Christmas at Little Beach Street Bakery
Page 31
She breathed out again.
‘She had a big belly on her. So. That was a lot to take in right then. And one in me, although I didn’t know it, of course. That damn Ford Escort. Anyway. At first I didn’t take her seriously, her standing there saying Tony’s her husband and to leave him alone. I really didn’t. She was screaming and shouting and I just got the security guard to ask her to leave.’
She stared at the floor, bright red.
‘Oh God, Polly. Oh God. I’ve never told anyone that. I never have. Things were different… Oh Polly.’
The tears were coursing down her cheeks now, and Polly put her arm round her.
‘It was just wrong that got wrong that got wrong. He did me wrong and I did her wrong, and then, well, you came along and I reckon we all did you wrong too.’
Polly shook her head.
‘You didn’t. You didn’t, I promise.’
‘I called him – no luck. No chance. There weren’t mobile phones then, and I couldn’t email him or Facebook. Then I tracked down his mam and dad; they were in the book.’
She shook her head.
‘They were pleased to see me. It had been quite the family scandal when he’d met… now what was her name…’
Polly was half crying and trying to comfort her mother and feeling awful and slightly drunk as well, otherwise she wouldn’t for a moment have said what she said.
‘Carmel,’ she supplied, without thinking.
Kerensa, who’d been shuffling unobtrusively in the kitchen, carefully listening in on absolutely everything, materialised like a bouncy ball in the middle of the floor.
‘Coffee!’ she bustled. ‘I think we all need some coffee! Doreen, you need a coffee machine in there. Man cannot survive on granules alone, especially when you’re up the duff and only allowed one cup a day. It might as well be decent.’
Doreen was staring at Polly in horror.
‘You’ve seen her.’
Polly swallowed, desperately wishing there was a way out of this, but not knowing what it was.
‘She just… she rang me,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything. I just… I just wanted to know a bit more.’
‘So, what, are you friends?!’ Doreen’s eyes were wide with shock.
‘No. She just… she said…’
Polly bit her lip with how much she didn’t want to say what she was about to say.
‘He’s very ill. And he wanted to see me.’
The colour drained from Doreen’s face. She was stone-cold sober now.
‘And did you?’
‘No,’ said Polly. ‘I wanted to talk to you first.’
‘So that’s reasonable, isn’t it?’ said Kerensa. ‘That’s the best thing to do in families, isn’t it? Talk everything out?’
Polly shot her a look.
Doreen’s hand was at her mouth.
‘This is exactly why,’ she said, ‘I tried to keep this stuff away from you. All the horrible, bad stuff. I was just trying to protect you.’
‘But he paid money all those years!’ protested Polly.
‘Oh, I let you think that, of course. Let you think he cared. It was his parents. They’d rather have had me than her. That’s all it was. Their guilt money.’ She practically spat.
Polly blinked, tears brimming at her eyes.
‘So you walking in, dropping these bombs about reuniting with your father…’
‘I wasn’t! I’m not!’
‘I haven’t seen him since he got what he wanted and disappeared,’ said Doreen. ‘Didn’t give a toss for the consequences. Not a toss. Knew where I lived. Didn’t care.’
She stood up.
‘But well done for raking everything up again. Well done for reminding me of how I messed up. Ruined my life.’
Polly jumped up and stepped towards her mother.
‘Um, we should go, maybe?’ said Kerensa.
‘You should,’ said Doreen.
‘Are you going to be all right?’ said Polly, reaching out, but her mother turned away and wouldn’t look at her.
‘Nobody asked me that then,’ she said. ‘I don’t know why you’re bothering to ask now.’
Chapter Seventeen
‘So,’ said Kerensa, after they’d driven some way in silence. It was getting late; the air was misting up and it was turning even colder. ‘That went well.’
Polly winced through her sobs.
‘Oh God,’ she said. ‘Oh God. Tell me that wasn’t as awful as I think it was.’
‘Well, it could have gone worse.’
‘How? How could that have gone worse, Kerensa?’
‘Um, a huge monster could have burst through the front window and wreaked bloody havoc everywhere. Zombie apocalypse? Nuclear bomb?’
There was a long silence.
‘Oh Lord.’
Polly checked her phone. She’d texted her apologies immediately but didn’t expect to hear back, and she hadn’t.
‘Well, look on the bright side. She wasn’t coming for Christmas anyway.’
‘Kerensa! How’s that meant to cheer me up?’
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘I don’t know.’
Polly leant her head against the cool glass of the window pane, a tear running down her face.
‘Oh God, she really thought I’d been running around with my dad, playing happy families with Carmel.’
They drove on in silence.
‘Can I say something?’ said Kerensa.
‘Something more? More than you would usually just say?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I can’t imagine what it might be.’
‘No, listen, right. I don’t want to diss your mum, but honestly, if you wanted to see your dad, and she’d point-blank refused to talk about him but spent a lot of time being miserable about it and putting the misery kind of on to you… I did ask permission to say this, by the way.’
‘Yeah, right, I get that,’ said Polly.
‘Well. Honestly, I kind of think it’s your business. It’s your dad. He may have been an awful one… he may not have told his wife he even had another kid, although she obviously knew something was going on…’
‘I bet it wasn’t the first time,’ said Polly.
‘She had a big belly on her. So. That was a lot to take in right then. And one in me, although I didn’t know it, of course. That damn Ford Escort. Anyway. At first I didn’t take her seriously, her standing there saying Tony’s her husband and to leave him alone. I really didn’t. She was screaming and shouting and I just got the security guard to ask her to leave.’
She stared at the floor, bright red.
‘Oh God, Polly. Oh God. I’ve never told anyone that. I never have. Things were different… Oh Polly.’
The tears were coursing down her cheeks now, and Polly put her arm round her.
‘It was just wrong that got wrong that got wrong. He did me wrong and I did her wrong, and then, well, you came along and I reckon we all did you wrong too.’
Polly shook her head.
‘You didn’t. You didn’t, I promise.’
‘I called him – no luck. No chance. There weren’t mobile phones then, and I couldn’t email him or Facebook. Then I tracked down his mam and dad; they were in the book.’
She shook her head.
‘They were pleased to see me. It had been quite the family scandal when he’d met… now what was her name…’
Polly was half crying and trying to comfort her mother and feeling awful and slightly drunk as well, otherwise she wouldn’t for a moment have said what she said.
‘Carmel,’ she supplied, without thinking.
Kerensa, who’d been shuffling unobtrusively in the kitchen, carefully listening in on absolutely everything, materialised like a bouncy ball in the middle of the floor.
‘Coffee!’ she bustled. ‘I think we all need some coffee! Doreen, you need a coffee machine in there. Man cannot survive on granules alone, especially when you’re up the duff and only allowed one cup a day. It might as well be decent.’
Doreen was staring at Polly in horror.
‘You’ve seen her.’
Polly swallowed, desperately wishing there was a way out of this, but not knowing what it was.
‘She just… she rang me,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything. I just… I just wanted to know a bit more.’
‘So, what, are you friends?!’ Doreen’s eyes were wide with shock.
‘No. She just… she said…’
Polly bit her lip with how much she didn’t want to say what she was about to say.
‘He’s very ill. And he wanted to see me.’
The colour drained from Doreen’s face. She was stone-cold sober now.
‘And did you?’
‘No,’ said Polly. ‘I wanted to talk to you first.’
‘So that’s reasonable, isn’t it?’ said Kerensa. ‘That’s the best thing to do in families, isn’t it? Talk everything out?’
Polly shot her a look.
Doreen’s hand was at her mouth.
‘This is exactly why,’ she said, ‘I tried to keep this stuff away from you. All the horrible, bad stuff. I was just trying to protect you.’
‘But he paid money all those years!’ protested Polly.
‘Oh, I let you think that, of course. Let you think he cared. It was his parents. They’d rather have had me than her. That’s all it was. Their guilt money.’ She practically spat.
Polly blinked, tears brimming at her eyes.
‘So you walking in, dropping these bombs about reuniting with your father…’
‘I wasn’t! I’m not!’
‘I haven’t seen him since he got what he wanted and disappeared,’ said Doreen. ‘Didn’t give a toss for the consequences. Not a toss. Knew where I lived. Didn’t care.’
She stood up.
‘But well done for raking everything up again. Well done for reminding me of how I messed up. Ruined my life.’
Polly jumped up and stepped towards her mother.
‘Um, we should go, maybe?’ said Kerensa.
‘You should,’ said Doreen.
‘Are you going to be all right?’ said Polly, reaching out, but her mother turned away and wouldn’t look at her.
‘Nobody asked me that then,’ she said. ‘I don’t know why you’re bothering to ask now.’
Chapter Seventeen
‘So,’ said Kerensa, after they’d driven some way in silence. It was getting late; the air was misting up and it was turning even colder. ‘That went well.’
Polly winced through her sobs.
‘Oh God,’ she said. ‘Oh God. Tell me that wasn’t as awful as I think it was.’
‘Well, it could have gone worse.’
‘How? How could that have gone worse, Kerensa?’
‘Um, a huge monster could have burst through the front window and wreaked bloody havoc everywhere. Zombie apocalypse? Nuclear bomb?’
There was a long silence.
‘Oh Lord.’
Polly checked her phone. She’d texted her apologies immediately but didn’t expect to hear back, and she hadn’t.
‘Well, look on the bright side. She wasn’t coming for Christmas anyway.’
‘Kerensa! How’s that meant to cheer me up?’
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘I don’t know.’
Polly leant her head against the cool glass of the window pane, a tear running down her face.
‘Oh God, she really thought I’d been running around with my dad, playing happy families with Carmel.’
They drove on in silence.
‘Can I say something?’ said Kerensa.
‘Something more? More than you would usually just say?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I can’t imagine what it might be.’
‘No, listen, right. I don’t want to diss your mum, but honestly, if you wanted to see your dad, and she’d point-blank refused to talk about him but spent a lot of time being miserable about it and putting the misery kind of on to you… I did ask permission to say this, by the way.’
‘Yeah, right, I get that,’ said Polly.
‘Well. Honestly, I kind of think it’s your business. It’s your dad. He may have been an awful one… he may not have told his wife he even had another kid, although she obviously knew something was going on…’
‘I bet it wasn’t the first time,’ said Polly.
