Chasing Dreams
Page 85
“You are what makes this place special to me.”
Tessa’s head snapped his way. She didn’t miss his use of present tense. He wasn’t talking about how he felt in the past. He was…
“That was a long time ago,” she muttered, watching him closely.
“No, it wasn’t,” he answered, pushing himself back to his feet.
When Cooper moved around to stand in front of her, Tessa’s hands began to shake and tears formed in her eyes. She had dreamed about what it would be like to be this close to him again. When he tilted her chin up, she met his eyes, trying to blink the tears back.
“You accused me one time of running,” he whispered. “And maybe that was the truth. But it didn’t make sense to me until I talked to Izzy earlier.”
Tessa swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes locked on his, the turbulence of his emotions evident in his shimmering brown gaze.
“She told me that you’ve spent your life chasing your dreams. And I knew just what she was saying. I’ve done the same thing. Only now, I know where I belong.”
Tessa glanced away, unsure where he was going with this, but it wasn’t where she thought it was. “And I’m still on that path,” she assured him. “If I keep chasing, I’ll catch them one day.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Tessa. This is where you’re supposed to be.” Cooper’s finger curled under her chin, forcing her to look at him again.
“You’re right, Devil’s Bend is my home. I never thought I’d leave –”
“Not Devil’s Bend, Tessa,” Cooper stated, his voice louder, sharper. “Here. Right here. With me.”
Tessa closed her eyes. Opened them. Although Cooper’s face was blurred through her tears, she knew he was real, but for some reason, she felt like she was stuck in a dream. Her anger started bubbling in her belly, moving outward until her whole body was consumed by it and the tears were dried up from the blazing heat that had engulfed her.
“For one week, Cooper. One solid week I haven’t heard from you. Not a word. And you want to sit here and tell me that I’m supposed to be with you? Where the hell were you when I was crying my eyes out? I never heard you tell me you were sorry, or that you didn’t mean to accuse me of trying to draw attention to you when I was doing nothing more than defending you.”
She saw the muscles in his arms tense as his hands fell to his sides. Tessa was trapped by his golden gaze, but she wasn’t finished. “I’m still trying to get over you. It doesn’t work like this, Cooper. You can’t just decide you want to be with me when it’s convenient for you!” she screamed.
“It’s not fucking convenient for me, Tessa!” Cooper yelled, his voice echoing out over the water and bouncing off of the trees. “I don’t fucking deserve you, don’t you get that? You’re better off without me. I’m a selfish bastard, and that’s not gonna change. I go after what I want, and I get it no matter the cost.”
“You didn’t go after me,” she said sadly.
“But I did, Tessa. I did go after you. Until I hurt you. Until I couldn’t see past my own self-righteous attitude, and then I let you walk away. You deserve so much better.”
This time Tessa was the one to touch him, grabbing his face between her hands and forcing him to look at her. “I do deserve more than you showed me the last time we talked. I’ll give you that.”
“See. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I was so blinded by my anger, furious that you were hurt, but I turned it around and blamed you.”
“That was one time, Cooper. That means you’re passionate about your feelings, it doesn’t make you selfish. You’re not a selfish man. If you were, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. Look what you’ve accom –”
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
She so did not want to admit that out loud, but now the words were out there, and the look on Cooper’s face said he heard them loud and clear.
“Say it again,” he pleaded, his work roughened hands coming up to cup her jaw. “Tell me, Tessa. Say it again.”
Even through the haze of her own tears, Tessa could see the moisture building in his eyes, and the fact that he was breaking down just as easily as she was, took the last of her control. “I love you, Cooper.” Clearing her throat, Tessa continued, “I’ve prayed that it would be easy to stop loving you. I don’t want to love you.” The tears were coming faster, Cooper’s thumbs brushing over her cheeks as he tried to stop them, to no avail.
“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” he choked out. “I never thought you’d understand how hard or how fast I fell for you. I was just grateful to have you in my life, but then you were gone.”
Tessa wanted to hear him say the words back. To admit in three little words, everything he was telling her. When he didn’t say anything more, she pushed his hands away. “I’m not gone yet. But I will be.”
“No.” Cooper’s voice thundered in the thick, humid air. “I don’t want to lose you again. Tessa, I don’t even know how to say the words. I spend my days playing songs about love, but I can’t figure out how to express what I feel for you. It’s so much more than love.”
“But you didn’t realize it until I was leaving. What does that say about us, Cooper?”
“It says that I’m an idiot. I should’ve never let you go. But I needed to give you space. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you. I needed you to love me, Tessa.”
“I do love you, Cooper. But I don’t think it’s enough.”
“It’s more than enough. It has to be enough because I love you. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you in the bar. From the first time you fell into my arms. And from the first time I closed my eyes and dreamed about you. I don’t want to lose you. I promise, I’ll be better.”
“Better than what?” Tessa didn’t want him thinking he had to change for her. She didn’t want that. “I don’t want someone else. I want you. Just like you are. I think we’re looking for the same thing here,” she said, the beginnings of a smile tipping her lips for the first time since she woke up that morning.
He said he loved her. Her heart had doubled in size as soon as he had said the words and then it cracked wide open. “I think we just have to figure out how to stop running. How to stop hiding. If we can do that, I think we’ll have it made.”
Tessa’s head snapped his way. She didn’t miss his use of present tense. He wasn’t talking about how he felt in the past. He was…
“That was a long time ago,” she muttered, watching him closely.
“No, it wasn’t,” he answered, pushing himself back to his feet.
When Cooper moved around to stand in front of her, Tessa’s hands began to shake and tears formed in her eyes. She had dreamed about what it would be like to be this close to him again. When he tilted her chin up, she met his eyes, trying to blink the tears back.
“You accused me one time of running,” he whispered. “And maybe that was the truth. But it didn’t make sense to me until I talked to Izzy earlier.”
Tessa swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes locked on his, the turbulence of his emotions evident in his shimmering brown gaze.
“She told me that you’ve spent your life chasing your dreams. And I knew just what she was saying. I’ve done the same thing. Only now, I know where I belong.”
Tessa glanced away, unsure where he was going with this, but it wasn’t where she thought it was. “And I’m still on that path,” she assured him. “If I keep chasing, I’ll catch them one day.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Tessa. This is where you’re supposed to be.” Cooper’s finger curled under her chin, forcing her to look at him again.
“You’re right, Devil’s Bend is my home. I never thought I’d leave –”
“Not Devil’s Bend, Tessa,” Cooper stated, his voice louder, sharper. “Here. Right here. With me.”
Tessa closed her eyes. Opened them. Although Cooper’s face was blurred through her tears, she knew he was real, but for some reason, she felt like she was stuck in a dream. Her anger started bubbling in her belly, moving outward until her whole body was consumed by it and the tears were dried up from the blazing heat that had engulfed her.
“For one week, Cooper. One solid week I haven’t heard from you. Not a word. And you want to sit here and tell me that I’m supposed to be with you? Where the hell were you when I was crying my eyes out? I never heard you tell me you were sorry, or that you didn’t mean to accuse me of trying to draw attention to you when I was doing nothing more than defending you.”
She saw the muscles in his arms tense as his hands fell to his sides. Tessa was trapped by his golden gaze, but she wasn’t finished. “I’m still trying to get over you. It doesn’t work like this, Cooper. You can’t just decide you want to be with me when it’s convenient for you!” she screamed.
“It’s not fucking convenient for me, Tessa!” Cooper yelled, his voice echoing out over the water and bouncing off of the trees. “I don’t fucking deserve you, don’t you get that? You’re better off without me. I’m a selfish bastard, and that’s not gonna change. I go after what I want, and I get it no matter the cost.”
“You didn’t go after me,” she said sadly.
“But I did, Tessa. I did go after you. Until I hurt you. Until I couldn’t see past my own self-righteous attitude, and then I let you walk away. You deserve so much better.”
This time Tessa was the one to touch him, grabbing his face between her hands and forcing him to look at her. “I do deserve more than you showed me the last time we talked. I’ll give you that.”
“See. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I was so blinded by my anger, furious that you were hurt, but I turned it around and blamed you.”
“That was one time, Cooper. That means you’re passionate about your feelings, it doesn’t make you selfish. You’re not a selfish man. If you were, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. Look what you’ve accom –”
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
She so did not want to admit that out loud, but now the words were out there, and the look on Cooper’s face said he heard them loud and clear.
“Say it again,” he pleaded, his work roughened hands coming up to cup her jaw. “Tell me, Tessa. Say it again.”
Even through the haze of her own tears, Tessa could see the moisture building in his eyes, and the fact that he was breaking down just as easily as she was, took the last of her control. “I love you, Cooper.” Clearing her throat, Tessa continued, “I’ve prayed that it would be easy to stop loving you. I don’t want to love you.” The tears were coming faster, Cooper’s thumbs brushing over her cheeks as he tried to stop them, to no avail.
“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” he choked out. “I never thought you’d understand how hard or how fast I fell for you. I was just grateful to have you in my life, but then you were gone.”
Tessa wanted to hear him say the words back. To admit in three little words, everything he was telling her. When he didn’t say anything more, she pushed his hands away. “I’m not gone yet. But I will be.”
“No.” Cooper’s voice thundered in the thick, humid air. “I don’t want to lose you again. Tessa, I don’t even know how to say the words. I spend my days playing songs about love, but I can’t figure out how to express what I feel for you. It’s so much more than love.”
“But you didn’t realize it until I was leaving. What does that say about us, Cooper?”
“It says that I’m an idiot. I should’ve never let you go. But I needed to give you space. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you. I needed you to love me, Tessa.”
“I do love you, Cooper. But I don’t think it’s enough.”
“It’s more than enough. It has to be enough because I love you. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you in the bar. From the first time you fell into my arms. And from the first time I closed my eyes and dreamed about you. I don’t want to lose you. I promise, I’ll be better.”
“Better than what?” Tessa didn’t want him thinking he had to change for her. She didn’t want that. “I don’t want someone else. I want you. Just like you are. I think we’re looking for the same thing here,” she said, the beginnings of a smile tipping her lips for the first time since she woke up that morning.
He said he loved her. Her heart had doubled in size as soon as he had said the words and then it cracked wide open. “I think we just have to figure out how to stop running. How to stop hiding. If we can do that, I think we’ll have it made.”
