Closer to the Edge
Page 70
“You’re already everything I need, Cole. I thought I had to walk away and start fresh, but it’s pointless. You’ve always had my heart and my love and walking away just made me realize that I’ll never get it back, that I never want it back. I just want you,” she says with a smile, letting her fingers slide away from my lips. “I just want you.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and cradle her head in my hands, bringing her face close to mine. I press my lips to hers and the world melts away. Olivia’s hands bunch into the fabric of my shirt and she pulls me closer. It’s still not close enough; it will never be close enough, but we’re in a crowd of people and it will have to do for now. I know we still have a lot more to talk about, but we have plenty of time for that. We have our entire lives. Right now, I just want to kiss my girl and thank God she walked away. It sounds stupid, and I hated every fucking minute of it, but it needed to happen. She needed to walk away before she could run back to me.
I hear someone clear her throat loudly and I can’t help the growl that comes out of my mouth as Olivia pulls away from the kiss. With a scowl on my face, I turn my head to see Gwen and Parker standing right at the edge of the blanket.
“So, I’m just wondering. Does this story of yours have a happy ending?” Gwen asks, raising one eyebrow and looking back and forth between Olivia and I.
Olivia looks back at me and I run my fingers through her hair while she traces over my eyebrows, my cheeks, my chin and my lips with the tips of her fingers almost reverently, like she’s trying to memorize me. I look at her questioningly, allowing her to answer Gwen’s question. I’ve taken so many choices out of her hands and I want her to know that it’s all up to her. The choice is hers and I will do whatever she wants.
She finally smiles at me, cupping my face in her hands. “It has a happy beginning. We’re starting a new chapter, and it’s going to be a good one.”
FIVE WEEKS LATER…
“Liv, you’re killing me here. Will you come out of there already?” I beg, pacing back and forth outside of the bathroom.
I stop wearing a hole in the carpet, knocking gently on the door.
“Stop rushing me!” Olivia shouts from the other side. “This is so stupid. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Have I mentioned how stupid this is?”
I chuckle at her irritated muttering. After eight days of her throwing up every single morning and her moods going from one extreme to the next in the blink of an eye and making me sort of fear for my life, I ran to the pharmacy this morning and picked up a test. She grumbled and rolled her eyes at me, reminding me what the doctor told her all those months ago, but she still snatched the brown paper bag with the box inside out of my hand and stormed into the bathroom.
That was five minutes ago. Five of the longest Goddamn minutes of my life.
Once Gwen and Parker stopped crying long enough to relate the details of my grand display to Layla, the three women went back home to their men while Olivia and I stayed on at the Villagio Inn. We spent the next week touring wineries and having sex in every single private location we could find. Actually, some not-so- private locations, too, now that I think about it. We talked, we made love, we drank wine and we promised to return to Napa as soon as possible.
Once we got back to San Diego, the first thing I did was go to the hardware store and buy a can of yellow paint to cover up that ugly ass brown color on the front door. After that, we packed up our son’s room, including the frame holding that fucking check from my mother. In its place we hung up my picture of the yellow door. We started talking about adoption and making plans for the future, plans I would move heaven and earth to make a reality for her.
My family is a complete disaster right now and I’m not sure we’ll be normal again, not that we were ever really normal to begin with. With Olivia’s help, I’m trying to forgive them for all the shit they put us through. If she can forgive them, I damn well should be able to. After listening to the facts of the case, the DA ruled that my mother acted in self-defense and they opted not to prosecute. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive herself for covering up Caroline’s darkness all those years, and the guilt she must feel over being forced to kill her own child is something I will never be able to comprehend, but she looks a little better every time I see her.
My father, in typical fashion, left town right after Caroline’s funeral and we haven’t heard from him since. He never really had any use for us in the past, so it only makes sense he wouldn’t give a shit about us when we need him the most. It’s fine, though. I learned at a young age that I don’t need him in my life, so his absence makes no difference to me. I only wish he could have been a better man for my mother. If he’d concentrated more on his wife and children and less building his career and screwing everything with a nice pair of tits, things could have turned out differently.
Olivia has understandably kept her distance from my mother, but she still pushes me to check on her every few days while she goes through the process of selling her home and moving into a condo. Being around my mother right now brings back too many bad memories for Olivia, but she told me she just needs some time for it all to make sense in her head and her heart. For so long, she thought my mother was responsible for everything that had happened and it’s hard for her to let go of that pain. Knowing that everything my mother did was to keep Olivia safe makes it a little easier to move towards forgiving and forgetting. I’m amazed every single day that this woman loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She’s selfless and caring and the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me. Olivia and my mother will probably never be the best of friends, but maybe some day they can be in the same room together and have a cordial conversation. I will leave it all up to Olivia, though. Whatever she wants is perfectly fine with me.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and cradle her head in my hands, bringing her face close to mine. I press my lips to hers and the world melts away. Olivia’s hands bunch into the fabric of my shirt and she pulls me closer. It’s still not close enough; it will never be close enough, but we’re in a crowd of people and it will have to do for now. I know we still have a lot more to talk about, but we have plenty of time for that. We have our entire lives. Right now, I just want to kiss my girl and thank God she walked away. It sounds stupid, and I hated every fucking minute of it, but it needed to happen. She needed to walk away before she could run back to me.
I hear someone clear her throat loudly and I can’t help the growl that comes out of my mouth as Olivia pulls away from the kiss. With a scowl on my face, I turn my head to see Gwen and Parker standing right at the edge of the blanket.
“So, I’m just wondering. Does this story of yours have a happy ending?” Gwen asks, raising one eyebrow and looking back and forth between Olivia and I.
Olivia looks back at me and I run my fingers through her hair while she traces over my eyebrows, my cheeks, my chin and my lips with the tips of her fingers almost reverently, like she’s trying to memorize me. I look at her questioningly, allowing her to answer Gwen’s question. I’ve taken so many choices out of her hands and I want her to know that it’s all up to her. The choice is hers and I will do whatever she wants.
She finally smiles at me, cupping my face in her hands. “It has a happy beginning. We’re starting a new chapter, and it’s going to be a good one.”
FIVE WEEKS LATER…
“Liv, you’re killing me here. Will you come out of there already?” I beg, pacing back and forth outside of the bathroom.
I stop wearing a hole in the carpet, knocking gently on the door.
“Stop rushing me!” Olivia shouts from the other side. “This is so stupid. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Have I mentioned how stupid this is?”
I chuckle at her irritated muttering. After eight days of her throwing up every single morning and her moods going from one extreme to the next in the blink of an eye and making me sort of fear for my life, I ran to the pharmacy this morning and picked up a test. She grumbled and rolled her eyes at me, reminding me what the doctor told her all those months ago, but she still snatched the brown paper bag with the box inside out of my hand and stormed into the bathroom.
That was five minutes ago. Five of the longest Goddamn minutes of my life.
Once Gwen and Parker stopped crying long enough to relate the details of my grand display to Layla, the three women went back home to their men while Olivia and I stayed on at the Villagio Inn. We spent the next week touring wineries and having sex in every single private location we could find. Actually, some not-so- private locations, too, now that I think about it. We talked, we made love, we drank wine and we promised to return to Napa as soon as possible.
Once we got back to San Diego, the first thing I did was go to the hardware store and buy a can of yellow paint to cover up that ugly ass brown color on the front door. After that, we packed up our son’s room, including the frame holding that fucking check from my mother. In its place we hung up my picture of the yellow door. We started talking about adoption and making plans for the future, plans I would move heaven and earth to make a reality for her.
My family is a complete disaster right now and I’m not sure we’ll be normal again, not that we were ever really normal to begin with. With Olivia’s help, I’m trying to forgive them for all the shit they put us through. If she can forgive them, I damn well should be able to. After listening to the facts of the case, the DA ruled that my mother acted in self-defense and they opted not to prosecute. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive herself for covering up Caroline’s darkness all those years, and the guilt she must feel over being forced to kill her own child is something I will never be able to comprehend, but she looks a little better every time I see her.
My father, in typical fashion, left town right after Caroline’s funeral and we haven’t heard from him since. He never really had any use for us in the past, so it only makes sense he wouldn’t give a shit about us when we need him the most. It’s fine, though. I learned at a young age that I don’t need him in my life, so his absence makes no difference to me. I only wish he could have been a better man for my mother. If he’d concentrated more on his wife and children and less building his career and screwing everything with a nice pair of tits, things could have turned out differently.
Olivia has understandably kept her distance from my mother, but she still pushes me to check on her every few days while she goes through the process of selling her home and moving into a condo. Being around my mother right now brings back too many bad memories for Olivia, but she told me she just needs some time for it all to make sense in her head and her heart. For so long, she thought my mother was responsible for everything that had happened and it’s hard for her to let go of that pain. Knowing that everything my mother did was to keep Olivia safe makes it a little easier to move towards forgiving and forgetting. I’m amazed every single day that this woman loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She’s selfless and caring and the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me. Olivia and my mother will probably never be the best of friends, but maybe some day they can be in the same room together and have a cordial conversation. I will leave it all up to Olivia, though. Whatever she wants is perfectly fine with me.
