Clipped by Love
Page 31
“Dude, we all have fucked around. I know you have.”
Shaking my head, I pinch the bridge of my nose as I exhale a breath. “Yeah, but we always made sure girls knew the score,” I say, turning to get a puck. “He’s careless. Mom has babied him. We have to remind him how to treat women.”
“Yeah, just calm your shit, dude. You’re being a dick,” he says, taking the puck to shoot. “And I know why.”
Looking over at him, I’m sure he has no clue. But to entertain him, I ask, “Why’s that?”
“Because you have daddy issues.”
“Fuck you,” I scoff, shooting the puck hard in the goal. “You don’t know shit.”
But he doesn’t let up. “Dude, I know you. You’re my best friend.”
Ignoring him, I shoot again and again. I can feel his gaze on me as the anger bubbles inside me. Finally, I can’t hold it in. Pausing, I let the stick hang loosely in my hand as I look over at him. Pointing my stick at him, I nod before saying, “Yeah, we may be best friends, but you left. You’ve started your own life and left us behind. You don’t have to watch Mom cry or deal with Lucy, Angie, and Jace. I do. I have to do it all. You only see half of what’s going on.”
Folding his arms across his chest, he holds my gaze and doesn’t seem the least bit surprised by my impromptu outburst. “Because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Mom didn’t raise me to sit back and not live, and she didn’t raise you to do that. Stop letting everyone else hold you back. It’s not your job to care for them.”
“But they are my family!” I yell, surprising not only him but myself.
Taking a step toward me, he points at me as he glares at me. “You’re right, and you are my brother, my best friend. And I’m telling you right now—stop dwelling on what that sperm donor did. Stop worrying about Mom and her problems. Claire and I have the finances taken care of. Stop working two jobs and working your ass off at school—”
“I have to,” I counter, but he shakes his head.
“No, you need to focus on your game so that you can join me in the NHL. Mom would lose her shit if she knew how much you are allowing all our family drama to hold you back. I’ve seen it, but Claire told me to let you work it out on your own, but you’re not. You’re holding it in. Quit. Worry about you. Live the life you want, and most of all, don’t let this chick fuck you up any more than she already has.”
Looking away, I bite into my lip to keep it from wobbling. I don’t want to admit that he’s right, but he is. When he takes me by the shoulder, squeezing it, I look up, meeting his intense gaze. As much as he hates our dad, he has the same mannerisms. He is our dad made over, he just isn’t a dick, and he sure as hell doesn’t fuck around. When he speaks, you listen.
“I may be gone, not in your face driving you crazy, but I am a phone call away. I’m your brother and that will never change. You will always have me, Jayden. Stop carrying all this weight on those massive shoulders. You have me and you have Jace. He may be a little shit, but he is our little shit, and he will help you if you need it. I know Lucy has a lot on her plate, but even she can be there for you when needed. You can’t do it all; you’re not supposed to do it all. So stop. Okay? Do you understand me?”
I don’t answer him as I look away. It’s so much easier said than done. He doesn’t understand how it feels to watch my mom cry. To see Lucy nervous and stressed out. To watch Jace being so fucking careless. He has a one-track mind. Sex and getting into the NHL. It drives me insane, but fuck, Jude’s right. Nodding, I look up, holding his gaze. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this talk. I needed to know that I had him behind me, but maybe if I had asked, I would have known earlier. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
“Yeah, I got you.”
“Good,” he says, squeezing my shoulder again. “Now, let’s walk over to this chick’s house so you can apologize.”
Looking up, my brows come together. “What?”
“Come on, I’ll go with you to Baylor’s so if she tries to stab you, I can save you,” he says with a grin. “She looks like the stabbing type or maybe a clawer. Oh shit, you remember Cassie? How she tried to claw my eyes out?”
I laugh as I nod. “That chick was nuts.”
“Right? And I told her that I didn’t want a girlfriend, jeez,” he says, shaking his head, and then he smiles before glancing over at me. “But yeah, come on, we’ll go together.”
I smile as I scoff. “She won’t see me.”
“Yeah, but you can yell at the door that you’re sorry. I know it’s killing you.”
“It is,” I admit as the door opens and Jace comes out.
“Hey, I made us an appointment for parasailing. Let’s go,” he says, slamming the door behind him, swinging the car keys in his hands.
“What time?” Jude asks.
“In an hour. Figured we can go hang out at the beach, check out chicks and shit,” he says, coming up to us. “You ready?”
“Yeah, you know where Delanie is staying?”
He nods. “Yeah, why?”
“We’re gonna stop by real quick. Jayden wants to talk to Baylor,” he says, hooking his arm across my shoulders. “And because we are good brothers, we are gonna protect her from clawing his eyes out.”
But Jace shakes his head. “No can do. They left.”
“What?” I ask, confused, as my stomach drops. “They weren’t supposed to leave till eight tonight.”
“Yeah, well, you pissed her off so bad, she wanted to leave right away,” Jace says, pulling his phone out. “Yeah, they left twenty minutes ago.”
Well, shit.
“Damn it. Okay,” Jude says, putting his hands on his hips as he thinks. “Wanna fly to Arkansas?”
I laugh as I shake my head. “No man, I guess I’ll just never get to apologize. Which is probably for the best. Gotta keep my eyes, ya know?”
Jude laughs as Jace nods. “For sure, plenty of other girls to see.”
But...I don’t want to see any other girls.
I want to see Baylor and I want to apologize.
“You could always find her on Facebook, send a message,” Jude suggests, but I shake my head.
Shaking my head, I pinch the bridge of my nose as I exhale a breath. “Yeah, but we always made sure girls knew the score,” I say, turning to get a puck. “He’s careless. Mom has babied him. We have to remind him how to treat women.”
“Yeah, just calm your shit, dude. You’re being a dick,” he says, taking the puck to shoot. “And I know why.”
Looking over at him, I’m sure he has no clue. But to entertain him, I ask, “Why’s that?”
“Because you have daddy issues.”
“Fuck you,” I scoff, shooting the puck hard in the goal. “You don’t know shit.”
But he doesn’t let up. “Dude, I know you. You’re my best friend.”
Ignoring him, I shoot again and again. I can feel his gaze on me as the anger bubbles inside me. Finally, I can’t hold it in. Pausing, I let the stick hang loosely in my hand as I look over at him. Pointing my stick at him, I nod before saying, “Yeah, we may be best friends, but you left. You’ve started your own life and left us behind. You don’t have to watch Mom cry or deal with Lucy, Angie, and Jace. I do. I have to do it all. You only see half of what’s going on.”
Folding his arms across his chest, he holds my gaze and doesn’t seem the least bit surprised by my impromptu outburst. “Because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Mom didn’t raise me to sit back and not live, and she didn’t raise you to do that. Stop letting everyone else hold you back. It’s not your job to care for them.”
“But they are my family!” I yell, surprising not only him but myself.
Taking a step toward me, he points at me as he glares at me. “You’re right, and you are my brother, my best friend. And I’m telling you right now—stop dwelling on what that sperm donor did. Stop worrying about Mom and her problems. Claire and I have the finances taken care of. Stop working two jobs and working your ass off at school—”
“I have to,” I counter, but he shakes his head.
“No, you need to focus on your game so that you can join me in the NHL. Mom would lose her shit if she knew how much you are allowing all our family drama to hold you back. I’ve seen it, but Claire told me to let you work it out on your own, but you’re not. You’re holding it in. Quit. Worry about you. Live the life you want, and most of all, don’t let this chick fuck you up any more than she already has.”
Looking away, I bite into my lip to keep it from wobbling. I don’t want to admit that he’s right, but he is. When he takes me by the shoulder, squeezing it, I look up, meeting his intense gaze. As much as he hates our dad, he has the same mannerisms. He is our dad made over, he just isn’t a dick, and he sure as hell doesn’t fuck around. When he speaks, you listen.
“I may be gone, not in your face driving you crazy, but I am a phone call away. I’m your brother and that will never change. You will always have me, Jayden. Stop carrying all this weight on those massive shoulders. You have me and you have Jace. He may be a little shit, but he is our little shit, and he will help you if you need it. I know Lucy has a lot on her plate, but even she can be there for you when needed. You can’t do it all; you’re not supposed to do it all. So stop. Okay? Do you understand me?”
I don’t answer him as I look away. It’s so much easier said than done. He doesn’t understand how it feels to watch my mom cry. To see Lucy nervous and stressed out. To watch Jace being so fucking careless. He has a one-track mind. Sex and getting into the NHL. It drives me insane, but fuck, Jude’s right. Nodding, I look up, holding his gaze. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this talk. I needed to know that I had him behind me, but maybe if I had asked, I would have known earlier. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
“Yeah, I got you.”
“Good,” he says, squeezing my shoulder again. “Now, let’s walk over to this chick’s house so you can apologize.”
Looking up, my brows come together. “What?”
“Come on, I’ll go with you to Baylor’s so if she tries to stab you, I can save you,” he says with a grin. “She looks like the stabbing type or maybe a clawer. Oh shit, you remember Cassie? How she tried to claw my eyes out?”
I laugh as I nod. “That chick was nuts.”
“Right? And I told her that I didn’t want a girlfriend, jeez,” he says, shaking his head, and then he smiles before glancing over at me. “But yeah, come on, we’ll go together.”
I smile as I scoff. “She won’t see me.”
“Yeah, but you can yell at the door that you’re sorry. I know it’s killing you.”
“It is,” I admit as the door opens and Jace comes out.
“Hey, I made us an appointment for parasailing. Let’s go,” he says, slamming the door behind him, swinging the car keys in his hands.
“What time?” Jude asks.
“In an hour. Figured we can go hang out at the beach, check out chicks and shit,” he says, coming up to us. “You ready?”
“Yeah, you know where Delanie is staying?”
He nods. “Yeah, why?”
“We’re gonna stop by real quick. Jayden wants to talk to Baylor,” he says, hooking his arm across my shoulders. “And because we are good brothers, we are gonna protect her from clawing his eyes out.”
But Jace shakes his head. “No can do. They left.”
“What?” I ask, confused, as my stomach drops. “They weren’t supposed to leave till eight tonight.”
“Yeah, well, you pissed her off so bad, she wanted to leave right away,” Jace says, pulling his phone out. “Yeah, they left twenty minutes ago.”
Well, shit.
“Damn it. Okay,” Jude says, putting his hands on his hips as he thinks. “Wanna fly to Arkansas?”
I laugh as I shake my head. “No man, I guess I’ll just never get to apologize. Which is probably for the best. Gotta keep my eyes, ya know?”
Jude laughs as Jace nods. “For sure, plenty of other girls to see.”
But...I don’t want to see any other girls.
I want to see Baylor and I want to apologize.
“You could always find her on Facebook, send a message,” Jude suggests, but I shake my head.
