Chasing the Tide
Page 47
Her words cut me to the quick and I felt ashamed. Ashamed of my behavior. Ashamed that she saw it.
Mrs. Hendrick glared at me and I knew that she wouldn’t ever like me. I’m trash. Not worth the shit on her shoe.
“I’ll tell you what type of person does that, Ellie. A cruel person. A person incapable of thinking about anyone but themselves. My son deserves better than that. He deserves better than you.”
Then she returned to her embroidery and I forgot about getting a drink. I grabbed my bookbag and I left, not saying anything to Flynn.
Because Mrs. Hendrick was right.
I was trash.
I was cruel.
I was selfish.
I was Ellie McCallum and I didn’t deserve his friendship or trust.
I wasn’t worth it.
**
I closed up JAC’s at ten on the dot. After Dania had left the store, no one else had come in. I spent the remaining hours rearranging products on the shelves and doing the inventory that Jeb had left for me to do.
I called Flynn before I closed up to say goodnight. He had dwelled on my going to Dania’s and I knew it was bothering him a lot. Nothing I seemed to say was making him feel better.
Even though he claimed to trust me, he became extremely angry when I told him I was heading over to her apartment.
You would think I was stepping out on him with another guy rather than spending the night on my former friend’s couch.
I worried that he viewed it as a betrayal. And in some ways I completely understood why he’d think that.
Dania had been merciless in her treatment of him. I had stood by and allowed her to do it. Together we had been hateful and cruel. It made sense for Flynn would be unhappy that I wanted to spend time with her.
I locked up the store and stepped out into the cold night. The snow was slowing down. It was little more than a flurry but the roads hadn’t been plowed yet. Dania was right when she had said that they wouldn’t be touched for another few hours.
The town of Wellston had one snowplow, and the road crew wouldn’t bother touching the streets until they were sure the weather had passed. My car, which was parked behind the store, was covered in about five inches of snow. Getting home was simply out of the question.
I pulled my hat down over my ears and started down the sidewalk towards the pharmacy. I could see lights on in the upstairs apartment and knew that Dania was still awake.
I wasn’t entirely sure why I was taking Dania up on her offer. I had wanted to avoid the awkwardness of being around her at all costs, yet here I was, signing up to hang out with her all night.
But I felt, in some ways, as though I owed her an explanation. I felt more than a little guilty when I thought about the way I had left and never called her. I had never gotten in touch in anyway. When I had gone to school, I had turned my back on her completely.
Truthfully, I had only been thinking about me and what I needed to do. Three years ago, all I had known was that when I got out of Wellston, I had to cut ties with those things and those people that had held me down for so long.
And for me, Dania Blevins had been at the top of that list.
I never allowed myself to think about what that would do to Dania. How she would feel when she never heard from me again.
Wow. I was a selfish bitch.
The very thing I had always accused Dania of being.
I felt like a jerk when I walked into the narrow hallway and climbed the stairs to Dania’s apartment. It was dark, the light bulb in the fixture on the wall having blown out.
I knocked softly, not wanting to wake Lyla if she was asleep. A few seconds later Dania opened the door, seeming stunned to find me there.
“Uh, wow. I didn’t think you’d show up,” she said, looking the way I felt—totally and completely off balance.
“Yeah, well I had a good look at Jeb’s couch in the storeroom and threw up in my mouth a little. I do have standards,” I joked half-heartedly.
“I guess slumming it at my place doesn’t seem so bad compared to that, huh?” Dania asked, and I couldn’t tell if she was teasing or not. Her voice was tight and hard making me wonder if I had imagined the soft, vulnerable expression that I had witnessed earlier in the store.
This was the Dania I remembered. Protected by a thick layer of shitty attitude so she couldn’t be hurt by anyone or anything.
I was already thinking this was a bad idea. “Look, I can go back to JAC’s if this is going to be a thing…” I began but Dania moved to the side, waving me in.
“It’s freezing out there, you’re letting all the cold air in,” she said a little tersely, crossing her arms over her chest as I hesitantly walked inside.
I took off my coat and looked around at the same time. Her apartment was a lot different from the places she had lived in years ago.
Sure the couch was secondhand and the carpet was stained. There were black smudges on the walls where pictures had once hung and the entire place could use a lick of paint but there was a hominess that I had never felt in Dania’s homes before.
I stepped over dolls and stuffed toys as I made my way into the room. It was small but with an open floor plan. The living room merged with the kitchen before leading to a small hallway where I presumed the bedrooms and bathroom were. It was cluttered and messy but it felt loved. It felt lived in.
“Do you want something to drink? Are you hungry?” Dania asked, heading to the kitchen and turning on the light. I followed her, feeling strange standing in the middle of the living room by myself.
“A glass of water would be great, thanks,” I answered, looking at the pictures on the refrigerator. Most of them were of Lyla. There were a few of Dania with a guy I didn’t recognize. He was good looking and he smiled at her in a way that said he was clearly smitten. “I’m guessing Lyla’s asleep,” I observed.
Mrs. Hendrick glared at me and I knew that she wouldn’t ever like me. I’m trash. Not worth the shit on her shoe.
“I’ll tell you what type of person does that, Ellie. A cruel person. A person incapable of thinking about anyone but themselves. My son deserves better than that. He deserves better than you.”
Then she returned to her embroidery and I forgot about getting a drink. I grabbed my bookbag and I left, not saying anything to Flynn.
Because Mrs. Hendrick was right.
I was trash.
I was cruel.
I was selfish.
I was Ellie McCallum and I didn’t deserve his friendship or trust.
I wasn’t worth it.
**
I closed up JAC’s at ten on the dot. After Dania had left the store, no one else had come in. I spent the remaining hours rearranging products on the shelves and doing the inventory that Jeb had left for me to do.
I called Flynn before I closed up to say goodnight. He had dwelled on my going to Dania’s and I knew it was bothering him a lot. Nothing I seemed to say was making him feel better.
Even though he claimed to trust me, he became extremely angry when I told him I was heading over to her apartment.
You would think I was stepping out on him with another guy rather than spending the night on my former friend’s couch.
I worried that he viewed it as a betrayal. And in some ways I completely understood why he’d think that.
Dania had been merciless in her treatment of him. I had stood by and allowed her to do it. Together we had been hateful and cruel. It made sense for Flynn would be unhappy that I wanted to spend time with her.
I locked up the store and stepped out into the cold night. The snow was slowing down. It was little more than a flurry but the roads hadn’t been plowed yet. Dania was right when she had said that they wouldn’t be touched for another few hours.
The town of Wellston had one snowplow, and the road crew wouldn’t bother touching the streets until they were sure the weather had passed. My car, which was parked behind the store, was covered in about five inches of snow. Getting home was simply out of the question.
I pulled my hat down over my ears and started down the sidewalk towards the pharmacy. I could see lights on in the upstairs apartment and knew that Dania was still awake.
I wasn’t entirely sure why I was taking Dania up on her offer. I had wanted to avoid the awkwardness of being around her at all costs, yet here I was, signing up to hang out with her all night.
But I felt, in some ways, as though I owed her an explanation. I felt more than a little guilty when I thought about the way I had left and never called her. I had never gotten in touch in anyway. When I had gone to school, I had turned my back on her completely.
Truthfully, I had only been thinking about me and what I needed to do. Three years ago, all I had known was that when I got out of Wellston, I had to cut ties with those things and those people that had held me down for so long.
And for me, Dania Blevins had been at the top of that list.
I never allowed myself to think about what that would do to Dania. How she would feel when she never heard from me again.
Wow. I was a selfish bitch.
The very thing I had always accused Dania of being.
I felt like a jerk when I walked into the narrow hallway and climbed the stairs to Dania’s apartment. It was dark, the light bulb in the fixture on the wall having blown out.
I knocked softly, not wanting to wake Lyla if she was asleep. A few seconds later Dania opened the door, seeming stunned to find me there.
“Uh, wow. I didn’t think you’d show up,” she said, looking the way I felt—totally and completely off balance.
“Yeah, well I had a good look at Jeb’s couch in the storeroom and threw up in my mouth a little. I do have standards,” I joked half-heartedly.
“I guess slumming it at my place doesn’t seem so bad compared to that, huh?” Dania asked, and I couldn’t tell if she was teasing or not. Her voice was tight and hard making me wonder if I had imagined the soft, vulnerable expression that I had witnessed earlier in the store.
This was the Dania I remembered. Protected by a thick layer of shitty attitude so she couldn’t be hurt by anyone or anything.
I was already thinking this was a bad idea. “Look, I can go back to JAC’s if this is going to be a thing…” I began but Dania moved to the side, waving me in.
“It’s freezing out there, you’re letting all the cold air in,” she said a little tersely, crossing her arms over her chest as I hesitantly walked inside.
I took off my coat and looked around at the same time. Her apartment was a lot different from the places she had lived in years ago.
Sure the couch was secondhand and the carpet was stained. There were black smudges on the walls where pictures had once hung and the entire place could use a lick of paint but there was a hominess that I had never felt in Dania’s homes before.
I stepped over dolls and stuffed toys as I made my way into the room. It was small but with an open floor plan. The living room merged with the kitchen before leading to a small hallway where I presumed the bedrooms and bathroom were. It was cluttered and messy but it felt loved. It felt lived in.
“Do you want something to drink? Are you hungry?” Dania asked, heading to the kitchen and turning on the light. I followed her, feeling strange standing in the middle of the living room by myself.
“A glass of water would be great, thanks,” I answered, looking at the pictures on the refrigerator. Most of them were of Lyla. There were a few of Dania with a guy I didn’t recognize. He was good looking and he smiled at her in a way that said he was clearly smitten. “I’m guessing Lyla’s asleep,” I observed.
