Chasing the Tide
Page 4
Nadine hadn’t given me a hug when we parted ways, having learned a long time ago that I would never be the touchy feely sort. But she had squeezed my hand quickly before I had gotten into my car to drive away.
“You know my number. If the mountain men take you and try to make you their sex slave or force you to work their still, have me on speed dial. You know, so you can discreetly call me and I’ll know. Maybe we should come up with a safe word.”
“Safe word?” I had chuckled, shaking my head at her ridiculousness.
“Yeah. Just say—potato chips. And I’ll know you need rescuing. I’ll send out the cavalry. Aka, me. Or at the very least I’ll tell you where the closest bus terminal is,” she promised, smiling. Her uneven eyes wide and her mouth smiling.
“Potato chips? Really?” I rolled my eyes.
I appreciated her concern though I would never be able to convince her it was unfounded. And just maybe, in the back of my head, I wondered if it was unfounded. And just maybe the thought of a lifeline was more appealing that I wanted it to be.
“Don’t forget that the safe word is for more than mountain me. If you need to get out, you know there’s always a place you can go,” Nadine had said just before I pulled away from my apartment.
I hoped that I would never have to use a safe word. That all of my reservations would disappear and I’d have the life I’d always wanted.
But I also knew, with a cynicism that remained after all this time, that real life didn’t work that way.
Chapter Two
-Ellie-
A man with grey hair put a blanket around my shoulders and picked me up.
I thought about screaming.
He was a stranger.
Mommy had told me never to go anywhere with strangers. That strangers could hurt me and take me away from her forever.
But I was so tired. And so, so hungry.
And Mommy still hadn’t come home.
I was scared to leave my house in case she came back and wondered where I was. I was scared of the strangers outside that wanted to take me away.
I hadn’t eaten today. There was no more food in the house. I ate the box of old cat food that was in the back of the cabinet.
I used to have a cat named Miss Banana. I would laugh and laugh and laugh every time I said her name. She was a pretty cat with brown and white fur.
But she ran away last year and never came back.
Just like Mommy.
Maybe Mommy went to look for Miss Banana. Maybe they’d come back together.
The man with the grey hair put me in a police car. I wondered if he would turn the lights on.
“Mommy won’t know where I am,” I told him, starting to cry again. My tummy hurt so badly and I thought I was going to throw up.
The man’s eyes were sad as he buckled me in. “Don’t worry about that right now. Let’s get you somewhere where you can have something to eat. What’s your favorite food?” he asked me.
“’Psgetti,” I told him, brightening up a bit. I loved ‘psgetti. Mommy made the best ‘psgetti ever!
The man patted me on the top of my head. “Well, let’s get you some ‘psgetti then.”
“Can we get some for Mommy too?” I asked as he got in the front of the police car.
He didn’t answer my question.
**
Welcome to Wellston. The hidden gem of West Virginia.
I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. My car slowed down to a near stop as I drove down the main street through the town. I couldn’t quite let myself look around. I wasn’t prepared to see all the ways that it had or hadn’t changed in the three years since I had left.
These streets were paved with my pain and regret. But it was here, among the ugly reality that I had inexplicably found my heart. My soul.
My everything.
Maybe that would be enough.
Memories flashed unbidden through my head even as I tried to murder them before they could take root.
Memories that had nothing to do with Flynn.
Nothing to do with the future I hoped to have.
They had to do with other things. Things I had tried really hard not to remember.
“You get out of here in three weeks. Whatcha gonna do?” Dania asked, sitting on the other side of the table as she had done every weekend since I had been remanded into state custody.
There were a lot of things I thought about while locked up in Spadardo’s Juvenile Detention Center. Getting out was at the top of the list. But I had no idea where I was going to go or what I would do once I left. I would be eighteen. Having aged out of the foster system and without any money to my name, homelessness seemed the only viable option.
So Dania’s question made me angry and defensive in an effort to cover up the simmering freak out I experienced whenever I thought about life on the outside.
“I don’t fucking know. What the hell does it matter?” I snapped, tugging on a piece of hair that fell from my ponytail. I ran my finger along the puckered scar along my hairline. I had found myself on the wrong side of a fork my first week there. Some bitch had wanted my brownie and I hadn’t wanted to give it to her.
My raised voice caught the attention of the COs on duty. I sat up in my chair and tried to relax.
Dania frowned, never the one to take my verbal bullshit. “Well, do you have any money? Do you have a place to go?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
I didn’t really understand why Dania continued to come out to see me every weekend. It wasn’t for my winning personality, that’s for sure. We had been close only because we had to be. Living with our foster dad, Mr. Beretti, required strength in numbers.
“You know my number. If the mountain men take you and try to make you their sex slave or force you to work their still, have me on speed dial. You know, so you can discreetly call me and I’ll know. Maybe we should come up with a safe word.”
“Safe word?” I had chuckled, shaking my head at her ridiculousness.
“Yeah. Just say—potato chips. And I’ll know you need rescuing. I’ll send out the cavalry. Aka, me. Or at the very least I’ll tell you where the closest bus terminal is,” she promised, smiling. Her uneven eyes wide and her mouth smiling.
“Potato chips? Really?” I rolled my eyes.
I appreciated her concern though I would never be able to convince her it was unfounded. And just maybe, in the back of my head, I wondered if it was unfounded. And just maybe the thought of a lifeline was more appealing that I wanted it to be.
“Don’t forget that the safe word is for more than mountain me. If you need to get out, you know there’s always a place you can go,” Nadine had said just before I pulled away from my apartment.
I hoped that I would never have to use a safe word. That all of my reservations would disappear and I’d have the life I’d always wanted.
But I also knew, with a cynicism that remained after all this time, that real life didn’t work that way.
Chapter Two
-Ellie-
A man with grey hair put a blanket around my shoulders and picked me up.
I thought about screaming.
He was a stranger.
Mommy had told me never to go anywhere with strangers. That strangers could hurt me and take me away from her forever.
But I was so tired. And so, so hungry.
And Mommy still hadn’t come home.
I was scared to leave my house in case she came back and wondered where I was. I was scared of the strangers outside that wanted to take me away.
I hadn’t eaten today. There was no more food in the house. I ate the box of old cat food that was in the back of the cabinet.
I used to have a cat named Miss Banana. I would laugh and laugh and laugh every time I said her name. She was a pretty cat with brown and white fur.
But she ran away last year and never came back.
Just like Mommy.
Maybe Mommy went to look for Miss Banana. Maybe they’d come back together.
The man with the grey hair put me in a police car. I wondered if he would turn the lights on.
“Mommy won’t know where I am,” I told him, starting to cry again. My tummy hurt so badly and I thought I was going to throw up.
The man’s eyes were sad as he buckled me in. “Don’t worry about that right now. Let’s get you somewhere where you can have something to eat. What’s your favorite food?” he asked me.
“’Psgetti,” I told him, brightening up a bit. I loved ‘psgetti. Mommy made the best ‘psgetti ever!
The man patted me on the top of my head. “Well, let’s get you some ‘psgetti then.”
“Can we get some for Mommy too?” I asked as he got in the front of the police car.
He didn’t answer my question.
**
Welcome to Wellston. The hidden gem of West Virginia.
I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. My car slowed down to a near stop as I drove down the main street through the town. I couldn’t quite let myself look around. I wasn’t prepared to see all the ways that it had or hadn’t changed in the three years since I had left.
These streets were paved with my pain and regret. But it was here, among the ugly reality that I had inexplicably found my heart. My soul.
My everything.
Maybe that would be enough.
Memories flashed unbidden through my head even as I tried to murder them before they could take root.
Memories that had nothing to do with Flynn.
Nothing to do with the future I hoped to have.
They had to do with other things. Things I had tried really hard not to remember.
“You get out of here in three weeks. Whatcha gonna do?” Dania asked, sitting on the other side of the table as she had done every weekend since I had been remanded into state custody.
There were a lot of things I thought about while locked up in Spadardo’s Juvenile Detention Center. Getting out was at the top of the list. But I had no idea where I was going to go or what I would do once I left. I would be eighteen. Having aged out of the foster system and without any money to my name, homelessness seemed the only viable option.
So Dania’s question made me angry and defensive in an effort to cover up the simmering freak out I experienced whenever I thought about life on the outside.
“I don’t fucking know. What the hell does it matter?” I snapped, tugging on a piece of hair that fell from my ponytail. I ran my finger along the puckered scar along my hairline. I had found myself on the wrong side of a fork my first week there. Some bitch had wanted my brownie and I hadn’t wanted to give it to her.
My raised voice caught the attention of the COs on duty. I sat up in my chair and tried to relax.
Dania frowned, never the one to take my verbal bullshit. “Well, do you have any money? Do you have a place to go?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
I didn’t really understand why Dania continued to come out to see me every weekend. It wasn’t for my winning personality, that’s for sure. We had been close only because we had to be. Living with our foster dad, Mr. Beretti, required strength in numbers.
