Closer to the Edge
Page 52
I killed him. I did this and there’s nothing that can ever heal the pain caused by that knowledge. Now that Cole knows, it’s over. Everything is over. There’s nothing left to fight for. I’ve lost everything all over again and I have no one to blame but myself.
I CLENCH AND unclench my fist, staring at the streaks of dried blood on my knuckles, taking another swig of whiskey straight from the bottle. It’s been a long time since I had a drink and the burn feels good sliding down my throat. Outside of a few beers here and there with the guys after a mission, I’ve never been much of a drinker. I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow, but I don’t give a fuck. The pain in my head will be nothing compared to the pain I feel everywhere else.
She fucking lied to me. They all lied.
“One big happy group of fucking liars!” I tell the bottle of whiskey as I hold it up in front of my face and stare at the liquid sloshing around.
“What, nothing to say, Whiskey? Because you know it’s true.”
Jesus, I’m drunk.
I laugh at myself and bring the bottle back up to my lips.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I pause with the bottle at my mouth and try to get my eyes to focus on the person standing at the bottom of the steps.
“Fuck you, Olivia. Go away,” I snarl.
I hear footsteps pounding up the stairs and, before I can take another drink, the bottle is snatched from my hand.
“Heeeey!” I shout angrily, leaning forward to grab it back.
I swipe my hand out so fast that I lose my balance and topple sideways, my shoulder slamming into the floor.
“Garrett, help me get his drunk ass off of our porch.”
It’s not until I glance up and see Parker standing over me with a scowl on her face that I remember that I’ve been sitting on her front porch for hours, waiting for her and Garrett to get home so I can kick both their asses.
Thinking about kicking anyone’s ass in the shape I’m in is the funniest thing in the world and I start to laugh as I feel hands slide under my armpits and haul me up. I keep laughing like an asshole when Garrett throws one of my arms over his shoulder and pulls me to my feet.
Garrett keeps his arm around my waist, making sure I don’t fall over and it pisses me off. I stop laughing and shove him away from.
“Get the fuck away from me!” I roar. “Give me my fucking bottle.”
He steps back with his hands up in the air. “Calm down, brother. I think you’re done for the night.”
“I am not your brother, you lying sack of shit!” I shout, taking a wobbly step in his direction.
Parker steps in between us and mimics Garrett with her palms up in a sign of peace. “Alright, that’s enough. How about we go inside and get you some coffee?”
I scoff at her and shake my head, willing the puke to stay in my stomach when nausea rolls through me. “Fuck off, Parker.”
The helpful, easy look on her face instantly turns hard and she glares at me. Garrett steps closer to her and she stops him with a hand on his chest.
“It’s alright, I’ve got this,” she tells him, looking right at me when she says it.
“That’s right, you’ve got it. Big, bad Parker is on the case, doing everything she can to protect that bitch of a friend and fucking me over in the process!” I shout.
I know I’m drunk and belligerent, but I don’t care. Once I get going, I can’t stop.
“You guys told me just enough to keep me around, but you left out the most important part, didn’t you? I actually felt sorry for her! I felt guilty for leaving her and for leaving you when the entire time you were laughing behind my fucking back! Boy, you sure pulled a fast one on me, didn’t you? You were right, Garrett. The shit certainly hit the motherfucking fan tonight, but it’s fine. It’s totally fine because I’M the one who got the last laugh. That bitch deserves everything that’s happened to her for killing my kid!”
The crack of Parker’s palm across my face is so sudden and unexpected that my head flies back and my vision is blurred with stars. I flex my jaw and bring my hand up to the side of my face, rubbing it over the sting and the red mark I’m sure she left behind.
The only good thing about it is that her smack instantly sobered me. The nausea and fuzzy head is gone, but the rage is back. The betrayal is fresh in my mind and screaming to get out.
“Get him in the house and pour some coffee down his fucking throat,” Parker murmurs angrily to Garrett. “After that, we’re all going to sit down and have a nice, civilized chat about the bullshit that’s been spewing out of your mouth.”
I clench my fists at my side, waiting to see if she’s going to hit me again.
“I don’t need coffee and I don’t need to talk. I’ve heard enough tonight. My father is bat-fucking-shit crazy and my family has been lying to me for years. On top of that, I find out she took money from my mother to have an abortion. But you already know all about that, don’t you, Parker?”
Her mouth drops open and I continue.
“That’s right, I know all about the ten thousand dollar check she cashed and how she had my fucking child ripped from her body two days later. Jesus Christ, she put on a good show though, didn’t she? Did you coach her, giving her tips on how to make the nightmares and the tears look real? Because let me tell you, she’s a great Goddamn actress. She had me fooled. And you two, with your high and mighty attitude about everything,” I laugh angrily. “You knew what she did. All that crap you fed me about how she’s been through enough and how I needed to stand by her side no matter what. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out? Did you honestly think knowing she took a bribe from my mother to get rid of my baby wouldn’t matter? That I’d stay with her after I found out she killed my child for ten grand? Jesus Christ, I trusted you! I trusted both of you and you FUCKED ME!”
I CLENCH AND unclench my fist, staring at the streaks of dried blood on my knuckles, taking another swig of whiskey straight from the bottle. It’s been a long time since I had a drink and the burn feels good sliding down my throat. Outside of a few beers here and there with the guys after a mission, I’ve never been much of a drinker. I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow, but I don’t give a fuck. The pain in my head will be nothing compared to the pain I feel everywhere else.
She fucking lied to me. They all lied.
“One big happy group of fucking liars!” I tell the bottle of whiskey as I hold it up in front of my face and stare at the liquid sloshing around.
“What, nothing to say, Whiskey? Because you know it’s true.”
Jesus, I’m drunk.
I laugh at myself and bring the bottle back up to my lips.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I pause with the bottle at my mouth and try to get my eyes to focus on the person standing at the bottom of the steps.
“Fuck you, Olivia. Go away,” I snarl.
I hear footsteps pounding up the stairs and, before I can take another drink, the bottle is snatched from my hand.
“Heeeey!” I shout angrily, leaning forward to grab it back.
I swipe my hand out so fast that I lose my balance and topple sideways, my shoulder slamming into the floor.
“Garrett, help me get his drunk ass off of our porch.”
It’s not until I glance up and see Parker standing over me with a scowl on her face that I remember that I’ve been sitting on her front porch for hours, waiting for her and Garrett to get home so I can kick both their asses.
Thinking about kicking anyone’s ass in the shape I’m in is the funniest thing in the world and I start to laugh as I feel hands slide under my armpits and haul me up. I keep laughing like an asshole when Garrett throws one of my arms over his shoulder and pulls me to my feet.
Garrett keeps his arm around my waist, making sure I don’t fall over and it pisses me off. I stop laughing and shove him away from.
“Get the fuck away from me!” I roar. “Give me my fucking bottle.”
He steps back with his hands up in the air. “Calm down, brother. I think you’re done for the night.”
“I am not your brother, you lying sack of shit!” I shout, taking a wobbly step in his direction.
Parker steps in between us and mimics Garrett with her palms up in a sign of peace. “Alright, that’s enough. How about we go inside and get you some coffee?”
I scoff at her and shake my head, willing the puke to stay in my stomach when nausea rolls through me. “Fuck off, Parker.”
The helpful, easy look on her face instantly turns hard and she glares at me. Garrett steps closer to her and she stops him with a hand on his chest.
“It’s alright, I’ve got this,” she tells him, looking right at me when she says it.
“That’s right, you’ve got it. Big, bad Parker is on the case, doing everything she can to protect that bitch of a friend and fucking me over in the process!” I shout.
I know I’m drunk and belligerent, but I don’t care. Once I get going, I can’t stop.
“You guys told me just enough to keep me around, but you left out the most important part, didn’t you? I actually felt sorry for her! I felt guilty for leaving her and for leaving you when the entire time you were laughing behind my fucking back! Boy, you sure pulled a fast one on me, didn’t you? You were right, Garrett. The shit certainly hit the motherfucking fan tonight, but it’s fine. It’s totally fine because I’M the one who got the last laugh. That bitch deserves everything that’s happened to her for killing my kid!”
The crack of Parker’s palm across my face is so sudden and unexpected that my head flies back and my vision is blurred with stars. I flex my jaw and bring my hand up to the side of my face, rubbing it over the sting and the red mark I’m sure she left behind.
The only good thing about it is that her smack instantly sobered me. The nausea and fuzzy head is gone, but the rage is back. The betrayal is fresh in my mind and screaming to get out.
“Get him in the house and pour some coffee down his fucking throat,” Parker murmurs angrily to Garrett. “After that, we’re all going to sit down and have a nice, civilized chat about the bullshit that’s been spewing out of your mouth.”
I clench my fists at my side, waiting to see if she’s going to hit me again.
“I don’t need coffee and I don’t need to talk. I’ve heard enough tonight. My father is bat-fucking-shit crazy and my family has been lying to me for years. On top of that, I find out she took money from my mother to have an abortion. But you already know all about that, don’t you, Parker?”
Her mouth drops open and I continue.
“That’s right, I know all about the ten thousand dollar check she cashed and how she had my fucking child ripped from her body two days later. Jesus Christ, she put on a good show though, didn’t she? Did you coach her, giving her tips on how to make the nightmares and the tears look real? Because let me tell you, she’s a great Goddamn actress. She had me fooled. And you two, with your high and mighty attitude about everything,” I laugh angrily. “You knew what she did. All that crap you fed me about how she’s been through enough and how I needed to stand by her side no matter what. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out? Did you honestly think knowing she took a bribe from my mother to get rid of my baby wouldn’t matter? That I’d stay with her after I found out she killed my child for ten grand? Jesus Christ, I trusted you! I trusted both of you and you FUCKED ME!”
