet your mom?” Shaya didn’t particularly want to do the whole “meeting the parents” thing, especially considering the way things stood with her and Nick, but she couldn’t help feeling wounded by his behavior.
Seeing the insecurity in her eyes and knowing she most likely still feared he thought she wasn’t good enough for him, that he was embarrassed by her, Nick growled. “Now you’re making me want to bite you.” His wolf felt much the same. “I just don’t want people interfering. She thinks being my mother gives her the right to do so.”
The click-clacking of heels along the pavement was quickly followed by Kathy Axton launching herself at him, kissing both cheeks. “Derren assured me you were fine, but I had to see for myself.” Turning to Shaya, she smiled widely. “You must be Shaya.” Then she was hugging the breath out of Shaya too. “I’m Kathy, Nick’s mother. I knew you’d be beautiful, and you are. And I knew you’d understand his reasons for holding back.”
The latter sentence was more like a question, so Shaya nodded at the small brunette with Nick’s green eyes. The bubbly, affectionate woman was so unlike her own mother. “It’s nice to meet you.” Though mighty awkward, given the circumstances.
“Behind me are Nick’s sister, Roni, and our pack healer, Amber.”
Seeing only one female, Shaya frowned. Then Nick crouched down and stroked a graceful dark-gray female wolf, cooing gently and whispering. Before Shaya could ask who was who, the tall, purple-haired dominant female fit for a catwalk came from behind Kathy and threw her arms around Shaya.
“You must be Shaya, hi!” Pulling back, she said, “I’m Amber—a good friend of Nick’s. His mom has told me a little about you. You sound perfect for him.”
The way she looked at Shaya was almost adoringly…but there was something else in those eyes. Something that surprised her: jealousy. Well, well, well, the pack healer had a thing for Nick. Shaya’s wolf wasn’t at all pleased about that.
As Amber’s eyes drifted to Shaya’s neck, her face pulled into a frown, and she looked down at Nick. “You haven’t claimed her?”
“When Shaya’s ready, I will.” Having no intention of explaining further, Nick tugged on Shaya’s hand until she got down on her haunches beside him. “Shay, this is Roni, my sister. Roni, this is Shaya. My mate.”
The dark-gray wolf studied Shaya for a moment before butting her hand. Understanding, Shaya gave her a brief stroke.
“Don’t think she’s being rude by not greeting you properly; Roni spends more time in her wolf form,” explained Nick, swallowing hard. He suspected that it wasn’t just the trauma of the attempted rape that she repeatedly tried to escape from by remaining in her wolf form for long periods, but the trauma of watching her brother violently tear people apart in front of her very eyes. She had already been terrified after being nearly assaulted, and then he’d made that terror even worse, despite that all he’d been doing was trying to protect her. He hated himself for what he’d done to his own sister.
As Roni’s nostrils flared, she glanced around him. Nick had no sooner heard Derren’s “Hey, Roni” than the she-wolf was beside him; the two of them were good friends.
“It’s so great to see you!” Amber said when Nick stood. She hugged him before he could stop her. Unlike him, she was a touchy-feely person. Detaching her from him, he set her back by her shoulders and simply gave her a nod—letting another female touch him was suicidal when his mate was right there, and irritation was rolling off her in waves.
He passed his keys to Derren. “Um…you guys go wait in the motor home while I say goodnight to Shaya.” His mother and Amber looked at him curiously, obviously confused that she wouldn’t be coming inside also. Had it not been for the fact that he needed to warn his mother to back off and not to let certain details slip to Shaya, he would have invited her inside. He doubted she’d have accepted the invitation, but he’d have asked all the same.
Both his mother and Amber looked about to comment, but a raised brow from him had both of them nodding instead and following Derren into the motor home with Roni trotting behind them. “Oh, and Roni, Bruce is inside—don’t chase him around again,” he called, though he wasn’t optimistic that his sister would listen.
Turning back to Shaya, he slowly closed the distance between them and cupped her face with one hand, sliding his thumb over her mouth. “I’ll make sure they’re gone by tomorrow. But for tonight…For tonight, I need to let them stay in the motor home.” And that was really, really bad, because one of those females wasn’t related to him and was also unmated. “I can’t turn them away. My mother won’t budge until I’ve spoken to her anyway.”
“It’s fine,” lied Shaya. How could it be fine when she knew that the dominant female in his motor home wanted him? And now Shaya had a primal urge to touch him in some way, to leave her scent on him—something that would warn away the other female. Ordinarily, such shifter primal instincts weren’t so strong for Shaya, but this one was fierce. Her wolf was demanding it.
But I don’t want him, Shaya insisted to herself. However, like with Paisley, that detail wasn’t relevant when it came to the idea of other females wanting him. God, she was so freaking mixed up, and she hated it.
Still, she forced the distasteful words out. “You don’t owe me any explanations. What you do and who you do it with is your bus—” She gasped as his mouth descended on hers and his tongue shot inside. The kiss was hard, deep, intense—not punishing, but a kiss designed to get her total and utter attention. It worked. She told herself to move away, but she couldn’t. Not with mating urges riding her and with her insecurities and confusion badgering her; the contact with her mate soothed and reassured her. When he pulled back and bit her lip hard, she gasped again.
“What did I tell you only minutes ago, huh? You’re everything I want. All I want. Just so you have it totally straight, I am your business, just like you’re mine…which is why I’m explaining to you that I’ll be letting them sleep in the motor home with Derren while I sleep in his SUV.”
“I just meant that—Wait, what?”
“You really thought I’d sleep in the vicinity of an unmated female when I knew you’d hate it?” If she’d wanted to allow an unmated male to sleep in her house without Nick there too, he’d have been totally pissed.
“You don’t have to do that. You don’t need to do that. It’s stupid and—”
“Has given you peace of mind—admit it.”
Okay, yes, it had relaxed her slightly. Her wolf was also mollified, though she still wanted to take a bite out of Amber. But Shaya didn’t like the idea of him cramped in the SUV all night long. “Really, you don’t need to.”
“Yes, I do.”
“But…you’ll be uncomfortable.”
His laugh was short and soft. “Shay, I was in juvie—I’ve slept in way worse places.” He licked over her bottom lip. “And with your taste on my tongue and your scent all over me, I’ll sleep just fine.”
Her scent all over him…Her wolf was smug at that. It also served to further relax Shaya. Surprising her, Nick suddenly spun her around and slapped her ass, urging her toward the house. “Hey!”
“Go. And make sure you eat every bit of that meal.” Amused by her mock scowl, he didn’t move his eyes from her until she was inside the house.
It was at that moment that his mother’s head peered out of the front door of the motor home. “Nick, what’s this Derren’s saying about you keeping things from Shaya?”
And so it begins.
CHAPTER SIX
Two hours later, Nick was still arguing with his mother about his decision to hold back certain details from Shaya. Yes, Kathy had a valid point in saying that it was wrong for there to be secrets or lies between mates. And, yes, a lie of omission still counted. And, yes, it would be far easier to make Shaya forgive him if he told her the truth. But Shaya was worth the hard work. Plus, he’d never know if she’d given him a chance because she felt sorry for him or because she wanted him—he needed it to be the latter. “You won’t make me change my mind,” he told his mother. “Let it go.”
Sighing, Nick scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d had no idea that she’d interpreted his actions that way. Shit. The only way she would understand the truth behind those actions was if he explained everything to her, explained all the reasons that had kept him away—even those that he would rather she didn’t know. But that would risk her giving him a chance out of pity. In fact, she might even think he was trying to guilt her into giving him a chance. He wanted to earn that chance, wanted to earn her trust. They’d have no shot without trust anyway. “We need to get one thing straight.”
Although his tone was gentle, the authority there had Shaya instantly giving him her full attention. She couldn’t have ignored him even if she had wanted to. His gaze held hers; there was a hint of anger there. She wasn’t sure if he was angry with her or himself.
“You are everything I ever could have wanted—everything I didn’t even know I wanted. Beautiful, smart, independent, loyal, and you have this sassy, effervescent charm that I wouldn’t have thought would appeal to me. If I thought you weren’t good enough, if you were something I could resist, something I could be without, I wouldn’t be here.” As a familiar ache suddenly began to build behind his eyes, he almost cursed aloud. Great. Another headache was creeping up on him. “Don’t ever again think differently.”
Shaya wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she said nothing.
“My great-uncle from another pack recently died.” Seeing that Shaya was ready to offer her condolences, Nick put a finger to her lips, needing to make his point. “He’d never mated. He told me once how he almost imprinted a long time ago, when he was twenty-one. The reason he hadn’t was that he’d wanted to hold out for his true mate. He never found her. My point is that many take it for granted that they’ll find their mate, but not everybody does. We’re lucky to have found each other. I know I f**ked up. I’ve said I’m sorry for hurting you; I meant it. I promised you that I wouldn’t let you down again; I meant it. You might not believe that right now, but you will in time—I won’t have it any other way. You’re mine, and I refuse to live my life without you in it.”
Neither of them spoke during the rest of the drive home. Even when he finally pulled up behind his motor home, he opened Shaya’s door without a word and handed her the large tub that contained the meal he’d cooked. He didn’t look angry with her, but there was hurt there. And another pain too…a pain she didn’t understand. It made her wolf whine, wanting to comfort him. He then merely gave Shaya a nod and gestured for her to go inside. She wanted him to talk to her, wanted to know what that pain was that he seemed to be trying to hide. But showing concern for him could give him the wrong idea, couldn’t it? So she ignored her wolf and her own concern and simply said, “Thanks.”
As the pain in his expression seemed to intensify, she was about to ask what was wrong, but then Derren appeared at his side. His body language was supportive and protective, and again there was disappointment in his gaze as he looked at her.
Derren turned to Nick and gestured at the motor home. “Fancy a game of poker?”
Nick quickly realized that Derren—who never missed a trick—had detected that he had one of his headaches and was urging him to go inside to take some painkillers. The urging wasn’t necessary. Not when his vision was starting to darken around the edges. “Sure.” He again gestured for Shaya to go inside her home, having no intention of moving until he saw that she was safely inside. Then, hearing a car pull up close by, he glanced briefly toward the noise…and tensed. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
Confused, Shaya spared the Chevy a brief look before asking Nick, “What?”
Derren winced, earning both of their attention. “Wow, I didn’t think she’d really come.”
Nick rounded on him. “You knew she was coming? You knew and you didn’t think to tell me?”
“Who?” demanded Shaya.
Turning back to Shaya, Nick sighed. “My mother.”
“She called me earlier,” said Derren. “She wanted to know how you were doing and what was happening with you and Shaya. As I know you’re private about personal stuff, I was pretty vague. Apparently that wasn’t the wisest move.”
Clearly not, because she’d come to find out the answers for herself. Nick cursed.
“What’s so bad about it?” asked Shaya. “Don’t you guys get along?”
“It’s not that. I came to Arizona to find you, make things up to you, and claim you. I kind of wanted some privacy, and no one seems to want to give it to us.” And his mother would undoubtedly pressure him to tell Shaya everything when she realized he hadn’t yet done it. She might even blurt out a thing or two, believing he’d already told Shaya. He couldn’t have that. “Why don’t you go inside, baby. I’ll take care of this.”
“You don’t want me to meet your mom?” Shaya didn’t particularly want to do the whole “meeting the parents” thing, especially considering the way things stood with her and Nick, but she couldn’t help feeling wounded by his behavior.
Seeing the insecurity in her eyes and knowing she most likely still feared he thought she wasn’t good enough for him, that he was embarrassed by her, Nick growled. “Now you’re making me want to bite you.” His wolf felt much the same. “I just don’t want people interfering. She thinks being my mother gives her the right to do so.”
The click-clacking of heels along the pavement was quickly followed by Kathy Axton launching herself at him, kissing both cheeks. “Derren assured me you were fine, but I had to see for myself.” Turning to Shaya, she smiled widely. “You must be Shaya.” Then she was hugging the breath out of Shaya too. “I’m Kathy, Nick’s mother. I knew you’d be beautiful, and you are. And I knew you’d understand his reasons for holding back.”
The latter sentence was more like a question, so Shaya nodded at the small brunette with Nick’s green eyes. The bubbly, affectionate woman was so unlike her own mother. “It’s nice to meet you.” Though mighty awkward, given the circumstances.
“Behind me are Nick’s sister, Roni, and our pack healer, Amber.”
Seeing only one female, Shaya frowned. Then Nick crouched down and stroked a graceful dark-gray female wolf, cooing gently and whispering. Before Shaya could ask who was who, the tall, purple-haired dominant female fit for a catwalk came from behind Kathy and threw her arms around Shaya.
“You must be Shaya, hi!” Pulling back, she said, “I’m Amber—a good friend of Nick’s. His mom has told me a little about you. You sound perfect for him.”
The way she looked at Shaya was almost adoringly…but there was something else in those eyes. Something that surprised her: jealousy. Well, well, well, the pack healer had a thing for Nick. Shaya’s wolf wasn’t at all pleased about that.
As Amber’s eyes drifted to Shaya’s neck, her face pulled into a frown, and she looked down at Nick. “You haven’t claimed her?”
“When Shaya’s ready, I will.” Having no intention of explaining further, Nick tugged on Shaya’s hand until she got down on her haunches beside him. “Shay, this is Roni, my sister. Roni, this is Shaya. My mate.”
The dark-gray wolf studied Shaya for a moment before butting her hand. Understanding, Shaya gave her a brief stroke.
“Don’t think she’s being rude by not greeting you properly; Roni spends more time in her wolf form,” explained Nick, swallowing hard. He suspected that it wasn’t just the trauma of the attempted rape that she repeatedly tried to escape from by remaining in her wolf form for long periods, but the trauma of watching her brother violently tear people apart in front of her very eyes. She had already been terrified after being nearly assaulted, and then he’d made that terror even worse, despite that all he’d been doing was trying to protect her. He hated himself for what he’d done to his own sister.
As Roni’s nostrils flared, she glanced around him. Nick had no sooner heard Derren’s “Hey, Roni” than the she-wolf was beside him; the two of them were good friends.
“It’s so great to see you!” Amber said when Nick stood. She hugged him before he could stop her. Unlike him, she was a touchy-feely person. Detaching her from him, he set her back by her shoulders and simply gave her a nod—letting another female touch him was suicidal when his mate was right there, and irritation was rolling off her in waves.
He passed his keys to Derren. “Um…you guys go wait in the motor home while I say goodnight to Shaya.” His mother and Amber looked at him curiously, obviously confused that she wouldn’t be coming inside also. Had it not been for the fact that he needed to warn his mother to back off and not to let certain details slip to Shaya, he would have invited her inside. He doubted she’d have accepted the invitation, but he’d have asked all the same.
Both his mother and Amber looked about to comment, but a raised brow from him had both of them nodding instead and following Derren into the motor home with Roni trotting behind them. “Oh, and Roni, Bruce is inside—don’t chase him around again,” he called, though he wasn’t optimistic that his sister would listen.
Turning back to Shaya, he slowly closed the distance between them and cupped her face with one hand, sliding his thumb over her mouth. “I’ll make sure they’re gone by tomorrow. But for tonight…For tonight, I need to let them stay in the motor home.” And that was really, really bad, because one of those females wasn’t related to him and was also unmated. “I can’t turn them away. My mother won’t budge until I’ve spoken to her anyway.”
“It’s fine,” lied Shaya. How could it be fine when she knew that the dominant female in his motor home wanted him? And now Shaya had a primal urge to touch him in some way, to leave her scent on him—something that would warn away the other female. Ordinarily, such shifter primal instincts weren’t so strong for Shaya, but this one was fierce. Her wolf was demanding it.
But I don’t want him, Shaya insisted to herself. However, like with Paisley, that detail wasn’t relevant when it came to the idea of other females wanting him. God, she was so freaking mixed up, and she hated it.
Still, she forced the distasteful words out. “You don’t owe me any explanations. What you do and who you do it with is your bus—” She gasped as his mouth descended on hers and his tongue shot inside. The kiss was hard, deep, intense—not punishing, but a kiss designed to get her total and utter attention. It worked. She told herself to move away, but she couldn’t. Not with mating urges riding her and with her insecurities and confusion badgering her; the contact with her mate soothed and reassured her. When he pulled back and bit her lip hard, she gasped again.
“What did I tell you only minutes ago, huh? You’re everything I want. All I want. Just so you have it totally straight, I am your business, just like you’re mine…which is why I’m explaining to you that I’ll be letting them sleep in the motor home with Derren while I sleep in his SUV.”
“I just meant that—Wait, what?”
“You really thought I’d sleep in the vicinity of an unmated female when I knew you’d hate it?” If she’d wanted to allow an unmated male to sleep in her house without Nick there too, he’d have been totally pissed.
“You don’t have to do that. You don’t need to do that. It’s stupid and—”
“Has given you peace of mind—admit it.”
Okay, yes, it had relaxed her slightly. Her wolf was also mollified, though she still wanted to take a bite out of Amber. But Shaya didn’t like the idea of him cramped in the SUV all night long. “Really, you don’t need to.”
“Yes, I do.”
“But…you’ll be uncomfortable.”
His laugh was short and soft. “Shay, I was in juvie—I’ve slept in way worse places.” He licked over her bottom lip. “And with your taste on my tongue and your scent all over me, I’ll sleep just fine.”
Her scent all over him…Her wolf was smug at that. It also served to further relax Shaya. Surprising her, Nick suddenly spun her around and slapped her ass, urging her toward the house. “Hey!”
“Go. And make sure you eat every bit of that meal.” Amused by her mock scowl, he didn’t move his eyes from her until she was inside the house.
It was at that moment that his mother’s head peered out of the front door of the motor home. “Nick, what’s this Derren’s saying about you keeping things from Shaya?”
And so it begins.
CHAPTER SIX
Two hours later, Nick was still arguing with his mother about his decision to hold back certain details from Shaya. Yes, Kathy had a valid point in saying that it was wrong for there to be secrets or lies between mates. And, yes, a lie of omission still counted. And, yes, it would be far easier to make Shaya forgive him if he told her the truth. But Shaya was worth the hard work. Plus, he’d never know if she’d given him a chance because she felt sorry for him or because she wanted him—he needed it to be the latter. “You won’t make me change my mind,” he told his mother. “Let it go.”
