Cat's Lair
Page 78
She inhaled sharply, her natural compassion rushing to overtake her.
“I’ve never told a damn soul this fucking shit, baby,” he confided. His hand slid under her chin and he tipped her face up to his. “Just you. Because I trust you. Because you make my life worth something. You make all those years worth fighting and being strong, learning control. I know I’m controlling. I know I can get mean. I’m trying, Kitten. Really. My life has to be control. I can’t take too much chaos, because as I’ve grown stronger, so has he.”
She pressed closer to him. She didn’t know what to say. “I have no idea how I make your life worthwhile, Eli.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Catarina?” He all but snarled it. “Look around you. Look at our home. You made this place a home. You take care of me. No one has done that for me. It isn’t that you cook for me, it’s that you love cooking for me and I can taste it in every bite I take. When you give yourself to me, it’s full surrender. Everything. All of you. In the mornings when I wake up, you’re cuddled into me all soft and warm and you always smile. Always. The sun rises right there. I know my day is going to be good because you smiled at me. I could give you a million more reasons, and I know I’m being damned selfish that I wanted – no I need you to make a move on me. I have to know that you aren’t staying with me because I fucking forced you to.”
God. He was giving her everything. Stripping himself of pride. Of his ego. Of the confident, arrogant, controlling man that he was. She fell a little bit more in love with him. How could she not?
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she admitted, embarrassed. Not just embarrassed – humiliated. Nearly as humiliated as when Rafe had insisted she read a poem to his visitors. “And it’s mortifying. You’re so experienced, Eli, and I hate doing anything wrong in front of you because I don’t want you to think I’m stupid.”
“Baby,” he said gently, cupping the back of her head in his palm. His eyes softened. His face gentled. He slid his thumb over her lips. “Is that what you’ve been afraid of? That you wouldn’t do it right? And never again, ever, believe that I would think you were stupid. I’m very aware how intelligent you are. You not only outsmarted Cordeau, but you fooled me a time or two as well.” His head dipped down to hers, his lips feathering gently over hers. “You really didn’t make a move because you were afraid you wouldn’t do something right? Baby, there is no right way.”
She nodded, miserable. “I hate not knowing what I’m supposed to do. And there might not be a right way, but there’s a way you like it. That’s the way I want to do it.”
“What did I tell you about that, Cat? When you need something, talk to me. You want information, especially about something as important as this, you talk to me. Kitten, I like anything I can get from you. Anything. Any way. I need to know you’re with me because you want to be with me, not because you have to.” He shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up.
She liked his hair messed up. Already her body was heating up. Needing. Hungry for him. She let it happen because this time she was going to ask. If he needed to know she wanted him as much as he wanted her, she could show him that.
“I thought tying you to me with sex would be a good idea, Catarina,” he confessed. “But in the end, all it’s done is make you think that’s all I want from you. I have to admit, I’m very sexual, it matters. I’m not saying it doesn’t. But all the rest of it, all that you give me, the way you give it to me, your surrender to me, putting up with my shit, that makes the physical take a backseat. You get me? Do you understand what I’m saying to you, baby? Because it’s important you know that.”
She nodded. Took a breath. Made a decision. “I’m going to get your coffee for you. I want you to take your clothes off and sit in your favorite chair and wait for me. I’ll be out in a minute and I’ll expect a little direction.”
His golden eyes searched hers for a long time. A slow heat crept in. Hunger. Desire. Lust. She watched it build. She had put that look there. He liked control, but she was taking charge and he liked that too.
“Don’t be long, baby. I’m already dying here a little.”
He leaned down and took her mouth in a long, slow kiss that only added to the fire burning so hot in her veins. When he lifted his head, she saw it. Stark, raw love. He took her breath away, but then he always did. She turned back to the kitchen, needing a little space to collect herself. She’d tamed the leopard. It was powerful and exhilarating. She’d made her stand, and he’d listened to her. He’d shared himself with her. He’d given her his childhood and his struggles.
As she made his favorite coffee, she realized he had the same struggle all along that Rafe had. His leopard was a dominant male, fierce and wild. Rafe had lost control, but Eli had taken control. That was why he was so overboard about control in the world he’d created for himself.
She stripped off her shirt and went to him naked. She stepped onto the porch and immediately saw him in the shadows. He sat in his chair, following her instructions, naked, his cock already hard and thick. One hand fisted the length and slowly, casually moved up and down in a mesmerizing slide. Her mouth watered. She loved seeing him do that. That simple action turned her on all the more.
She set the coffee down on the small table beside him. Her courage was beginning to fail a little. She still didn’t know what she was doing.
“I’ve never told a damn soul this fucking shit, baby,” he confided. His hand slid under her chin and he tipped her face up to his. “Just you. Because I trust you. Because you make my life worth something. You make all those years worth fighting and being strong, learning control. I know I’m controlling. I know I can get mean. I’m trying, Kitten. Really. My life has to be control. I can’t take too much chaos, because as I’ve grown stronger, so has he.”
She pressed closer to him. She didn’t know what to say. “I have no idea how I make your life worthwhile, Eli.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Catarina?” He all but snarled it. “Look around you. Look at our home. You made this place a home. You take care of me. No one has done that for me. It isn’t that you cook for me, it’s that you love cooking for me and I can taste it in every bite I take. When you give yourself to me, it’s full surrender. Everything. All of you. In the mornings when I wake up, you’re cuddled into me all soft and warm and you always smile. Always. The sun rises right there. I know my day is going to be good because you smiled at me. I could give you a million more reasons, and I know I’m being damned selfish that I wanted – no I need you to make a move on me. I have to know that you aren’t staying with me because I fucking forced you to.”
God. He was giving her everything. Stripping himself of pride. Of his ego. Of the confident, arrogant, controlling man that he was. She fell a little bit more in love with him. How could she not?
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she admitted, embarrassed. Not just embarrassed – humiliated. Nearly as humiliated as when Rafe had insisted she read a poem to his visitors. “And it’s mortifying. You’re so experienced, Eli, and I hate doing anything wrong in front of you because I don’t want you to think I’m stupid.”
“Baby,” he said gently, cupping the back of her head in his palm. His eyes softened. His face gentled. He slid his thumb over her lips. “Is that what you’ve been afraid of? That you wouldn’t do it right? And never again, ever, believe that I would think you were stupid. I’m very aware how intelligent you are. You not only outsmarted Cordeau, but you fooled me a time or two as well.” His head dipped down to hers, his lips feathering gently over hers. “You really didn’t make a move because you were afraid you wouldn’t do something right? Baby, there is no right way.”
She nodded, miserable. “I hate not knowing what I’m supposed to do. And there might not be a right way, but there’s a way you like it. That’s the way I want to do it.”
“What did I tell you about that, Cat? When you need something, talk to me. You want information, especially about something as important as this, you talk to me. Kitten, I like anything I can get from you. Anything. Any way. I need to know you’re with me because you want to be with me, not because you have to.” He shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up.
She liked his hair messed up. Already her body was heating up. Needing. Hungry for him. She let it happen because this time she was going to ask. If he needed to know she wanted him as much as he wanted her, she could show him that.
“I thought tying you to me with sex would be a good idea, Catarina,” he confessed. “But in the end, all it’s done is make you think that’s all I want from you. I have to admit, I’m very sexual, it matters. I’m not saying it doesn’t. But all the rest of it, all that you give me, the way you give it to me, your surrender to me, putting up with my shit, that makes the physical take a backseat. You get me? Do you understand what I’m saying to you, baby? Because it’s important you know that.”
She nodded. Took a breath. Made a decision. “I’m going to get your coffee for you. I want you to take your clothes off and sit in your favorite chair and wait for me. I’ll be out in a minute and I’ll expect a little direction.”
His golden eyes searched hers for a long time. A slow heat crept in. Hunger. Desire. Lust. She watched it build. She had put that look there. He liked control, but she was taking charge and he liked that too.
“Don’t be long, baby. I’m already dying here a little.”
He leaned down and took her mouth in a long, slow kiss that only added to the fire burning so hot in her veins. When he lifted his head, she saw it. Stark, raw love. He took her breath away, but then he always did. She turned back to the kitchen, needing a little space to collect herself. She’d tamed the leopard. It was powerful and exhilarating. She’d made her stand, and he’d listened to her. He’d shared himself with her. He’d given her his childhood and his struggles.
As she made his favorite coffee, she realized he had the same struggle all along that Rafe had. His leopard was a dominant male, fierce and wild. Rafe had lost control, but Eli had taken control. That was why he was so overboard about control in the world he’d created for himself.
She stripped off her shirt and went to him naked. She stepped onto the porch and immediately saw him in the shadows. He sat in his chair, following her instructions, naked, his cock already hard and thick. One hand fisted the length and slowly, casually moved up and down in a mesmerizing slide. Her mouth watered. She loved seeing him do that. That simple action turned her on all the more.
She set the coffee down on the small table beside him. Her courage was beginning to fail a little. She still didn’t know what she was doing.
