Charmed
Page 55
"Because you're a coward," he said mildly, watching her. "Let me ask you something, Ana. What did you do, exactly, to Jessie that day?"
"I linked. I told you I'm an empath."
"It hurt you. I saw." He took her arm, turning her to face him. "Once you cried out, as if it were unbearable. Afterward, you fainted, then slept like the dead for more than a day."
"That's part of it." She tried to push his hand away. It hurt too much to be touched when her defenses were shattered. "When the injuries are so serious, there's a price."
"Yes, I understand. I asked Morgana. She said you could have died. She said the risk was very great because Jessie…" He could hardly say it. "She was gone, or nearly. And you weren't just fixing some broken bones, but bringing her back from the edge. That the line is very fine, and it's very easy for the healer to become the victim."
"What would you have had me do? Let her die?"
"A coward would have. I think your definition and mine are different. Being afraid doesn't make you a coward. You could have saved yourself and let her go."
"I love her."
"So do I. And you gave her back to me. I didn't even thank you."
"Do you think I want your gratitude?" It was too much, she thought. Next he would offer her pity. "I don't. I don't want it. What I did I did freely, because I couldn't bear to lose her, either. And I couldn't bear for you—"
"For me?" he said gently.
"For you to lose someone else you loved. I don't want to be thanked for it. It's what I am."
"You've done it before? What you did with Jessie?"
"I'm a healer. I heal. She was…" It still hurt to think of it. "She was slipping away. I used what I have to bring her back."
"It's not that simple." His hands were gentle on her arms now, stroking. "Not even for you. You feel more than others. Morgana told me that, too. When you let your defenses down, you're more vulnerable to emotion, to pain, to everything. That's why you don't cry." With his fingertip, he lifted a teardrop from her cheek. "But you're crying now."
"You know everything there is to know. What's the point of this?"
"The point is to take a step back to the night you explained it all to me. The point is for you to take another chance and open yourself up. For me."
"You ask too much." She sobbed the words out, then covered her face. "Oh, leave me alone. Give me some peace. Can't you see how you hurt me?"
"Yes, I can see." He wrapped his arms around her, fighting to soothe while she struggled for release. "You've lost weight, you're pale. When I look into your eyes, I see every ounce of pain I caused you. I don't know how to take it back. I don't know how your father kept himself from cursing me with whatever was in his arsenal."
"We can't use power to harm. It's against everything we are. Please let me go."
"I can't. I almost thought I could. She lied to me, I told myself. She betrayed my trust. She isn't real." He kept a firm grip on her arms as he pulled her away. "It doesn't matter. None of it matters. If it's magic, I don't want to lose it. I can't lose you. I love you, Ana. All that you are. Please." He touched his lips to hers, tasting tears. "Please come back to me." The shaft of hope was almost painful. She clung to it, to him. "I want to believe."
"So do I." He cupped her face, kissing her again. "And I do. I believe in you. In us. If this is my fairy tale, I want to play it out."
She stared up at him. "You can accept all of this? All of us?"
"I figure I'm pretty well suited to do just that. Of course, it might take a while for me to convince your father not to do something drastic to my anatomy." He traced his fingers over her lips as they curved. "I didn't know if you'd ever smile for me again. Tell me you still love me. Give me that, too."
"Yes, I love you." Her lips trembled under his. "Always."
"I won't hurt you again." He brushed away tears with his thumbs. "I'll make up for everything."
"It's done." She caught his hands. "That's done. We have tomorrow."
"Don't cry anymore."
She smiled, rubbing her fists across her cheeks. "No, I won't. I never cry."
He took those damp fists and kissed them. "You said to ask you again. It's been longer than a week, but I'm hoping you haven't forgotten what you said your answer would be."
"I haven't forgotten."
"Put your hand here." He pressed her palm to his heart. "I want you to feel what I feel." He linked his free hand with hers. "The moon's almost full. The first time I kissed you was in the moonlight. I was charmed, enchanted, spellbound. I always will be. I need you, Ana."
She could feel the strength of that love pouring into her. "You have me."
"I want you to marry me. Share the child you gave back to me. She's yours as much as mine now. Let me make more children with you. I'll take you as you are, Anastasia. I swear I'll cherish you as long as I live."
She lifted her arms to him. Hair like sunlight. Eyes like smoke. Shafts of moonglow shimmered around her like torchlight.
"I've been waiting for you."
Epilogue
Alone on a wild crag facing a stormy sea stood Donovan Castle. This dark night, lightning flashed and shuddered in the black sky, and the wind set the leaded glass to shaking in the diamond panes.
Inside, fires leaped and glowed in the hearths. Those who were witches, and those who were not, gathered close, waiting for the indignant wail that would signal a new life.
"Are you cheating, Grandda?" Jessie asked Padrick as he perused his cards.
"Cheating!" He gave a merry laugh and wiggled his brows. "Certainly I am. Go fish."
She giggled and drew from the pile. "Granny Maureen says you always cheat." She tilted her head. "Were you really a frog?"
"That I was, darling. A fine green one."
She accepted this, just as she accepted the other wonders of her life with the Donovans. She petted the snoring Daisy, who rested her big golden head in Jessie's lap. "Will you be a frog again sometime, so I can see?"
"I linked. I told you I'm an empath."
"It hurt you. I saw." He took her arm, turning her to face him. "Once you cried out, as if it were unbearable. Afterward, you fainted, then slept like the dead for more than a day."
"That's part of it." She tried to push his hand away. It hurt too much to be touched when her defenses were shattered. "When the injuries are so serious, there's a price."
"Yes, I understand. I asked Morgana. She said you could have died. She said the risk was very great because Jessie…" He could hardly say it. "She was gone, or nearly. And you weren't just fixing some broken bones, but bringing her back from the edge. That the line is very fine, and it's very easy for the healer to become the victim."
"What would you have had me do? Let her die?"
"A coward would have. I think your definition and mine are different. Being afraid doesn't make you a coward. You could have saved yourself and let her go."
"I love her."
"So do I. And you gave her back to me. I didn't even thank you."
"Do you think I want your gratitude?" It was too much, she thought. Next he would offer her pity. "I don't. I don't want it. What I did I did freely, because I couldn't bear to lose her, either. And I couldn't bear for you—"
"For me?" he said gently.
"For you to lose someone else you loved. I don't want to be thanked for it. It's what I am."
"You've done it before? What you did with Jessie?"
"I'm a healer. I heal. She was…" It still hurt to think of it. "She was slipping away. I used what I have to bring her back."
"It's not that simple." His hands were gentle on her arms now, stroking. "Not even for you. You feel more than others. Morgana told me that, too. When you let your defenses down, you're more vulnerable to emotion, to pain, to everything. That's why you don't cry." With his fingertip, he lifted a teardrop from her cheek. "But you're crying now."
"You know everything there is to know. What's the point of this?"
"The point is to take a step back to the night you explained it all to me. The point is for you to take another chance and open yourself up. For me."
"You ask too much." She sobbed the words out, then covered her face. "Oh, leave me alone. Give me some peace. Can't you see how you hurt me?"
"Yes, I can see." He wrapped his arms around her, fighting to soothe while she struggled for release. "You've lost weight, you're pale. When I look into your eyes, I see every ounce of pain I caused you. I don't know how to take it back. I don't know how your father kept himself from cursing me with whatever was in his arsenal."
"We can't use power to harm. It's against everything we are. Please let me go."
"I can't. I almost thought I could. She lied to me, I told myself. She betrayed my trust. She isn't real." He kept a firm grip on her arms as he pulled her away. "It doesn't matter. None of it matters. If it's magic, I don't want to lose it. I can't lose you. I love you, Ana. All that you are. Please." He touched his lips to hers, tasting tears. "Please come back to me." The shaft of hope was almost painful. She clung to it, to him. "I want to believe."
"So do I." He cupped her face, kissing her again. "And I do. I believe in you. In us. If this is my fairy tale, I want to play it out."
She stared up at him. "You can accept all of this? All of us?"
"I figure I'm pretty well suited to do just that. Of course, it might take a while for me to convince your father not to do something drastic to my anatomy." He traced his fingers over her lips as they curved. "I didn't know if you'd ever smile for me again. Tell me you still love me. Give me that, too."
"Yes, I love you." Her lips trembled under his. "Always."
"I won't hurt you again." He brushed away tears with his thumbs. "I'll make up for everything."
"It's done." She caught his hands. "That's done. We have tomorrow."
"Don't cry anymore."
She smiled, rubbing her fists across her cheeks. "No, I won't. I never cry."
He took those damp fists and kissed them. "You said to ask you again. It's been longer than a week, but I'm hoping you haven't forgotten what you said your answer would be."
"I haven't forgotten."
"Put your hand here." He pressed her palm to his heart. "I want you to feel what I feel." He linked his free hand with hers. "The moon's almost full. The first time I kissed you was in the moonlight. I was charmed, enchanted, spellbound. I always will be. I need you, Ana."
She could feel the strength of that love pouring into her. "You have me."
"I want you to marry me. Share the child you gave back to me. She's yours as much as mine now. Let me make more children with you. I'll take you as you are, Anastasia. I swear I'll cherish you as long as I live."
She lifted her arms to him. Hair like sunlight. Eyes like smoke. Shafts of moonglow shimmered around her like torchlight.
"I've been waiting for you."
Epilogue
Alone on a wild crag facing a stormy sea stood Donovan Castle. This dark night, lightning flashed and shuddered in the black sky, and the wind set the leaded glass to shaking in the diamond panes.
Inside, fires leaped and glowed in the hearths. Those who were witches, and those who were not, gathered close, waiting for the indignant wail that would signal a new life.
"Are you cheating, Grandda?" Jessie asked Padrick as he perused his cards.
"Cheating!" He gave a merry laugh and wiggled his brows. "Certainly I am. Go fish."
She giggled and drew from the pile. "Granny Maureen says you always cheat." She tilted her head. "Were you really a frog?"
"That I was, darling. A fine green one."
She accepted this, just as she accepted the other wonders of her life with the Donovans. She petted the snoring Daisy, who rested her big golden head in Jessie's lap. "Will you be a frog again sometime, so I can see?"
