Chasing the Tide
Page 15
I gritted my teeth, trying not to get annoyed by Flynn’s idiosyncrasies. I was intimately familiar with his odd habits and need for order and consistency. But I had lived alone for my entire life. I wasn’t the sort of person used to sharing my space with someone.
My one experience with having a roommate involved listening to Dania having sex in the next room. Needless to say that particular living arrangement hadn’t lasted long.
I had known that living with Flynn would take some getting used to. Neither of us were the type to be flexible. Flynn even more so.
So I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, reminding myself silently that it wasn’t a big deal to wash the mug. It’s what Flynn was used to. This was our first full day together. I couldn’t expect us to miraculously know how to merge our lives already.
I put the now clean mug on the drying rack and wiped my hands on the towel.
Flynn made a noise in his throat and I looked up at him. “Something wrong?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
“Use a paper towel to wipe your hands. They’re over there,” he said, pointing to the roll of paper towels on the windowsill.
This is only the first day, Ellie, I reminded myself.
“Okay, I’ll do that next time, okay?”
I retreated to the bedroom and closed the door.
I hurriedly put on a pair of jeans and a sweater. I ran a brush through my hair and then walked back out into the hallway, knowing how impatient Flynn would be to keep to his schedule.
He handed me a pair of gloves and a wool hat. They weren’t mine but I noticed they were my size.
“I knew you wouldn’t have any. I don’t want you to be cold,” Flynn told me as though it weren’t a big deal.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him toward me. “I love you, you know that right?” I whispered just before kissing him.
“You haven’t brushed your teeth,” Flynn commented, though his cheeks were an adorable shade of red when he pulled back.
I wasn’t embarrassed by his bluntness. “Nope, I haven’t. Sorry. I just wanted to kiss you. I hope that’s okay.”
Flynn looped Murphy’s collar around his neck and attached the leash. He stood back up and reached out to take my hand. “I like it when you kiss me. Even if you have bad breath and you haven’t showered.”
I shook my head, not able to stop myself from laughing.
“Was that funny? I wasn’t trying to be funny,” Flynn said, walking out the door with Murphy, holding it open as I walked through, for once not letting it slam in my face.
I squeezed his fingers, though it was difficult under the layer of fabric from the gloves. “I just appreciate your honesty, Flynn,” I told him, meaning it.
The day was cold and crisp. There was a layer of frost on everything, the grass crunching beneath our feet as we walked through the yard. Flynn kept Murphy on his leash as we headed into the woods behind his house. He navigated us toward a well-worn path that I recognized as the same one I had taken during a drunken night many years ago. A night that ended up here, with Flynn.
Murphy strained against his leash, wanting to chase a squirrel that ran in front of us. Flynn still held my hand, though it was hard keeping up with him. He was used to ambling through he woods. I however, was not.
I stumbled on a tree root and Flynn turned around when I brought us to a sudden stop.
“You need to slow down, Flynn. I’m going to break my ankle,” I said.
“Sorry. I’ll slow down,” he responded, walking beside me.
“It feels strange being back here,” I admitted.
“It feels strange having you here,” Flynn added in that flat, unemotional way of his that often left me wondering whether I should be offended or not.
“Oh yeah?” I asked lightly, trying not to get angry. It didn’t matter that I had left Wellston three years ago to go to school. It didn’t matter that I had worked my ass off to get my Bachelor’s degree. It didn’t even matter that I was a girl now living with her boyfriend, doing normal, healthy adult stuff.
Deep down, I would always be that little girl abandoned by her mother. Unwanted by her foster families. Unloved by everyone.
I was scared to death of rejection and the age old response to kick Flynn before he had the chance to kick me was clawing wildly at my insides. I wanted to say nasty, horrible things. I wanted to push him so hard and so far that he’d never want to be with me. The urge to self-destruct was hard to resist.
It took every ounce of willpower I possessed, every bit of that new Ellie McCallum I had worked so hard to become, not to do any of those things.
And in the end, the new, improved me won out.
Flynn tentatively put his arm around my shoulders. He leaned into me ever so slightly and I felt an odd sort of giddiness that effectively pummeled the bitter resentful Ellie into non-existence. The knots in my stomach coiled and then retracted. My lungs finally expanded, allowing me to breathe.
“In a good way though. I like having you here,” Flynn said, his voice gruff. I glanced up at him and he was looking at Murphy whose nose was buried in a pile of leaves as he rooted and searched for something to hunt.
“This is your home. With me,” he continued, and I could see him swallowing. His Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
I grinned. An un-Ellie-like full-toothed smile that made my cheeks ache.
“Yep. My home is with you,” I agreed.
**
After Flynn left to go to work I got a shower and then sat down at the laptop Flynn had set up on the desk in the living room. I opened up the online classifieds and looked at what was available.
My one experience with having a roommate involved listening to Dania having sex in the next room. Needless to say that particular living arrangement hadn’t lasted long.
I had known that living with Flynn would take some getting used to. Neither of us were the type to be flexible. Flynn even more so.
So I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, reminding myself silently that it wasn’t a big deal to wash the mug. It’s what Flynn was used to. This was our first full day together. I couldn’t expect us to miraculously know how to merge our lives already.
I put the now clean mug on the drying rack and wiped my hands on the towel.
Flynn made a noise in his throat and I looked up at him. “Something wrong?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
“Use a paper towel to wipe your hands. They’re over there,” he said, pointing to the roll of paper towels on the windowsill.
This is only the first day, Ellie, I reminded myself.
“Okay, I’ll do that next time, okay?”
I retreated to the bedroom and closed the door.
I hurriedly put on a pair of jeans and a sweater. I ran a brush through my hair and then walked back out into the hallway, knowing how impatient Flynn would be to keep to his schedule.
He handed me a pair of gloves and a wool hat. They weren’t mine but I noticed they were my size.
“I knew you wouldn’t have any. I don’t want you to be cold,” Flynn told me as though it weren’t a big deal.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him toward me. “I love you, you know that right?” I whispered just before kissing him.
“You haven’t brushed your teeth,” Flynn commented, though his cheeks were an adorable shade of red when he pulled back.
I wasn’t embarrassed by his bluntness. “Nope, I haven’t. Sorry. I just wanted to kiss you. I hope that’s okay.”
Flynn looped Murphy’s collar around his neck and attached the leash. He stood back up and reached out to take my hand. “I like it when you kiss me. Even if you have bad breath and you haven’t showered.”
I shook my head, not able to stop myself from laughing.
“Was that funny? I wasn’t trying to be funny,” Flynn said, walking out the door with Murphy, holding it open as I walked through, for once not letting it slam in my face.
I squeezed his fingers, though it was difficult under the layer of fabric from the gloves. “I just appreciate your honesty, Flynn,” I told him, meaning it.
The day was cold and crisp. There was a layer of frost on everything, the grass crunching beneath our feet as we walked through the yard. Flynn kept Murphy on his leash as we headed into the woods behind his house. He navigated us toward a well-worn path that I recognized as the same one I had taken during a drunken night many years ago. A night that ended up here, with Flynn.
Murphy strained against his leash, wanting to chase a squirrel that ran in front of us. Flynn still held my hand, though it was hard keeping up with him. He was used to ambling through he woods. I however, was not.
I stumbled on a tree root and Flynn turned around when I brought us to a sudden stop.
“You need to slow down, Flynn. I’m going to break my ankle,” I said.
“Sorry. I’ll slow down,” he responded, walking beside me.
“It feels strange being back here,” I admitted.
“It feels strange having you here,” Flynn added in that flat, unemotional way of his that often left me wondering whether I should be offended or not.
“Oh yeah?” I asked lightly, trying not to get angry. It didn’t matter that I had left Wellston three years ago to go to school. It didn’t matter that I had worked my ass off to get my Bachelor’s degree. It didn’t even matter that I was a girl now living with her boyfriend, doing normal, healthy adult stuff.
Deep down, I would always be that little girl abandoned by her mother. Unwanted by her foster families. Unloved by everyone.
I was scared to death of rejection and the age old response to kick Flynn before he had the chance to kick me was clawing wildly at my insides. I wanted to say nasty, horrible things. I wanted to push him so hard and so far that he’d never want to be with me. The urge to self-destruct was hard to resist.
It took every ounce of willpower I possessed, every bit of that new Ellie McCallum I had worked so hard to become, not to do any of those things.
And in the end, the new, improved me won out.
Flynn tentatively put his arm around my shoulders. He leaned into me ever so slightly and I felt an odd sort of giddiness that effectively pummeled the bitter resentful Ellie into non-existence. The knots in my stomach coiled and then retracted. My lungs finally expanded, allowing me to breathe.
“In a good way though. I like having you here,” Flynn said, his voice gruff. I glanced up at him and he was looking at Murphy whose nose was buried in a pile of leaves as he rooted and searched for something to hunt.
“This is your home. With me,” he continued, and I could see him swallowing. His Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
I grinned. An un-Ellie-like full-toothed smile that made my cheeks ache.
“Yep. My home is with you,” I agreed.
**
After Flynn left to go to work I got a shower and then sat down at the laptop Flynn had set up on the desk in the living room. I opened up the online classifieds and looked at what was available.
