Carnal Secrets
Page 2
“That’s not important,” stated Trey, his arctic-blue eyes drilling into Nick. “What’s important is that you listen carefully. We’re all very much aware that you and Shaya are mates and that you’ve both known it from the beginning. As it’s obvious that you don’t want to claim her, you are to butt out of her life and leave her alone. If you don’t butt out, well, you must want a war between our packs.”
The word “war” should have had him growling and on high alert, totally focused on Trey. But all Nick could think about was the fact that Shaya’s scent was far too faint—faint enough to suggest that she hadn’t been here for a while. “Where is she?”
Trey and his Beta male, Dante, exchanged looks that said they weren’t surprised that Nick was unconcerned about the warning.
“Her whereabouts are none of your business,” snarled Taryn. Tao, the Head Enforcer sitting beside her, nodded his agreement. Nick’s face hardened. His words were quiet but firm. “Shaya is, and will always be, my business.”
That had Taryn jumping to her feet. If Trey hadn’t twisted his hand in the back of her sweater, she’d have leaped over the table. “Yougoddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch!”
“It’s okay, baby,” soothed Trey. One of the enforcers, Trick, went to her side and laid a supportive hand on her shoulder. It was only then that Nick noticed the tears swirling around her eyes. For Taryn to be so upset, Shaya hadn’t simply gone on vacation or to stay with her family in her old pack for a little while. She’d left for good.
“No, it’s not. My best friend has gone because of that rat bastard!”
Yep, that confirmed it. “Gone where?” demanded Nick, barely holding back a growl. His wolf began pacing inside him, clawing at him, wanting freedom, wanting to hunt down his mate—the only thing that really meant anything to him.
“Somewhere safe,” Jaime told him. “Somewhere where you can’t hurt her anymore.”
Nick took one step forward, and each of the Phoenix wolves tensed, prepared to spring. Yeah? Well he didn’t give a f**k. “You think I want to hurt her? You think it doesn’t eat at me that I can’t have her? You think I don’t constantly wonder where she is, what she’s doing, and if she’s safe?”
All of the faces softened, but Nick didn’t want their f**king sympathy. He wanted to know where his mate was. He zeroed in on Trey. “Tell me where she is.” When he didn’t answer, Nick placed his hands on the table and leaned forward, placing him eye to eye with the Alpha. All the Phoenix wolves growled low, but they didn’t attempt to interfere—that would imply that their Alpha couldn’t deal with his own shit. As it was, Trey was perfectly capable of fighting his own battles. But although Trey might be strong and powerful, so was Nick; he let the full extent of his dominance leak into his expression, communicating that he was just as powerful as Trey. In actuality, he was also as f**ked up as Trey—he just hid it better.
The Alpha leaned forward, placing his face close to Nick’s, meeting his gaze full-on. “I have no interest in dueling with you, Nick—you fought alongside me to help protect my mate, my son, and my pack. That’s something I’ll always be thankful to you for. I once had people try to keep Taryn from me, and I reacted just as badly, so I can understand how you’re feeling to an extent. But if it’s a duel you want, you’ll get one.”
“If this was Taryn, if I knew where she was and I wouldn’t tell you, what would you do?”
Trey cocked his head. “That’s the thing—I never would have left her. I’m not the noble type. If you want to be self-sacrificing, fine, whatever—but you do it away from Shaya.”
Dante spoke then, crossing his arms over his muscular chest. “If we thought you wanted to know her whereabouts for the right reason, we’d tell you. But you don’t want to find her so you can claim her. It simply suits you to be able to interfere in her life. That’s not fair to her.”
Jaime laid a hand on Dante’s arm. “I know what it’s like to feel you have to resist mating with someone because you fear putting them in danger, Nick.” And she really did know. Her wolf had been so traumatized that Jaime had been at risk of losing her human half completely. If that had happened and she had turned rogue, she would have been killed. For that reason, she had resisted bonding with Dante, worried he wouldn’t survive the link being broken if she died. Luckily, bonding with Dante had instead helped her wolf heal.
Of course her reference to “danger” meant the danger of Shaya being an Alpha female—she didn’t know about Nick’s health issues, or she would most likely understand. But Nick wasn’t and never had been interested in other people’s perception of him, so he had no intention of explaining himself.
“I know it hurts,” continued Jaime, “but you should have claimed her and trusted that you’d be stronger together. Just because Shaya can’t be physically stronger than a dominant female doesn’t mean she can’t still defeat them. There’s more to combat than physical strength—take it from someone who was trained by the best.” She gestured at Dante. “I’ve kicked Popeye’s ass a number of times.” Dante scowled at her for that comment.
Nick sighed impatiently. “The dominant females wouldn’t even need to challenge her. All they’d have to do is hit her with their dominant vibes and she’d be automatically submitting whether she wanted to or not.” And Nick hated the idea of it. When an odd expression surfaced on Taryn’s face, he narrowed his eyes. “What?”
Taryn shook her head. Losing her scowl, she sighed. “Just leave her alone, Nick. She’s safe. I give you my word that if anything ever happens to her, if she’s ever hurt, I will contact you. But that’s the most you’re getting.”
While he appreciated that, it wasn’t enough. He’d been kidding himself if he thought simply being around Shaya from time to time would be enough. It was only now, as he was faced with the fact that she was gone from his life, that she would never be a part of it, that he might never see her again, that he realized he’d subconsciously nurtured a hope that he could find a way around their issues. He hadn’t truly given up on the matter, not deep inside, but the present situation was forcing him to do so, to give up all hope. And he found that he couldn’t.
Nick inhaled deeply, fighting to remain composed. But how could he? Dammit, it f**king hurt that she’d left like that. Not just because she was away from him, but because she’d so easily been able to run when he hadn’t had the strength to stay away. And he was angry too. Angry that she could leave him behind and start a life without him, and angry with himself for pushing her in that direction. Also, he was panicking. Not knowing where she was, if she was safe, if she was happy was a torment all on its own. Whatever Shaya or any of these wolves thought, he did want her to be happy. More than anything, he wanted to be the one to make her happy.
And with all that came the determination to find her.
But Dante was right: finding her simply to know where she was, to have peace of mind, wasn’t a good reason. The only chance Nick had of being in her life was to put right what he’d done, step down from Alpha, claim her, and take Derren’s and his mother’s advice and shove aside his fears rather than forsaking someone so important to him. That was exactly what he would do. If that meant the foundations of his pack began to crumble, so be it. Shaya was his; she was more important.
Of course it would be pointless to tell her pack that. They would never believe him—they would simply think he was feeding them shit so they would reveal her whereabouts. He’d have thought the same thing in their position.
Fine, he didn’t need them to tell him. Nick was a powerful Alpha, and he had many contacts, knew a great many Alphas all across the globe. There wasn’t one pack in the world in which she could hide where he wouldn’t find her. Pivoting on the spot, he began marching out of the kitchen.
“Nick?”
Halting, he glanced over his shoulder, meeting Taryn’s gaze.
“Let her be.”
“Not going to happen. If you want to end the alliance, start a war, you do that. But it won’t stop me from searching for her. Nothing will.” With that, he left.
Trey sighed at the sound of the main door slamming shut. They had hidden Shaya well, had taken her as far as South Carolina. Rather than settle her there, they had—cashing in a favor that another Alpha owed him—used a private jet to transfer her from there to Arizona. Their belief was that Nick would never think they would hide her in such a close location. Ryan, Trick, and Marcus had then created a false trail going from South Carolina to New York before allowing it to abruptly end.
They knew that Nick wouldn’t give up when finding no sign of her in New York and might backtrack, but they also knew that Nick wouldn’t be searching for a human with Shaya’s description—which was what she was posing as in Arizona. He would be searching all the shifter packs. Trey had been pretty confident that Nick didn’t have a hope in hell of locating her. But having seen the determination in Nick’s eyes, Trey wondered for the first time if their efforts had been enough. Not that he could blame the guy for his persistence in locating his mate. No one could keep Trey from Taryn, and God help anyone who ever again tried.
He glanced down at her, giving her an “I told you so” look. Taryn had insisted that although Nick might be pissed to hear that Shaya had gone, he wouldn’t bother taking the time to hunt her down.
She sighed at her mate’s expression. “Okay. You’re right. I’m wrong. You’re smart. I’m dumb. You’re tall. I’m…average height.” She arched a brow, daring him to call her tiny.
“Do we contact Shaya and tell her that he’s coming for her?” asked Tao.
Taryn shook her head. “No. The last time I spoke to her, she sounded happy enough. She likes her new job, and she’s decorated her new place. She’s starting to get settled. If I tell her that Nick’s on the hunt, it’ll have her panicking. Besides, there’s a good chance he won’t find her. He won’t for one minute imagine that Shaya’s hiding in the human world.”
Dante winced, running a hand through his short walnut-brown hair. “I don’t know. I’ve heard Nick’s a talented tracker. He’s also got a lot of contacts—not just through being an Alpha, but because of his time in juvie.”
“Juvie?” Taryn’s mouth dropped open. “How the hell did he end up in a juvenile prison?”
“When he was thirteen, he killed a human teenage boy and badly maimed two others in his wolf form while trying to defend himself and his sister.”
“Thirteen?” she echoed. “How long was he in there?”
“He came very close to serving a life sentence, but Nick had acted in self-defense—that’s a lot different than cold-blooded, premeditated murder, particularly when what could have happened to Nick and his sister had been cold and premeditated. But the human court ordered for him to remain contained until he was eighteen.”
“Shit,” said Taryn. Matters concerning shifters were dealt with by packs, but if the incidents involved humans in any way, the human authorities had a right to deal with it. “Time in juvie must have been hard as f**k.”
Trey nodded. “Hell yes.” Although humans had juvenile prisons specifically to contain shifters, they were run by humans who tried to make all their lives hell for committing crimes against their race. Trey had heard about the type of shit that went on in places like that, and he had to respect anyone who got out of them with their sanity still intact. Not only was Nick sane—or relatively sane—but he was an Alpha and a very good one.
“So when I say Nick has a lot of contacts, I mean it,” said Dante. “In juvie, shifters tend to band together, forming little packs of their own. They all keep in touch when they’re released—in fact, Derren’s one of the shifters who served time in juvie at the same time as Nick. It might be best to warn Shaya so she knows to keep a low profile.”
After a moment of thought, Taryn shook her head again. “What kind of life would it be to be constantly looking over her shoulder for the big bad wolf who broke her heart?”
Trick leaned back in his seat, frowning in a way that made the claw marks on his cheek seem to darken. “Nick’s right, though. Claiming Shaya would put her in danger.”
Ryan, a guy who somehow always looked grumpy and very rarely spoke, nodded. “A whole lot of danger—I’ve seen it happen before.” And they were probably the only words the enforcer would speak for the day.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” said Taryn.
Trey narrowed his eyes at the roguish smile that curved his mate’s mouth. “What do you mean?”
She took a sip of her coffee. “Just trust me—Shaya’s no fragile flower. Don’t forget I sparred with her all the time growing up and taught her all my combat moves. And do you remember how talented I am with knives?”
How could Trey forget? When he’d pissed her off a few weeks ago, she’d hurled five knives at him—all of which buried themselves in the wall around him, framing his body. “Yeah.”
“Shaya taught me that.”
Dominic’s brows flew up. “Shaya?”
“And you remember those stories Caleb told you about how my ex-boyfriends often found their cars had been vandalized?” Caleb was a childhood friend from Taryn and Shaya’s old pack. Trey nodded. “That wasn’t me. Shaya’s good with a bat—thanks to Caleb teaching her how to play baseball. She’s real good with a rifle too.”
The word “war” should have had him growling and on high alert, totally focused on Trey. But all Nick could think about was the fact that Shaya’s scent was far too faint—faint enough to suggest that she hadn’t been here for a while. “Where is she?”
Trey and his Beta male, Dante, exchanged looks that said they weren’t surprised that Nick was unconcerned about the warning.
“Her whereabouts are none of your business,” snarled Taryn. Tao, the Head Enforcer sitting beside her, nodded his agreement. Nick’s face hardened. His words were quiet but firm. “Shaya is, and will always be, my business.”
That had Taryn jumping to her feet. If Trey hadn’t twisted his hand in the back of her sweater, she’d have leaped over the table. “Yougoddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch!”
“It’s okay, baby,” soothed Trey. One of the enforcers, Trick, went to her side and laid a supportive hand on her shoulder. It was only then that Nick noticed the tears swirling around her eyes. For Taryn to be so upset, Shaya hadn’t simply gone on vacation or to stay with her family in her old pack for a little while. She’d left for good.
“No, it’s not. My best friend has gone because of that rat bastard!”
Yep, that confirmed it. “Gone where?” demanded Nick, barely holding back a growl. His wolf began pacing inside him, clawing at him, wanting freedom, wanting to hunt down his mate—the only thing that really meant anything to him.
“Somewhere safe,” Jaime told him. “Somewhere where you can’t hurt her anymore.”
Nick took one step forward, and each of the Phoenix wolves tensed, prepared to spring. Yeah? Well he didn’t give a f**k. “You think I want to hurt her? You think it doesn’t eat at me that I can’t have her? You think I don’t constantly wonder where she is, what she’s doing, and if she’s safe?”
All of the faces softened, but Nick didn’t want their f**king sympathy. He wanted to know where his mate was. He zeroed in on Trey. “Tell me where she is.” When he didn’t answer, Nick placed his hands on the table and leaned forward, placing him eye to eye with the Alpha. All the Phoenix wolves growled low, but they didn’t attempt to interfere—that would imply that their Alpha couldn’t deal with his own shit. As it was, Trey was perfectly capable of fighting his own battles. But although Trey might be strong and powerful, so was Nick; he let the full extent of his dominance leak into his expression, communicating that he was just as powerful as Trey. In actuality, he was also as f**ked up as Trey—he just hid it better.
The Alpha leaned forward, placing his face close to Nick’s, meeting his gaze full-on. “I have no interest in dueling with you, Nick—you fought alongside me to help protect my mate, my son, and my pack. That’s something I’ll always be thankful to you for. I once had people try to keep Taryn from me, and I reacted just as badly, so I can understand how you’re feeling to an extent. But if it’s a duel you want, you’ll get one.”
“If this was Taryn, if I knew where she was and I wouldn’t tell you, what would you do?”
Trey cocked his head. “That’s the thing—I never would have left her. I’m not the noble type. If you want to be self-sacrificing, fine, whatever—but you do it away from Shaya.”
Dante spoke then, crossing his arms over his muscular chest. “If we thought you wanted to know her whereabouts for the right reason, we’d tell you. But you don’t want to find her so you can claim her. It simply suits you to be able to interfere in her life. That’s not fair to her.”
Jaime laid a hand on Dante’s arm. “I know what it’s like to feel you have to resist mating with someone because you fear putting them in danger, Nick.” And she really did know. Her wolf had been so traumatized that Jaime had been at risk of losing her human half completely. If that had happened and she had turned rogue, she would have been killed. For that reason, she had resisted bonding with Dante, worried he wouldn’t survive the link being broken if she died. Luckily, bonding with Dante had instead helped her wolf heal.
Of course her reference to “danger” meant the danger of Shaya being an Alpha female—she didn’t know about Nick’s health issues, or she would most likely understand. But Nick wasn’t and never had been interested in other people’s perception of him, so he had no intention of explaining himself.
“I know it hurts,” continued Jaime, “but you should have claimed her and trusted that you’d be stronger together. Just because Shaya can’t be physically stronger than a dominant female doesn’t mean she can’t still defeat them. There’s more to combat than physical strength—take it from someone who was trained by the best.” She gestured at Dante. “I’ve kicked Popeye’s ass a number of times.” Dante scowled at her for that comment.
Nick sighed impatiently. “The dominant females wouldn’t even need to challenge her. All they’d have to do is hit her with their dominant vibes and she’d be automatically submitting whether she wanted to or not.” And Nick hated the idea of it. When an odd expression surfaced on Taryn’s face, he narrowed his eyes. “What?”
Taryn shook her head. Losing her scowl, she sighed. “Just leave her alone, Nick. She’s safe. I give you my word that if anything ever happens to her, if she’s ever hurt, I will contact you. But that’s the most you’re getting.”
While he appreciated that, it wasn’t enough. He’d been kidding himself if he thought simply being around Shaya from time to time would be enough. It was only now, as he was faced with the fact that she was gone from his life, that she would never be a part of it, that he might never see her again, that he realized he’d subconsciously nurtured a hope that he could find a way around their issues. He hadn’t truly given up on the matter, not deep inside, but the present situation was forcing him to do so, to give up all hope. And he found that he couldn’t.
Nick inhaled deeply, fighting to remain composed. But how could he? Dammit, it f**king hurt that she’d left like that. Not just because she was away from him, but because she’d so easily been able to run when he hadn’t had the strength to stay away. And he was angry too. Angry that she could leave him behind and start a life without him, and angry with himself for pushing her in that direction. Also, he was panicking. Not knowing where she was, if she was safe, if she was happy was a torment all on its own. Whatever Shaya or any of these wolves thought, he did want her to be happy. More than anything, he wanted to be the one to make her happy.
And with all that came the determination to find her.
But Dante was right: finding her simply to know where she was, to have peace of mind, wasn’t a good reason. The only chance Nick had of being in her life was to put right what he’d done, step down from Alpha, claim her, and take Derren’s and his mother’s advice and shove aside his fears rather than forsaking someone so important to him. That was exactly what he would do. If that meant the foundations of his pack began to crumble, so be it. Shaya was his; she was more important.
Of course it would be pointless to tell her pack that. They would never believe him—they would simply think he was feeding them shit so they would reveal her whereabouts. He’d have thought the same thing in their position.
Fine, he didn’t need them to tell him. Nick was a powerful Alpha, and he had many contacts, knew a great many Alphas all across the globe. There wasn’t one pack in the world in which she could hide where he wouldn’t find her. Pivoting on the spot, he began marching out of the kitchen.
“Nick?”
Halting, he glanced over his shoulder, meeting Taryn’s gaze.
“Let her be.”
“Not going to happen. If you want to end the alliance, start a war, you do that. But it won’t stop me from searching for her. Nothing will.” With that, he left.
Trey sighed at the sound of the main door slamming shut. They had hidden Shaya well, had taken her as far as South Carolina. Rather than settle her there, they had—cashing in a favor that another Alpha owed him—used a private jet to transfer her from there to Arizona. Their belief was that Nick would never think they would hide her in such a close location. Ryan, Trick, and Marcus had then created a false trail going from South Carolina to New York before allowing it to abruptly end.
They knew that Nick wouldn’t give up when finding no sign of her in New York and might backtrack, but they also knew that Nick wouldn’t be searching for a human with Shaya’s description—which was what she was posing as in Arizona. He would be searching all the shifter packs. Trey had been pretty confident that Nick didn’t have a hope in hell of locating her. But having seen the determination in Nick’s eyes, Trey wondered for the first time if their efforts had been enough. Not that he could blame the guy for his persistence in locating his mate. No one could keep Trey from Taryn, and God help anyone who ever again tried.
He glanced down at her, giving her an “I told you so” look. Taryn had insisted that although Nick might be pissed to hear that Shaya had gone, he wouldn’t bother taking the time to hunt her down.
She sighed at her mate’s expression. “Okay. You’re right. I’m wrong. You’re smart. I’m dumb. You’re tall. I’m…average height.” She arched a brow, daring him to call her tiny.
“Do we contact Shaya and tell her that he’s coming for her?” asked Tao.
Taryn shook her head. “No. The last time I spoke to her, she sounded happy enough. She likes her new job, and she’s decorated her new place. She’s starting to get settled. If I tell her that Nick’s on the hunt, it’ll have her panicking. Besides, there’s a good chance he won’t find her. He won’t for one minute imagine that Shaya’s hiding in the human world.”
Dante winced, running a hand through his short walnut-brown hair. “I don’t know. I’ve heard Nick’s a talented tracker. He’s also got a lot of contacts—not just through being an Alpha, but because of his time in juvie.”
“Juvie?” Taryn’s mouth dropped open. “How the hell did he end up in a juvenile prison?”
“When he was thirteen, he killed a human teenage boy and badly maimed two others in his wolf form while trying to defend himself and his sister.”
“Thirteen?” she echoed. “How long was he in there?”
“He came very close to serving a life sentence, but Nick had acted in self-defense—that’s a lot different than cold-blooded, premeditated murder, particularly when what could have happened to Nick and his sister had been cold and premeditated. But the human court ordered for him to remain contained until he was eighteen.”
“Shit,” said Taryn. Matters concerning shifters were dealt with by packs, but if the incidents involved humans in any way, the human authorities had a right to deal with it. “Time in juvie must have been hard as f**k.”
Trey nodded. “Hell yes.” Although humans had juvenile prisons specifically to contain shifters, they were run by humans who tried to make all their lives hell for committing crimes against their race. Trey had heard about the type of shit that went on in places like that, and he had to respect anyone who got out of them with their sanity still intact. Not only was Nick sane—or relatively sane—but he was an Alpha and a very good one.
“So when I say Nick has a lot of contacts, I mean it,” said Dante. “In juvie, shifters tend to band together, forming little packs of their own. They all keep in touch when they’re released—in fact, Derren’s one of the shifters who served time in juvie at the same time as Nick. It might be best to warn Shaya so she knows to keep a low profile.”
After a moment of thought, Taryn shook her head again. “What kind of life would it be to be constantly looking over her shoulder for the big bad wolf who broke her heart?”
Trick leaned back in his seat, frowning in a way that made the claw marks on his cheek seem to darken. “Nick’s right, though. Claiming Shaya would put her in danger.”
Ryan, a guy who somehow always looked grumpy and very rarely spoke, nodded. “A whole lot of danger—I’ve seen it happen before.” And they were probably the only words the enforcer would speak for the day.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” said Taryn.
Trey narrowed his eyes at the roguish smile that curved his mate’s mouth. “What do you mean?”
She took a sip of her coffee. “Just trust me—Shaya’s no fragile flower. Don’t forget I sparred with her all the time growing up and taught her all my combat moves. And do you remember how talented I am with knives?”
How could Trey forget? When he’d pissed her off a few weeks ago, she’d hurled five knives at him—all of which buried themselves in the wall around him, framing his body. “Yeah.”
“Shaya taught me that.”
Dominic’s brows flew up. “Shaya?”
“And you remember those stories Caleb told you about how my ex-boyfriends often found their cars had been vandalized?” Caleb was a childhood friend from Taryn and Shaya’s old pack. Trey nodded. “That wasn’t me. Shaya’s good with a bat—thanks to Caleb teaching her how to play baseball. She’s real good with a rifle too.”
