Clipped by Love
Page 115
“Jayden?”
Looking back, I meet his grateful gaze as he nods. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Any time, sir,” I answer and then walk away.
Feeling like what I guess I’ve been the whole fucking time.
A doormat.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
I turn to go after him, but my dad calls me back. “Baylor.”
“Jayden, wait,” I say, reaching for the door as he slams it.
“No, Baylor, you wait,” Dad says sternly, but I shake my head.
“No, I need to talk to him,” I say, pulling the door open and having it crash against the wall.
“You need to wait a damn second,” he yells at me, but I whip around, glaring.
“No, give me a fucking minute to talk to him, and then I’ll deal with you!” I yell back, and then I take off out the door and through the rink just as Jayden goes through the front door. Blinking away my tears, I beg my heart to stop beating so hard, but it isn’t listening. I think it knows we are in some deep shit. And really? This has to happen now? I mean, come on! As if dealing with the McCarthy shit isn’t enough, really, why did Jayden do that?
When I reach the door, I call his name again just as he reaches the parking lot.
He stops and then shakes his head. “Why am I stopping?” I hear him ask himself as I approach. Turning, he looks back at me, blatant hurt in his eyes. “I can’t right now, Baylor.”
“No, wait,” I say, stopping in front of him. “We need to talk about this!”
“No, you need to go home and sleep or something because obviously you’re in shock or whatever.”
“I’m fine. What happened is no big deal. But what is a big deal is the fact that you just told my dad about us.”
His eyes widen as his lips part. “Are you fucking kidding me? I know you’re not mad at me for that!” he yells, and I take a step back from his outburst.
“Well, I’m sure as hell not happy! He wasn’t supposed to know about us.”
“Everyone knows, Baylor!”
“Not him, though. I was trying to protect you!”
“He knew! As soon as he asked, I could see it in his eyes. He knew I loved you, and he knows you love me. The only person who doesn’t know that is fucking you. So please, go somewhere else with that bullshit-ass stuff, okay? I just beat the fuck out of some dude because he touched you and had ill intent, and you lie? You should have screamed at him that you are with me. It was your chance!”
“I had to protect you!”
“Well, you didn’t, you just… You just broke my heart, okay? I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I did what?” I ask incredulously. “For protecting you, I broke your heart? How in the ever-loving fuck does that make sense?”
“Oh, it makes sense,” he yells. “To normal, sane people, but to you, no, I guess it doesn’t. So let me explain.”
“Don’t be a jackass,” I snap, my eyes burning into his, and his burn right back. We are both trembling with anger, but I don’t see what I did wrong here. “I was protecting you, and you basically just threw me under the bus by calling us out. Now my dad knows I lied.”
“Again, I don’t care. Wanna know why? Because you don’t care for me.”
“Whoa, yes, I do,” I yell back. “I do care, that’s why I was trying to keep it a secret. To protect you.”
“Really? Because you could have done that a whole different way. But instead, you told him I don’t matter, that it’s nothing, and that you have no feelings for me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I was lying, Jayden. He’s already mad about what happened in the shower with McCarthy, add in the fact that I’ve been lying to him for months and I’m with you… He’ll lose it,” I try to explain, but he’s shaking his head, his eyes flooding with tears.
“No, you wanted it to be true. You have been so emotionally unavailable since the moment I met you.”
“That’s not true. I’ve gotten so much better since I’ve been with you,” I try, but he looks away.
“I’ve sat here and convinced myself that you love me, that you care for me, and then this happens? How do you think that makes me feel?”
Taking a step toward him, I reach for him, but he pushes my hands away. The hurt, the betrayal, are in his eyes, and I never meant to do that. I only wanted to protect him and make sure he gets the future he wants and deserves. “I never meant to make you feel like that, Jayden. I know my dad; I was honestly just trying to deflect until the right moment.”
“You had a chance to be honest with him. To tell him what you really felt for me and what I mean to you, and you threw it away. Why lie? We were caught, I was standing with you; it would have been fine.”
“No, you don’t understand. He’d lose it.”
“No,” he says, tucking his hands into his pockets. “He wanted the truth, and instead of telling him, you tried to hide me again. I’m better than that. I love showing you off and telling people I’m in love with you, but you hide me. Again. And again. And fucking again. That’s not fair,” he says, and my heart, it just stops and sinks into my stomach. My chest aches as he shakes his head, swallowing hard before looking up at me. “I won’t be a doormat, Baylor, and you’ve made me one.”
“No, I wouldn’t do that,” I try to say, but he turns, walking away from me. Chasing after him, I say, “Wait, Jayden, stop. I’m sorry, okay, please.”
“That’s not what I want to hear right now,” he says in a low, ominous way that hits me straight in the chest.
“What do you want to hear then?” I ask, confused. “How do I make this right?”
Whipping around, his eyes bore into mine and he shakes his head. “If you don’t know, then forget it, Baylor.”
Confused, I don’t move as he looks away, pulling in a breath through his nose. He looks at me again, and when I just stare back at him, he slowly shakes his head before turning and heading for his car. “Jayden, wait.”
When he gets in his car, slamming the door shut, I watch as he starts it up, tears flooding my eyes and spilling over my cheeks. When he drives off and I watch the taillights of his car, it dawns on me what he wanted.
Looking back, I meet his grateful gaze as he nods. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Any time, sir,” I answer and then walk away.
Feeling like what I guess I’ve been the whole fucking time.
A doormat.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
I turn to go after him, but my dad calls me back. “Baylor.”
“Jayden, wait,” I say, reaching for the door as he slams it.
“No, Baylor, you wait,” Dad says sternly, but I shake my head.
“No, I need to talk to him,” I say, pulling the door open and having it crash against the wall.
“You need to wait a damn second,” he yells at me, but I whip around, glaring.
“No, give me a fucking minute to talk to him, and then I’ll deal with you!” I yell back, and then I take off out the door and through the rink just as Jayden goes through the front door. Blinking away my tears, I beg my heart to stop beating so hard, but it isn’t listening. I think it knows we are in some deep shit. And really? This has to happen now? I mean, come on! As if dealing with the McCarthy shit isn’t enough, really, why did Jayden do that?
When I reach the door, I call his name again just as he reaches the parking lot.
He stops and then shakes his head. “Why am I stopping?” I hear him ask himself as I approach. Turning, he looks back at me, blatant hurt in his eyes. “I can’t right now, Baylor.”
“No, wait,” I say, stopping in front of him. “We need to talk about this!”
“No, you need to go home and sleep or something because obviously you’re in shock or whatever.”
“I’m fine. What happened is no big deal. But what is a big deal is the fact that you just told my dad about us.”
His eyes widen as his lips part. “Are you fucking kidding me? I know you’re not mad at me for that!” he yells, and I take a step back from his outburst.
“Well, I’m sure as hell not happy! He wasn’t supposed to know about us.”
“Everyone knows, Baylor!”
“Not him, though. I was trying to protect you!”
“He knew! As soon as he asked, I could see it in his eyes. He knew I loved you, and he knows you love me. The only person who doesn’t know that is fucking you. So please, go somewhere else with that bullshit-ass stuff, okay? I just beat the fuck out of some dude because he touched you and had ill intent, and you lie? You should have screamed at him that you are with me. It was your chance!”
“I had to protect you!”
“Well, you didn’t, you just… You just broke my heart, okay? I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I did what?” I ask incredulously. “For protecting you, I broke your heart? How in the ever-loving fuck does that make sense?”
“Oh, it makes sense,” he yells. “To normal, sane people, but to you, no, I guess it doesn’t. So let me explain.”
“Don’t be a jackass,” I snap, my eyes burning into his, and his burn right back. We are both trembling with anger, but I don’t see what I did wrong here. “I was protecting you, and you basically just threw me under the bus by calling us out. Now my dad knows I lied.”
“Again, I don’t care. Wanna know why? Because you don’t care for me.”
“Whoa, yes, I do,” I yell back. “I do care, that’s why I was trying to keep it a secret. To protect you.”
“Really? Because you could have done that a whole different way. But instead, you told him I don’t matter, that it’s nothing, and that you have no feelings for me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I was lying, Jayden. He’s already mad about what happened in the shower with McCarthy, add in the fact that I’ve been lying to him for months and I’m with you… He’ll lose it,” I try to explain, but he’s shaking his head, his eyes flooding with tears.
“No, you wanted it to be true. You have been so emotionally unavailable since the moment I met you.”
“That’s not true. I’ve gotten so much better since I’ve been with you,” I try, but he looks away.
“I’ve sat here and convinced myself that you love me, that you care for me, and then this happens? How do you think that makes me feel?”
Taking a step toward him, I reach for him, but he pushes my hands away. The hurt, the betrayal, are in his eyes, and I never meant to do that. I only wanted to protect him and make sure he gets the future he wants and deserves. “I never meant to make you feel like that, Jayden. I know my dad; I was honestly just trying to deflect until the right moment.”
“You had a chance to be honest with him. To tell him what you really felt for me and what I mean to you, and you threw it away. Why lie? We were caught, I was standing with you; it would have been fine.”
“No, you don’t understand. He’d lose it.”
“No,” he says, tucking his hands into his pockets. “He wanted the truth, and instead of telling him, you tried to hide me again. I’m better than that. I love showing you off and telling people I’m in love with you, but you hide me. Again. And again. And fucking again. That’s not fair,” he says, and my heart, it just stops and sinks into my stomach. My chest aches as he shakes his head, swallowing hard before looking up at me. “I won’t be a doormat, Baylor, and you’ve made me one.”
“No, I wouldn’t do that,” I try to say, but he turns, walking away from me. Chasing after him, I say, “Wait, Jayden, stop. I’m sorry, okay, please.”
“That’s not what I want to hear right now,” he says in a low, ominous way that hits me straight in the chest.
“What do you want to hear then?” I ask, confused. “How do I make this right?”
Whipping around, his eyes bore into mine and he shakes his head. “If you don’t know, then forget it, Baylor.”
Confused, I don’t move as he looks away, pulling in a breath through his nose. He looks at me again, and when I just stare back at him, he slowly shakes his head before turning and heading for his car. “Jayden, wait.”
When he gets in his car, slamming the door shut, I watch as he starts it up, tears flooding my eyes and spilling over my cheeks. When he drives off and I watch the taillights of his car, it dawns on me what he wanted.
