Clockwork Prince

Page 37

"Oh, dear God," Tessa said, and drew the curtain shut. "Tel me we aren't going to rol into the river."
Jem laughed. Even through her shock, it was a welcome sound. "No. The carriages of the Silent City travel only on land, as far as I know, though that travel is peculiar. It's a bit sickening the first time or two, but you get used to it."
"Do you?" She looked at him directly. This was the moment. She had to say it, before their friendship suffered further. Before there could be more awkwardness. "Jem," she said.
"Yes?"
"I-you must know-how very much your friendship means to me," she began, awkwardly. "And-"
A look of pain flashed across his face. "Please don't."
Thrown off her stride, Tessa could only blink. "What do you mean?"
"Every time you say that word, 'friendship,' it goes into me like a knife," he said. "To be friends is a beautiful thing, Tessa, and I do not scorn it, but I have hoped for a long time now that we might be more than friends. And then I had thought after the other night that perhaps my hopes were not in vain. But now-"
"Now I have ruined everything," she whispered. "I am so sorry."
He looked toward the window; she could sense that he was fighting some strong emotion. "You should not have to apologize for not returning my feelings."
"But Jem." She was bewildered, and could think only of taking his pain away, of making him feel less hurt. "I was apologizing for my behavior that other night. It was forward and inexcusable. What you must think of me . . ."
He looked up in surprise. "Tessa, you can't think that, can you? It is I who have behaved inexcusably. I have barely been able to look at you since, thinking how much you must despise me-"
"I could never despise you," she said. "I have never met anyone as kind and good as you are. I thought it was you who were dismayed by me. That you despised me."
Jem looked shocked. "How could I despise you when it was my own distraction that led to what happened between us? If I had not been in such a desperate state, I would have shown more restraint."
He means he would have had enough restraint to stop me, Tessa thought. He does not expect propriety of me. He assumes it would not be in my nature. She stared fixedly at the window again, or the bit of it she could see. The river was visible, black boats bobbing on the tide, the rain mixing with the river.
"Tessa." He scrambled across the carriage so that he was sitting beside her rather than across from her, his anxious, beautiful face close to hers. "I know that mundane girls are taught that it is their responsibility not to tempt men. That men are weak and women must restrain them. I assure you, Shadowhunter mores are different. More equal. It was our equal choice to do -what we did."
She stared at him. He was so kind, she thought. He seemed to read the fears in her heart and move to dispel them before she could speak them aloud.
She thought then of Will. Of what had transpired between them the previous evening. She pushed away the memory of the cold air all around them, the heat between their bodies as they clung together. She had been drugged, as had he. Nothing they had said or done meant anything more than an opium addict's babbling. There was no need to tell anyone; it had meant nothing. Nothing.
"Say something, Tessa." Jem's voice shook. "I fear that you think that I regret that night. I do not." His thumb brushed over her wrist, the bare skin between the cuff of her dress and her glove. "I only regret that it came too soon. I-I would have wanted to-to court you first. To take you driving, with a chaperon."
"A chaperon?" Tessa laughed despite herself.
He went on determinedly. "To tell you of my feelings first, before I showed them. To write poetry for you-"
"You don't even like poetry," Tessa said, her voice catching on a half laugh of relief.
"No. But you make me want to write it. Does that not count for anything?"
Tessa's lips curled into a smile. She leaned forward and looked up into his face, so close to hers that she could make out each individual silvery eyelash on his lids, the faint white scars on his pale throat where once there had been Marks. "That sounds almost practiced, James Carstairs. How many girls have you made swoon with that observation?"
"There is only one girl I care to make swoon," he said. "The question is, does she?"
She smiled at him. "She does."
A moment later-she did not know how it had happened-he was kissing her, his lips soft on hers, his hand rising to cup her cheek and chin, holding her face steady. Tessa heard a light crinkling and realized it was the sound of the silk flowers on her hat being crushed against the side of the carriage as his body pressed hers back. She clutched at his coat lapels, as much to keep him close as to stop herself from fal ing over.
The carriage came to a jerking halt. Jem drew back from her, looking dazed. "By the Angel," he said. "Perhaps we do need a chaperon."
Tessa shook her head. "Jem, I . . ."
Jem still looked stunned. "I think I'd better sit over here," he said, and moved to the seat across from hers. Tessa glanced toward the window.
Through the gap in the curtains she saw that the Houses of Parliament loomed above them, towers framed darkly against the lightening sky. It had stopped raining. She was not sure why the carriage had stopped; indeed, it rumbled into life a moment later, rol ing directly into what seemed a pit of black shadow that had opened up before them. She knew enough not to gasp in surprise this time; there was darkness, and then they rol ed out into the great room of black basalt lit with torches that she remembered from the Council meeting.
The carriage stopped and the door flew open. Several Silent Brothers stood on the other side. Brother Enoch was at their head. Two Brothers flanked him, each holding a burning torch. Their hoods were back. Both were blind, though only one, like Enoch, seemed to have missing eyes; the others had eyes that were shut, with runes scrawled blackly across them. all had their lips stitched shut.
Welcome again to the Silent City, Daughter of Lilith, said Brother Enoch.
For a moment Tessa wanted to reach behind herself for the warm pressure of Jem's hand on hers, let him help her out of the carriage. She thought of Charlotte then. Charlotte, so smal and strong, who leaned on no one.
She emerged from the carriage on her own, the heels of her boots ringing on the basalt floor. "Thank you, Brother Enoch," she said. "We are here to see Jessamine Lovelace. Will you take us to her?"
The prisons of the Silent City were beneath its first level, past the pavilion of the Speaking Stars. A dark staircase led down. The Silent Brothers went first, fol owed by Jem and Tessa, who had not spoken to each other since they'd left the carriage. It was not an awkward silence, though. There was something about the haunting grandeur of the City of Bones, with its great mausoleums and soaring arches, that made her feel as if she were in a museum or a church, where hushed voices were required.
At the bottom of the stairs, a corridor snaked in two directions; the Silent Brothers turned to the left, and led Jem and Tessa nearly to the end of the hall. As they went, they passed row after row of smal chambers, each with a barred, padlocked door. Each contained a bed and washstand, and nothing else. The wal s were stone, and the smel was of water and dampness.
Tessa wondered if they were under the Thames, or somewhere else altogether.
At last the Brothers stopped at a door, the second to the last on the hall, and Brother Enoch touched the padlock. It clicked open, and the chains holding the door shut fell away.
You are welcome to enter, said Enoch, stepping back. We will be waiting for you outside.
Jem put his hand to the door handle and hesitated, looking at Tessa.
"Perhaps you should talk to her for a moment alone. Woman to woman."
Tessa was startled. "Are you sure? You know her better than I do-"
"But you know Nate," said Jem, and his eyes flicked away from her briefly.
Tessa had the feeling there was something he was not tell ing her. It was such an unusual feeling when it came to Jem that she was not sure how to react. "I Will join you in a moment, once you have put her at ease."
Slowly Tessa nodded. Brother Enoch swung the door open, and she walked inside, flinching a little as the heavy door crashed to behind her.
It was a smal room, like the others, stone-bound. There was a washstand and what had probably once been a ceramic jug of water; now it was in pieces on the floor, as if someone had thrown it with great force against the wall. On the narrow bed sat Jessamine in a plain white gown, a rough blanket wrapped around her. Her hair fell around her shoulders in tangled snakes, and her eyes were red.
"Welcome. Nice place to live out of, isn't this?" Jessamine said. Her voice sounded rough, as if her throat were swol en from crying. She looked at Tessa, and her lower lip began to tremble. "Did-did Charlotte send you to bring me back?"
Tessa shook her head. "No."
"But-" Jessamine's eyes began to fill. "She can't leave me here. I can hear them, all night." She shuddered, pul ing the blanket closer around her.
"You can hear what?"
"The dead," she said. "Whispering in their tombs. If I stay down here long enough, I Will join them. I know it."
Tessa sat down on the edge of the bed and careful y touched Jessamine's hair, stroking the snarls lightly. "That won't happen," she said, and Jessamine began to sob. Her shoulders shook. Helplessly Tessa looked around the room, as if something in the miserable cel might give her inspiration.
"Jessamine," she said. "I brought you something."
Jessamine very slowly raised her face. "Is it from Nate?"
"No," Tessa answered gently. "It's something of yours." She reached into her pocket and drew it out, extending her hand toward Jessamine. In her palm lay a tiny baby dol that she had taken from its crib inside Jessamine's dol 's house. "Baby Jessie."
Jessamine made an "oh" sound low in her throat, and plucked the dol from Tessa's grasp. She held it tightly, against her chest. Her eyes spilled over, her tears making tracks in the grime on her face. She really was a most pitiful sight, Tessa thought. If only . . .
"Jessamine," Tessa said again. She felt as if Jessamine were an animal in need of gentling, and that repeating her name in a kind tone might somehow help. "We need your help."
"In betraying Nate," Jessamine snapped. "But I don't know anything. I don't even know why I'm here."
"Yes, you do." It was Jem, coming into the cell. He was flushed and a little out of breath, as if he had been hurrying. He shot Tessa a conspiratorial glance and closed the door behind him. "You know exactly why you're here, Jessie-"
"Because I fell in love!" Jessamine snapped. "You ought to know what that's like. I see how you look at Tessa." She shot Tessa a poisonous look as Tessa's cheeks flamed. "At least Nate is human."
Jem didn't lose his composure. "I haven't betrayed the Institute for Tessa,"
he said. "I haven't lied to and endangered those who have cared for me since I was orphaned."
"If you wouldn't," said Jessamine, "you don't really love her."
"If she asked me to," said Jem, "I would know she did not really love me."
Jessamine sucked in a breath and turned away from him, as if he had slapped her face. "You," she said in a muffled voice. "I always thought you were the nicest one. But you're horrible. You're all horrible. Charlotte tortured me with that Mortal Sword until I told everything. What more could you possibly want from me? You've already forced me to betray the man I love."
At the very corner of Tessa's vision, she saw Jem rol his eyes. There was a certain theatricality to Jessamine's despair, as there was to everything she did, but under it-under the role of wronged woman Jessamine had cast herself in-Tessa felt she was genuinely afraid.
"I know you love Nate," Tessa said. "And I know that I Will not be able to convince you that he does not return your sentiment."
"You're jealous-"
"Jessamine, Nate cannot love you. There is something wrong with him- some piece missing from his heart. God knows my aunt and I tried to ignore it, to tell each other it was boyish high-jinks and thoughtlessness. But he murdered our aunt-did he tell you that?-murdered the woman who brought him up, and laughed to me about it later. He has no empathy, no capacity for gratitude. If you shield him now, it Will win you nothing in his eyes."
"Nor is it likely you Will ever see him again," said Jem. "If you do not help us, the Clave Will never let you go. It Will be you and the dead down here for eternity, if you are not punished with a curse."
"Nate said you would try to frighten me," said Jessamine in a sliver of a voice.
"Nate also said the Clave and Charlotte would do nothing to you because they were weak," said Tessa. "That has not proven true. He said to you only what he had to say, to get you to do what he wanted you to. He is my brother, and I tell you, he is a cheat and a liar."
"We need you to write a letter to him," said Jem. "Tel ing him you have knowledge of a secret Shadowhunter plot against Mortmain, and to meet you tonight-"
Jessamine shook her head, plucking at the rough blanket. "I Will not betray him."
"Jessie." Jem's voice was soft; Tessa did not know how Jessamine could hold out against him. "Please. We are only asking you to save yourself. Send this message; tell us your usual meeting place. That is all we ask."
Jessamine shook her head. "Mortmain," she said. "Mortmain Will yet win out over you. Then the Silent Brothers Will be defeated and Nate Will come to claim me."
"Very well," said Tessa. "Imagine that does happen. You say Nate loves you. Then, he would forgive you anything, wouldn't he? Because when a man loves a woman, he understands that she is weak. That she cannot hold out against, for instance, torture, in the manner in which he could."
Jessamine made a whimpering sound.
"He understands that she is frail and delicate and easily led," Tessa went on, and gently touched Jessamine's arm. "Jessie, you see your choice. If you do not help us, the Clave Will know it, and they Will not be lenient with you. If you do help us, Nate Will understand. If he loves you . . . he has no choice. For love means forgiveness."
"I . . ." Jessamine looked from one of them to the other, like a frightened rabbit. "Would you forgive Tessa, if it were her?"