Chasing the Tide
Page 52
“He wanted a different room and when I told him they were all the same, he flipped out. What the hell is wrong with him?”
“There’s nothing wrong with him, but there’s obviously something wrong with your people skills. I’ll be telling your manager about it, too,” Ellie says, but I can’t look at her.
I hate it when I get mad and scream. I feel bad afterwards. I know people will be staring at me. I’m embarrassed.
“Flynn, come on. Let’s go to the room,” Ellie says, touching my arm. I don’t want her to touch me. Not when I’m like this.
“Leave me alone!” I yell.
“Okay, I won’t touch you, but I’m tired and I don’t want to stand here all day. I’d like to go to our room.”
“It’s ugly! I don’t want to sleep here!” I yell into my hands.
“Okay, well let’s go somewhere else,” Ellie says, and I shake my head.
“I want to go home! I don’t want to be in Franklinburg, Maryland!” I’m getting really, really angry. When I get mad my head hurts and I can’t think straight. I yell and I throw stuff and then when I’m done, I feel stupid for acting that way.
I hate yelling in front of Ellie. I hate seeing the look on her face that I don’t really understand. A look that makes me think that she doesn’t want to be with me.
I run out of the hotel and go to my car. I get inside and lock the doors. I just want to be left alone. I hit the steering wheel hard. It makes my hand hurt.
I want to go home.
I want to go home.
There’s a knock on the window after I feel calmer. It’s Ellie. I don’t unlock the door. I don’t want to see that expression on her face. I ignore her, wanting her to go away.
I wanted to see her so badly and now I just want her to leave.
I don’t like feeling this way. It makes my chest hurt and my stomach feel sick.
“Let me in, Flynn,” I hear her say.
She’s not going anywhere. She is standing beside my car and I feel bad. I don’t want to make her upset.
I unlock my car doors, and she gets into the passenger seat. We don’t say anything.
I like our quiet.
“If you want to go home, it’s okay,” she says, and I don’t believe her. She sounds sad.
“I don’t want to be here. I don’t like this hotel,” I tell her.
She makes a noise but I don’t look at her.
“Then go home, Flynn. But I’m tired and I want to sleep. So I’m going to stay here tonight,” she says, and I know she’s not sad anymore. She’s angry. With me. Why is she always angry with me lately?
Ellie gets out of the car and goes back into the hotel.
I don’t leave.
I don’t want to go home anymore.
I want to make Ellie happy. I want to see her smile.
I go inside.
I don’t look at the girl behind the counter. I walk to the room that I went to earlier and knock on the door.
Ellie opens it and her mouth is open. Does she look surprised? Is that right?
“I thought you were going home,” she says.
“I came here to see you. I’m not going home,” I say, and she smiles.
The knots in my stomach are gone and I don’t feel sick anymore. My head stops hurting and I feel warm inside.
I want to touch her so I do. I reach out and put my fingers in her hair. I like the feel of her hair. It’s soft and smells nice.
“I know this is hard for you, Flynn. I’m asking a lot of you but I love that you’re trying,” Ellie says and her voice is quiet. She puts her arms around me and I get that tingly feeling inside that I like.
It feels good when Ellie touches me. No one else.
Only Ellie.
“Leonard helped plan the trip. I didn’t have any trouble driving here,” I tell her. I want her to be proud of me like I’m proud of her.
“That’s great, Flynn.” She looks up at me and I stare at her. She’s so pretty. The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
And she’s my girlfriend. She loves me. She tells me all the time.
I smile because I’m happy.
“You’ll come back to Wellston one day,” I tell her because I hope she will. I want her to come home. I want her to live with me and be with me there with Murphy.
Her face looks strange and she’s not smiling anymore.
“Why can’t you come live with me somewhere? We could go anywhere. New York City. Chicago. We could find some small little town in Florida where it’s warm all the time and never snows,” she said, her words running together as she talks so fast it’s hard for me to keep up.
“But I live in Wellston. It’s where I work. I have a house there,” I tell her, not understanding why she hates it there so much.
It’s just a town.
That stuff doesn’t matter.
It has nothing to do with me. Or her.
Ellie doesn’t say anything else. But then she’s kissing me. And I like that.
I think only about Ellie and how much I like touching her.
I think she might be happy.
Chapter Sixteen
-Ellie-
I haven’t talked to Flynn in days.
He tried to speak to me during English class, but I ignored him. I’m being mean to him, and I don’t really know why. I hated being mean to him. I saw how upset he got when I wouldn’t turn around when he said my name.
I don’t know what’s changed for me, but I just know that I can’t be his friend anymore. It hurts too much to know I’ve done nothing to deserve his loyalty. His friendship. I allow my friends to tease him. To mock and ridicule him.
“There’s nothing wrong with him, but there’s obviously something wrong with your people skills. I’ll be telling your manager about it, too,” Ellie says, but I can’t look at her.
I hate it when I get mad and scream. I feel bad afterwards. I know people will be staring at me. I’m embarrassed.
“Flynn, come on. Let’s go to the room,” Ellie says, touching my arm. I don’t want her to touch me. Not when I’m like this.
“Leave me alone!” I yell.
“Okay, I won’t touch you, but I’m tired and I don’t want to stand here all day. I’d like to go to our room.”
“It’s ugly! I don’t want to sleep here!” I yell into my hands.
“Okay, well let’s go somewhere else,” Ellie says, and I shake my head.
“I want to go home! I don’t want to be in Franklinburg, Maryland!” I’m getting really, really angry. When I get mad my head hurts and I can’t think straight. I yell and I throw stuff and then when I’m done, I feel stupid for acting that way.
I hate yelling in front of Ellie. I hate seeing the look on her face that I don’t really understand. A look that makes me think that she doesn’t want to be with me.
I run out of the hotel and go to my car. I get inside and lock the doors. I just want to be left alone. I hit the steering wheel hard. It makes my hand hurt.
I want to go home.
I want to go home.
There’s a knock on the window after I feel calmer. It’s Ellie. I don’t unlock the door. I don’t want to see that expression on her face. I ignore her, wanting her to go away.
I wanted to see her so badly and now I just want her to leave.
I don’t like feeling this way. It makes my chest hurt and my stomach feel sick.
“Let me in, Flynn,” I hear her say.
She’s not going anywhere. She is standing beside my car and I feel bad. I don’t want to make her upset.
I unlock my car doors, and she gets into the passenger seat. We don’t say anything.
I like our quiet.
“If you want to go home, it’s okay,” she says, and I don’t believe her. She sounds sad.
“I don’t want to be here. I don’t like this hotel,” I tell her.
She makes a noise but I don’t look at her.
“Then go home, Flynn. But I’m tired and I want to sleep. So I’m going to stay here tonight,” she says, and I know she’s not sad anymore. She’s angry. With me. Why is she always angry with me lately?
Ellie gets out of the car and goes back into the hotel.
I don’t leave.
I don’t want to go home anymore.
I want to make Ellie happy. I want to see her smile.
I go inside.
I don’t look at the girl behind the counter. I walk to the room that I went to earlier and knock on the door.
Ellie opens it and her mouth is open. Does she look surprised? Is that right?
“I thought you were going home,” she says.
“I came here to see you. I’m not going home,” I say, and she smiles.
The knots in my stomach are gone and I don’t feel sick anymore. My head stops hurting and I feel warm inside.
I want to touch her so I do. I reach out and put my fingers in her hair. I like the feel of her hair. It’s soft and smells nice.
“I know this is hard for you, Flynn. I’m asking a lot of you but I love that you’re trying,” Ellie says and her voice is quiet. She puts her arms around me and I get that tingly feeling inside that I like.
It feels good when Ellie touches me. No one else.
Only Ellie.
“Leonard helped plan the trip. I didn’t have any trouble driving here,” I tell her. I want her to be proud of me like I’m proud of her.
“That’s great, Flynn.” She looks up at me and I stare at her. She’s so pretty. The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
And she’s my girlfriend. She loves me. She tells me all the time.
I smile because I’m happy.
“You’ll come back to Wellston one day,” I tell her because I hope she will. I want her to come home. I want her to live with me and be with me there with Murphy.
Her face looks strange and she’s not smiling anymore.
“Why can’t you come live with me somewhere? We could go anywhere. New York City. Chicago. We could find some small little town in Florida where it’s warm all the time and never snows,” she said, her words running together as she talks so fast it’s hard for me to keep up.
“But I live in Wellston. It’s where I work. I have a house there,” I tell her, not understanding why she hates it there so much.
It’s just a town.
That stuff doesn’t matter.
It has nothing to do with me. Or her.
Ellie doesn’t say anything else. But then she’s kissing me. And I like that.
I think only about Ellie and how much I like touching her.
I think she might be happy.
Chapter Sixteen
-Ellie-
I haven’t talked to Flynn in days.
He tried to speak to me during English class, but I ignored him. I’m being mean to him, and I don’t really know why. I hated being mean to him. I saw how upset he got when I wouldn’t turn around when he said my name.
I don’t know what’s changed for me, but I just know that I can’t be his friend anymore. It hurts too much to know I’ve done nothing to deserve his loyalty. His friendship. I allow my friends to tease him. To mock and ridicule him.
