Clipped by Love
Page 65
“She’s adorable.”
“Yeah, she’s something special. I love her to pieces,” I say as I tuck her picture in my wallet. “She says my name all kinds of jacked up, it’s Ayden, but Jayden. It’s cute.”
“That is cute,” she says softly. “It must be nice to have such a big family.”
I shrug, tucking my money into its slot. Man, I was in a hurry to get that condom. “Yeah, it’s hard sometimes, though. Lots of people to worry about.”
“You look out for everyone, don’t you?” she asks with a grin.
Meeting her gaze, I nod. “Yeah, especially the ones I love.”
She looks away almost immediately, and I can only shake my head. If she’d just look into my eyes, she’d see how much she means to me. But maybe that’s why. Maybe she knows and that’s why she is freaking out right now. She doesn’t know how to handle someone caring for her other than her dad, and I get that. She’s not the easiest person to get along with, but I…I can… And I want to be there for her.
She doesn’t say anything as I stand, sliding my wallet into my pocket.
“So,” I say softly. “That was something, eh?”
She nods slowly, sucking in a breath. “Something is right. Surprised you were able to do all that after the laps you did.”
“Nothing could hold me back from you as soon as you gave in,” I say then, and her face deepens with color.
“I didn’t give in.”
I laugh. “Never admit defeat, huh?”
Looking up at me, she smiles. “Never, especially to you.”
I shrug. “After that, I’d say we both won.”
Looking away, her grin is still on her lips, and I wish she’d just look at me. Clearing her throat, she says, “So yeah, we’re good, then?” Looking up at me, she nods and says, “I feel the tension is gone.”
I scoff. “You think so?”
She bites the inside of her cheek and nods. She’s not only lying to me but to herself too. The tension may be gone, but the need is still there. Screaming at us to go at it again, and while I’m down for round two, three, four, five, and even one hundred, I can tell she isn’t. She doesn’t know how to handle what she is feeling, and that upsets me. Why doesn’t she just let go? Why can’t she just trust me?
Unable to hold it in, I ask, “Why are you holding back?”
She looks up at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you fighting this?” I say, moving my hand between us. “You feel what I feel, right?”
Holding my gaze, she sucks in deep breaths, letting them out in a whoosh. “It doesn’t matter what I feel, because this,” she says, mocking my hand movements, “can’t happen.”
“Even though it would be good?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“You don’t know that, and I’m not willing to try. I don’t have time for it; I don’t have it in me. So please, let this go. It happened, we are good, and we can move on.”
I shake my head, unable to understand this. “I can’t move on from this. Not when I still want you.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to ’cause you can’t have me. My dad would flip, my career would suffer because… No, I can’t.”
No, she was gonna say something else, I just know it. So I ask, “Because why?”
She looks away and shakes her head. “Because I can’t. Just leave it be, Jayden, please.”
As I bring her back to look at me, she stares up at me defiantly. I can tell she wants to move her face out of my grip, but I won’t let her. “Do you really want that?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, Jayden. Don’t you understand that?” she asks, her eyes holding mine. “I have one mission in life, and that’s to get into the league. If I allow you in, if I allow myself to be with you—if that’s even what you want—don’t you understand that it could ruin me when it ends?”
“Who says it will end?”
Her eyes go wide as she shakes her head. “So you do want that? What do you want, me as a girlfriend? Do I look like girlfriend material?” she asks incredulously. “I get it, you’re attracted to me, you like my drive, and you like having sex with me, but I’m not what you think I am. You don’t want me.”
I shake my head. “Whoa, you are giving me whiplash. First it’s that it’s gonna end, and now it’s that you’re not girlfriend material?”
“Yes!” she yells. “I’m twenty fucking kinds of crazy. I’m mental even, and I don’t understand why you even want to be around me.”
“Because I like you! And I think you need to shut up and let me decide what I want. I’m perfectly capable of making a decision for myself,” I snap back, completely frustrated with her.
“No, because if I do, and I let this go on, when you decide I’m not, I’ll be left to figure it out afterward.”
“Baylor, it doesn’t have to be like that,” I say softly, trying to breathe but having a hard time. “Give me a chance.”
“No, I gave a guy a chance before after he promised me that he was a good bet, and it blew up in my face.”
“Don’t make me pay for his mistakes. I’m not him, and you know that,” I say, but she’s already shaking her head. Letting out a breath, I look away. She isn’t going to make this easy for me, and I knew that from the beginning. But when I had her against that wall, I thought maybe I had gotten in. I thought maybe she realized that I was different. That she was different and we were good for each other.
Obviously, I was wrong.
“Fine, Baylor. Walk away.”
But she doesn’t move as the air crackles around us. My heart is hammering, and I’m two seconds away from begging this girl for a chance. I didn’t realize how deep I was until she told me I couldn’t have her. Looking back at her, I can see the struggle in her eyes. She wants to leave, but then she doesn’t.
“Can we never speak of this again?”
Or I’m reading this all wrong, and I’m a complete and utter idiot.
Letting out a breath of defeat, I nod. “No one will ever know.”
“Good,” she says softly. “It really was great. Like the best ever.”
“Yeah, she’s something special. I love her to pieces,” I say as I tuck her picture in my wallet. “She says my name all kinds of jacked up, it’s Ayden, but Jayden. It’s cute.”
“That is cute,” she says softly. “It must be nice to have such a big family.”
I shrug, tucking my money into its slot. Man, I was in a hurry to get that condom. “Yeah, it’s hard sometimes, though. Lots of people to worry about.”
“You look out for everyone, don’t you?” she asks with a grin.
Meeting her gaze, I nod. “Yeah, especially the ones I love.”
She looks away almost immediately, and I can only shake my head. If she’d just look into my eyes, she’d see how much she means to me. But maybe that’s why. Maybe she knows and that’s why she is freaking out right now. She doesn’t know how to handle someone caring for her other than her dad, and I get that. She’s not the easiest person to get along with, but I…I can… And I want to be there for her.
She doesn’t say anything as I stand, sliding my wallet into my pocket.
“So,” I say softly. “That was something, eh?”
She nods slowly, sucking in a breath. “Something is right. Surprised you were able to do all that after the laps you did.”
“Nothing could hold me back from you as soon as you gave in,” I say then, and her face deepens with color.
“I didn’t give in.”
I laugh. “Never admit defeat, huh?”
Looking up at me, she smiles. “Never, especially to you.”
I shrug. “After that, I’d say we both won.”
Looking away, her grin is still on her lips, and I wish she’d just look at me. Clearing her throat, she says, “So yeah, we’re good, then?” Looking up at me, she nods and says, “I feel the tension is gone.”
I scoff. “You think so?”
She bites the inside of her cheek and nods. She’s not only lying to me but to herself too. The tension may be gone, but the need is still there. Screaming at us to go at it again, and while I’m down for round two, three, four, five, and even one hundred, I can tell she isn’t. She doesn’t know how to handle what she is feeling, and that upsets me. Why doesn’t she just let go? Why can’t she just trust me?
Unable to hold it in, I ask, “Why are you holding back?”
She looks up at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you fighting this?” I say, moving my hand between us. “You feel what I feel, right?”
Holding my gaze, she sucks in deep breaths, letting them out in a whoosh. “It doesn’t matter what I feel, because this,” she says, mocking my hand movements, “can’t happen.”
“Even though it would be good?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“You don’t know that, and I’m not willing to try. I don’t have time for it; I don’t have it in me. So please, let this go. It happened, we are good, and we can move on.”
I shake my head, unable to understand this. “I can’t move on from this. Not when I still want you.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to ’cause you can’t have me. My dad would flip, my career would suffer because… No, I can’t.”
No, she was gonna say something else, I just know it. So I ask, “Because why?”
She looks away and shakes her head. “Because I can’t. Just leave it be, Jayden, please.”
As I bring her back to look at me, she stares up at me defiantly. I can tell she wants to move her face out of my grip, but I won’t let her. “Do you really want that?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, Jayden. Don’t you understand that?” she asks, her eyes holding mine. “I have one mission in life, and that’s to get into the league. If I allow you in, if I allow myself to be with you—if that’s even what you want—don’t you understand that it could ruin me when it ends?”
“Who says it will end?”
Her eyes go wide as she shakes her head. “So you do want that? What do you want, me as a girlfriend? Do I look like girlfriend material?” she asks incredulously. “I get it, you’re attracted to me, you like my drive, and you like having sex with me, but I’m not what you think I am. You don’t want me.”
I shake my head. “Whoa, you are giving me whiplash. First it’s that it’s gonna end, and now it’s that you’re not girlfriend material?”
“Yes!” she yells. “I’m twenty fucking kinds of crazy. I’m mental even, and I don’t understand why you even want to be around me.”
“Because I like you! And I think you need to shut up and let me decide what I want. I’m perfectly capable of making a decision for myself,” I snap back, completely frustrated with her.
“No, because if I do, and I let this go on, when you decide I’m not, I’ll be left to figure it out afterward.”
“Baylor, it doesn’t have to be like that,” I say softly, trying to breathe but having a hard time. “Give me a chance.”
“No, I gave a guy a chance before after he promised me that he was a good bet, and it blew up in my face.”
“Don’t make me pay for his mistakes. I’m not him, and you know that,” I say, but she’s already shaking her head. Letting out a breath, I look away. She isn’t going to make this easy for me, and I knew that from the beginning. But when I had her against that wall, I thought maybe I had gotten in. I thought maybe she realized that I was different. That she was different and we were good for each other.
Obviously, I was wrong.
“Fine, Baylor. Walk away.”
But she doesn’t move as the air crackles around us. My heart is hammering, and I’m two seconds away from begging this girl for a chance. I didn’t realize how deep I was until she told me I couldn’t have her. Looking back at her, I can see the struggle in her eyes. She wants to leave, but then she doesn’t.
“Can we never speak of this again?”
Or I’m reading this all wrong, and I’m a complete and utter idiot.
Letting out a breath of defeat, I nod. “No one will ever know.”
“Good,” she says softly. “It really was great. Like the best ever.”
