Chasing the Tide
Page 26
Things were so different now. I felt suddenly trapped by his irrational mood swings. I had nowhere to go that was just mine. I was living in Flynn’s house. Subject to his rules and eccentricities.
And those things that I had always accepted and loved about him were now driving me insane.
“Fine! I won’t use the stupid detergent with the purple cap!” I had yelled at him. Flynn looked like a dog that had been kicked and I instantly felt bad for losing my cool. He couldn’t help it. I had to remember that. I always had before.
I didn’t touch Flynn; I knew from experience that he needed physical distance after having a meltdown. Instead I left him to fill the washing machine with the freshly clean clothes. I had gone into the living room and sat down, watching television. Murphy had come in and lain at my feet, giving me his doggy comfort.
After fifteen minutes or so, Flynn came into the living room and sat down beside me. He hadn’t said anything. I didn’t say anything. We just sat there together watching re-runs of Laverne and Shirley.
“This was my mom’s favorite show,” he had said after awhile. I looked over at him and he was staring at me, his face unreadable. But I knew what he was thinking. He was sorry. He just couldn’t say it.
I scooted over on the couch and took his hand in mine. He squeezed my fingers tightly. “I know it was,” I said. And then, like that, we were okay again.
Every day was a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. I only hoped I never got to the point where I wanted off the ride. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if that ever happened.
Julie was watching me closely, always able to read me better than anyone.
“Things are good,” I stated brightly.
Julie cocked her eyebrow. “Well that’s excellent,” she said after a beat.
We sat together, drinking coffee and eating donuts.
“I was talking to Mr. Cox about you the other day. He was really happy to hear you had done so well with your life,” Julie said and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure Mr. Cox was just thrilled to hear about me,” I deadpanned.
Mr. Cox (go ahead and laugh, I always did) was my tyrant parole officer that had made my life hell. He wasn’t a bad guy, just annoying. And one of the happiest days of my life was the one where I no longer had to check in with him to breathe.
Julie pursed her lips. “Come on now, Ellie, of course he was. He’s just happy he doesn’t have to add you back to his case load,” she teased, finishing her coffee.
“Yeah, that makes two of us. It’s nice not having to pee in a cup ever again,” I muttered, wiping my lips with the napkin.
“Ellie! Oh my god it is you!” I looked up and my mouth dropped open in shock.
“Reggie?” I asked, hardly able to believe that the girl standing in front of me was the same girl I had hung out with for years.
Reggie Fisher had always been a voluptuous girl with a pretty face. She had never been the smartest kid in class. In truth she was a fucking idiot. She spread her legs for anybody and her self-respect, like the rest of us, had always been in short supply. But she was a good person underneath all of that moronic self-destruction.
The woman standing in front of me now looked ten years older. She had lost a lot of weight to the point that she was emaciated. I could see her collarbone jutting out from beneath her stained sweatshirt.
Her skin was ashy and sick looking, her eyes glassy. There was a big, open sore at the corner of cracked lips. A clear sign that she had never kicked her burgeoning meth habit that had only just started to be a problem before I had moved away.
“Yeah! It’s me! I’m so happy to see you!” she squealed loudly. She leaned down and hugged me and I could feel every one of her ribs. Her hands shook as she pulled away, and I could tell that she was either on something or starting to come down.
“Wow. It’s been years! Where have you been?” she asked and I frowned.
“I left for school. Didn’t you know that?” I asked her. Reggie was picking at the sore on her lip and it was starting to bleed.
“Uh, I think Dania told me that. Have you seen her? She’s got a kid now!” Reggie leaned forward and I backed up a bit in my seat, not wanting her too close to me. She looked horrible. Like the walking dead. It was depressing.
“It’s Stu’s. But he dumped her after she got pregnant. He’s in jail now,” Reggie whispered, casting a quick look around as though afraid she’d be overheard.
“I ran into her last week. Her little girl is cute,” I said, wishing Reggie would go.
“Yeah, well, she doesn’t come out anymore. Not since having the kid. What’s her name? Do you know?” Reggie asked, bouncing on her feet, still picking at her bleeding sore. Her nails were bitten down to the quick and there were scabs and scars on her wrists. I hadn’t known Reggie was a cutter. But looking at the wounds on her arms, it was obvious that she was. Because those weren’t track marks.
“Uh, Lyla,” I answered.
Reggie grinned with a mouthful of stained teeth. “Yeah! Lyla! That’s right! You know, I bought her a blanket and a stuffed cow when she was a baby. And Dania never said thank you. Do you think the baby liked it? I mean it was a really cute cow. And the blanket was really soft. My dad gave me money so I could buy it.” Reggie was rambling now.
“I’m sure she loved it. Look, it was good seeing you, Reggie,” I said, interrupting her.
Reggie nodded her head, looking like a puppet on a string. “Yeah, okay. Well, I’ll see you around. Maybe you could come down to Woolly’s sometime! See the old crew. Well, there’s just Shane now that Stu’s in jail and Dania has her kid. But you could come and drink with us. It would be like old times. I’ve missed you, Ellie. You were always nice to me. You never called me a whore or anything. That’s pretty cool of you.”
And those things that I had always accepted and loved about him were now driving me insane.
“Fine! I won’t use the stupid detergent with the purple cap!” I had yelled at him. Flynn looked like a dog that had been kicked and I instantly felt bad for losing my cool. He couldn’t help it. I had to remember that. I always had before.
I didn’t touch Flynn; I knew from experience that he needed physical distance after having a meltdown. Instead I left him to fill the washing machine with the freshly clean clothes. I had gone into the living room and sat down, watching television. Murphy had come in and lain at my feet, giving me his doggy comfort.
After fifteen minutes or so, Flynn came into the living room and sat down beside me. He hadn’t said anything. I didn’t say anything. We just sat there together watching re-runs of Laverne and Shirley.
“This was my mom’s favorite show,” he had said after awhile. I looked over at him and he was staring at me, his face unreadable. But I knew what he was thinking. He was sorry. He just couldn’t say it.
I scooted over on the couch and took his hand in mine. He squeezed my fingers tightly. “I know it was,” I said. And then, like that, we were okay again.
Every day was a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. I only hoped I never got to the point where I wanted off the ride. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if that ever happened.
Julie was watching me closely, always able to read me better than anyone.
“Things are good,” I stated brightly.
Julie cocked her eyebrow. “Well that’s excellent,” she said after a beat.
We sat together, drinking coffee and eating donuts.
“I was talking to Mr. Cox about you the other day. He was really happy to hear you had done so well with your life,” Julie said and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure Mr. Cox was just thrilled to hear about me,” I deadpanned.
Mr. Cox (go ahead and laugh, I always did) was my tyrant parole officer that had made my life hell. He wasn’t a bad guy, just annoying. And one of the happiest days of my life was the one where I no longer had to check in with him to breathe.
Julie pursed her lips. “Come on now, Ellie, of course he was. He’s just happy he doesn’t have to add you back to his case load,” she teased, finishing her coffee.
“Yeah, that makes two of us. It’s nice not having to pee in a cup ever again,” I muttered, wiping my lips with the napkin.
“Ellie! Oh my god it is you!” I looked up and my mouth dropped open in shock.
“Reggie?” I asked, hardly able to believe that the girl standing in front of me was the same girl I had hung out with for years.
Reggie Fisher had always been a voluptuous girl with a pretty face. She had never been the smartest kid in class. In truth she was a fucking idiot. She spread her legs for anybody and her self-respect, like the rest of us, had always been in short supply. But she was a good person underneath all of that moronic self-destruction.
The woman standing in front of me now looked ten years older. She had lost a lot of weight to the point that she was emaciated. I could see her collarbone jutting out from beneath her stained sweatshirt.
Her skin was ashy and sick looking, her eyes glassy. There was a big, open sore at the corner of cracked lips. A clear sign that she had never kicked her burgeoning meth habit that had only just started to be a problem before I had moved away.
“Yeah! It’s me! I’m so happy to see you!” she squealed loudly. She leaned down and hugged me and I could feel every one of her ribs. Her hands shook as she pulled away, and I could tell that she was either on something or starting to come down.
“Wow. It’s been years! Where have you been?” she asked and I frowned.
“I left for school. Didn’t you know that?” I asked her. Reggie was picking at the sore on her lip and it was starting to bleed.
“Uh, I think Dania told me that. Have you seen her? She’s got a kid now!” Reggie leaned forward and I backed up a bit in my seat, not wanting her too close to me. She looked horrible. Like the walking dead. It was depressing.
“It’s Stu’s. But he dumped her after she got pregnant. He’s in jail now,” Reggie whispered, casting a quick look around as though afraid she’d be overheard.
“I ran into her last week. Her little girl is cute,” I said, wishing Reggie would go.
“Yeah, well, she doesn’t come out anymore. Not since having the kid. What’s her name? Do you know?” Reggie asked, bouncing on her feet, still picking at her bleeding sore. Her nails were bitten down to the quick and there were scabs and scars on her wrists. I hadn’t known Reggie was a cutter. But looking at the wounds on her arms, it was obvious that she was. Because those weren’t track marks.
“Uh, Lyla,” I answered.
Reggie grinned with a mouthful of stained teeth. “Yeah! Lyla! That’s right! You know, I bought her a blanket and a stuffed cow when she was a baby. And Dania never said thank you. Do you think the baby liked it? I mean it was a really cute cow. And the blanket was really soft. My dad gave me money so I could buy it.” Reggie was rambling now.
“I’m sure she loved it. Look, it was good seeing you, Reggie,” I said, interrupting her.
Reggie nodded her head, looking like a puppet on a string. “Yeah, okay. Well, I’ll see you around. Maybe you could come down to Woolly’s sometime! See the old crew. Well, there’s just Shane now that Stu’s in jail and Dania has her kid. But you could come and drink with us. It would be like old times. I’ve missed you, Ellie. You were always nice to me. You never called me a whore or anything. That’s pretty cool of you.”
