Chasing Dreams
Page 74
“Ignore them,” he whispered against her hair. “Talk to me. How’d you meet Richie?” he repeated.
Tessa swallowed hard. With the press in town, there was a chance that all of this would be dredged up anyway, so Tessa decided she might as well come clean. She didn’t know what it would mean for her relationship with this man, but at least she’d be the one to tell him. If he walked away from her, she wouldn’t have to guess as to why.
“I was a sophomore in high school,” she began, her head resting against his shoulder. “One night, I did something incredibly stupid.” No one knew that she had stolen Texas Shadow except for Richie and Mr. Deluth. Luanne hadn’t even known the details. Mr. Deluth had been too worried about the legal consequences if the sheriff found out, so he’d told her to keep quiet. As for Richie, well, he’d never told anyone either.
“Mr. Deluth caught me and my punishment was to work in his stable for six months, taking care of the horses.”
“What did you do?”
Tessa swallowed hard. No one would ever find out the details of what she’d done, she knew that. If she just kept her mouth shut, no one would know because Richie and Mr. Deluth had died with her secret. But for some reason, she felt like Cooper should know. It would help him to understand why karma was such a heartless bitch to her.
“I took one of his horses. I came out here after dark, took Texas Shadow right out of his stall and then rode for hours that night.”
Cooper didn’t say anything, so Tessa continued. “When I brought him back the next morning, Mr. Deluth was waiting for me. Needless to say, he was livid. Rather than call the law on me, he worked out a deal that I would take care of the horses for six months.”
Tessa took a deep breath and burrowed closer to Cooper. “Richie worked for Mr. Deluth. He was a senior in high school and part of the FFA. When he found out what I did, he was so mad at me. But then we had to work together for the next six months. The rest is history.”
“They forgave you.” It wasn’t a question, but Tessa didn’t know what Cooper was getting at.
“I guess.”
“But you’ve never forgiven yourself? You were what? Fifteen or sixteen?”
“Fifteen.”
“And you’ve carried this around for half of your life, never forgiving yourself?”
“That’s not the only thing I did, Cooper. That was probably the worst of it, but it certainly wasn’t the only thing.”
“Do you still do those things today?”
“God no!” she exclaimed, trying to pull away from him but unable to maneuver out from beneath the steel band that was his arm.
“Don’t move,” he ordered, glancing down at her.
Tessa stopped pulling away, all of the wind leaving her sails in an instant. She had never shared this story with anyone. At least not all of it. Izzy didn’t even know. Well, she didn’t think she did anyway. Tessa couldn’t imagine they would still be friends if she did. Although her best friend had stuck by her through the years, she didn’t think Izzy knew the worst of what she’d done. The alcohol, sure. But not the drugs or the theft.
“Look at me, Tessa.” Cooper’s tone was soothing, not an ounce of anger in the words and Tessa glanced up slowly. “You were a kid, darlin’. We all do stupid things when we’re kids. That doesn’t mean that you have to pay for it for the rest of your life.”
“But it does,” she retorted. “I lost my baby. Richie died.” I lost my land. She kept the last part to herself, not wanting to hurt Cooper.
Cooper’s hand cupped her jaw, his thumb beneath her chin forcing her head back farther. “It doesn’t. You couldn’t have stopped those things from happening, Tessa. You told me yourself that things happen for a reason.”
Yes, she did tell him that. And she believed it too. Which was why she blamed herself.
“You’ve got to let go, baby.”
“It’s not as easy as you think it is,” she said snidely and then immediately regretted her rebuttal. Cooper had told her his story just that morning. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize, Tessa. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. My circumstances were different. And yes, they hurt, but I’m not comparing my life to yours. I hate that you’ve had to go through all of that, and if it were in my power to change things, I would. But, Tessa,” Cooper’s hand tightened on her jaw just a bit, “everything that’s happened to you has made you who you are. And you’re a remarkable woman who has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t want that to change.”
A tear leaked down her cheek, and Tessa wanted to brush it away, but Cooper did so first, his thumb caressing her cheek. Was it even possible that he didn’t hold all of this against her? Would he change his mind after he had time to think it over?
They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Cooper’s strong arms around her, making her feel safe, secure for the first time in as long as she could remember. Maybe it was the night or the man or possibly both, but Tessa suddenly felt the urge to talk.
“Richie was always the sensible one. The guy who liked to have fun, but he walked the straight and narrow. When we fell in love, I think he was worried about what that meant because I was hell on wheels. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep me in line.
“We broke up several times during the years we dated, especially when I was still in high school after he graduated, but I think we both knew that we’d eventually be together forever.” The tears were steadily streaming down Tessa’s cheeks, but she didn’t try to wipe them away. It would’ve been pointless. “By the time I was a junior in high school, my mother had already been diagnosed with depression, but she didn’t take her medicine like she was supposed to. I hated being at home, seeing her like that.”
Tessa still felt like the worst daughter any mother could have because rather than trying to help her mother, she’d managed to put distance between them.
“So, I was gone from home more than I was there, and much of the time I would stay with Richie, even though he had to sneak me in his window at night. I knew he hated doing that because his parents would’ve been devastated to know their son was lying to them, but he did it anyway. For me.
“I hated working for other people, didn’t do well with authority of any kind, so after I graduated from high school I would jump from job to job. As much as I hated my father for not having anything to do with me or Adam, when he died and left us The Rusty Nail, I knew it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. After talking to Richie, I decided I would go for it. I didn’t go to college, both because I was broke but also because I didn’t want to. I hated school but I still managed to graduate. I just couldn’t see myself sitting in class again, so I refused.
Tessa swallowed hard. With the press in town, there was a chance that all of this would be dredged up anyway, so Tessa decided she might as well come clean. She didn’t know what it would mean for her relationship with this man, but at least she’d be the one to tell him. If he walked away from her, she wouldn’t have to guess as to why.
“I was a sophomore in high school,” she began, her head resting against his shoulder. “One night, I did something incredibly stupid.” No one knew that she had stolen Texas Shadow except for Richie and Mr. Deluth. Luanne hadn’t even known the details. Mr. Deluth had been too worried about the legal consequences if the sheriff found out, so he’d told her to keep quiet. As for Richie, well, he’d never told anyone either.
“Mr. Deluth caught me and my punishment was to work in his stable for six months, taking care of the horses.”
“What did you do?”
Tessa swallowed hard. No one would ever find out the details of what she’d done, she knew that. If she just kept her mouth shut, no one would know because Richie and Mr. Deluth had died with her secret. But for some reason, she felt like Cooper should know. It would help him to understand why karma was such a heartless bitch to her.
“I took one of his horses. I came out here after dark, took Texas Shadow right out of his stall and then rode for hours that night.”
Cooper didn’t say anything, so Tessa continued. “When I brought him back the next morning, Mr. Deluth was waiting for me. Needless to say, he was livid. Rather than call the law on me, he worked out a deal that I would take care of the horses for six months.”
Tessa took a deep breath and burrowed closer to Cooper. “Richie worked for Mr. Deluth. He was a senior in high school and part of the FFA. When he found out what I did, he was so mad at me. But then we had to work together for the next six months. The rest is history.”
“They forgave you.” It wasn’t a question, but Tessa didn’t know what Cooper was getting at.
“I guess.”
“But you’ve never forgiven yourself? You were what? Fifteen or sixteen?”
“Fifteen.”
“And you’ve carried this around for half of your life, never forgiving yourself?”
“That’s not the only thing I did, Cooper. That was probably the worst of it, but it certainly wasn’t the only thing.”
“Do you still do those things today?”
“God no!” she exclaimed, trying to pull away from him but unable to maneuver out from beneath the steel band that was his arm.
“Don’t move,” he ordered, glancing down at her.
Tessa stopped pulling away, all of the wind leaving her sails in an instant. She had never shared this story with anyone. At least not all of it. Izzy didn’t even know. Well, she didn’t think she did anyway. Tessa couldn’t imagine they would still be friends if she did. Although her best friend had stuck by her through the years, she didn’t think Izzy knew the worst of what she’d done. The alcohol, sure. But not the drugs or the theft.
“Look at me, Tessa.” Cooper’s tone was soothing, not an ounce of anger in the words and Tessa glanced up slowly. “You were a kid, darlin’. We all do stupid things when we’re kids. That doesn’t mean that you have to pay for it for the rest of your life.”
“But it does,” she retorted. “I lost my baby. Richie died.” I lost my land. She kept the last part to herself, not wanting to hurt Cooper.
Cooper’s hand cupped her jaw, his thumb beneath her chin forcing her head back farther. “It doesn’t. You couldn’t have stopped those things from happening, Tessa. You told me yourself that things happen for a reason.”
Yes, she did tell him that. And she believed it too. Which was why she blamed herself.
“You’ve got to let go, baby.”
“It’s not as easy as you think it is,” she said snidely and then immediately regretted her rebuttal. Cooper had told her his story just that morning. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize, Tessa. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. My circumstances were different. And yes, they hurt, but I’m not comparing my life to yours. I hate that you’ve had to go through all of that, and if it were in my power to change things, I would. But, Tessa,” Cooper’s hand tightened on her jaw just a bit, “everything that’s happened to you has made you who you are. And you’re a remarkable woman who has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t want that to change.”
A tear leaked down her cheek, and Tessa wanted to brush it away, but Cooper did so first, his thumb caressing her cheek. Was it even possible that he didn’t hold all of this against her? Would he change his mind after he had time to think it over?
They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Cooper’s strong arms around her, making her feel safe, secure for the first time in as long as she could remember. Maybe it was the night or the man or possibly both, but Tessa suddenly felt the urge to talk.
“Richie was always the sensible one. The guy who liked to have fun, but he walked the straight and narrow. When we fell in love, I think he was worried about what that meant because I was hell on wheels. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep me in line.
“We broke up several times during the years we dated, especially when I was still in high school after he graduated, but I think we both knew that we’d eventually be together forever.” The tears were steadily streaming down Tessa’s cheeks, but she didn’t try to wipe them away. It would’ve been pointless. “By the time I was a junior in high school, my mother had already been diagnosed with depression, but she didn’t take her medicine like she was supposed to. I hated being at home, seeing her like that.”
Tessa still felt like the worst daughter any mother could have because rather than trying to help her mother, she’d managed to put distance between them.
“So, I was gone from home more than I was there, and much of the time I would stay with Richie, even though he had to sneak me in his window at night. I knew he hated doing that because his parents would’ve been devastated to know their son was lying to them, but he did it anyway. For me.
“I hated working for other people, didn’t do well with authority of any kind, so after I graduated from high school I would jump from job to job. As much as I hated my father for not having anything to do with me or Adam, when he died and left us The Rusty Nail, I knew it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. After talking to Richie, I decided I would go for it. I didn’t go to college, both because I was broke but also because I didn’t want to. I hated school but I still managed to graduate. I just couldn’t see myself sitting in class again, so I refused.
