Chasing Perfect
Page 26
“It’s not a moment you’re going to remember with pride,” he said. “What’s your major?”
Emily glanced up, frowning. “What do you mean?”
“What were you going to study in college?”
“Oh. Nursing. I want to be an RN. Pediatrics.” She smiled. “I like kids.”
“Have you looked at grants?” he asked.
“A couple. It’s confusing. I really don’t want to get a bunch of loans, if I don’t have to.”
“You take the SATs yet?”
“Uh-huh.” She smiled again. “625 on English and 630 on Math.”
“Impressive.” He was silent for a minute. “After school on Monday, I want you to go to my office. You know where it is?”
“Sure.”
“You’re going to talk to a lady named Eddie. She’s my assistant.” He hesitated. “She sounds a lot meaner than she is, so don’t let her scare you off. She’ll help you with the grants. As for the rest of it, you can work for me this summer. Part-time. I’ll pay you minimum wage, if you want. Or I won’t pay you anything, but I’ll put away twenty dollars for every hour you work. At the end of the summer, I’ll send that money to the college of your choice. But if you start and then quit, you get nothing.”
Emily’s eyes widened. “You’re really going to help me, even though I lied to you?”
“You have to do the work. If you’ll see it through, I’ll know you’ve learned your lesson.”
Charity felt as surprised as Emily looked. She’d figured Josh would lecture the girl, then let her go. Instead he’d offered her a way to get everything she wanted, while still having to be responsible and show initiative.
Emily stood, rushed to Josh and hugged him. Then she stepped back. “I’ll be there,” she promised. “I’ll do whatever you say. I swear. I’m so sorry.” She turned to Charity. “I am sorry. I was desperate and that’s not an excuse. Please don’t be mad at him.”
“I’m not,” Charity told her.
“Thank you,” Emily said again. She hurried to the door and let herself out.
Josh walked over to a small cabinet by the wall, pulled out a bottle of Scotch.
“Want some?” he asked.
“I’ll wait and have wine with dinner.”
He poured himself a glass, then set down the bottle and took a long drink. “Welcome to my world.”
“Does that happen a lot?”
“Every now and then, in different forms. People get desperate, I’m an easy target.” He looked at her over the glass. “You know I didn’t sleep with her, right?”
“Of course. I knew it before she confessed everything.”
He put down the glass. “How?”
“You told me there hadn’t been anyone for a while and I believed you. Plus, she’s not really your type.”
He crossed to her and put his hands on her waist. “What’s my type?”
“I’m not sure exactly, but I’m confident you’re not into girls still in high school.”
“You know me well.”
He kissed her.
As his mouth claimed hers, she realized that tonight she knew him a little better than she had before. He could have simply thrown Emily out after her confession. There was no reason for him to help a girl he didn’t know who’d tried to blackmail him. Josh was a complicated man. He was also someone she liked. A lot.
The thought terrified her. Not only did she have to worry about the stupidity of falling for a man like him, she had her own hideous track record looming. Still, it was too late to run for cover now.
He drew back and smiled at her. “How hungry are you?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. “Dinner can wait.”
“That’s my girl.”
JOSH WARMED UP WITH the high school team. They rode slowly for a couple of miles, mostly talking and laughing without paying attention to anything beyond getting ready for the real workout.
Josh didn’t listen to the conversation. He couldn’t. Every bit of his attention, every ounce of self-control, was focused on not freaking out like a kid at a monster movie.
The students rode in a pack, which wasn’t unusual. What made the event incredibly different for Josh was the fact that he was part of the pack. Not in it, exactly, more on the outside, but still riding with the others. At least he was doing it.
Maybe the slow pace helped. There was no sense of being out of control. He knew nothing bad was going to happen. At this speed, the worst result of a fall would be a skinned knee or elbow.
One of the students maneuvered his bike closer to Josh’s. The boy, tall but skinny with that awkward, lanky look of an adolescent who hasn’t figured out what to do with his new body, smiled tentatively.
Josh smiled back. “Brandon, right?”
The kid nodded. “I can’t believe you’re riding with us. I’m on a loop with some other guys who ride around the country. They think I’m lying.”
“Then you should bring your camera next time and we’ll take pictures to prove it.”
“You’d do that?”
“Sure. For a hundred bucks a pop.”
Brandon’s mouth dropped open.
Josh laughed. “I’m kidding. Yes, I’ll take pictures with you and the other guys. You can load them on your Facebook page.”
“Sweet.” Brandon glanced at him, then away.
Josh wondered if he had more he wanted to say.
The pace picked up a little. Josh easily kept up with everyone.
“You, um, work out, right?” Brandon asked.
“Sure.”
“Coach has me doing some weight lifting, but I’m not…” He looked around at the other guys, as if judging how many of them could hear. “I need to put on some muscle.”
“How old are you?” Josh asked.
“I’ll be seventeen in three months.” Brandon sounded excited by the fact.
Josh tried to remember the last time he’d been thrilled to be getting older. It had been a while.
“In the next couple of years, you’ll start to put on some serious muscle,” he told the teen. “Don’t push too hard on the weight training until you’re done growing. A lot of guys do that, but what they don’t realize is all that muscle keeps the bones from growing as much as they should. They can lose a couple of inches of height that way.”
“I’m already six feet,” Brandon told him. “But my dad says the men in our family stop growing early.”
“When you’ve stabilized your height, you’ll start picking up muscle. Don’t forget there are more ways to get strong than just lifting weights. Off-season riding is all about conditioning. This winter you should ride inside a few times a week. Alternate between high rpm workouts and low rpm workouts. High-cadence workouts help you learn to contract and relax your muscles quickly. You’ll move in the pack better and be able to dig deep for a sprint. Low-cadence workouts on a high gear build muscle.”
Josh grabbed his water bottle and took a drink. “You also need to work on your whole body. Use the winter months for different kinds of sports. Skiing is great. Take a yoga class once a week. You’ll stretch your muscles, improve your balance and it’s a great way to meet girls.”
Brandon laughed. “Yoga?”
“I’m serious. It will help with your riding and girls love a cyclist’s ass.”
Brandon’s cheeks turned red. “Good to know,” he mumbled.
Josh held in a chuckle.
One of the other guys dropped back to join Brandon and asked Josh his opinion on a bike he was thinking of buying. They discussed equipment until Coach Green drove up and blew his whistle.
Conversation immediately stopped as the guys rode faster. The pack spread out a little as they turned onto a mountain road and headed straight up. Josh stayed on the left rear, watching the other riders. But this time, instead of feeling the panic, he noted their technique. One guy jerked his bike back and forth, wasting energy and adding distance. Brandon was an intense rider, but he was late with his gears, taxing himself more than necessary. Most of the other riders did the same.
Without thinking he yelled, “Everybody stop. Stop where you are.”
The guys looked at each other before slowing to a stop. They straddled their bikes and looked at him. He pointed at the teens one by one and gave each of them a critique. When necessary, he demonstrated the wrong way, then the right way.
“Now we’re going to ride up the hill together,” he said. He explained the gear sequence and why he made the choices he did. Then they started riding together.
Josh found himself in the center of the pack. He called out instructions and the other riders crowded around him. One kid nearly ran into him.
His heart seemed to stop in his chest. The tightness began in his gut, spreading out in every direction. Breathing was impossible as the panic claimed him.
Not now, he thought grimly, swearing silently. Not like this.
“Squirrel,” one of the guys yelled as a squirrel darted across the road in front of them.
“Watch each other,” Josh yelled instinctively. “You don’t want to hit the squirrel, but you don’t want to go down, either. Be aware of where you are.”
They were nearing the top of the road. He knew in another mile it would turn and provide a gradual descent back to town.
“When we start down, I want you to keep your speed under thirty miles an hour.”
“What?”
“No way.”
“Going fast is the best part.”
Josh ignored them. “You’re going to practice breaking out of the pack. Call out numbers.”
Brandon yelled one, a second guy yelled two, until they’d counted through the team.
“That’s the order,” Josh said. “Start in the middle of the pack and work your way to the front. You get a minute of glory, then move over and drop to the back. Is that clear?”
Everyone nodded.
They reached the crest and the road started down. Brandon moved to the center of the pack.
Josh was aware of everyone’s placement. The kids didn’t ride close enough to really get in the way, but this would still be good practice. When Brandon—
He kept pedaling even as his mind did a double take. Wait a minute. He’d been in the middle of a panic attack. He’d been seconds away from losing it completely. What the hell had happened?
He replayed the events, realizing the squirrel had distracted him so completely, he’d forgotten about his symptoms. Apparently without his tension feeding them, they faded of their own accord.
It was the first glimmer of hope he’d had in two years. It meant there was a chance he could conquer this. That he could go back and be everything he’d been before. He didn’t have to be afraid.
He sat up on his bike and started to laugh. The sound echoed off the sides of the mountains around them. One of the kids looked at his friend.
“Old people are weird,” he muttered.
Josh grinned. “We sure are.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHARITY CLICKED TO the next screen on her computer. “Now we move into the lifestyle part of the show,” she said. “I’ve uploaded an assortment of real estate listings. Everything from starter homes and condos to doctor-priced beauties on the lake or the golf course.”
She clicked again. “Here’s a few pictures of the wineries, looking pretty. The ski lodge, the award-winning restaurant. For local flavor we have the farmer’s market, the Fourth of July parade and the obligatory sunset picture.”
The latter showed a family walking by the lake. Dad held a little girl, Mom held the hand of a little boy. The figures were silhouetted against a beautiful orange and red sunset.
“Very nice,” Marsha said, from her seat next to Charity. They were in the mayor’s office, reviewing Charity’s presentation. “What about the financial package?”
Charity went over the information for the hospital itself—tax breaks, potential grants, how much the state, county and city would kick in.
Marsha smiled. “You’ve done your homework,” she said approvingly.
“I’m determined. Fool’s Gold is absolutely the best place for the new hospital campus to be. I’m going to make them see that.” She grinned. “In a very polite, professional way, of course.”
“I have no doubt.”
“The good news is there’s only one other site that’s competitive. So we have a really good chance. At least this time there’s no rich family who wants their name over the door. I’m still annoyed I didn’t know that.”
“You’d been here all of five minutes. How could you?”
“You’re right,” Charity said, but she couldn’t help feeling she should have been able to figure it out. It was her job, after all. “This time is different. There aren’t going to be any surprises.”
“You sound resolute.”
“An immoveable force.”
“Then I have every confidence you’ll succeed.” Marsha picked up her coffee and sipped. “I noticed Josh training with the high school team.”
Her voice was casual, but Charity wasn’t fooled. While she and her grandmother were getting to know each other, they hadn’t spent a whole lot of time talking about Charity’s personal life. As everyone in town knew Charity was seeing Josh, it wasn’t hard to assume Marsha knew, as well. But she’d never brought it up before.
“He has a race coming up,” Charity said, hoping today’s session went better than the last one.
Emily glanced up, frowning. “What do you mean?”
“What were you going to study in college?”
“Oh. Nursing. I want to be an RN. Pediatrics.” She smiled. “I like kids.”
“Have you looked at grants?” he asked.
“A couple. It’s confusing. I really don’t want to get a bunch of loans, if I don’t have to.”
“You take the SATs yet?”
“Uh-huh.” She smiled again. “625 on English and 630 on Math.”
“Impressive.” He was silent for a minute. “After school on Monday, I want you to go to my office. You know where it is?”
“Sure.”
“You’re going to talk to a lady named Eddie. She’s my assistant.” He hesitated. “She sounds a lot meaner than she is, so don’t let her scare you off. She’ll help you with the grants. As for the rest of it, you can work for me this summer. Part-time. I’ll pay you minimum wage, if you want. Or I won’t pay you anything, but I’ll put away twenty dollars for every hour you work. At the end of the summer, I’ll send that money to the college of your choice. But if you start and then quit, you get nothing.”
Emily’s eyes widened. “You’re really going to help me, even though I lied to you?”
“You have to do the work. If you’ll see it through, I’ll know you’ve learned your lesson.”
Charity felt as surprised as Emily looked. She’d figured Josh would lecture the girl, then let her go. Instead he’d offered her a way to get everything she wanted, while still having to be responsible and show initiative.
Emily stood, rushed to Josh and hugged him. Then she stepped back. “I’ll be there,” she promised. “I’ll do whatever you say. I swear. I’m so sorry.” She turned to Charity. “I am sorry. I was desperate and that’s not an excuse. Please don’t be mad at him.”
“I’m not,” Charity told her.
“Thank you,” Emily said again. She hurried to the door and let herself out.
Josh walked over to a small cabinet by the wall, pulled out a bottle of Scotch.
“Want some?” he asked.
“I’ll wait and have wine with dinner.”
He poured himself a glass, then set down the bottle and took a long drink. “Welcome to my world.”
“Does that happen a lot?”
“Every now and then, in different forms. People get desperate, I’m an easy target.” He looked at her over the glass. “You know I didn’t sleep with her, right?”
“Of course. I knew it before she confessed everything.”
He put down the glass. “How?”
“You told me there hadn’t been anyone for a while and I believed you. Plus, she’s not really your type.”
He crossed to her and put his hands on her waist. “What’s my type?”
“I’m not sure exactly, but I’m confident you’re not into girls still in high school.”
“You know me well.”
He kissed her.
As his mouth claimed hers, she realized that tonight she knew him a little better than she had before. He could have simply thrown Emily out after her confession. There was no reason for him to help a girl he didn’t know who’d tried to blackmail him. Josh was a complicated man. He was also someone she liked. A lot.
The thought terrified her. Not only did she have to worry about the stupidity of falling for a man like him, she had her own hideous track record looming. Still, it was too late to run for cover now.
He drew back and smiled at her. “How hungry are you?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. “Dinner can wait.”
“That’s my girl.”
JOSH WARMED UP WITH the high school team. They rode slowly for a couple of miles, mostly talking and laughing without paying attention to anything beyond getting ready for the real workout.
Josh didn’t listen to the conversation. He couldn’t. Every bit of his attention, every ounce of self-control, was focused on not freaking out like a kid at a monster movie.
The students rode in a pack, which wasn’t unusual. What made the event incredibly different for Josh was the fact that he was part of the pack. Not in it, exactly, more on the outside, but still riding with the others. At least he was doing it.
Maybe the slow pace helped. There was no sense of being out of control. He knew nothing bad was going to happen. At this speed, the worst result of a fall would be a skinned knee or elbow.
One of the students maneuvered his bike closer to Josh’s. The boy, tall but skinny with that awkward, lanky look of an adolescent who hasn’t figured out what to do with his new body, smiled tentatively.
Josh smiled back. “Brandon, right?”
The kid nodded. “I can’t believe you’re riding with us. I’m on a loop with some other guys who ride around the country. They think I’m lying.”
“Then you should bring your camera next time and we’ll take pictures to prove it.”
“You’d do that?”
“Sure. For a hundred bucks a pop.”
Brandon’s mouth dropped open.
Josh laughed. “I’m kidding. Yes, I’ll take pictures with you and the other guys. You can load them on your Facebook page.”
“Sweet.” Brandon glanced at him, then away.
Josh wondered if he had more he wanted to say.
The pace picked up a little. Josh easily kept up with everyone.
“You, um, work out, right?” Brandon asked.
“Sure.”
“Coach has me doing some weight lifting, but I’m not…” He looked around at the other guys, as if judging how many of them could hear. “I need to put on some muscle.”
“How old are you?” Josh asked.
“I’ll be seventeen in three months.” Brandon sounded excited by the fact.
Josh tried to remember the last time he’d been thrilled to be getting older. It had been a while.
“In the next couple of years, you’ll start to put on some serious muscle,” he told the teen. “Don’t push too hard on the weight training until you’re done growing. A lot of guys do that, but what they don’t realize is all that muscle keeps the bones from growing as much as they should. They can lose a couple of inches of height that way.”
“I’m already six feet,” Brandon told him. “But my dad says the men in our family stop growing early.”
“When you’ve stabilized your height, you’ll start picking up muscle. Don’t forget there are more ways to get strong than just lifting weights. Off-season riding is all about conditioning. This winter you should ride inside a few times a week. Alternate between high rpm workouts and low rpm workouts. High-cadence workouts help you learn to contract and relax your muscles quickly. You’ll move in the pack better and be able to dig deep for a sprint. Low-cadence workouts on a high gear build muscle.”
Josh grabbed his water bottle and took a drink. “You also need to work on your whole body. Use the winter months for different kinds of sports. Skiing is great. Take a yoga class once a week. You’ll stretch your muscles, improve your balance and it’s a great way to meet girls.”
Brandon laughed. “Yoga?”
“I’m serious. It will help with your riding and girls love a cyclist’s ass.”
Brandon’s cheeks turned red. “Good to know,” he mumbled.
Josh held in a chuckle.
One of the other guys dropped back to join Brandon and asked Josh his opinion on a bike he was thinking of buying. They discussed equipment until Coach Green drove up and blew his whistle.
Conversation immediately stopped as the guys rode faster. The pack spread out a little as they turned onto a mountain road and headed straight up. Josh stayed on the left rear, watching the other riders. But this time, instead of feeling the panic, he noted their technique. One guy jerked his bike back and forth, wasting energy and adding distance. Brandon was an intense rider, but he was late with his gears, taxing himself more than necessary. Most of the other riders did the same.
Without thinking he yelled, “Everybody stop. Stop where you are.”
The guys looked at each other before slowing to a stop. They straddled their bikes and looked at him. He pointed at the teens one by one and gave each of them a critique. When necessary, he demonstrated the wrong way, then the right way.
“Now we’re going to ride up the hill together,” he said. He explained the gear sequence and why he made the choices he did. Then they started riding together.
Josh found himself in the center of the pack. He called out instructions and the other riders crowded around him. One kid nearly ran into him.
His heart seemed to stop in his chest. The tightness began in his gut, spreading out in every direction. Breathing was impossible as the panic claimed him.
Not now, he thought grimly, swearing silently. Not like this.
“Squirrel,” one of the guys yelled as a squirrel darted across the road in front of them.
“Watch each other,” Josh yelled instinctively. “You don’t want to hit the squirrel, but you don’t want to go down, either. Be aware of where you are.”
They were nearing the top of the road. He knew in another mile it would turn and provide a gradual descent back to town.
“When we start down, I want you to keep your speed under thirty miles an hour.”
“What?”
“No way.”
“Going fast is the best part.”
Josh ignored them. “You’re going to practice breaking out of the pack. Call out numbers.”
Brandon yelled one, a second guy yelled two, until they’d counted through the team.
“That’s the order,” Josh said. “Start in the middle of the pack and work your way to the front. You get a minute of glory, then move over and drop to the back. Is that clear?”
Everyone nodded.
They reached the crest and the road started down. Brandon moved to the center of the pack.
Josh was aware of everyone’s placement. The kids didn’t ride close enough to really get in the way, but this would still be good practice. When Brandon—
He kept pedaling even as his mind did a double take. Wait a minute. He’d been in the middle of a panic attack. He’d been seconds away from losing it completely. What the hell had happened?
He replayed the events, realizing the squirrel had distracted him so completely, he’d forgotten about his symptoms. Apparently without his tension feeding them, they faded of their own accord.
It was the first glimmer of hope he’d had in two years. It meant there was a chance he could conquer this. That he could go back and be everything he’d been before. He didn’t have to be afraid.
He sat up on his bike and started to laugh. The sound echoed off the sides of the mountains around them. One of the kids looked at his friend.
“Old people are weird,” he muttered.
Josh grinned. “We sure are.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHARITY CLICKED TO the next screen on her computer. “Now we move into the lifestyle part of the show,” she said. “I’ve uploaded an assortment of real estate listings. Everything from starter homes and condos to doctor-priced beauties on the lake or the golf course.”
She clicked again. “Here’s a few pictures of the wineries, looking pretty. The ski lodge, the award-winning restaurant. For local flavor we have the farmer’s market, the Fourth of July parade and the obligatory sunset picture.”
The latter showed a family walking by the lake. Dad held a little girl, Mom held the hand of a little boy. The figures were silhouetted against a beautiful orange and red sunset.
“Very nice,” Marsha said, from her seat next to Charity. They were in the mayor’s office, reviewing Charity’s presentation. “What about the financial package?”
Charity went over the information for the hospital itself—tax breaks, potential grants, how much the state, county and city would kick in.
Marsha smiled. “You’ve done your homework,” she said approvingly.
“I’m determined. Fool’s Gold is absolutely the best place for the new hospital campus to be. I’m going to make them see that.” She grinned. “In a very polite, professional way, of course.”
“I have no doubt.”
“The good news is there’s only one other site that’s competitive. So we have a really good chance. At least this time there’s no rich family who wants their name over the door. I’m still annoyed I didn’t know that.”
“You’d been here all of five minutes. How could you?”
“You’re right,” Charity said, but she couldn’t help feeling she should have been able to figure it out. It was her job, after all. “This time is different. There aren’t going to be any surprises.”
“You sound resolute.”
“An immoveable force.”
“Then I have every confidence you’ll succeed.” Marsha picked up her coffee and sipped. “I noticed Josh training with the high school team.”
Her voice was casual, but Charity wasn’t fooled. While she and her grandmother were getting to know each other, they hadn’t spent a whole lot of time talking about Charity’s personal life. As everyone in town knew Charity was seeing Josh, it wasn’t hard to assume Marsha knew, as well. But she’d never brought it up before.
“He has a race coming up,” Charity said, hoping today’s session went better than the last one.
