Cat's Lair
Page 81
He was a difficult man. He knew himself very well. Shifters had to be in control at all times, especially the males. He lived for control, and he knew he was domineering. There had always been a part of him that feared a woman wouldn’t be able to take his rough insistence on dominance. More, he was rough and he liked his sex that way. He certainly hadn’t expected a woman who could take his kind of sex and give back the way she did.
He studied her face. Her beautiful, flawless face. Her long lashes and gorgeous eyes. Her perfect sinful mouth. It didn’t seem possible that she could be his. He needed to take better care of her. Instead of letting his foul temper smolder for days, he should have recognized that she would be shy with him.
That hadn’t really occurred to him either because she was completely uninhibited when they had sex. He knew he loved her. The terrible feeling inside him couldn’t be anything but love. It ate him up and made him look at himself, really look at who and what he was. With her, he had to be better. He wanted to be better. She deserved better.
“I can’t tell you how much you mean to me, Catarina,” he said. He had to clear his throat when her gaze jumped to his and he nearly fell into her eyes. His voice growled, his emotions so strong, so intense he nearly shook with them.
She sat back on her heels, her eyes soft. Something else was there too and his belly knotted fast. She was definitely afraid of her feelings for him, but she had them. At least the beginnings of feelings, and he wanted to nurture that, make certain it grew.
He reached down and drew her gently to him, cuddling her in his lap. Her body was very warm, despite the cool evening. She fit. There on his lap. Wrapped in his arms. She fit. He caught up the bottle of water he had sitting by his coffee and handed it to her, nuzzling the top of her head.
“I’ve fallen in love with you.” He stared over her head into the night as he made the confession. His heart twisted into knots. His blood surged through his body, a rush of adrenaline at the stark, raw admission he never thought he’d ever make to anyone. He felt as if he was baring his soul, and maybe he was. “I don’t know how it happened, Kitten. I was so busy worrying about your leopard for my leopard, I suddenly found myself completely obsessed with you.”
He could feel the change in her instantly. She went very still. She didn’t pull away. Catarina stayed snuggled into him, a part of him, curled up like a little cat on his lap, but she didn’t move a muscle, not even to bring the water to her mouth.
He tipped her head up to force her gaze to meet his. “It’s true. I love you more than anything on this earth. It isn’t about the leopards anymore. I don’t give a damn about Rafe Cordeau or the DEA. For me, there never can be anyone else but you.”
Her blue eyes searched his face for a long time. She looked close to tears.
“Baby, I’m not asking anything of you,” he said softly. “I know you’re not there yet. You still have no reason to trust me, but you committed to me a few nights ago. You gave yourself to me, put yourself back on the line, and not once in the last four days have you brought up the fact that I lied to you when we met. Not one time. You were true to your word and you’re trying to put it behind us. Do you know how big a gift that is to me? What you gave me? Do you have any idea what giving that to me means to me?” She was the most unusual woman on earth. He couldn’t imagine another woman forgiving him and putting herself in harm’s way again, not like that. And not throwing it in his face at every opportunity.
He reached around her to take the cap off the bottle and hand it to her. “Drink. You have to be thirsty after all that. I intend to take the best care of you. The kind of care you give me, Cat. You make me feel loved whether you know it or not.”
“I’ve never had anyone love me.” She made the admission in a small, shaky voice and immediately took a drink. Her hand trembled as she held the bottle to her mouth so he steadied her hand for her with his own.
His heart turned over. Melted. “That isn’t true.”
“No. It is. It is true. My birth mother died having me. My father remarried when I was about two. He died a year later. I don’t remember much about him and nothing about my birth mother. He left me with Tracy and for as long as I can remember, she did drugs and drank. She was the only mother I ever had, the only person I had growing up, but I was definitely in her way. And then she gave me to Rafe.”
He brought his hand up to the nape of her neck, fingers working at her muscles there. “Tracy Benoit isn’t your birth mother?” Why didn’t anyone have that information? It wasn’t in her file.
What he really wanted to know was her reaction to his admission – his confession. She looked a little shell-shocked. His Catarina could take him being rough and bossy and arrogant far easier than when he was loving and kind to her. Now he knew why. She’d never had loving and kind. She didn’t know what to do with that.
Catarina shook her head. She was stunned. Shocked. Unable to process what Eli had just said to her. She heard the ring of truth in his voice. Her leopard might be quiet, but already her senses were stretching Cat’s. Eli loved her. She wanted to wrap her arms around herself and hug that declaration to her. Instinctively she knew he wasn’t a man to use the word love if he didn’t mean it. Even meaning it, saying it would be difficult.
“I’ve never told a woman I loved her, because it wasn’t true,” Eli said. “Not even when I was undercover. I refused to ever take it that far. I knew if I ever got the chance to say it, I’d want it to be only for the one woman I really loved. Somehow it felt if I said it when it wasn’t true, it would cheapen it for the woman I loved. So there it is, baby. It’s you. Only you.”
He studied her face. Her beautiful, flawless face. Her long lashes and gorgeous eyes. Her perfect sinful mouth. It didn’t seem possible that she could be his. He needed to take better care of her. Instead of letting his foul temper smolder for days, he should have recognized that she would be shy with him.
That hadn’t really occurred to him either because she was completely uninhibited when they had sex. He knew he loved her. The terrible feeling inside him couldn’t be anything but love. It ate him up and made him look at himself, really look at who and what he was. With her, he had to be better. He wanted to be better. She deserved better.
“I can’t tell you how much you mean to me, Catarina,” he said. He had to clear his throat when her gaze jumped to his and he nearly fell into her eyes. His voice growled, his emotions so strong, so intense he nearly shook with them.
She sat back on her heels, her eyes soft. Something else was there too and his belly knotted fast. She was definitely afraid of her feelings for him, but she had them. At least the beginnings of feelings, and he wanted to nurture that, make certain it grew.
He reached down and drew her gently to him, cuddling her in his lap. Her body was very warm, despite the cool evening. She fit. There on his lap. Wrapped in his arms. She fit. He caught up the bottle of water he had sitting by his coffee and handed it to her, nuzzling the top of her head.
“I’ve fallen in love with you.” He stared over her head into the night as he made the confession. His heart twisted into knots. His blood surged through his body, a rush of adrenaline at the stark, raw admission he never thought he’d ever make to anyone. He felt as if he was baring his soul, and maybe he was. “I don’t know how it happened, Kitten. I was so busy worrying about your leopard for my leopard, I suddenly found myself completely obsessed with you.”
He could feel the change in her instantly. She went very still. She didn’t pull away. Catarina stayed snuggled into him, a part of him, curled up like a little cat on his lap, but she didn’t move a muscle, not even to bring the water to her mouth.
He tipped her head up to force her gaze to meet his. “It’s true. I love you more than anything on this earth. It isn’t about the leopards anymore. I don’t give a damn about Rafe Cordeau or the DEA. For me, there never can be anyone else but you.”
Her blue eyes searched his face for a long time. She looked close to tears.
“Baby, I’m not asking anything of you,” he said softly. “I know you’re not there yet. You still have no reason to trust me, but you committed to me a few nights ago. You gave yourself to me, put yourself back on the line, and not once in the last four days have you brought up the fact that I lied to you when we met. Not one time. You were true to your word and you’re trying to put it behind us. Do you know how big a gift that is to me? What you gave me? Do you have any idea what giving that to me means to me?” She was the most unusual woman on earth. He couldn’t imagine another woman forgiving him and putting herself in harm’s way again, not like that. And not throwing it in his face at every opportunity.
He reached around her to take the cap off the bottle and hand it to her. “Drink. You have to be thirsty after all that. I intend to take the best care of you. The kind of care you give me, Cat. You make me feel loved whether you know it or not.”
“I’ve never had anyone love me.” She made the admission in a small, shaky voice and immediately took a drink. Her hand trembled as she held the bottle to her mouth so he steadied her hand for her with his own.
His heart turned over. Melted. “That isn’t true.”
“No. It is. It is true. My birth mother died having me. My father remarried when I was about two. He died a year later. I don’t remember much about him and nothing about my birth mother. He left me with Tracy and for as long as I can remember, she did drugs and drank. She was the only mother I ever had, the only person I had growing up, but I was definitely in her way. And then she gave me to Rafe.”
He brought his hand up to the nape of her neck, fingers working at her muscles there. “Tracy Benoit isn’t your birth mother?” Why didn’t anyone have that information? It wasn’t in her file.
What he really wanted to know was her reaction to his admission – his confession. She looked a little shell-shocked. His Catarina could take him being rough and bossy and arrogant far easier than when he was loving and kind to her. Now he knew why. She’d never had loving and kind. She didn’t know what to do with that.
Catarina shook her head. She was stunned. Shocked. Unable to process what Eli had just said to her. She heard the ring of truth in his voice. Her leopard might be quiet, but already her senses were stretching Cat’s. Eli loved her. She wanted to wrap her arms around herself and hug that declaration to her. Instinctively she knew he wasn’t a man to use the word love if he didn’t mean it. Even meaning it, saying it would be difficult.
“I’ve never told a woman I loved her, because it wasn’t true,” Eli said. “Not even when I was undercover. I refused to ever take it that far. I knew if I ever got the chance to say it, I’d want it to be only for the one woman I really loved. Somehow it felt if I said it when it wasn’t true, it would cheapen it for the woman I loved. So there it is, baby. It’s you. Only you.”
