Ceaseless

Page 21

Chapter Twenty
Dank
The room was dark when I arrived. Gee had called me here. All she’d said was, “It’s Pagan.” I’d come immediately but I hadn’t expected it to be Pagan’s dorm room she was calling me to. I scanned the room and found Pagan curled up on the bed asleep. It wasn’t even lunchtime yet. The curtains were closed and the lights were off. Was she sick?
“She remembered,” Gee said from the corner of the room where she sat watching me.
“What exactly did she remember?” I asked taking a step toward the bed where Pagan was sleeping.
“Everything, I think. Hell I don’t know. She hasn’t talked. I don’t know how affected she is yet. If she’s hurt, mentally, I expect you to extinguish me. I can’t live with the guilt.”
Panic gripped me and I rushed to the side of the bed and knelt down beside her. What had Gee done? She wasn’t supposed to remember everything until the Deity decided it was time. I had been hoping for some small memory to come back to her but never had I wanted to harm her.
“What… Did ... You…Do?” I lifted my gaze from Pagan’s still pale body and glared at Gee.
“Get mad. Please. I want you to. If she is messed up because I made a stupid ass decision I’m not going to be able to live with it.”
Gee’s solemn expression didn’t help. Gee was never serious. I reached up and brushed the hair from her face gently. The natural pink color of her cheeks was gone. “Tell me what you did, Gee,” I begged. I couldn’t help her if I didn’t know what had happened. I needed an explanation.
“You weren’t fighting. You were just letting her go. Fuck that. I wasn’t going to let you go down so easy. She isn’t happy with the so-called soul mate they created for her. She is lost without you. I… I gave her the brooch.”
The brooch. The one I’d kept for her. The one I’d given back to her only last Valentine’s day. She’d remembered the time I’d come to her as a child. It had been her grandmother’s. She’d wanted me to keep it and give it back to her in her next life. But she hadn’t died then. The brooch had made me remember the girl’s name. So when Pagan Moore was once again in the books to die I remembered her. I went to see her. I was curious. Then it had become something more. So much more.
“What happened?” I asked, afraid to take my eyes off her. I wanted to will her awake. Make sure everything was okay. That her mind hadn’t suffered a trauma too much for her body to bear.
“I left her with it. Then I got worried and turned around and came back. She was… she was curled up on the cement with tears running down her face saying, ‘I forgot him. How could I forget him?’ I carried her up here and she hasn’t moved or said anything since. She just sleeps.”
I couldn’t deal with Gee right now. I didn’t want her near me. “Go. Just go,” I said without looking at her.
“You’ll tell me if she wakes up. I need to know she’s okay.”
“I said to leave, Gee. You’ve done enough. Leave. Us.”
She didn’t argue. She was gone.
I reached for Pagan’s hand and held it in mine. It was cold to the touch. I saw her soul. It wasn’t damaged. Her body wasn’t sick. This was all mental. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it softly. I shouldn’t have trusted Gee. I’d known she was going to do something stupid when she’d demanded I fight last night. I just hadn’t thought she’d do something this detrimental. I had been working on a plan. Another one— one that might actually work. I had gone about making her fall in love with me again all wrong. I was going to fix that. I was also going to make sure she knew I had never had sex with some other girl. I wanted that cleared up. I didn’t like that tainting us.
Pagan’s hand moved in mine and I stilled. I waited to see if it happened again. Was she waking up? Could she wake up? Her hand barely squeezed mine and I watched it desperately hoping for more. After a few minutes, it hadn’t moved again. I lifted my eyes to stare at her face. Her eyelids appeared blue. She was too pale.
I needed to do something. I’d gone weeks without holding her. She hadn’t wanted me to. But now, I needed it. I needed Pagan safely in my arms. I couldn’t sit here while she lay curled up in a ball, cold and pale. All I could do was wait and keep her warm.
I slipped off my boots and pulled back the cover before sliding in behind her. She immediately rolled toward me and her hands fisted in my shirt. She let out several small sighs then stilled once again.
Pagan
I was warm. Very warm and something smelled wonderful. I buried my face into the warmth. The smell grew stronger. I pressed closer to it and ran my hands up to get handfuls to bring it closer.
“Please tell me this means you’re okay,” a deep voice whispered in the darkness. The warmth was talking. I fought hard to open my eyes. They were so heavy.
“That’s my girl, open those eyes and look at me,” the voice said again. I knew that voice. Panic laced through me and I reached out and grabbed him. He was leaving me. I’d forgotten. I told him to go. I didn’t know, I didn’t know. I fought to open my eyes and reached frantically for a way to hold him here. When I opened my eyes would he be gone?
“Shhh, it’s okay. I have you. Easy, baby,” he soothed me and his arms were around me, pulling me close to him.
My eyes finally opened and I stared at the chest I was pressed up against. I inhaled deeply. This was Dank. My Dank. This was my Dank. He was here. Oh thank god he was here. I pushed back until I could look up at him.
“You’re here,” my voice sounded scratchy.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he replied. His blue eyes glowed in the darkness. I knew that glow. I also knew they would glow brighter after he took a soul.
“Don’t leave,” I begged, tightening my hold on the tee shirt I held in my hands.
“I won’t,” he assured me then he looked me in the eyes. “Do you remember?”
Yes. I remembered everything. The last two months replayed in my head. Those two weeks with Dank. He’d been himself and I’d not remembered anything. He’d tried so hard to reach me. Wait… the girl… the library.
“Explain the girl outside the library,” I said needing to hear an explanation because I knew there had to be one. My Dank would never do that.
“There’s this… guy who you won’t remember but he believes I took you from him. So, he set it up to make you hate me. He wanted me to lose you too. He knew you weren’t yourself and he took advantage of it.”
“Leif?”
Dank’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yeah, Leif, but Pagan… you aren’t supposed to be able to remember him. He doesn’t have a soul.”
Because he was a Voodoo spirit. “I know that, but I remember him.”
Dank brushed the hair back from my face and smiled. “You never did fit the mold. This shouldn’t surprise me. I’ve missed you so much.”
The relief and love in his eyes made me tear up. I’d treated him so badly. “I’m so sorry. I love you, Dank. I love you so much. I don’t know what happened. I can’t believe I forgot you.”
Dank lowered his mouth and pressed a kiss to my forehead, “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. You had nothing to do with this. It is the Deity that did this. They took your memories.”
Why? What had I done wrong?
“Did I make them mad?”
Dank shook his head and tightened his hold on me. I realized my hands were still fisting handfuls of his shirt and I released them and smoothed his shirt out.
“When a soul is created, so is its mate. Jay is your soul’s mate. You weren’t created to be my mate. You have to reconnect with Jay and let your soul decide if you can live without him. They took your memories to make the choice fair. I don’t know how you remembered without their help. But we can’t let them know. You will have to continue the way we were. They want you to choose and now the choice is no longer fair. I don’t want them to take your memories again.”
They could take them again? No. No. I didn’t want that. “So I do what? Date Jay? I don’t want to date Jay.”
Dank flashed a small smile then lowered his mouth to mine, “I don’t want that either but I can’t lose you again. I need you to remember me.”
His mouth covered mine and I decided right now that wasn’t the most important thing. This was. I slipped my hands into his hair and pulled him closer. The first taste of his tongue was heavenly. I rolled onto my back and tugged at his hair pulling him on top of me. I wanted to be covered with him. I needed him close. I’d kept him at a distance because my stupid mind had betrayed me. Dank shifted and moved his body until it fit perfectly over mine. His arms rested on each side of my head as he held some of his weight off me. I didn’t want that. I wanted all of him. Opening my legs caused his hips to fall against me.
He stopped himself from fully pressing into me. I pulled back from the kiss, “Please, Dank. Don’t hold yourself off me.”
He swallowed hard then slowly lowered his hips until his arousal pressed firmly against me. Whimpering a little from the new sensation I rocked against him. His lips were on mine again instantly and his tongue was stroking the inside of my mouth with a frenzied need. I rocked again and let out a small cry of pleasure as the tingling between my legs shot sparks throughout my body.
Dank let out a groan as our tongues tangled with each other and this time it was his hips that rocked against mine. The pressure was more intense. I threw back my head and let out a sound I’d never made before. Dank’s lips began trailing kisses down my exposed neck and stopped at my collar bone. Then the rough skin from his fingertips touched the sensitive skin just under the bottom of my shirt. I began panting, hoping he didn’t stop. His hand crept up further until he found the snap between my breasts and undid my bra easily. He pushed the unwanted barrier away before running his fingers over each nipple.
“Do you want me to stop?” He asked in a raspy whisper.
I shook my head.
“I want your shirt off,” he said watching me for a reaction.
“Okay,” I replied leaning up to take it off.
“No, I want to take it off,” he said stopping me.
I nodded and he lifted the shirt up and over my head. His hands pushed the straps of my bra back until I had nothing covering me.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
His praise made my heart soar.
“I think I remember telling you I’d like to see you with your shirt off,” I reminded him.
A smirk appeared on his full sexy lips and he reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.
Oh my.
I reached out and ran my fingers over each defined ab muscle. Now, that was beautiful. “Come here,” I said lying back against the pillow again.
Dank’s eyelids were lowered and he gazed hungrily down at me. I wanted his bare chest pressed against mine. Reaching up I slipped my hands behind his head and brought him all the way down until I could taste his lips. His chest brushed against mine and I bit down on his bottom lip causing an approving groan to erupt from Dank as the intimate touch of our bodies brought us closer together.
This was my Dank. I didn’t feel lost or lonely anymore. That feeling had engulfed me over the past few weeks but I understood now. My heart had known Dank was at a distance.