Christmas at Little Beach Street Bakery
Page 52
‘I’m godmother,’ she said fiercely.
Kerensa nodded. ‘How are you going to reject the devil and all his works though?’ she said. ‘We basically are the devil and all his works.’
They looked at the perfect little face once more.
‘You’re not going to mess this up,’ whispered Polly. ‘Neither am I. And neither is Huckle. He’ll come round. We’ll sort it. We will.’ She smiled. ‘Friends. Not just there for the nice things in life. Although this, I will tell you, is a very, very nice thing.’
Kerensa nodded and swallowed hard.
‘Yeah,’ she said.
‘Yeah,’ said Polly.
There was nothing more to say. Polly didn’t want to go, but she had to. She gave them one last hug.
‘I hate leaving you alone.’
‘Reuben will be back in a second,’ said Kerensa. ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll manage to keep both sides of the conversation going, as usual.’
‘He’s happy,’ said Polly. ‘Your mum has headed off to contact everyone she’s ever known. Rhonda and Merv are happy. The baby is gorgeous. Everyone is happy. Our job is to keep it that way, don’t you think? Who knows. Maybe then we get to be happy too.’
She thought of Huckle’s haunted, handsome face. Was it possible? Could it ever be? How careless life was.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Polly left the private wing profoundly and utterly choked and yet strangely happy at the same time – meeting the new baby had brought about in her some odd deep joy she hadn’t anticipated; something pure and lovely and wonderful. She’d expected to be worried when he arrived – as worried as Kerensa felt – but in fact he was so gorgeous she could feel nothing but hope. Surely everyone could love a baby enough. Even if Reuben found out? Even if the kid was taller than him and could grow more facial hair by the age of nine? He wouldn’t desert his family, would he?
Except Polly herself had had a father who hadn’t wanted her. Who hadn’t wanted to know her. It was possible. Was it ever possible?
As she reached the main entrance, deep in thought, she nearly collided with the woman who was standing stock still in the middle of the hallway, staring at her.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, but to her surprise, the woman put up a hand to stop her.
‘Polly,’ she said.
Polly focused, dragged herself away from her musings, and was brought up short in shock.
‘Carmel,’ she said, her mouth moving but making barely any sound.
Carmel was equally startled, but her face was joyful and full of excitement.
‘Polly! You came!’
There was a silence. Polly swallowed hard.
‘Well…’ she said. Carmel’s expression was so radiant, Polly hated to disappoint her. But she couldn’t… she just couldn’t…
She should have realised that this might happen, but it just hadn’t crossed her mind – the hospital was vast, and the private maternity wing was tucked away in a pleasant building overlooking the gardens at the back. But of course, nothing was impossible.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m here seeing somebody else.’
Carmel’s face fell.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I thought… I thought…’
‘I never had a dad,’ said Polly. ‘I never had one.’
Carmel nodded. ‘I realise that. Completely and utterly. I do. I was wrong to contact you and I want to apologise.’
‘Thanks,’ said Polly.
‘I shouldn’t have dropped a bomb in your life like that. It was wrong of me… I was distraught. Everything was so awful and I was thinking of him and what he was begging me to do, and not about you.’
Polly nodded. ‘I understand that,’ she said. She couldn’t help it, she liked Carmel.
There was a pause, and Polly moved to walk away.
‘But,’ said Carmel. ‘Perhaps you could see it as a favour… a favour to a stranger. Something you might do for anyone. For a dying man. I know he’s nothing to you. I think if I’d let him, you might have been a lot to him. It’s me you have to forgive,’ she went on. ‘I had children of my own. I couldn’t risk… couldn’t risk my own family. Couldn’t. I told him if he ever went near your mother, if he risked our family again for somebody else, then I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.’
She blinked.
‘I hope one day you’ll understand what I did. I would have fought tooth and nail for my children to have a full-time father. I’m sorry about how that’s made you feel. I’m not sorry for keeping my family together.’
Her eyes flashed as she said it. And Polly thought how she didn’t blame Carmel for fighting for her family. She wished her own mother had been better equipped to fight for hers. But that was what it was.
‘Okay,’ she said.
‘Okay what?’ said Carmel. ‘Okay with what I did, or okay you’ll come and see him?’
Polly thought for a long time. She thought of Kerensa’s innocent little baby, and how he deserved access to anybody who might ever love him. She wished Huckle was here. She wished she could somehow speak to her mum about it, but she’d already asked so much.
She felt very, very lonely.
‘Are… are any of your children there?’ she asked.
Carmel shook her head.
‘No,’ she said. ‘They’re coming this afternoon.’
Polly nodded. She would go in, say hello, say goodbye and that would be it. She would have done her duty, fulfilled the last request of a dying man. It was the right thing to do. Then she would call Huckle and tell him to go and see the baby, no matter what was going on between the two of them. And then she would… well. She didn’t know. Get back to work, she supposed.
‘Yeah, all right then,’ she said.
The men’s oncology ward wasn’t anything like as nice as the private maternity wing. It was grey, and there was a lot of coughing, and so much sadness.
The Christmas decorations looked even more miserable here than elsewhere. Men grey around the gills sat with tracheotomy holes in their throats. Bored children rolled around eating sweets and complaining. Here and there curtains were drawn around the beds, with who knew what mysterious events happening inside. There was a strong smell of Dettol and spilled tea and something else Polly didn’t want to experience too intimately.
Kerensa nodded. ‘How are you going to reject the devil and all his works though?’ she said. ‘We basically are the devil and all his works.’
They looked at the perfect little face once more.
‘You’re not going to mess this up,’ whispered Polly. ‘Neither am I. And neither is Huckle. He’ll come round. We’ll sort it. We will.’ She smiled. ‘Friends. Not just there for the nice things in life. Although this, I will tell you, is a very, very nice thing.’
Kerensa nodded and swallowed hard.
‘Yeah,’ she said.
‘Yeah,’ said Polly.
There was nothing more to say. Polly didn’t want to go, but she had to. She gave them one last hug.
‘I hate leaving you alone.’
‘Reuben will be back in a second,’ said Kerensa. ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll manage to keep both sides of the conversation going, as usual.’
‘He’s happy,’ said Polly. ‘Your mum has headed off to contact everyone she’s ever known. Rhonda and Merv are happy. The baby is gorgeous. Everyone is happy. Our job is to keep it that way, don’t you think? Who knows. Maybe then we get to be happy too.’
She thought of Huckle’s haunted, handsome face. Was it possible? Could it ever be? How careless life was.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Polly left the private wing profoundly and utterly choked and yet strangely happy at the same time – meeting the new baby had brought about in her some odd deep joy she hadn’t anticipated; something pure and lovely and wonderful. She’d expected to be worried when he arrived – as worried as Kerensa felt – but in fact he was so gorgeous she could feel nothing but hope. Surely everyone could love a baby enough. Even if Reuben found out? Even if the kid was taller than him and could grow more facial hair by the age of nine? He wouldn’t desert his family, would he?
Except Polly herself had had a father who hadn’t wanted her. Who hadn’t wanted to know her. It was possible. Was it ever possible?
As she reached the main entrance, deep in thought, she nearly collided with the woman who was standing stock still in the middle of the hallway, staring at her.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, but to her surprise, the woman put up a hand to stop her.
‘Polly,’ she said.
Polly focused, dragged herself away from her musings, and was brought up short in shock.
‘Carmel,’ she said, her mouth moving but making barely any sound.
Carmel was equally startled, but her face was joyful and full of excitement.
‘Polly! You came!’
There was a silence. Polly swallowed hard.
‘Well…’ she said. Carmel’s expression was so radiant, Polly hated to disappoint her. But she couldn’t… she just couldn’t…
She should have realised that this might happen, but it just hadn’t crossed her mind – the hospital was vast, and the private maternity wing was tucked away in a pleasant building overlooking the gardens at the back. But of course, nothing was impossible.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m here seeing somebody else.’
Carmel’s face fell.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I thought… I thought…’
‘I never had a dad,’ said Polly. ‘I never had one.’
Carmel nodded. ‘I realise that. Completely and utterly. I do. I was wrong to contact you and I want to apologise.’
‘Thanks,’ said Polly.
‘I shouldn’t have dropped a bomb in your life like that. It was wrong of me… I was distraught. Everything was so awful and I was thinking of him and what he was begging me to do, and not about you.’
Polly nodded. ‘I understand that,’ she said. She couldn’t help it, she liked Carmel.
There was a pause, and Polly moved to walk away.
‘But,’ said Carmel. ‘Perhaps you could see it as a favour… a favour to a stranger. Something you might do for anyone. For a dying man. I know he’s nothing to you. I think if I’d let him, you might have been a lot to him. It’s me you have to forgive,’ she went on. ‘I had children of my own. I couldn’t risk… couldn’t risk my own family. Couldn’t. I told him if he ever went near your mother, if he risked our family again for somebody else, then I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.’
She blinked.
‘I hope one day you’ll understand what I did. I would have fought tooth and nail for my children to have a full-time father. I’m sorry about how that’s made you feel. I’m not sorry for keeping my family together.’
Her eyes flashed as she said it. And Polly thought how she didn’t blame Carmel for fighting for her family. She wished her own mother had been better equipped to fight for hers. But that was what it was.
‘Okay,’ she said.
‘Okay what?’ said Carmel. ‘Okay with what I did, or okay you’ll come and see him?’
Polly thought for a long time. She thought of Kerensa’s innocent little baby, and how he deserved access to anybody who might ever love him. She wished Huckle was here. She wished she could somehow speak to her mum about it, but she’d already asked so much.
She felt very, very lonely.
‘Are… are any of your children there?’ she asked.
Carmel shook her head.
‘No,’ she said. ‘They’re coming this afternoon.’
Polly nodded. She would go in, say hello, say goodbye and that would be it. She would have done her duty, fulfilled the last request of a dying man. It was the right thing to do. Then she would call Huckle and tell him to go and see the baby, no matter what was going on between the two of them. And then she would… well. She didn’t know. Get back to work, she supposed.
‘Yeah, all right then,’ she said.
The men’s oncology ward wasn’t anything like as nice as the private maternity wing. It was grey, and there was a lot of coughing, and so much sadness.
The Christmas decorations looked even more miserable here than elsewhere. Men grey around the gills sat with tracheotomy holes in their throats. Bored children rolled around eating sweets and complaining. Here and there curtains were drawn around the beds, with who knew what mysterious events happening inside. There was a strong smell of Dettol and spilled tea and something else Polly didn’t want to experience too intimately.
